Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[Princesca]

You should definitely keep to the plan. As a child of divorced parents, I have two pieces of advice:

1) Do not under any circumstances even remotely cause your children to feel guilty for going and having fun. Your daughter texting you with 'I'm sorry' kinda makes me think they're in that place, whether you mean them to be or not. It's okay to be honest and say, "I'm disappointed, I'd wanted to take you first" but also add that "It's okay! Our time together will still be special, because it'll be us! And I just can't wait to go. So you kids have a good time, and blah blah, etc." It was a low-down dirty thing to do, pre-empting you like that, and if he's going to be so irresponsible as to use your kids happiness against you that way, unfortunately the only thing you can do is roll with it and avoid doing anything that will impact the kids' happiness.

2) Kids love to be teachers. When you take them, let them be your tour guides since they are new Disney experts. Give them the chance to do things they didn't get to do, but also give them the chance to show you what they really loved, and make a big deal over how much they know and how good they are at being the best Disney tour guides EVER.

I know it's hard, it stinks... but I can personally attest, now that I am an adult, the things I most cherish about my mother are the little things she did for me that my dad would never have taken the time to do. One night, she came home from working late, pulled up in the driveway, honked the horn, and hollered out the window for my sister and I to put our shoes on and get out to the car because it was an "Ice Cream Moon". I have never seen the moon so big, or so orange, as it was that night. I remember so fondly sitting out under that moon and eating ice cream with my mom and my sister, and to this day, sometimes she'll call me and say, "Did you see that ice cream moon?"

The thing that amazes me most about my mom is that she always put our happiness first, over any awkwardness or enmity she might have felt toward my dad. When I would get upset with him, she'd take up for him (within reason) and encourage me to sort it out.

Trust me - kids know who love them selflessly and wholeheartedly. A pre-empted trip to Disney won't change that.

 

[mom2rtk]

Let's be fair they are his kids too and Disney is huge.

But 2 WEEKS before their trip???? Sorry. NOT OK. Clearly his way of playing games and trumping her.

OP, you're going to have to put on a happy face and tell them it's sort of like eating dessert twice. Only different flavors of ice cream.

 

[bdcp]

I didn't read all the posts, but my question is, can he take the kids out of state without your permission/knowledge? If you're in GA and they're now in FL, then he took them out of state.

Also, I can't wrap my head around the fact that a father didn't have his kids at his wedding, heck, in his wedding. That's just plain weird.

 

[hmerritt]

Here's what I figure. What he did tells me VOLUMES about his personality.

NO WAY did he take those kids on a kid-centered trip structured around their their wants and desires. Also keep in mind he took the new squeeze. He was probably more focused on HER and what SHE wanted.

Your destination will be the same. But I have a hunch it will be an ENTIRELY different trip. Schedule lots of pool time, sturcture the day around what they wanted to do........ the things you dreamed about and planned together already.

He probably spent a lot of MONEY on them. But I bet you know more about Disney and make better memories.

100% nail on the head.

 

[LilGMom]

I am so sorry for everything you have been going for I cannot imagine how horrible it is for you and the kids.

Now for some hard truths. When I read the title, I imagined something much worse, such as out of spite your ex would not let you take the kids out of the state.

It must have been so awful for your kids to be excluded from the wedding. Always remember that your ex is a part of your children, and when he does something lousy it is a huge loss for them. Also, if you ever insult him they will feel like you are insulting them.

So for the sake of your kids you have to be the bigger person. That is the biggest gift you can ever give them. If he is an ******* they will figure that out and respect you all the more for not making them feel worse about it. It sounds like you are the one who is there day in and day out and they will always love you for that. You are their MOM!

How sad that while they are with their Dad in Disney they are crying because if the guilt they feel toward you. Please reassure them that you want them to have a fantastic time right now!!! And try to mean it. If he is an ******* at least they will always have the memories that he did this one thing for them.

They will probably still have a great time with you, but whatever you do, don't compare the two.

My parents had a very nasty divorce when I was a young adult and even at that age whenever one of them bashed the other it hurt and hurt bad. I agree with what the above person wrote. Go, have fun, make your OWN memories with your children but don't compare the two. If one of your kids says "We did that last week" try to let it slide off your back and just go with the flow (even if it isn't easy). By your Ex-H leaving your kids out of his wedding and not including them and by other things that I'm sure he'll do in the future your kids will make their own decisions as to how much they want him in their lives. You all can lean on each other but as the mom you'll have to have the stronger shoulders.

Hope you have a magical trip!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Yes he knew we have been planning a trip for the past 18 months. I personally could not imagine taking my kids 2 weeks before a trip he had been planning so long for but I guess everyone is different. Had he shared that with me two weeks ago I could have postponed and gotten my money back.

Ok, well then he did it out of spite so he's a jerk. But you knew that and that is why you left.
I've been saying life is only 10% what happens and 90% what happens. You can either stay upset and show anger toward him when he drops them back off OR you can smile and say I'm so glad you went are you excited to go back with Mom? and play up how interested in what they did.

