Creepy Facebook Message - Ever have one of these?

[RitaZ.]

Meaning there's more danger or less danger?

I'm a risk averse person, just FYI. I always say that the fact that there's only a 1% chance that something bad will happen is little comfort to the 1% it happens to. I'm not advocating avoiding all activities with a 1% chance of injury -- but I do try to look at things with a risk/reward filter.

So for me in this situation, I'm saying is it worth me taking a chance to engage this person? And several things are warning me against it, so I'm electing to steer clear.

Go with your gut feeling.

 

[itchin2go]

Hmmm. I have ONLY friends and family on Facebook. You post on the DIS and you don't know these people at all. How is FB creepy? (Not criticizing. I really don't get it.)

I only have friends and family too. I think I have like 30 friends -- that's it. I honestly set the page up because either a musician I like was posting blogs or a business I frequent asked for people to sign up to receive discounts - can't remember which - but I didn't intend to use it for social networking. Some friends found me and added me, and I have to say, I do enjoy looking at everyone's updates from time to time.

I've never received anything remotely unpleasant there, so the email (which by the way was sent at 2:07 a.m.) was kind of shocking to me. Just lets you know how boring my life normally is!

(Hmmm. If I'm a "fan" of a musician on fb and I'm a "fan" of a business on fb, I guess I'm not just using it for friends and family. I guess what I meant is that I only "friend" friends and family - people I know.)

 

[brekin67]

It kind of sounds like you are still laughing at her. You say she is tarted up, and looks like something from Rock of Love. Unless you mean that as a compliment.

 

[itchin2go]

It kind of sounds like you are still laughing at her. You say she is tarted up, and looks like something from Rock of Love. Unless you mean that as a compliment.

Just describing the photo - kind of to explain why the whole thing was odd. I've watched Rock of Love. I'm not "above that", but I don't know anyone who dresses like that or uses a photo like that for facebook. That's all. Actually, truth be told, the photo is a little scary looking. If I posted the photo here, I think folks would understand. I have no intent to ridicule this person (which is why I haven't posted the photo, a link to her facebook page or her actual facebook name). It was just unsettling to get that message and then see the picture.

And again, I don't know who this person is. I even broke out the yearbook. No idea.

P.S. I also meant that the reason I might not recognize her was because of all the makeup and the weird clothing.

 

[Buckalew11]

Okay, all I'm saying, is this...

I was teased in high school. I had acne, etc. I was awkward and I was teased. What I've noticed, not just in my situation, but others it this:

The people who were doing the teasing or were mean...DON"T EVER REMEMBER IT, EVER, but the people who were the victims, REMEMBER IT FOREVER. I've seen this again and again.

Okay, so maybe the OP wasn't mean, but still, it's FACEBOOK...I don't take it that seriously, and I realize by being on it, I'm opening myself to people and memories that I don't remember. I let it go, I'd never go to the trouble of reporting it.

I agree with you. The girl who bullied my dd in school seems to be clueless. She even "friended" me on FB. I'd like to pinch her head off and spit in her neck but I guess she'd be wondering why I felt this way. Anyway, I know feeling like this is wrong and I'm working on myself to forgive her--forgive and forget--you know, I forgive, she forgets.

 

[Ceila]

There's no harm in an apology.

It's a karmic thing.

I completely fail to understand why you would automatically believe a poster using a fake name with no way to verify their identity.

The person who tried to contact the OP is obviously either a troll, someone up to no good (i.e., trying to spread a computer virus), or someone far too immature to bring up a rational discussion of their feelings, none of whom deserve a response from the OP.

 

[Ceila]

I am truly stunned by the number of people who would go right on ahead and apologize to some random poster on FB with an obviously fake name!!! What on earth are you people thinking? Do you really believe that just because someone posts something, it HAS to be true?!?!

See post #44.

See post #27, where the OP explains that the poster didn't even bother to use a real name. Like I said, troll, no-good, or too immature to bother engaging in conversation.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

See post #27, where the OP explains that the poster didn't even bother to use a real name. Like I said, troll, no-good, or too immature to bother engaging in conversation.

I addressed the fake name in post #44.

 

[Kathi OD]

Not necessarily, but I wouldn't automatically assume that there wasn't a valid reason the person could have thought I acted mean, or confused me with someone else, either.

I've seen lots of fake names and pictures on Facebook, some people do it for privacy or for just because they think it's fun. Yea, it would be better if everyone had the confidence to confront people from their past openly and honestly, but some people don't. I wouldn't automatically assume they were a troll because of it, or because I didn't recognize their friends. I only have one high school friend on my Facebook, and she moved away after sophomore year, so I bet a lot of people wouldn't recognize her, either.

Sorry, but a person hiding behind a fake name, making accusations, is guilty of the same thing they are claiming the OP did to them, many years ago. This person has evidently made the OP uncomfortable, and rightly so. If anyone should apologize, it's the person making the accusations.

