Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[RejoyceoverDisney]

For parents new to this process...be warned! My son runs his own life all year at school and during the summer at an internship. But when he comes home from breaks, he has forgotten how to hang up a towel, make his bed, make a meal, or throw the empty milk carton in the trash! LOL They seem to regress!

So true. It's ok when they first come home, but then you realize what you are doing and how tired you are and say "wait a minute!" and they smile and say ooops.

It's hard and good all at once.

 

[HERSEY]

RejoyceoverDisney Practice packing oh my! I do something like that too I put the stuff out a week or so before and then I can see what I really "need" to bring.

My Son and his friends are big D&D fanatics. He hasn't said if he found any people at college who are into D&D. I heard they have a quidditch team though

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

RejoyceoverDisney Practice packing oh my! I do something like that too I put the stuff out a week or so before and then I can see what I really "need" to bring.

My Son and his friends are big D&D fanatics. He hasn't said if he found any people at college who are into D&D. I heard they have a quidditch team though

hmmm never heard of quidditch. My son probably has.

Oh ya these are all "Interactive gaming design and programming" majors. I totally have to laugh when I watch Big Bang Theory!
So between D&D, Magic, STEAM,SKYPE and so on......
Social skills might be odd to the outside world but to them they are all totally into what they are doing. Too funny for me. BUT he found what he needs at college and all summer long as much as I didn't want to let go, I knew this year was going to be so much more social interaction and great growing opportunity for him. From talking to his friends mothers (ya I lucked out and the college opened a FB page for the incoming freshman parents last year but not this year....hmmm) and I was able to meet a whole bunch of the Moms of these boys. It's been awesome. We were able to do like this group does.

Not sure if this is your son's first year. I lost track of who was saying what when I was reading through. But know they will find that group of friends and then next year when they get to pick their roommate(s) it will be that much better.

It will be ok. Hang in there. And I'll come back here when I need to hear the same from all of you.
If you start to miss him too much, plan a Disney trip and practice pack.

 

[marcyinPA]

Got a 10 pm text from my kid tonight : "Hi Mom. How are you?"

Of course me being me, my first thought is "What's wrong???" I was good though and asked him what was up. He had been hanging out with his friends in another dorm tonight. He went back to his room early. He hasn't seen his roommate since Thursday (he has been staying in other dorms). He is lonely tonight. And he was waiting to Skype his girlfriend for their one year anniversary. All that info in a few texts. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said no, that he was fine- and gave me a

He did say that he mentioned to the two guys he hangs with all the time about getting a triple next semester and they were down with it. I guess he needs to look into resident life and see if they can do it. He just isn't happy where he is and he and his roommate are not connected.

I feel like every other day is an up or a down. This is quite the roller coaster!!!!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Got a 10 pm text from my kid tonight : "Hi Mom. How are you?"

Of course me being me, my first thought is "What's wrong???" I was good though and asked him what was up. He had been hanging out with his friends in another dorm tonight. He went back to his room early. He hasn't seen his roommate since Thursday (he has been staying in other dorms). He is lonely tonight. And he was waiting to Skype his girlfriend for their one year anniversary. All that info in a few texts. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said no, that he was fine- and gave me a

He did say that he mentioned to the two guys he hangs with all the time about getting a triple next semester and they were down with it. I guess he needs to look into resident life and see if they can do it. He just isn't happy where he is and he and his roommate are not connected.

I feel like every other day is an up or a down. This is quite the roller coaster!!!!

Hugs Marcy! Just remember these ups and downs are growing experiences.

Can I swing a positive? Ok I will. LOL
It could be worse. He could have a roommate that is always there and annoying!

I remember last year being at an anniversary party and a group of my friends with sons the same age were all sharing stories about their sons roommates. We were all laughing about it. And our sons all survived. Ups and downs are life.

That's so nice that he texted you!!! See there still is a special connect.
I do find it funny how it's ok for them to text us but the idea of phone contact is weird for them. I lucked out tonight!

Sleep well. Good to know he is fine and that he has made friends already.
My son was in a triple with 2 roommate last year that really were not a match but he did ok. This year he chose a triple again with two friends.
Depends on the school if there is a room available to switch. Hope it works out.

 

[LisaR]

I can't believe the things that make me cry! We have a small private college in our town and they just got their first football team (D2). DH and I went to the game. We actually had a blast, but watching the student section made me tear up! Those kid were having such a good time which made me so happy, but it also made me think of my DD even more. UGH! DD has four friends who go to this college. I sent her a picture of the student section and one of her friends sent her a picture of our section. All in all it was a fun night, but I didn't anticipate how much it would make me think of DD.


As I was typing this, DD called! Unfortunately, she was a little sad. She broke it off with her boyfriend back home here. He was a really nice guy, but they are just at two different places in life right now. He is a senior at the above mentioned college. They only met a month before she left, but they hit it off more than any other guy she has dated. I didn't expect it to last, but she wanted to give it a try. She said he was just getting too clingy and wanted her to call or Skype at set times on set days and she refused to commit to that. I wish I was there to give her a big hug, but at least her roommate and another friend were there for her and now she is heading to another friend's dorm for chocolate and a movie!

 

[LisaR]

It's comforting to read about others going through the same things. We still have two more weeks before our son leaves. Meanwhile our other son, who is two years older, came home from his internship to move his furniture out today to use in an apartment - leaving an empty room. DH and both sons are loading up the truck. After I watch them drive away, I need to go pick up our dog's ashes (I mentioned earlier on this thread that we might lose her, and we did) and then go in to the new job I started this week.

