Do you think "I'm going on a diet next week" is a valid excuse?

[The Mystery Machine]

If you really wanted her to celebrate with you then you really needed to get with her and plan it together.

Since you already planned something then she was free to decline no matter the reason.

This is your husband's sister? Oh, I can see why she would decline then. I thought this was the mom of the SIL/BIL.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

A person is allowed to decline an invitation for any reason they want to. You're are not a dictator or part of the royal family, so you do not get to summon everybody and expect them to come just because you asked them to.

Besides, if she feels she doesn't have the willpower to stay on her diet while out at a restaurant (and from you back story that is highly likely) then she should decline the invitation.

 

[glasslipper]

So what if she's on a diet? Maybe she wants to stay home and wash her hair.

She can say no and that's it. OP doesn't need an explanation for why she said no.

It's taken me a while, but I've finally learned that all I need to say is "no". If someone keeps asking (or demanding an explanation), I will repeat "no" as needed.

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

 

[happygirl]

She is my husband's sister. She knows my Mom well. I have always completely supported her through all her weight loss attempts. What exactly did I say that was rude?

I think it was rude to question her. She doesn't owe you an answer.

 

[crashbb]

It does stink that she will not be joining you however she and her husband are free to stop in and see mom as they choose.

She isn't mom to either of them - the OP's mom is the dieter's brother's mother-in-law.

 

[Allison]

She is my husband's sister. She knows my Mom well. I have always completely supported her through all her weight loss attempts. What exactly did I say that was rude?

If you don't want to come just say you don't want to come is rude. You are basically telling her you think the reason she gave you is an bad excuse or a lie.

Then you went on to say you don't know anyone who ever used that as a reason not to attend and that it was random.

I would have had it with you by then too.

 

[happygirl]

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

How do you know it's an excuse? If she was going to lie I think she would have came up with something much better

 

[ols386]

She is my husband's sister. She knows my Mom well. I have always completely supported her through all her weight loss attempts. What exactly did I say that was rude?

So the SIL isn't your mother's DIL?

 

[crashbb]

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

Given that you sent at least two emails questioning her reason and started a thread questioning whether or not it was valid, perhaps she didn't feel that you'd accept a response just saying "We cannot come".

 

[SaraJayne]

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

You aren't getting it. She can make up any crap excuse she wants.

She does not owe you an explanation.

 

[Allison]

So the SIL isn't your mother's DIL?

No. She is no relation to the mom.

 

[zurgswife]

She is my husband's sister. She knows my Mom well. I have always completely supported her through all her weight loss attempts. What exactly did I say that was rude?

So I answered," if you don't want to come all you had to say is you don't want to come." To which she denied and said she just wants to lose weight.

I replied by saying she should have explained herself and by just saying she is going on a diet, it came across as dismissive and rude and that honestly, she is always on a diet. I explained about it being her 70th bday and her recent health issues(which she already knew) and that I just wanted them to come because it was important to me.

Pretty much both these comments. She is not immediate family of your Mother. Yes, it was nice of you to extend an invitation but she said no; you should have left it at that. Sorry you couldn't make it.. You caused the drama by going after her response.

 

[luvmy3]

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

It wasn't an excuse, it was her reason for declining an invite. You are calling her a liar, and you seem to think she is obligated to come, you are the rude one here.

 

[ols386]

If you don't want to come just say you don't want to come is rude. You are basically telling her you think the reason she gave you is an excuse or a lie.

How do you know it's an excuse? If she was going to lie I think she would have came up with something much better

Sure sounds like an excuse to me.

Having said that, if the SIL is not related to the op's mom, then not exactly sure why she was invited, or if she knows the mother very well, or not really at all. I probably wouldn't have invited her. She doesn't exactly sound like the life of the party to begin with.

 

[SaraJayne]

So the SIL isn't your mother's DIL?

No. Completely unrelated to OP's mother. It is the OP's husband's sister.

