12 year olds and cell phones- what has been your experience?

[design_mom]

Why would you need to get hold of him if he was a practice and part of a carpool or on a bus with the team?

My first (only?) collect call was to my parents when our bus broke down (high school). I let my parents know we were going to be late, but had no way to let them know when we were back on the road again. I had to call them when we finally got to school and wait outside for 30 minutes while they came to get me.

If my child rode a team bus often, I'd consider getting him/her a cell phone.

 

[JennaTX]

Get her the phone! She seems to be a responsible good kid

My DD got hers at 10 before she started jr. high. She has more freedom now, going to the playground, riding her bike around the neighborhood, etc. So her having a phone makes me feel better about knowing where she is and if she okay.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm in the why not category. I don't think it has to be a need, its ok to be a want. DD wants a Wii, we are going to get one, afterall why not, I mean really why not? We will regulate it like any other toy or device.

Oh and we got DD a cell for Christmas the year she was 10, no regrets.

I remember wanting to be on the phone with my friends, it didn't matter if I had just seen them 5 minutes before at school or was on my way to school, it was just something we did. My parents had very very IMO unreaonably strict telephone rules and you know what, here I am 35 years later and I still resent what they did.
Their rule was not based on anything, they just didn't see the need. Sound familiar?

My kids are not spoiled brats by any means but I do try to listen to their wants and indulge periodically plus IMO cell phones are not a totally indulgent purchase, they are useful and do come in handy sometimes!

My kids are 11 and 13. They have had cell phones for several years. At this point they use them daily. The only problems we have EVER had are that my son often forgets to charge his (meaning about once a month he can't call when he leaves school because his battery is dead) and once (when he was 9) my son left his in his pants pocket and it got washed (luckily it was a very old phone that we were about to replace anyway and just using on a temporary basis--he felt terrible about it though).
Oddly, both kids are allowed to text but they don't. I don't think DS's crowd is into that yet, but DD's is. She has received a few texts, but HATES text speak and refuses to have anything to do with them I wish she were not so adamantly opposed to the darn things because sometimes it would be nice if I could send her info in text form while she is in class so she could read it when she gets out.

Wow, I really appreciate all of the thoughtful feedback! One thing has impressed upon me the most- not one single person has said they got a phone for their child and wished they hadn't.

The want vs. need issue has been a very interesting thing to ponder, too. How many things has she gotten for Christmas that she actually "needed?" Other than the toothbrush that shows up in her stocking every year.

I'm feeling more and more that this is going to be the best Christmas she's ever had. Thanks everyone!!

The above quotes are what I was thinking. Since when is a Christmas present only given to fulfill a need?

Didn't say it wasn't but there is a difference between a cell phone and a Wii.

True that. In our own family I was fine with the kids having cells at very young ages, but we did not buy a gaming system until this year. The Wii is really just for fun (except, as it turns out my son's therapist suggested it to help with balance skills---shh don't tell my son it is therapy) whereas the phones have many practical uses.

I agree with your husband, there is no need for a 12 year old to have a cell phone.

I am another poster who is going to agree to disagree with you:

Every day my son (11) gets out of school in a neighboring city. There are no subs in the older grades here (he is 6th grade, older being 5th and up here) and if a teacher is sick, or the schedule changes for any reason it is not uncommon for him to get out an hour (or two or even three) early. His sister (13) goes to the same school and has the same issue--so they often get out at different times an with no warning for me to try to meet them. I really cannot spend every afternoon sitting in front of the school waiting for them to get out just in case one or the other finishes early (and each has one day when they do finish early always and they are not the same days).
They do what most other German kids do and take public transit home. In our case that means they walk a block to the street car stop. Take a street car to that city's main train station. Take a train to our city. Walk two blocks to the streetcar stop nearest the train station that goes to our house. Ride that streetcar to our neighborhood and then walk 3 blocks home.

Maybe my 11 year old does not NEED a cell phone by your definition, but i feel he is much safer with it.

 

[aprilgail2]

I have to ask, how do kids start going out to lunch in 6th grade, they can't drive.

