Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[Brownsfan317]

OK. So I was so irritated when I started to read this I had to skip to the end. I apologize for duplicating any comments.

1. The kids may feel guilty because they know how hard you worked to save for this trip, but it was their FATHER that put them in that situation. Unfortunately that leaves it up to you to help them feel that everything is ok.

2. I don't live in your state, but I am shocked at the thought in this day and age that you or him would be allowed to take the kids out of state without the other parent's permission. Although I personally am not divorced, I do know several up here in Ohio and that seems to be pretty standard.

3. You have to remember that every trip is different and that it will be special to your kids because they will be with YOU.

4. If you cancel the trip-HE WINS!!!

Bottom line is that this is him using his own kids to hurt you. Unfortunately divorced couples pull this garbage all the time. It absolutely disgusts me.

Go and have a fantastic time and in the future either keep plans to yourself or ask the kids not to share.

 

[mrssmith06]

Two trips to Disney in one summer? What kid would mind that? I say GO!!! You've worked too hard for this trip to back out now and the kids will probably have a much better time going with you!!! He is a real jerk for doing this, but don't let it ruin your trip.

 

[DebbieB]

I would go. One time a few years ago my mom and I had a trip planned around Mother's Day. Then my friends said they wanted to go to WDW at the end of April! I certainly wasn't going to cancel or change my mom's trip but I didn't want to miss out on WDW with my friends. So I went on both! I returned from one on Sunday and went with my mom the following Sunday! It was great!

I'm wondering how your kids are with the new wife? Plus they know what your ex-husband has done. Might be an uncomfortable 10 days for them and they maybe looking forward to being with you there.

 

[cindydare]

Okay, you're a DIS'er. Use that knowledge you've gained here and put it to good use! You stated that they're staying off-site. BINGO!!!! It's summer time, and they won't be able to take advantage of EMH at night. You're going in July? Kool, plan on some really late night EMH's at MK, and DHS. How fun is that for a 10 year old?
The next time your kids call, tell them to get a notebook and write down their observations, and some do's and don'ts for July. You, of course, do know how to avoid the lines, and the endless waits. Get a strategy for fastpasses, and use it to the hilt! Put a positive spin on your trip. Plan a week of fun, fun, fun. Do it for yourself--you deserve it! It will still be the vacation of a lifetime, because you planned it, and enjoyed doing it. Get each child a disposable camera and have them take lots of pictures. then when you get home, compare all the photos, and make a great album of the trip. If you scrapbook, even better! Make some wonderful memories. Never ever let anyone get control of your happiness.

I hope you have a wonderful trip.....Your trip will be much more meaningful to them because of all the planning that you have done together. Make your trip a celebration of your new beginning!

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Op, You said that you will be okay by the time that the kids get back. However, a few posters suggested that you tell the kids NOW that you want them to enjoy their current trip. We are concerned that they are crying about it and texting you. I hope it is just an oversight that you have not responded to this, and you have been the bigger person for the sake of your kids and told them to have a fantastic time.

As to why he would not have his kids at his wedding, I wonder if the fact that OP was calling the probate court to see if they got a marriage license could be a hint that he felt he needed to keep the wedding quiet to prevent drama from his ex. After all the moment the divorce was finalized he took the kids for ten days. Just a theory, since if his main goal was to make his ex suffer you would think he would have had the kids at his wedding and rubbed her face in it.

Just saying there are always two sides, Disney was obviously very special to this family and from everything OP has said it appears that this man did want his kids. Maybe he couldn't take the kids for a vacation during the 21/2 years that they were in divorce court. So the timing may have just been about his finally having the chance to spend time with his kids somewhere that meant a lot to them. Hopefully now that the ugly divorce is settled, they can both put the kids first from here on.