I guess I don't see what the harm is in replying to the message (not friending the person), and saying "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in high school, but I don't remember doing it and don't recognize your picture. Can you tell me who you are or what the situation was?" If it's a troll, he'll be disappointed you didn't get all mad and start a fight about it. If it's not a troll, hopefully you'll get an answer. And you're saying "if" you hurt their feelings, so you're not owning up to doing something you didn't do.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it would bug me more to think I may have blown off someone I once knew, than it would to respond to a troll the way I mentioned above.

Trolls are always better handled by ignoring them from the get go. Once you respond, regardless of the manner, they know they touched a nerve and will continue to harrass until the responses end.

 

[SunshineOR]

Don't feed the troll! I've had several people try to friend me who I don't know and I figure must have me confused with someone else. If you've checked your yearbook and still can't figure it out, it's possible you really didn't even know them. Maybe this is someone who has you confused with someone else, so don't lose any sleep over it.

I haven't had someone accuse me of being mean, but one guy I never talked to or had anything to do with in H. S. friended me. I didn't think anything of it, then he started sending me private messages about if I remembered us having a conversation about how we really liked each other and wanted to hook up. Like I said, never talked to this guy much in H.S., plus I had a serious boyfriend the whole time and KNOW this conversation never took place. He's married, I made it clear in my profile that I'm married...it gave me the creeps. I promptly removed him from access to anything and stopped responding to anything from him.

 

[sbell111]

Yep. I find that completely bizarre.

Exactly. You use a weird clearly fake name and how does that make you feel better even if you do receive an apology. You aren't even letting the person know who you are so clearly they can't genuinely apologize even if they wanted to.

Based solely on the OP, I don't think the person was looking for an apology. She was merely letting the OP know that she treated her poorly in high school. I was a vent and a reminder that high school behavior continues to have an effect later on.

I completely fail to understand why you would automatically believe a poster using a fake name with no way to verify their identity.

I don't believe that anyone has posted that they 'automatically believe' this person.

The person who tried to contact the OP is obviously either a troll, someone up to no good (i.e., trying to spread a computer virus), or someone far too immature to bring up a rational discussion of their feelings, none of whom deserve a response from the OP.

First, you clearly do not understand how computer viruses are spread. Merely replying to a message within facebook is not going to infect your computer with anything.

Second, you are still ignoring the possibility that this person was hurt by the OP in high school, even if the OP doesn't remember it or didn't realize that it happened. Further, this person may be hiding behind a sock puppet so she isn't subjected to future abuse.

Sorry, but a person hiding behind a fake name, making accusations, is guilty of the same thing they are claiming the OP did to them, many years ago. This person has evidently made the OP uncomfortable, and rightly so. If anyone should apologize, it's the person making the accusations.

So a person should only confront their attackers if they do it out in the open, subjecting themselves to future abuse? That doesn't seem right.

Trolls are always better handled by ignoring them from the get go. Once you respond, regardless of the manner, they know they touched a nerve and will continue to harrass until the responses end.

The problem with that theory is that the OP can always choose to block this person at any point in the future. The OP has control of whether the individual can continue to 'harass her'. Therefore, there is no point in ignoring the person, as you advise.



<It should be noted that I have no idea if the OP ever wronged this individual. However, I think that it is more likely that this person thinks she was wronged by the OP than that she is just a random troll.>

 

[LuvOrlando]

TRUST YOURSELF AND YOUR INSTINCTS.

If you 'feel' this person is a few cards short of full deck then trust that your subconscious picked up on something valid. Hopefully whoever it is will have gotten enough satisfaction over the dig they already got in and will go away. Whether you hurt the person or not, it is simply not normal to hold a grudge over childish behavior for this amount of time. Now, if there had been genuine terrorizing on your part it would be reasonable for the person to nurse the hurt... but then again you would absolutely remember something like that.

All things you've said considered, I think you are doing the right thing here. Feel better

 

[disykat]

I'm really surprised that so many assumed that I must have been a witch in high school just because an anonymous person sent me that message on facebook.

Because people on the DIS love to assume the worst! It's their favorite!

Engaging a stranger is a scam, don't fall for it.

 

[Kathi OD]

So a person should only confront their attackers if they do it out in the open, subjecting themselves to future abuse? That doesn't seem right.

If you want a person to know you feel abused, they have to know who you are in order for the abuse to stop. If you don't know who it is you supposedly abused to begin with, how can it stop?

How can you be sorry for something, when you don't know what you've done? What each of us perceives as offensive or hurtful varies. Not knowing what it is you supposedly did and to whom leaves no room for improvement. Apologizing for apology's sake is worthless.