This is overwhelming. In many ways, the timing is horrible. However, I think everything happening at once might be saving me from dwelling on any one stressor.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I can't believe the things that make me cry! We have a small private college in our town and they just got their first football team (D2). DH and I went to the game. We actually had a blast, but watching the student section made me tear up! Those kid were having such a good time which made me so happy, but it also made me think of my DD even more. UGH! DD has four friends who go to this college. I sent her a picture of the student section and one of her friends sent her a picture of our section. All in all it was a fun night, but I didn't anticipate how much it would make me think of DD.


As I was typing this, DD called! Unfortunately, she was a little sad. She broke it off with her boyfriend back home here. He was a really nice guy, but they are just at two different places in life right now. He is a senior at the above mentioned college. They only met a month before she left, but they hit it off more than any other guy she has dated. I didn't expect it to last, but she wanted to give it a try. She said he was just getting too clingy and wanted her to call or Skype at set times on set days and she refused to commit to that. I wish I was there to give her a big hug, but at least her roommate and another friend were there for her and now she is heading to another friend's dorm for chocolate and a movie!

awwwwww time!!!
Good idea! Chocolate and movie!

Smart on her part. Too many hang on and get stuck in relationships. If it's meant to be, over time it will happen. You know that and I'm sure she does too but it is hard.

And good for you to step out there and go to the game. I'm sure it was sad to bring on the missing you feelings, but I'm sure in no time your daughter will be finding those kind of fun things too. Fantastic she has a roommate that cares and friends too.

I just said to my "college parent friend" what a difference a year makes!

 

[marcyinPA]

I can't believe the things that make me cry! We have a small private college in our town and they just got their first football team (D2). DH and I went to the game. We actually had a blast, but watching the student section made me tear up! Those kid were having such a good time which made me so happy, but it also made me think of my DD even more. UGH! DD has four friends who go to this college. I sent her a picture of the student section and one of her friends sent her a picture of our section. All in all it was a fun night, but I didn't anticipate how much it would make me think of DD.

As I was typing this, DD called! Unfortunately, she was a little sad. She broke it off with her boyfriend back home here. He was a really nice guy, but they are just at two different places in life right now. He is a senior at the above mentioned college. They only met a month before she left, but they hit it off more than any other guy she has dated. I didn't expect it to last, but she wanted to give it a try. She said he was just getting too clingy and wanted her to call or Skype at set times on set days and she refused to commit to that. I wish I was there to give her a big hug, but at least her roommate and another friend were there for her and now she is heading to another friend's dorm for chocolate and a movie!

Awww! If it makes you feel any better, I would have cried at that game too! Then again, I tear up at just about everything!

I'm glad you got one if those "golden phone calls" from your DD. Even when the news isn't the best, it sure is good to hear their voice, isn't it? Chocolate and a movie with girlfriends sounds like good Medicine for a break up. My DS and his GF are together a year today. They are at different colleges and I was really uncertain how this would work out, but so far so good. They were good friends for 3 years before they started dating, so I dread a break up if it would happen. They are best friends and he would be devastated.

Hang in there mama!!!

 

[marcyinPA]

Hugs Marcy! Just remember these ups and downs are growing experiences.

Can I swing a positive? Ok I will. LOL
It could be worse. He could have a roommate that is always there and annoying!

I remember last year being at an anniversary party and a group of my friends with sons the same age were all sharing stories about their sons roommates. We were all laughing about it. And our sons all survived. Ups and downs are life.

That's so nice that he texted you!!! See there still is a special connect.
I do find it funny how it's ok for them to text us but the idea of phone contact is weird for them. I lucked out tonight!

Sleep well. Good to know he is fine and that he has made friends already.
My son was in a triple with 2 roommate last year that really were not a match but he did ok. This year he chose a triple again with two friends.
Depends on the school if there is a room available to switch. Hope it works out.

I know what you mean about the roommate thing. It is interesting, because the guy is not a jerk or anything- he is just never there. And my DS is pretty introverted, so I would think it wouldn't bother him too much. I think the biggest issue is that he can't stand a majority of the guys in his hall. They are big partiers and he says the are "muscle heads"- he just can't relate to them. So not only is his roommate never there, but he doesn't have a social connection on his floor. When he is "home", it is a little lonely- hearing everyone else carrying on ( he says they are LOUD!!). I know he will be ok, and he will figure it all out. I just feel sad for him sometimes because he is really a great kid. He is your typical "nice guy" but not always appreciated. You know what the saying is about nice guys!

 

[Christine]

I know what you mean about the roommate thing. It is interesting, because the guy is not a jerk or anything- he is just never there. And my DS is pretty introverted, so I would think it wouldn't bother him too much. I think the biggest issue is that he can't stand a majority of the guys in his hall. They are big partiers and he says the are "muscle heads"- he just can't relate to them. So not only is his roommate never there, but he doesn't have a social connection on his floor. When he is "home", it is a little lonely- hearing everyone else carrying on ( he says they are LOUD!!). I know he will be ok, and he will figure it all out. I just feel sad for him sometimes because he is really a great kid. He is your typical "nice guy" but not always appreciated. You know what the saying is about nice guys!

My son is one of those nice guys!!! So I know what you mean. My son says lots of guys in his dorm are partiers too. His suite mates that they share a bathroom with are NEVER there. He says they are in full party mode. He and his roommate are pretty happy about that because instead of 4 guys sharing a bathroom, it's just the two of them for the most part.