 

[hmerritt]

I am SO thankful for everyone that has responded. In my own wallowing you guys have mentioned things I had totally forgot and completely shed light on things I have either taken for granted in the past or not even known. EMH is brilliant! I love the idea of staying out till 3am and then just sleeping the morning away while there is so much hustle and bustle going on outside. Just the thought of walking around the parks at 2 in the morning when it is so quiet is extra magical. And totally didnt even think of the behind the seeds tour, we love that place. Pressed pennies, right up their ally.

hugs to everyone that shared their personal story. Its so hard not to just break down sometimes, but you have reminded me of what is truly important here and I just needed to hear it so I can pick up my bootstraps and have the courage to get through the next 9 days. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

xoxoxoxo

p.s. out of anger a friend called him yesterday blasting him for what he did and how could he knowing how hard we had planned and saved and his response was "what's your point"

 

[TBLaube]

I too was in a similar situation with my divorce. Without going into the details, he too hid his new marriage (with the person he cheated wtih) and then booked a Disney Cruise right before our planned WDW trip. Did I mention that he hated going to Disney for the ten years together and actually fell asleep there a few times. It is difficult when some childish moves are made and you are expected to be the bigger person always. Take it from me, 10 years later, it has paid off. My kids have a great relationship with their Dad, but they choose to live with me because they know that I have always put them first. They are ages 10 1/2 & 15 1/2 and are both boys. When you feel discouraged or frustrated, just continue to do the right thing for you kids. You are a great mom!

Back to the future, it sounds like your kids love Disney as much as you and going again will not be a problem. Plus you are staying at AKL with a Savannah View. That alone will probably be enough to keep them excited (in addition to spending time with you). Since this is your first trip at AKL, there are plenty of daily resort activities, not to mention the beautiful pools, and animals. I coudl seriously spend a week there without leaving.
Since they stayed offsite, they may not have spent the whole trip in the parks. So you may have to adjust some ressies and park times if they already did them, you know that there is soooooo much to do at WDW that they are going to have a blast and so will you! ENJOY

 

[hmerritt]

Op, You said that you will be okay by the time that the kids get back. However, a few posters suggested that you tell the kids NOW that you want them to enjoy their current trip. We are concerned that they are crying about it and texting you. I hope it is just an oversight that you have not responded to this, and you have been the bigger person for the sake of your kids and told them to have a fantastic time.

As to why he would not have his kids at his wedding, I wonder if the fact that OP was calling the probate court to see if they got a marriage license could be a hint that he felt he needed to keep the wedding quiet to prevent drama from his ex. After all the moment the divorce was finalized he took the kids for ten days. Just a theory, since if his main goal was to make his ex suffer you would think he would have had the kids at his wedding and rubbed her face in it.

Just saying there are always two sides, Disney was obviously very special to this family and from everything OP has said it appears that this man did want his kids. Maybe he couldn't take the kids for a vacation during the 21/2 years that they were in divorce court. So the timing may have just been about his finally having the chance to spend time with his kids somewhere that meant a lot to them. Hopefully now that the ugly divorce is settled, they can both put the kids first from here on.

I have not had a chance to talk to them since the one call yesterday. He has shut off their cell phone but I have definitely taken to heart what everyone has posted as I mentioned in my other post.

I only called the probate court because of the suspicions surrounding their marriage and certainly the fact if he had married while we were still married would present a problem.

 

[Zeppelin]

So after reading that you have all planned together and worked out your schedule then I say go for it and have fun. Others have said find out about what they didn't like on the trip with dad. I say don't bother. Go with your plan just as you made it together. I wouldn't even consider his trip. YOU AND YOUR KIDS MADE PLANS TOGETHER. Go with that. Get on the plane and put everything else behind you. This is your chance to start over!

this is true and a very underrated intangible- we (my daughter and i) have been planning for our August trip on the computer and she is so into it she asks every day if we can "plan for our vacation more"...

maybe when your kids get home ask them how their trip was, review your plans and ask them if they want to make any changes....

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Thanks to responding to a question that was really none of my business.

 

[hmerritt]

OP- this guy sounds exactly like my father, for which I hold the utmost sympathy for you and your children because his childish ways will probably only get worse. My father didn't come to my college graduation, which I had been working hard towards for four years and graduated with top honors. I was crushed, but then I looked out and saw my Mom in the audience with tears in her eyes because she was so proud and happy for me. I miss my dad, but I have come to realize that I don't need him because I have such a great mom. I hope and I know that your kids will feel the same way as they grow up. Kids can sense things in people that adults can't and you're daughter at least seems to understand the underhandedness of the whole situation.

Go with your kids and forget him and his new piece...let them be miserable at home thinking about what a wonderful time YOU are having with your kids.