The problem with that theory is that the OP can always choose to block this person at any point in the future. The OP has control of whether the individual can continue to 'harass her'. Therefore, there is no point in ignoring the person, as you advise.

Why would a person open themselves up for further harassment from an unknown person?

 

[Ceila]

I addressed the fake name in post #44.

Perhaps you explained it to your satisfaction, but to most reasonable people, responding to someone you cannot identify through name or photo is simply foolish.

First, you clearly do not understand how computer viruses are spread. Merely replying to a message within facebook is not going to infect your computer with anything.

Second, you are still ignoring the possibility that this person was hurt by the OP in high school, even if the OP doesn't remember it or didn't realize that it happened. Further, this person may be hiding behind a sock puppet so she isn't subjected to future abuse.

First, you clearly do not understand how Facebook works. Granted, a virus may not be spread (and, if you will note, I did not name that as the only possibility - I said "i.e., trying to spread a computer virus," which clearly acknowledges the possibility of other wrongdoing). However, engaging with someone on FB can leave one open to them accessing your personal information and photos, depending on your settings. Only a fool would make contact with someone who has a fake name and a photo they don't recognize.

Second, you are now suggesting that the OP may have been ABUSIVE? My goodness you really are being obtuse.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Trolls are always better handled by ignoring them from the get go. Once you respond, regardless of the manner, they know they touched a nerve and will continue to harrass until the responses end.

See, I think an immediate block with no acknowledgement gives off a much greater appearance of touching a nerve than a polite reponse. I can see a troll laughing at how scared the OP must be to have done that. I can't see a troll getting a kick out of a response like the one I posted earlier in the thread. Even so, like I said, I'd rather risk feeding a troll than blowing off someone I once knew, and I can always block them after the second message, if it's not to my liking. YMMV, of course.

Perhaps you explained it to your satisfaction, but to most reasonable people, responding to someone you cannot identify through name or photo is simply foolish.

And yet, here you are, responding to me, whom you cannot identify through name or photo, either!

But seriously, you asked a question that had previously been answered. I get that you disagree with the answer. No need to call people fools, foolish and unreasonable. I find your posts here to be much more rude than what was said to the OP on FB.

The OP said that she "drastically dialed back" her facebook privacy settings. It sounds like the person already had the chance to see all there is to see on her facebook page. One response isn't likely to tell the person any more than she already knew.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I must admit, curiosity got the better of me, so I searched Facebook for the terms the OP posted, and found this person pretty easily.

Based on the raunchy photos and comments, I can understand why the OP wouldn’t want to pursue this and I completely respect her decision. I do not, however, think this is some troll or hacker who set up a fake name just to terrorize the OP or anyone else. While the facebook name is clearly a joke and she’s dolled up in her profile pic, she looks more recognizable and is identified by first name in other photos. Obviously the OP doesn’t remember her, but I honestly think that anyone who knows her now would recognize her. I don’t see this as being deceitful or hiding. I have a couple of friends who use fake names on Facebook, too, for various reasons. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Most of us use fake names here on the DIS, too.

Again, to the OP, do what feels right to you. What feels right to me or someone else might differ, but that’s OK. I respect everyone else’s opinions on this, I only ask that some of you also respect ours.

Oh, and BTW, she looks kind of masculine to me. Could it be that she was a “he” in school?

 

[itchin2go]

Oh, and BTW, she looks kind of masculine to me. Could it be that she was a “he” in school?

That just makes the whole thing more confusing.

Just FYI - I didn't intend to send people to this person's page. I posted what I did about the name because I felt people were skeptical of whether the name was fake. I knew it was clearly fake, and I wanted to establish that because it was part of the weirdness of the situation. I understand curiosity though.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

That just makes the whole thing more confusing.

Sorry!

I know you didn't mean for people to search her out. I just couldn't help myself.

 

[Ceila]

See, I think an immediate block with no acknowledgement gives off a much greater appearance of touching a nerve than a polite reponse. I can see a troll laughing at how scared the OP must be to have done that. I can't see a troll getting a kick out of a response like the one I posted earlier in the thread. Even so, like I said, I'd rather risk feeding a troll than blowing off someone I once knew, and I can always block them after the second message, if it's not to my liking. YMMV, of course.

And yet, here you are, responding to me, whom you cannot identify through name or photo, either!

But seriously, you asked a question that had previously been answered. I get that you disagree with the answer. No need to call people fools, foolish and unreasonable. I find your posts here to be much more rude than what was said to the OP on FB.

The OP said that she "drastically dialed back" her facebook privacy settings. It sounds like the person already had the chance to see all there is to see on her facebook page. One response isn't likely to tell the person any more than she already knew.

This difference between the OP's situation and me participating on this message board is that I'm not engaging with you on FB, which would open me up to you seeing my personal information. And if you think that calling it foolish or unreasonable to protect one's privacy is rude, then you really don't understand the point I was trying to make.