Try not to worry about the roommate situation too much. In actuality, the relationship that your soon has with his dorm mate is more the norm. And sometimes it's better that way. I mean, there are son cons to living with a good friend of yours. Spending that much time together (living and socializing) can often put a strain on the friendship.

When I went to college my freshman year, my roommate was as opposite of me as you can get. I was into partying, kind of liked heavy metal music, had been going out to clubs for awhile, etc. My roommate was Miss Purity, captain of the field hockey team, never kissed a boy, never had a beer. But you know what, we lived together fine. I *never* brought anyone into the room or partied in the room and she never laid down any judgements on me. We got along well in the room but hardly saw each other and it worked out just fine. I wasn't overly friendly with the rest of my dorm. I made other friends on campus and that seemed to be the way most people were.

 

[mom2rtk]

Son rode the bus to the pharmacy to get inhaler. I will call him today to see if he is feeling better. Thanks all!

I'm sorry he had to trek across town when he wasn't feeling well. But isn't it nice to know he can take care of himself when he has to?

Did the inhaler help out?

Sorry this is so long. My husband can only listen to so much and then I have to stop. He is sad too and deals with it in his own way. It's nice to have someone else to "talk" too.

So glad you found us here!

My homesick daughter called again last night, said she is fine, she was just PMS-ing the last few days, so her emotions got the best of her. That girl, refuses to admit to any perceived weakness of character. But, it's why I know she will power through her fears and homesickness - she is just so darn determined.

I'm so glad your daughter is doing better. It seems the moms of girls get a better deal in all of this because they tend to communicate more, but at least us moms of boys don't have the PMS mood swings to contend with from afar!

Got a call from my DS yesterday afternoon. To check on me (I had a colonoscopy yesterday morning and he was concerned-). He shared his news- he did not make the A Capella group.

I was really proud of him for how he handled it though. He said he was OK with it and that he saw it truly as God's plan. He is so strong that way- so much stronger than I am. He did say it was going to be strange not to be singing. He has been part of a choir or group for the past 10 years. Honestly, I was a little worried about how he was going to deal with being a little fish in a big pond after being a big fish in a little pond, but he was very mature!! He did say he can audition again next semester.

He really sounds like an awesome kid. I sure hope he finds a way to sing again soon. I had been heavily involved in extra curricular stuff in high school, and I remember how lost I felt at college at first without doing any of those things. I bet he'll find an outlet soon.

Glad I stumbled on this thread. Nancygirl I'm with you. My youngest is in his second year of college. Because of our family dynamics for many years, he and I did a LOT together so last year was a tough shock with him moving into college and distancing himself. He has been gone two weeks and I was only able to get a quick 2 sentence response from a text message I sent him promising not to send more questions when he did.

His college isn't far in distance but it is in my heart. I'm grateful he is rooming with two boys he has been friends with, and the RA is the next room over. His floor is filled with boys from his major (Interactive Gaming design and programming) so there is a lot of similar personality in his dorm.

I totally get your heart ache when he didn't respond to your skype. I'm sure there are daughters that do the same, but I don't know........
I know I didn't have easy access to talk to my mother back in college, but I tend to think I would have not distanced myself quit as much if I did.

Gonna subscribe to this link because other wise I will drive my husband crazy with my obsessive Disney talk and vacation planning. Escapism I think it's called.

Yeah, more of my "own people"! Hey, if our kids can find their "people" at school, we can too, right?

HUGS!!! Keep coming here! We all get it! Your post made me think of that saying ...that having a baby/child is like watching your heart walk around outside your body... and then it goes to college!!! Painful. I think it is fair of you to ask them to be patient with you. Hang in there!!!

I have felt this way about my kids at different parts of their lives. It is true. And always makes me cry.

I met a friend for lunch last week. We became friends many years ago as we were both going through infertility treatment, desperate to start our families. She referred me to the doctor that fixed my problems resulting in me finally getting pregnant after years of trying. She has adopted 2 daughters and is dealing with some challenging issues right now too (not college yet). We both agreed if we had any idea how hard this all would be maybe we would have changed our minds. Not really of course. But it sure is a lot harder than we ever expected.

I still have 2 sons at home, so I'm not missing the noise or the physical presence of DS18 as some of you are. I'm still super busy running people everywhere, cooking, cleaning, going to band rehearsals, volunteering at the school, etc. But I still miss him terribly!

We still have 2 at home, and lots of running and activity at our house still. But like you, I just miss DS. His presence just adds so much. He has an awesome sense of humor and I'm missing it. He communicates a lot, and even called yesterday, but it's not the same. Just not as much joking around by phone as we usually get in person.

Thursday DS18 was struggling. Calc I is getting to him. His Professor is Czech and very, very hard to understand. He said the answers to the assignments are supposed to be in words, but the professor is only teaching them formulas. He thinks he's avoiding the speech part because of the English as a Second Language thing. So DS has started going to every session the TA schedules, like 2 hours a night. He said it is helping, but he still can't get the homework right without help. DS never took any hard math in HS, Pre-Calc was the hardest, but he never had ANY trouble, never studied and got As. So this is the first time he's had to put forth a lot of effort. I suggested the other tutoring places on campus and told him that it really may take hours and hours and that is OK. He seems ready for the challenge!

You know, my son took Calculus in High School. Many early mornings before school I found him sitting in the living room watching youtube videos on Calculus. He found a couple of people to follow that really just worked for him. He claims he could have taught himself calculus on youtube! OK, remember I said he was a joker....... But anyway, if you have any interest in knowing who the posters were, let me know and I'll ask. It's a little early for me to text him right now.