 

[LuLuO]

What a horrible, horrible thing for him to do. It does stink to always have to be the bigger person, but your kids will be better for it. Tell them to go and have a good time and not to worry about you. Then go on your trip with the kids and have a fantastic time. Make your own memories.

 

[Disneyhenry]

I see that you are planning on staying at AKL with the kids, I think that you should still go and have this to be a relaxing trip, enjoy that awesome resort that you are staying at, there is a lot to do at the AKL resort. Take you time at the parks, eat at their favorite place.
WOW that is rude of him to do

 

[palmtreelover08]

Here is some friendly non- Disney advice- you have the right to be hurt and to be sad and to cry and stomp your feet and be angry- you just can't do any of it I'n front of your kids- they have their own emotional stuff they are going thru and they can't see mom all upset- I know.. It's hard.. Really hard... But try to talk up their trip, put a smile on your face- it will really help the kids-

Personally- I have been divorced for 6 years and still struggle with the smiles and talking up the fun things that dd does with her dad.. But I do it.. For her- because like you- my world revolves around my child.

When you need to let it out and the kids are home- go take a shower- no one can hear or see you cry there.. Trust me it does get easier- I haven't had to take one of "those" showers in years..

-hug

 

[CarolynU]

I think that's one of the meanest things I've heard about in a long time. Shame on him! Go on your planned trip, make new memories which I'm sure your kids will love, and have a magical time.

 

[hmerritt]

I didn't read all the posts, but my question is, can he take the kids out of state without your permission/knowledge? If you're in GA and they're now in FL, then he took them out of state.

Also, I can't wrap my head around the fact that a father didn't have his kids at his wedding, heck, in his wedding. That's just plain weird.

My divorce was final on June 3, but I did not get the decree from the courthouse in the mail until that following Tuesday June 7 so it was a surprise to me that it was even final! That same morning ironically I had a feeling for weeks and called the probate court in the state they live in and yes, there was a marriage license. Little did I know that they had already been married since that Friday. There was an elaborate church wedding and honeymoon in Mexico. Then the decision came to be, do I tell them or does he? I was so angry that he would exclude them. I hurt when they hurt. That weekend was his visitation weekend, but back in March when we were solidifying the summer schedule (which is when he was aware that we were going to Disney) he said to me "I cannot get the kids the weekend of June 3 because I need time for myself" I remember responding, are the other 26 days of the month not enough? They had no idea going into fathers day weekend with him that this had happened. And the past week has been a plethora of emotions between the two. I am very angry of his disregard regarding the wedding and now this has been added. I feel a bridge has been burned that will never ever be repaired. He does whatever he can just to stick it to me because he knows they are ALL that matters to me.

 

[anonymousegirl]

I'm sneaking a peek at work and don't have time to read all the responses, but I would still go. The fact that they just went might work in your favor. Now you can the kids can just do the favorite attractions and then focus on some things that might get overlooked if they hadn't been for many years.

Try a water park or mini golf, relax by the pool, sleep late and don't hit the parks until dusk.
Try the Behinds the Seeds tour at Epcot's Land Pavillion.
Have a Hidden Mickey Scavenger Hunt.
Rent a surrey bike at the Broadwalk, or just spend some time at the Boardwalk one evening.
Be one of the last people out of MK one night and sleep in the next day.

Good luck to you. My sister had one of those horrible divorces and she will be fighting that jerk until the kids are eighteen (8 more years).

 

[JUJU814]

I didn't read all the posts, but my question is, can he take the kids out of state without your permission/knowledge? If you're in GA and they're now in FL, then he took them out of state.Also, I can't wrap my head around the fact that a father didn't have his kids at his wedding, heck, in his wedding. That's just plain weird.

That's what I was wondering too.

OP, I'm so so sorry this happened. What a total and complete JERK he is.

I can tell how much you love your kids and your trip is gonna be GREAT!! They will be so happy to be with you..you'll have a GREAT time together.

When they get back make sure you're happy and enthusiastic and ask them if they scouted things out for you guys for your special trip.

 

[guzzy]

Heather I feel for u. I too have been going through a tough divorce. I often wish my ex would remarry so that he would leave me alone and stop dragging me and my girls to court!!! lol. Go to disney with your children what your ex did was mean and spiteful but also remember this your kids know this in their heart of hearts and your ex will live to regret what he has just done. Kids remember stuff like this i know im living it right now. Just let them know u love them and take them on your trip. Enjoy it and make new memories with them. Im almost positive they know what their wonderful mother has done for them and will remember that always. U r a strong women and need to hold your head up high. Remember men dont change he's just moving on to the next victim. Feel sorry for his next wife. God bless u.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

You've gotten some good ideas about making the trip different and special for the kids. I would chat with them about what they did, what they liked, what they do and do not want to do again, and tweak the trip a little based on their input.