I know I sound overly passionate about this whole thing, but I've been there done that and I know how hard something like this is, especially on the kids and the only ADULT in the situation.

thank you so much for sharing.... I am usually very reactive the first 48 hours surrounding his surprises but then come back to my center which is my kids. Do I get tired of always walking the line, always having to do the right thing, say the right thing,react this way or that way out of constant fear of being hauled back into court? Absolutely. But hearing your story and some of the other adults who were in my kids shoes pops me back to what I really have to do which is be the bigger person. I hate that I can't ever get a breather from him but I keep chugging along just being their parent because I can process it. They didnt ask for this and it is certainly not their fault.

 

[Mfgs]

I am so very sorry that your ex undermined your trip this way. I know that everytime we leave Disney, in fact usually on the way home, we start planning and plotting our next trip. Even though your kids will have just been there I bet they will very excited to go back. The fact that they were actively helping in the saving and the planning for your trip will make it all the more special. We are DVC members and AKV is our home resort. You and your children will love it! The pool is great, the actives are fun and the animals are just amazing. Not to mention the outstanding CM from different African nations. I hope you and your "new family" have the time of your lives! Hugs from GA.

 

[zianha]

You should definitely keep to the plan. As a child of divorced parents, I have two pieces of advice:

1) Do not under any circumstances even remotely cause your children to feel guilty for going and having fun. Your daughter texting you with 'I'm sorry' kinda makes me think they're in that place, whether you mean them to be or not. It's okay to be honest and say, "I'm disappointed, I'd wanted to take you first" but also add that "It's okay! Our time together will still be special, because it'll be us! And I just can't wait to go. So you kids have a good time, and blah blah, etc." It was a low-down dirty thing to do, pre-empting you like that, and if he's going to be so irresponsible as to use your kids happiness against you that way, unfortunately the only thing you can do is roll with it and avoid doing anything that will impact the kids' happiness.

2) Kids love to be teachers. When you take them, let them be your tour guides since they are new Disney experts. Give them the chance to do things they didn't get to do, but also give them the chance to show you what they really loved, and make a big deal over how much they know and how good they are at being the best Disney tour guides EVER.

I know it's hard, it stinks... but I can personally attest, now that I am an adult, the things I most cherish about my mother are the little things she did for me that my dad would never have taken the time to do. One night, she came home from working late, pulled up in the driveway, honked the horn, and hollered out the window for my sister and I to put our shoes on and get out to the car because it was an "Ice Cream Moon". I have never seen the moon so big, or so orange, as it was that night. I remember so fondly sitting out under that moon and eating ice cream with my mom and my sister, and to this day, sometimes she'll call me and say, "Did you see that ice cream moon?"

The thing that amazes me most about my mom is that she always put our happiness first, over any awkwardness or enmity she might have felt toward my dad. When I would get upset with him, she'd take up for him (within reason) and encourage me to sort it out.

Trust me - kids know who love them selflessly and wholeheartedly. A pre-empted trip to Disney won't change that.

I'm already heart-broken for you that your ex did this despicable thing to you! I love and agree with Princesca's reply! I had to deal with a (stupid) selfish ex and this is something he would have tried to do if he had any money of his own! Your trip with you kids will still be very special for you all and IMO it will mean so much more to them than the "revenge" trip your ex has taken them on! I know you will be hurt for a bit, but pull yourself back up and take that Magical trip with your kids and know that the most Magical part of your trip will be that you are there with your kids and that your celebration is more important now than ever!!

 

[Disneyliscious]

I haven't read the whole thread but if it hasn't already been mentioned, wait and take them for the Halloween or Christmas events. Its like a whole new experience and they will have time to look forward to it. DO NOT tell him when you are going so he wont pull this again.

When he brings them back, kill him with kindness. Be happy for the kids and tell ex-jerk how thankful you are that he took them because now you can afford take that "couples trip" with you and your new boyfriend (I'd lie like hell....ok maybe not....well maybe). Either way, don't show him that it bothers you AT ALL (I know it will be hard).

Also, in most divorces the other parent has to notify the custodial parent about leaving the state, even for vacation. You should have known ahead of time and had contact info for where they are staying. Check in to that and see if he is in criminal contempt of the courts.