It sounds like your son is doing exactly what he needs to right now and reaching out for help though, so that is a very good sign.

My DS had his first Calc II test Friday. So we'll know in a couple days if he can breathe a sigh of relief or start hunting around youtube again!

Then yesterday I didn't hear from him in the morning, which is a first. He texted at 1:45 and said he overslept! His phone charger died and his alarm didn't go off. He woke at 10:34 and had a 10:30 class. He got there at 10:38 ... "but I'm not very well groomed." I told him that these things happen. Go have lunch, take a shower and a nap. He told me he was glad I was his mom and was glad I didn't get mad about it. I did tell him to get an additional alarm clock.
Oh no! I guess it happens to everyone at some point. Too funny that he made it there in 4 minutes though. He sounds very determined!

He needs my older son's Donald Duck alarm clock. Now mind you, my son has no real love of Disney. But he is willing to keep Donald around because he gets the job done. It's one of those old fashioned clocks with bells on top. It runs on a battery, so no issues with power outages. He really gets the job done.

You've reminded me though to ask my DS who is away if he wants a back-up alarm of some sort.

Then he texted last night and said he joined the Sailing Club. In Oklahoma. Hee-hee. And he HATES water, beaches, swimming, etc. I teased a little bit, but mostly encouraged and am THRILLED he joined any club at this point! Three friends from his HS joined too. I'm glad he's getting out.

Sailing club? In OK? But that's totally awesome. College is about spreading their wings, trying new things, and making some friends. So that's great.

Hugs to everyone this weekend!!! We can do this!

You too! Hang in there everyone.

Hi everyone! I have been lurking here for a while but haven't posted until now. DS18 went off to college this year and I also have a DD21 who is commuting from home.


My heart goes out to all of you who are struggling with the transition. The DIS is such a great community for things like this...where everyone can share and see that there are others in the same situation, feeling the same feelings.

I totally agree. And so glad you found us!

DD goes to college in FL. It has been 90+ degrees every single day. This was DD BEFORE leaving for school: "Bus?? Who takes the bus to class? How lazy. I will NEVER take the bus. I look forward to the exercise."

We moved DD in on a Thursday and she had an 8am meeting on the main part of campus (about a 20 minute walk) the next morning. It wasn't even *that* hot at that time of the morning. By the end of that day, DD learned the bus system and hasn't walked to class since! She still has some walking to do from where the bus drops her, but she said at least she isn't completely covered in sweat now.


I wonder if it has occurred to our kids that their parents might be right about a few other things too! Seriously though, your DD sounds like a very smart girl.

So glad she is doing better and it was just the dreaded pms. DD get the same way a few days a month. I hope it doesn't hit during midterms or finals. I think they should allow girls to postpone tests when they are pms.

I have no idea how I managed to cope with all of that in college. OTC Ibuprofen didn't even hit the market until mid-way through my college years. Yep, I'm older than dirt. OK, maybe not. But definitely older than Motrin.

DD played basketball last night with a group of people. We have a basketball court at the end of our subdivision and if I offered her $100 to go down there and play, she wouldn't. I don't think she has ever dribbled a basketball in her life. Who are these kids of ours?

I hear you. But it's sort of fun to meet these new kids of ours!

It's comforting to read about others going through the same things. We still have two more weeks before our son leaves. Meanwhile our other son, who is two years older, came home from his internship to move his furniture out today to use in an apartment - leaving an empty room. DH and both sons are loading up the truck. After I watch them drive away, I need to go pick up our dog's ashes (I mentioned earlier on this thread that we might lose her, and we did) and then go in to the new job I started this week.

This is overwhelming. In many ways, the timing is horrible. However, I think everything happening at once might be saving me from dwelling on any one stressor.

Awww..... so sorry about your dog. That sure is a lot all at once. Just remind your self the kids are spreading their wings just like we want. It can hurt, but we wouldn't want it any other way. The timing with the loss of the dog just sucks though.

I just talked to my son. He thinks is might be getting sick. If he is most likely just a cold, but probably allergies. Good thing with all the stuff we bought and packed, I thought about this. He has a small box of Advil, cough syrup, bandaids, etc. He laughed at the time he saw it but who is laughing now.
Anyway we had a good long talk, all of 30 minutes. He usually just did the 1 word response, now whole sentences are coming out of him. He also mentioned he is looking for a job. Who is this kid? The mere mention of that word before would give him the hives. He found out that he could get an internship but he needs to maintain a GPA of 3.5. If we were talking high school he had no problem. He is saying he is trying to balance his social life with his studies. He is staying in his room this weekend studying he has 2 test in classes for his major to take.

Once again I am glad we are all sharing similar things. It makes missing our kids almost bearable. I do miss that kid

So glad you had a nice talk with your son. I think the next big stage for all of us will be seeing our kids start to get some test results back, and coping with any disappointments that come with that. Good luck to your DS this week on his exams!

My DS called yesterday too. He didn't say a word about not feeling well, but texted me some photos of medicine I had sent along with him for school, wanting to know what to take. I think he's having a lot of trouble with allergies right now. He sniffled all last weekend when he was home. I made him take a Zyrtec every night, but knew he'd stop when he got back. I hope he starts doing that now. I sure hope it's just allergies and that he's not coming down with something.

Glad I found this thread too. My son has been gone two weeks. I learned the hard way last year that if I bug him too much he starts telling me his phone doesn't ring or he doesn't feel the text buzz him.

Well today I wanted to touch base. Especially since I found this thread.
I decided to try a text. I sent "Did I earn a check in phone call yet?"
and within minutes I got a phone call.

