Do you think "I'm going on a diet next week" is a valid excuse?

[crashbb]

Really,I know this. Why the hostility? The obvious bs excuse she felt she needed to give me upset me. Just be honest and I wouldn't have a problem. I really would have been fine if she had said she couldn't make it. I wasn't expecting everyone to say yes. This Sister in law by the way is extremely selfish and into herself. She was invited to my dd's HS graduation (she is dd's god mother) and didn't come (which is ok not a problem, it was her birthday) but she calls my DH during the ceremony because he didn't call her to wish her a Happy Birthday and was angry because he wouldn't talk to her, She consistently doesn't show up to important family events, but expects everyone else to come to hers.

My DH's Mom passed away 6 yrs ago. She was hospitalized 2 yrs before she passed and DH and I were at the hospital twice a week to help her and visit, all the sisters were and DH and I alternated so someone was always there with her.


For the poster who asked why I added the born again Christian comment, it was just because she accused me of stealing her " joy" .

So, really, you are here for validation, not outside perspective, right? Because almost everyone is giving their outside perspective and pointing out that your actions were rude, but you just keep coming up with more reasons why you are the victim and your SIL is an evil witch.

Still not seeing the connection between "stealing joy" and your comment about her being a born-again Christian, but oh well.

 

[tarheel618]

Exactly, then just say you don't want to go, don't make up some crap excuse, IMO..that is rude and that is what upset me the most.

I'm sorry but this sounds hateful and rude. She declined and just because you feel like it is an excuse is your problem. It sounds like she was being very honest with you and probably thought you would understand since you have went through the weight lost journey too.

Would you be so upset if she had another commitment already that day?

 

[Allison]

Why is it an obvious bs excuse?

 

[luvmy3]

Really,I know this. Why the hostility? The obvious bs excuse she felt she needed to give me upset me. Just be honest and I wouldn't have a problem. I really would have been fine if she had said she couldn't make it .

She did say she couldn't make it, and she told you why. Then you turn around and accuse her of lying. Somehow I don't think her not giving you a reason would have been good enough for you either.

ETA It isn't a bs excuse, there have been a few posters who have said they would have or have done something similar. Do you think they are just full of bs too?

 

[ols386]

Really,I know this. Why the hostility? The obvious bs excuse she felt she needed to give me upset me. Just be honest and I wouldn't have a problem. I really would have been fine if she had said she couldn't make it. I wasn't expecting everyone to say yes. This Sister in law by the way is extremely selfish and into herself. She was invited to my dd's HS graduation (she is dd's god mother) and didn't come (which is ok not a problem, it was her birthday) but she calls my DH during the ceremony because he didn't call her to wish her a Happy Birthday and was angry because he wouldn't talk to her, She consistently doesn't show up to important family events, but expects everyone else to come to hers.

My DH's Mom passed away 6 yrs ago. She was hospitalized 2 yrs before she passed and DH and I were at the hospital twice a week to help her and visit, all the sisters were and DH and I alternated so someone was always there with her.


For the poster who asked why I added the born again Christian comment, it was just because she accused me of stealing her " joy" .

Well, you have to remember where you are.

It does sounds like the two of you don't exactly hit it off. She may be someone that you want to avoid whenever possible.

 

[glasslipper]

Well, it sounds like there may be some sort of history between the op and the SIL. That may have something to do with the way the excuse was received.

Many things in the relationships between people are not cut and dry.

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

 

[crashbb]

Well, it sounds like there may be some sort of history between the op and the SIL. That may have something to do with the way the excuse was received.

Many things in the relationships between people are not cut and dry.

Also may have something to do with why the excuse was given and the manner in which is was given.

 

[phorsenuf]

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

And if she did just say no, then what? Would you have said ok and hung up, or continue to ask her why?

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Really,I know this. Why the hostility? The obvious bs excuse she felt she needed to give me upset me. Just be honest and I wouldn't have a problem. I really would have been fine if she had said she couldn't make it. I wasn't expecting everyone to say yes. This Sister in law by the way is extremely selfish and into herself. She was invited to my dd's HS graduation (she is dd's god mother) and didn't come (which is ok not a problem, it was her birthday) but she calls my DH during the ceremony because he didn't call her to wish her a Happy Birthday and was angry because he wouldn't talk to her, She consistently doesn't show up to important family events, but expects everyone else to come to hers.