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At a local Jr/Sr high school the kids can start going into town on their own for lunch- the school is right in town so they let them leave and walk to where ever they want to go for their lunch. So kids as young as 10/11 can leave and go into town on their own. I would like my daughter to carry her phone with her if she was going off into town on lunch.
I got my daughter a cell last year when she started mooching minutes off friends phones to call me to pick her up etc..
Jr. High sports in the worst- if the kids don't have cell phones to call and let you know when their bus is getting into the Jr. High at night after a sporting event you could be sitting there for 2 hours if it is running late- I would prefer to sit in my own home and get a call saying "be at the school in ten" rather than sitting out there in the cold for hours. there is only a bus from the sports event to the school- after that they have to find their own way home.
Next week the 7th graders are going to washington for a few days- the bus is set to arrive approx. 5pm when they come home....but that could mean 4pm-10pm depending on traffic....I have NO desire to sit outside a school for 6 hours waiting for a bus to pull up...call me when you are 10 minutes away and i will be there to get you!

 

[mhsjax]

At a local Jr/Sr high school the kids can start going into town on their own for lunch- the school is right in town so they let them leave and walk to where ever they want to go for their lunch. So kids as young as 10/11 can leave and go into town on their own. I would like my daughter to carry her phone with her if she was going off into town on lunch.
I got my daughter a cell last year when she started mooching minutes off friends phones to call me to pick her up etc..
Jr. High sports in the worst- if the kids don't have cell phones to call and let you know when their bus is getting into the Jr. High at night after a sporting event you could be sitting there for 2 hours if it is running late- I would prefer to sit in my own home and get a call saying "be at the school in ten" rather than sitting out there in the cold for hours. there is only a bus from the sports event to the school- after that they have to find their own way home.
Next week the 7th graders are going to washington for a few days- the bus is set to arrive approx. 5pm when they come home....but that could mean 4pm-10pm depending on traffic....I have NO desire to sit outside a school for 6 hours waiting for a bus to pull up...call me when you are 10 minutes away and i will be there to get you!

I am all for cell phones, my 13 11 and even my 9 year old carries the old spare, I was just curious how 6th graders went to lunch. Our High schools and middle schools are no where near anything to eat. There is no way they could walk. Even in our HS, you have to be a a junior to leave campus for lunch. And then you would have to speed to get there and back. We did it when I was in school, but it was actually more trouble than it was worth, one long red light and you were late for class. It would be cool to have a place close enough to go and eat.

 

[golfgal]

Do people really only buy their kids things they NEED, you never buy things they WANT??

We have 3 kids, our oldest got a cell phone when he was in 7th grade, 12 years old, our twins got their first phones when they were going into 6th grade so they were 10. They have NEVER lost or broken a phone. DH wasn't thrilled with the twins getting phones that young and kept telling me they were going to lose them--he is the only one in the family that has lost a phone .

If you get the phone, get an unlimited texting package-add one for yourself and your DH too. I think our kids use about 5 minutes/month combined actually talking on the phone. They text.

We got our DS a phone for OUR convenience-picking him up for sports, we got the twins cell phones because they wanted one.

 

[declansdad]

I didn't say that people shouldn't buy them but rather I dindn't think a young child had a need for one. People are free to make decisions for their own family. Use whatever argument you want to justify your decision, it's your decision. My son will not have a cell phone at 12; that's a decision that my wife and I have made for us.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I didn't say that people shouldn't buy them but rather I dindn't think a young child had a need for one. People are free to make decisions for their own family. Use whatever argument you want to justify your decision, it's your decision. My son will not have a cell phone at 12; that's a decision that my wife and I have made for us.

You said NO 12 year old needs one. Did you read my post? Do you think in a situation such as that (child taking public transit for an hour or more home involving two connections and times fluctuating) a parent and child might see a need? Obviously, you child does not NEED one, but other people are in other situations (plus--I think kids can have wants, just as adults do, but that is a separate point).

 

[mjkacmom]

You said NO 12 year old needs one. Did you read my post? Do you think in a situation such as that (child taking public transit for an hour or more home involving two connections and times fluctuating) a parent and child might see a need? Obviously, you child does not NEED one, but other people are in other situations (plus--I think kids can have wants, just as adults do, but that is a separate point).