I remembered last year he said it overwhelmed him when I asked lots of questions. Why did I ask lots of questions? Because I got one word answers. LOL
So instead of asking a question I said "So tell me about your classes".
Hmmm it worked. He gave me some information that was more than one word. But of course I had to stay things like "and Physics" but I got info!!!

He also told me that he was waiting for his group of 6 friends from his floor, to come back from dinner and they were playing "D&D" in the common area tonight. Now if you have a son like mine, you know this is a BIG deal.

Anyway, Momma is happy to know that son is happy and doing ok. He said he was "tutoring" his roommate in Physics because so far it's pretty much what he learned in high school. Sigh I sure hope he works with the learning center soon and gets paid for some of his "tutoring". Even in high school kids would come to him asking for help.

Well anyway, I just wanted to tell you that last year was super hard but even though this year is hard, it's not as bad. BUT then again I have been reading DIS for months since I'm going to Disney world in November.
Even last night I did some "practice packing" as my BFF calls it. That's when you make some decisions of what you are going to bring and see if it fits in the suitcase you are planning to bring, so you can see if you have room to bring back stuff on the way home.
It was kind of a rewarding feeling! With 70 days to go!

Thanks for listening. Glad to meet you.

Oh and I did the same thing with the cold meds and so on and my son used a bunch of the things he rolled his eyes about.
And some of his friends when they graduated I made them a "things you might not think to pack" and one of the boys came to me this summer and said "That was the best thing every! I think I used most of what you sent." giggles

I love the open ended question you suggested! I need to remember to structure my questions differently.

So glad you found us over here!

Got a 10 pm text from my kid tonight : "Hi Mom. How are you?"

Of course me being me, my first thought is "What's wrong???" I was good though and asked him what was up. He had been hanging out with his friends in another dorm tonight. He went back to his room early. He hasn't seen his roommate since Thursday (he has been staying in other dorms). He is lonely tonight. And he was waiting to Skype his girlfriend for their one year anniversary. All that info in a few texts. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said no, that he was fine- and gave me a

He did say that he mentioned to the two guys he hangs with all the time about getting a triple next semester and they were down with it. I guess he needs to look into resident life and see if they can do it. He just isn't happy where he is and he and his roommate are not connected.

I feel like every other day is an up or a down. This is quite the roller coaster!!!!

Fingers crossed he can get moved in with his friends next semester!

I can't believe the things that make me cry! We have a small private college in our town and they just got their first football team (D2). DH and I went to the game. We actually had a blast, but watching the student section made me tear up! Those kid were having such a good time which made me so happy, but it also made me think of my DD even more. UGH! DD has four friends who go to this college. I sent her a picture of the student section and one of her friends sent her a picture of our section. All in all it was a fun night, but I didn't anticipate how much it would make me think of DD.


As I was typing this, DD called! Unfortunately, she was a little sad. She broke it off with her boyfriend back home here. He was a really nice guy, but they are just at two different places in life right now. He is a senior at the above mentioned college. They only met a month before she left, but they hit it off more than any other guy she has dated. I didn't expect it to last, but she wanted to give it a try. She said he was just getting too clingy and wanted her to call or Skype at set times on set days and she refused to commit to that. I wish I was there to give her a big hug, but at least her roommate and another friend were there for her and now she is heading to another friend's dorm for chocolate and a movie!

So sorry your DD was dealing with the breakup. From a distance though it's just way too hard. My friend's son is dealing with the exact same thing right now. A few weeks after school starts must just be the time of it to hit.

But if your DD is turning to chocolate and a movie, it sounds like she has great coping skills and will do just fine.

I know what you mean about the roommate thing. It is interesting, because the guy is not a jerk or anything- he is just never there. And my DS is pretty introverted, so I would think it wouldn't bother him too much. I think the biggest issue is that he can't stand a majority of the guys in his hall. They are big partiers and he says the are "muscle heads"- he just can't relate to them. So not only is his roommate never there, but he doesn't have a social connection on his floor. When he is "home", it is a little lonely- hearing everyone else carrying on ( he says they are LOUD!!). I know he will be ok, and he will figure it all out. I just feel sad for him sometimes because he is really a great kid. He is your typical "nice guy" but not always appreciated. You know what the saying is about nice guys!

I get what you're saying about the roomie. I think the right roomies will encourage each other to get up and out and do things.

I bet your son will do fine, but it's a shame he doesn't have the roommate support many kids are getting right now.

 

[mom2travel]

I know what you mean about the roommate thing. It is interesting, because the guy is not a jerk or anything- he is just never there. And my DS is pretty introverted, so I would think it wouldn't bother him too much. I think the biggest issue is that he can't stand a majority of the guys in his hall. They are big partiers and he says the are "muscle heads"- he just can't relate to them. So not only is his roommate never there, but he doesn't have a social connection on his floor. When he is "home", it is a little lonely- hearing everyone else carrying on ( he says they are LOUD!!). I know he will be ok, and he will figure it all out. I just feel sad for him sometimes because he is really a great kid. He is your typical "nice guy" but not always appreciated. You know what the saying is about nice guys!

My DS has a similar roommate. The guy is fine & they get along, but the roommate hangs out with friends from HS who happen to also go there, is joining a frat, and many nights doesn't even come back to their room to sleep. From what DS says, the only time he sees him is when he comes back to the room between classes and the guy is asleep. DS is wondering if he'll have a single next semester - maybe either roommate will move into the frat house or will fail out because he misses so many classes

At least DS has made friends in his hall and some others too. He sounds good. I also got a phone call yesterday - it consisted of two laundry related questions and a "ok talk to you soon, bye" - don't be jealous all you moms out there!