My DH's Mom passed away 6 yrs ago. She was hospitalized 2 yrs before she passed and DH and I were at the hospital twice a week to help her and visit, all the sisters were and DH and I alternated so someone was always there with her.


For the poster who asked why I added the born again Christian comment, it was just because she accused me of stealing her " joy" .

It is not a BS excuse, as has already been said by more than one person on here. If you are trying to loose weight, going out to eat is a PITA, especially if you do not have the willpower to say no to the yummy tasting food and eat like a rabbit.

As for the rest of your post, it just shows me you don't like her (in fact it sounds like you pretty much despise everything about her), so it doesn't matter what reason she would have given, you wouldn't have been happy with it.

 

[minkydog]

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

Maybe this has been addressed before, but your SIL owes you NO excuse of any kind. She declined your invitation. That's all she needed to say. It's not even her mother! And to take pot shots at her weight like you did? That's uncalled for.She answered you honestly and you didn't like what she said. IMO, you were very rude to her; she was not rude to you. Her time is her business and frankly I don't blame her for not wanting to join this celebraion. Y'all sound like tons of fun

 

[luvmy3]

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

Maybe your SIL knew you would hound her with emails asking why she couldn't go, and she figured she'd just tell you.
Or maybe she just doesn't like you and figured that wouldn't go over so well if she told you that is why she isn't coming.
What does it matter, she isn't going to the party, and since you have such obvious issues with her, why do you even care what her reason is

 

[SaraJayne]

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

So even though others have repeatedly pointed out she does not owe you an explanation, you're still determined to make yourself the victim.

 

[glasslipper]

So, really, you are here for validation, not outside perspective, right? Because almost everyone is giving their outside perspective and pointing out that your actions were rude, but you just keep coming up with more reasons why you are the victim and your SIL is an evil witch.

Still not seeing the connection between "stealing joy" and your comment about her being a born-again Christian, but oh well.

Ok, I was trying to explain the situation by giving more history, but ok, LOl I'm the evil witch. I'm sure that's exactly how SIL is selling to her sisters, because that is exactly how the story goes and has always gone.

 

[2girls4me]

I have someone like this in mt life. While I speak to them and see them frequently, I do. Ot respond to any nasty rptext messages she sends me. No matter what I say she turns it around on me.

Ignore her. Just stop emailing, calling or whatever is it. Nothing good will come of it.

 

[tarheel618]

Exactly .Thank you. Like I stated in my last post SIL is very selfish. My DH and I have had many issues with her in the past. ALL of his sister's and I get together for our birthday's and go to tea. She knows she could have had soup or salad and no sugar(which is what her new diet is giving up sugar) so by even offering the diet excuse was to me rude because it was blatantly obvious she just didn't want to go, so just say NO thank you, don't make up an excuse.

IMO it sounds like your SIL can't win with you. It is easy for you to say what she could have eaten but she maybe learning how to control her impulses. I find your post also to be extremely selfish on your part. I think you were very wrong in this situation.

 

[glasslipper]

So even though others have repeatedly pointed out she does not owe you an explanation, you're still determined to make yourself the victim.

Yup apparently so in the eyes of those "wiser" than me. I just said a no would have sufficed rather than lying, but yeah I think I'm the victim if it makes you feel better. thanks for your help.

 

[ols386]

It is not a BS excuse, as has already been said by more than one person on here. If you are trying to loose weight, going out to eat is a PITA, especially if you do not have the willpower to say no to the yummy tasting food and eat like a rabbit.

As for the rest of your post, it just shows me you don't like her (in fact it sounds like you pretty much despise everything about her), so it doesn't matter what reason she would have given, you wouldn't have been happy with it.

FTR, sounds like a flimsy excuse to me, but that's only my opinion.

Sounds like there is no love loss between either of them.

OP, if I were in your shoes, I would not have anything to do with SIL from here on out, unless absolutely necessary. Why let someone like her stress you out. It's not worth it.

 

[phorsenuf]

Yup apparently so in the eyes of those "wiser" than me. I just said a no would have sufficed rather than lying, but yeah I think I'm the victim if it makes you feel better. thanks for your help.

Why do you think she was lying?

 

[glasslipper]

Why do you think she was lying?

Because, unlike the rest of you I actually know my SIL , for 25 yrs. to be exact.

 

[crashbb]

Because, unlike the rest of you I actually know my SIL , for 25 yrs. to be exact.

Then why ask for outside advice?