I would highly recommend taking my kids to MVMCP and letting them wake up Christmas morning at Disney World. When my kids were having the Christmas of their LIFE, that they will never forget....I'd secretly think to myself "now....trump that....B***h".

 

[hmerritt]

Thanks to responding to a question that was really none of my business.

It has been a long road and it's usually my side of the story that never gets heard. If you knew my story, youd be afraid it would be on dateline one day. But I have been fortunate enough through pure luck to stay one step ahead of him the past two years, otherwise I would have felt slapped in the face 24/7 from all the twists and turns. Its a constant battle everyday and sometimes it is so easy to get drawn into his game and it just escalates from there, but it helps me to talk and vent online seeking support so that I can come back to reality quicker.

I will say as heartfelt as I can that hearing these stories and reading everyones encouragement has given me the courage to snap out of this pity party. I'm kind of angry, but in a good way? And although their phone is off, I did just send them a text that I hope they had a fabulous day.

Thank you everyone for reminding me that our trip does not have to be about all the hype and it can be about coming together close and quiet to regroup.

 

[mom2rtk]

It has been a long road and it's usually my side of the story that never gets heard. If you knew my story, youd be afraid it would be on dateline one day. But I have been fortunate enough through pure luck to stay one step ahead of him the past two years, otherwise I would have felt slapped in the face 24/7 from all the twists and turns. Its a constant battle everyday and sometimes it is so easy to get drawn into his game and it just escalates from there, but it helps me to talk and vent online seeking support so that I can come back to reality quicker.

I will say as heartfelt as I can that hearing these stories and reading everyones encouragement has given me the courage to snap out of this pity party. I'm kind of angry, but in a good way? And although their phone is off, I did just send them a text that I hope they had a fabulous day.

Thank you everyone for reminding me that our trip does not have to be about all the hype and it can be about coming together close and quiet to regroup.

I just want to say......

You sound like an awesome mom. Not defensive, willing to listen if it means putting your kids needs first.

Someone else mentioned scrapbooking. If you don't, you should. It's very therapeutic. And it would be a great way to spend the time when the kids are off with the ex. And I promise I won't tell if you draw horns on every photo of your ex. As long as you tear them up before the kids get back.

Take TONS of pictures of your amazing trip.

I think there's some magic waiting for you in the late EMH hours of the Magic Kingdom.

 

[kimgof]

I'm so sorry Heather, your ex really sucks. You should still go though. Your memories with your kids will always be different from any memories they have with him there. Keep in mind they helped you plan this trip and are looking forward to all that they planned to do. He took them without asking what they wanted to do so they had no input into the plans which makes it mean less to them I'm sure. I know my kids help me plan and they love going to the restaurant they picked or the ride that was their "must do " ride. And just knowing that your DD texted you with sympathy they might feel guilty if you cancel. You know how kids always make everything their fault even though it had nothing to do with them. Sooo....after all that, take a breath, release your anger on a pillow(that mimics the shape of your ex's head ) and go have a wonderful time with your wonderful children! Know that many people on here are rooting for you no matter what you decide.

 

[torinsmom]

Go! Your kids will have a great time with you! I have an ex and if he could afford it, he would definitely do this kind of stuff.

-Do you have time to buy a lot of pins on ebay? I know I just got 26 trading pins for $18 shipped. The kids can trade them to get the kinds they want. My son only wanted Disney villains and he managed to trade and get all villains on one trip.

-If you are able to go to Disney Quest, go for it! I bet your kids would really enjoy that.

-Maybe go to one of the off the wall places like Gator World or go on one of the airboat tours I always see in the guides.

-Once your kids get back, look over your plan and see what they want to change. Maybe they want to try and change dining choices, etc.

 

[hmerritt]

I just want to say......

You sound like an awesome mom. Not defensive, willing to listen if it means putting your kids needs first.

totally sucks sometimes lol but then I look at them; and even when everyone says "one day they'll know" "one day they'll see", if I really love my kids I really wouldn't ever want that day to come would I?

 

[mom2rtk]

totally sucks sometimes lol but then I look at them; and even when everyone says "one day they'll know" "one day they'll see", if I really love my kids I really wouldn't ever want that day to come would I?

They don't have to ever know the full extent of what a jerk he is to be able to see how you put their needs above all else. Just focus on the positive.