 

[LisaR]

Is anyone thinking ahead to parents/family weekend? DD's school is set for the end of October. Before she left for college, we were very excited about it. Now that she is gone, we aren't as excited. Honestly, the activities they have planned seem awfully lame to me. I envision us skipping most of them. They charge a fee to attend. It isn't a huge amount, but it pains me to pay for something and then not go. I haven't talked to DD about it yet. We will do whatever she wants to do.

One thing I considered was using that weekend for a little mini vacation and taking her somewhere. We can't do that because she bought tickets for some paint party concert thingy for one of the nights of the parent weekend. A big group of kids bought the tickets not realizing it falls on parents weekend. It doesn't start until 9pm so it won't interfere with anything, but it means we can't go away.

We also thought about just going for the weekend and doing other things in the area and skipping the planned events altogether.

I will have to ask DD when we get a little closer to the date what she would like to do. Has anyone ever been to one of these weekends? Was it worth it?

 

[mom2rtk]

My DS has a similar roommate. The guy is fine & they get along, but the roommate hangs out with friends from HS who happen to also go there, is joining a frat, and many nights doesn't even come back to their room to sleep. From what DS says, the only time he sees him is when he comes back to the room between classes and the guy is asleep. DS is wondering if he'll have a single next semester - maybe either roommate will move into the frat house or will fail out because he misses so many classes

At least DS has made friends in his hall and some others too. He sounds good. I also got a phone call yesterday - it consisted of two laundry related questions and a "ok talk to you soon, bye" - don't be jealous all you moms out there!

My son just texted me a photo of the controls on the washer the first time he did laundry. Not a bad conversations starter, huh?

As much as I think your son's roommate would be better than having a psycho as a roommate, I'd be disappointed for him too. I really urged my son to go for a double room in hopes that it would give him someone to talk to and bond with. Your son is definitely not getting that benefit.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Awww! If it makes you feel any better, I would have cried at that game too! Then again, I tear up at just about everything!

(some text removed to make this post shorter since I wasn't commenting)

Hang in there mama!!!

I'm a crier too. But Funny how it comes and goes.
A little more of my story..... As my boys were growing up, we were dealing with IEPs/Autism/social deficit/communication challenges/behavioral stuff. I had many many many school functions I came home and cried. More specifically because of my DS21. He has a more challenged form of Autism.
DS19 is very high functioning Asperger so blends in very well with those that don't have a diagnosis but struggle in the social areas.
The Bullying for DS19 was awful as he was targeted because he was very smart, but getting the help because his coping was challenged because social was challenged. To go to family social events and see my sons off to the side while the others did the friend stuff.....heart breaking.

Best thing was us pulling DS19 and putting him in an all boys high school where brotherhood was taught and his intelligence was appreciated. Magically he didn't need an IEP or help making friends. That 4 years gave him a chance! He was able to find a college that has intelligent "geeks" like him. Please know this isn't intended as a brag but more a success story. I'm so proud of him. I was scared to death last year when I found out one of his roommates was a Foot ball player coming from what appeared to be an inner city situation to start his life over and be given a chance. Totally opposite of my son. But not once did my son complain about being treated unfair by this person. One or two times there was a problem because my son returned to the room with the roommate under the covers watching TV with a girl and my son (remember social skills challenged) didn't know where to go so he sat at his desk on his computer trying to ignore them.

My son didn't say his roommate was a partier, but my guess is there. I remember the first week of school my son saying "Mom it was weird a freshman asked me for a cork screw, why would a freshman need a cork screw?" I laughed and welcomed him to reality.

Why do I say this stuff? Because I want you to know what sounds l like it could be a horrible situation and what might bring stress to your kid, might not be a problem. Give it time and a chance. And if the roommate thing really isnt working, Residence Life should be able to help.

There is pros and cons to the invisible roommate situation.
That is what we called my sons roommate. Yes he had another roommate but that was just a weird situation that had it's own pros and cons.

I know what you mean about the roommate thing. It is interesting, because the guy is not a jerk or anything- he is just never there. And my DS is pretty introverted, so I would think it wouldn't bother him too much. I think the biggest issue is that he can't stand a majority of the guys in his hall. They are big partiers and he says the are "muscle heads"- he just can't relate to them. So not only is his roommate never there, but he doesn't have a social connection on his floor. When he is "home", it is a little lonely- hearing everyone else carrying on ( he says they are LOUD!!). I know he will be ok, and he will figure it all out. I just feel sad for him sometimes because he is really a great kid. He is your typical "nice guy" but not always appreciated. You know what the saying is about nice guys!

Again a lot like my sons situation last year. A lot of Athletes and being an introvert to some extent, he couldn't bring himself to be connected with the other people in his dorms. Even if they were gamer types. If he didn't hang with them in the common area, he was just friendly with a quick hello if they said something to him.

This year not only is he with a bunch of friends, but the RA is one of the guys that hangs with his group! Win Win.
Oh ya and I had to laugh but the football player roommate ended up two doors down. Not sure how that is working as the entire floor appears to be all gamer types and these boys are loud when they are playing. But my guess is the football player is hardly there.

My son is one of those nice guys!!! So I know what you mean. My son says lots of guys in his dorm are partiers too. His suite mates that they share a bathroom with are NEVER there. He says they are in full party mode. He and his roommate are pretty happy about that because instead of 4 guys sharing a bathroom, it's just the two of them for the most part.