 

[Andtototoo]

Well, guess I didn't have a valid excuse to skip the birthday party at work today either. I just started a low carb, no sugar diet two weeks ago and the party's refreshments consisted of:
-carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
-double chocolate cake
-iced cinnamon rolls
-caramel popcorn
-a bag of baby carrots

There was no way I could bear watching everyone chow down on and rave about those treats while I had a baby carrot. It was just too much for me to take right now when I'm already feeling ornery and resentful. I would not have been a happy addition to that party. I'm really nervous about a wedding coming up in a few weeks which I've already been told includes a candy buffet (in addition to the cake). I know I can resist, but it's just no fun to watch everyone else having a great time with food while I eat a carrot. Maybe six months from now, I'd be okay with it, but just yet, it's really hard to take. So when I can avoid the situations, I do.

She is my husband's sister. She knows my Mom well. I have always completely supported her through all her weight loss attempts. What exactly did I say that was rude?

You honestly don't see how you were the one spurring on an argument?

A gracious hostess accepts regrets to a party without comment and certainly without arguing. A wise hostess accepts regrets to a party without arguing since someone who does not want to be at a party is not going to be a positive asset to the occasion.

 

[ols386]

You aren't getting it. She can make up any crap excuse she wants.

She does not owe you an explanation.

As stated before, I think the SIL probably could have been a little more sensitive, but she chose not to. Have to admit, that would probably tick me off a bit too, being in the op's shoes.

 

[Allison]

Well, guess I didn't have a valid excuse to skip the birthday party at work today either. I just started a low carb, no sugar diet two weeks ago and the party's refreshments consisted of:
-carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
-double chocolate cake
-iced cinnamon rolls
-caramel popcorn
-a bag of baby carrots

There was no way I could bear watching everyone chow down on and rave about those treats while I had a baby carrot. It was just too much for me to take right now when I'm already feeling ornery and resentful. I would not have been a happy addition to that party. I'm really nervous about a wedding coming up in a few weeks which I've already been told includes a candy buffet (in addition to the cake). I know I can resist, but it's just no fun to watch everyone else having a great time with food while I eat a carrot. Maybe six months from now, I'd be okay with it, but just yet, it's really hard to take. So when I can avoid the situations, I do.



You honestly don't see how you were the one spurring on an argument?

A gracious hostess accepts regrets to a party without comment and certainly without arguing. A wise hostess accepts regrets to a party without arguing since someone who does not want to be at a party is not going to be a positive asset to the occasion.

Yes, I do not understand while the reason given is not "valid". Who gets to decide what rises to being a good enough reason?

 

[ols386]

Yes, I do not understand while the reason given is not "valid". Who gets to decide what rises to being a good enough reason?

Well, it sounds like there may be some sort of history between the op and the SIL. That may have something to do with the way the excuse was received.

Many things in the relationships between people are not cut and dry.

 

[glasslipper]

A person is allowed to decline an invitation for any reason they want to. You're are not a dictator or part of the royal family, so you do not get to summon everybody and expect them to come just because you asked them to.

Besides, if she feels she doesn't have the willpower to stay on her diet while out at a restaurant (and from you back story that is highly likely) then she should decline the invitation.

Really,I know this. Why the hostility? The obvious bs excuse she felt she needed to give me upset me. Just be honest and I wouldn't have a problem. I really would have been fine if she had said she couldn't make it. I wasn't expecting everyone to say yes. This Sister in law by the way is extremely selfish and into herself. She was invited to my dd's HS graduation (she is dd's god mother) and didn't come (which is ok not a problem, it was her birthday) but she calls my DH during the ceremony because he didn't call her to wish her a Happy Birthday and was angry because he wouldn't talk to her, She consistently doesn't show up to important family events, but expects everyone else to come to hers.

My DH's Mom passed away 6 yrs ago. She was hospitalized 2 yrs before she passed and DH and I were at the hospital twice a week to help her and visit, all the sisters were and DH and I alternated so someone was always there with her.


For the poster who asked why I added the born again Christian comment, it was just because she accused me of stealing her " joy" .