Another thing is that if you have a spare day and it's in the budget, perhaps they'd like to spend a day at Seaworld or Universal? That would add something different to the trip, assuming they're spending their current trip entirely at WDW.

I definitely think you should take the trip and start building traditions with just you and the kids. Have a great time!

 

[1hero2princesses]

Based on that behavior I would say it seems to be a really good thing that you are now divorced. Well my original suggestion was maybe to try going somewhere else, but if you can't change your plans since you are so close to the trip and locked into a contract I would suggest maybe a little re-work of your plans. Talk to the kids when they get home. See if they went to the waterparks - or go to the one they didn't. Play mini - golf. Maybe even venture off site and go over to Universal for the day. Spend a whole day at the pool relaxing. Maybe take the trip in a more relaxing way. Do a dinner show. Do things they didn't. If this was a last minute trip they may not have had many if any meal reservations, so that could be something different. I guess if you are locked in try to have fun.

 

[dzorn]

When they called me it totally ripped my heart out, and I could tell how difficult it was for them even to tell me. I do want to sayfirst though that my kids are my world. The sun rises and sets around them. He told me when I left him that if I didnt walk away from my kids and the house and the money that he would make my life a living hell and he hasnt stopped since that day. We lost our family home, he let the DVC foreclose, the children have sacrificed at every turn. As hard as it has been and as much as he uses them to hurt me, I have had to be the bigger person every time even when I didnt want to because at the end of the day I still have to look them in the eye and see their hurt or their pain and I can only do what I can live with. But, I will be honest I completely fell apart when they said it and havent been right since. I am glad they are gone so they do not have to witness my pain and I can get it together before they get back. I thought divorcing him was the hardest thing ever, well I have to put this right up there with it.

And no, they are not even staying on Disney property. I however can't imagine not. Its always been a joke that my son never considers us at Disney until we drive through the DTD gates. I too LOVE the magic of driving on property and leaving my cares behind. We have never stayed at AKL and that was where we owned our DVC before it foreclosed, just never had a chance to stay there. Because I rented points I was able to splurge for a savannah view which will be super exciting and hopefully an experience by itself. After having gone many many times, I have always tried to pull something different so no trip seems the same. I did totally forget about the movie on the beach though!! Is that at Beach Club? I have a few secrets planned that we had not done before and after going back and forth the past 24 hours have considered Disney Quest? They love pin trading. My son is obsessed with Legos and Hidden Mickeys has always been cool but we never go the book.

I really appreciate all the replies, this has been hard enough being away from them, much less knowing they are there when it should be us

They do movie at the pool at AKL too. The water parks a very nice also.

Go. Spend time with your kiddos. Just because they took him doesn't mean they will not have a great time with you.

Denise in MI

 

[Disney Fool]

Okay, you're a DIS'er. Use that knowledge you've gained here and put it to good use! You stated that they're staying off-site. BINGO!!!! It's summer time, and they won't be able to take advantage of EMH at night. You're going in July? Kool, plan on some really late night EMH's at MK, and DHS. How fun is that for a 10 year old?
The next time your kids call, tell them to get a notebook and write down their observations, and some do's and don'ts for July. You, of course, do know how to avoid the lines, and the endless waits. Get a strategy for fastpasses, and use it to the hilt! Put a positive spin on your trip. Plan a week of fun, fun, fun. Do it for yourself--you deserve it! It will still be the vacation of a lifetime, because you planned it, and enjoyed doing it. Get each child a disposable camera and have them take lots of pictures. then when you get home, compare all the photos, and make a great album of the trip. If you scrapbook, even better! Make some wonderful memories. Never ever let anyone get control of your happiness.

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

This shocked me when I read it because almost the exact same thing happened to my mother when she and my father divorced. He wasn't remarried, but he knew what my mother was doing (saving ever last penny for our Mother Daughter Trip) and he in turn gave me the trip of a lifetime.

Here's the thing: I enjoyed the trip with my mom more than I did with him. My father and I stayed at the Poly, went for 8 days and did everything imaginable. My mother and I stayed at Pop and were there for only 5 days. I still had more fun with my mom because it felt really good to know that I had helped save for that trip. I had earned that trip with my mom and it meant more to me than something that was just given to me.

Talk it over with your kids and see what they think and maybe the money can go towards some other fun vacation or keep it and save for another year and have your very own whirlwind Disney vacation with them. But trust me when I say that they will appreaciate the trip with you more than they probably will with him.

 

[DisneyBum303]

So sorry Heather!!!!!!

When I read your post and your concern over whether your kids would want to go back so soon, I was reminded of the faces we see at Orlando Intl airport when we arrive. All those people waiting to board their planes with the longest faces because they have to go home. Just think, your angels won't have that face because they know they are coming right back, and coming back with MOM


Keep your chin up and show your children that this doesn't bother you. We all know they will have a better time with you, so let that be your revenge.

Have a great time!!!!!!