Try not to worry about the roommate situation too much. In actuality, the relationship that your soon has with his dorm mate is more the norm. And sometimes it's better that way. I mean, there are son cons to living with a good friend of yours. Spending that much time together (living and socializing) can often put a strain on the friendship.

When I went to college my freshman year, my roommate was as opposite of me as you can get. I was into partying, kind of liked heavy metal music, had been going out to clubs for awhile, etc. My roommate was Miss Purity, captain of the field hockey team, never kissed a boy, never had a beer. But you know what, we lived together fine. I *never* brought anyone into the room or partied in the room and she never laid down any judgements on me. We got along well in the room but hardly saw each other and it worked out just fine. I wasn't overly friendly with the rest of my dorm. I made other friends on campus and that seemed to be the way most people were.

LOL I was Miss Purity my freshman year!!!!
My son is not a partier nor is his roommates. They are too interested in their computers to want to party.
I did swing a little by the end of my freshman year, but met a guy (DH) who doesn't party so I came clean and went back to my quieter self.
My sons have not lived in a home of party, so so far I don't have to worry because they have friends that don't either. So far.

LOL to mom2rtk on the PMS mood swings from afar. Yes I am grateful some days I have sons instead of daughters.

Yes I love the access to the internet finding me friends cause geeze the community sure doesn't get me. But then again that could be because they know me from the early years of struggling for my own social life and coping with the challenges of my sons social life.
Never thought the DIS boards would be more than Disney conversation.
Any of you going to Disney this Fall or early 2014?

LOL on the texting medicine photos. I have a 22 year old that comes to my house to help with my DS21 and I have to keep reminding him to take his allergy meds. It's crazy. He says "Oh I don't feel good" and I feel like I'm being his mother asking him if he ate or if he took his meds.
BUT it has totally helped me to see how "typical" my sons can be.
Even some of your posts have helped me. My DS21 living with us and I see him trying to fight for his privacy. It's just "normal" behavior as they are trying to find their adult selves I guess.

My DS has a similar roommate. The guy is fine & they get along, but the roommate hangs out with friends from HS who happen to also go there, is joining a frat, and many nights doesn't even come back to their room to sleep. From what DS says, the only time he sees him is when he comes back to the room between classes and the guy is asleep. DS is wondering if he'll have a single next semester - maybe either roommate will move into the frat house or will fail out because he misses so many classes

At least DS has made friends in his hall and some others too. He sounds good. I also got a phone call yesterday - it consisted of two laundry related questions and a "ok talk to you soon, bye" - don't be jealous all you moms out there!

I love it!!! The don't be jealous comment really made me laugh. I shared the comment with my husband and he also laughed.
I had taught my son how to do laundry before he left. He pretty much was responsible for his own during high school, but of course I pitched in too.
Now he tosses everything into the over full machine trying to get 3 weeks worth done in one load. ugh. I'm trying to convince him to come home for an over night Saturday to hang with his brother on Sunday so that DH and I can be involved at our church festival. And of course plan to have him bring his laundry home so I can get it clean for him to go back.
YIkes the smell of his "clean clothes" when he does his own laundry. And the wrinkles as he lives out of a laundry basket. pout. Oh well.

Thanks ladies! Love the reflective time I get to have with you.
All will be well. Little by slow I like to say.

So I've mentioned that to distract myself from missing my son I practice packing and researching what I'm going to do on my Disney vacation, what do you do?

 

[LisaR]

My son just texted me a photo of the controls on the washer the first time he did laundry. Not a bad conversations starter, huh?

As much as I think your son's roommate would be better than having a psycho as a roommate, I'd be disappointed for him too. I really urged my son to go for a double room in hopes that it would give him someone to talk to and bond with. Your son is definitely not getting that benefit.

But psycho roommates just add to the excitement!

DD and her normal roommate have a guy who hangs out with them all the time. He has one roommate who he never sees. The guy came to college with his high school girlfriend and they apparently go to class and then go to his room and shut the door and never come out! DD says she has never even seen the roommate. She wouldn't know him if he was standing next to her. They are all trying to figure out what exactly they do in there all that time because they said it is impossible to be doing *that* the entire time!

The guys other roommate is "the hottest male on the entire planet" according to DD but also "the most disgusting dude ever." He parties all the time to the point of puking and he chews tobacco and spits it in cups and cans everywhere. So needless to say, this one guy is hanging out with DD and her one roommate on a regular basis and avoiding his room whenever possible. I guess it is all part of the growing process.

 

[mom2rtk]

Is anyone thinking ahead to parents/family weekend? DD's school is set for the end of October. Before she left for college, we were very excited about it. Now that she is gone, we aren't as excited. Honestly, the activities they have planned seem awfully lame to me. I envision us skipping most of them. They charge a fee to attend. It isn't a huge amount, but it pains me to pay for something and then not go. I haven't talked to DD about it yet. We will do whatever she wants to do.

One thing I considered was using that weekend for a little mini vacation and taking her somewhere. We can't do that because she bought tickets for some paint party concert thingy for one of the nights of the parent weekend. A big group of kids bought the tickets not realizing it falls on parents weekend. It doesn't start until 9pm so it won't interfere with anything, but it means we can't go away.

We also thought about just going for the weekend and doing other things in the area and skipping the planned events altogether.

I will have to ask DD when we get a little closer to the date what she would like to do. Has anyone ever been to one of these weekends? Was it worth it?

That is EXACTLY the issue I am having with the parents weekend thing. Did you make any hotel reservations in the area yet? I'm starting to worry that we might not even get a room at this point.

Of course, it doesn't help that my daughter made the school play and it runs Thursday/Friday night that same weekend. So we could go down but couldn't leave until Saturday so would miss a lot of it to start with.

I'm really leaning toward waiting and going down the following weekend so there aren't any scheduled things we are committed to. But will he feel bad on parents weekend itself if he is one of the few kids without parents there? Of course, he'll never tell me how he really feels, so I just have to figure this out on my own. I'll be really curious to hear how others feel about this.

I was always disappointed that my parents never came for parents weekend. But I really think that was just more disappointment that they never came to visit me at all. I'm not sure how I would have felt if they came the next weekend.

 

[mom2rtk]

But psycho roommates just add to the excitement!

DD and her normal roommate have a guy who hangs out with them all the time. He has one roommate who he never sees. The guy came to college with his high school girlfriend and they apparently go to class and then go to his room and shut the door and never come out! DD says she has never even seen the roommate. She wouldn't know him if he was standing next to her. They are all trying to figure out what exactly they do in there all that time because they said it is impossible to be doing *that* the entire time!

The guys other roommate is "the hottest male on the entire planet" according to DD but also "the most disgusting dude ever." He parties all the time to the point of puking and he chews tobacco and spits it in cups and cans everywhere. So needless to say, this one guy is hanging out with DD and her one roommate on a regular basis and avoiding his room whenever possible. I guess it is all part of the growing process.

Your DD will likely be telling psycho roommate stories the rest of her life!

I'm so glad I didn't hear any of these roommate stories BEFORE my son left for school. I'm sure I would have dreamed up all sorts of things to worry about. I'm off now to say yet another prayer of thanks for the roommate my son ended up with! It seems we got oh so lucky in this regard. I asked my son when he was home last weekend if he could see rooming with him again next year. He said sure, but the roomie is considering pledging a fraternity. I did tell him to make sure he's doing things with a wide variety of kids so he doesn't have to do "roommate roulette" next year if the roomie moves to the frat house. I suppose it could happen even sooner, but I don't think he's out actively checking out the frats right now anyway. At least I hope not.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Is anyone thinking ahead to parents/family weekend? DD's school is set for the end of October. Before she left for college, we were very excited about it. Now that she is gone, we aren't as excited. Honestly, the activities they have planned seem awfully lame to me. I envision us skipping most of them. They charge a fee to attend. It isn't a huge amount, but it pains me to pay for something and then not go. I haven't talked to DD about it yet. We will do whatever she wants to do.

One thing I considered was using that weekend for a little mini vacation and taking her somewhere. We can't do that because she bought tickets for some paint party concert thingy for one of the nights of the parent weekend. A big group of kids bought the tickets not realizing it falls on parents weekend. It doesn't start until 9pm so it won't interfere with anything, but it means we can't go away.

We also thought about just going for the weekend and doing other things in the area and skipping the planned events altogether.

I will have to ask DD when we get a little closer to the date what she would like to do. Has anyone ever been to one of these weekends? Was it worth it?

I'm fortunate and my son's school is within a reasonable drive for me to go anytime. But out of respect for his growing up, I don't go to see him even if I'm in the area. It's sooo hard!

Parents weekend last year I went. As I said in a previous post, I met other parents via FB so we all met up. And well, our sons met up with us briefly but most of them took off to go hang with friends. It was more a parents hang out than a family weekend. LOL Some of the parents did leave campus and go to dinner or run errands and spent time with their kids. Some did do the activities. My son's roommates were from across the country, so their parents didn't come. One had a football game so he was busy anyway, the other just hung in the computer lounge. He didn't say much but I'm sure he missed his parents by what he said. That was why I didn't worry about my son not being with me. He was able to hang around his roommate and not look so out of place. And the rest of us "parents" were able to introduce our kids to each other and most "new of" each other but had not started friendships. This year some are roommates. yay!

It really depends on your child and if they want you to come out. Be upfront about what you want to do and give options. But also listen to if they are saying "you don't have to come" because they think you will be inconvenienced. That was me in college. My parents didn't come.
But as mom2rtk said, then again my parents didn't come to anything if there was a way out of it. Maybe that is why I've been more readily available to my sons.

That is EXACTLY the issue I am having with the parents weekend thing. Did you make any hotel reservations in the area yet? I'm starting to worry that we might not even get a room at this point.

Of course, it doesn't help that my daughter made the school play and it runs Thursday/Friday night that same weekend. So we could go down but couldn't leave until Saturday so would miss a lot of it to start with.

I'm really leaning toward waiting and going down the following weekend so there aren't any scheduled things we are committed to. But will he feel bad on parents weekend itself if he is one of the few kids without parents there? Of course, he'll never tell me how he really feels, so I just have to figure this out on my own. I'll be really curious to hear how others feel about this.

I was always disappointed that my parents never came for parents weekend. But I really think that was just more disappointment that they never came to visit me at all. I'm not sure how I would have felt if they came the next weekend.

I'm not sure how far your son's school is from your home. Can you do a family Sunday drive and be worth it? (meaning not driving longer than visiting)

You know, he probably won't know if it will bother him until it happens. Might he want to come home for his sisters play?
Family weekend I'm sure is different for every school, but not all families are able to get there for various reasons.

Good luck with our choices. I haven't decided if I'm going yet. If my son will be playing games with friends all weekend, I might pass. But if some friends are going to be reconnecting (yearly thing) I might. Again my commute isn't that difficult. If I was having to travel from afar, probably not.