There are, sadly, some kids who will never need cellphones. There parents will never allow them any freedom, away from adults. They will never be allowed to spread their wings, make mistakes, or learn how to be confident and capable without someone holding their hands.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There are, sadly, some kids who will never need cellphones. There parents will never allow them any freedom, away from adults. They will never be allowed to spread their wings, make mistakes, or learn how to be confident and capable without someone holding their hands.

That is sad. On the flip side, sometimes I feel like I am not letting mine spread their wings enough when I insist they call me when the leave school (just so I know what time they left--they do not have to stay on the phone long at all). They never get to be free of that cell phone tether

 

[mjkacmom]

I am all for cell phones, my 13 11 and even my 9 year old carries the old spare, I was just curious how 6th graders went to lunch. Our High schools and middle schools are no where near anything to eat. There is no way they could walk. Even in our HS, you have to be a a junior to leave campus for lunch. And then you would have to speed to get there and back. We did it when I was in school, but it was actually more trouble than it was worth, one long red light and you were late for class. It would be cool to have a place close enough to go and eat.

All of our elementary schools are close enough to at least one place to eat - ours is a few blocks from a deli (when I was in elementary, we went to a pizzaria). The middle school is closed, but the high schoolers have dozens of places to eat, sit down, take out, and most have a $5 lunch special for the students. If everyone decided to eat in one day, they probably wouldn't fit! Our main ave is packed with HS students during the day.

 

[mjkacmom]

Didn't say it wasn't but there is a difference between a cell phone and a Wii.

Absolutely - one has practical applications, and one is a toy.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have to ask, how do kids start going out to lunch in 6th grade, they can't drive.

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They walk - and we have crossing guards. My small town of 37,000 is only 3 miles long.

 

[mjkacmom]

That is sad. On the flip side, sometimes I feel like I am not letting mine spread their wings enough when I insist they call me when the leave school (just so I know what time they left--they do not have to stay on the phone long at all). They never get to be free of that cell phone tether

Lol - I'm the same way. If 3 pm comes around, and I haven't received a text from dd14, letting me know where she is, I text her and let her know that is not acceptable. We just went on a cruise, turned off the cellphones, and I had to learn how to be a free range parent!

 

[kirstenb1]

There are, sadly, some kids who will never need cellphones. There parents will never allow them any freedom, away from adults. They will never be allowed to spread their wings, make mistakes, or learn how to be confident and capable without someone holding their hands.

Ouch! I wish we lived in a town like yours, where my kids could walk and bike places. we're in a very rural area. Until very recently, our cel service has been sketchy at best. Everyone I know still has a landline. DH has a cel phone so he can be on call 24/7 for work (sigh), and I have an older one I keep in the car for emergencies.

We let our dd bike in our neighborhood, etc. But when she wants to go to her friends' houses we have to drive her. At her school, it seems like the kids who have both parents working, or a single parent, all have cel phones. I can see how this would make a lot of sense. So some of dd's friends have them, some don't.

But until dd is driving, or maybe in an afterschool sport other than swimming, it doesn't make sense to get her a cel phone.

 

[ICF]

I agree with your husband, there is no need for a 12 year old to have a cell phone.

I'd probably go along with this line of thought as well.

Unless the child is often alone without you or a friends parents, then I dont really see why would they need one.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ouch! I wish we lived in a town like yours, where my kids could walk and bike places. we're in a very rural area. Until very recently, our cel service has been sketchy at best. Everyone I know still has a landline. DH has a cel phone so he can be on call 24/7 for work (sigh), and I have an older one I keep in the car for emergencies.
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I was referring to those who could let the kids some freedom, but don't. Our town is designed with all of the elementary schools in walking distance from every home in that area, and the HS and JH in the center of town - we have no busses. It's sad how many parents drive their kids to school. My DH (who coaches a few teams), was very surprised at how some parents stayed at practices in the 2nd grade, and even more surprised at how many parents drove their kids to practices when they were older - he has fond memories of riding his bike to them as a child. Although I admit we do drive ds12 to practices, even those his dad isn't coaching - he's always running late!

 

[SunshineOR]

Didn't read all the responses, but wanted to lend support.

Our twelve-year-old has a cell phone and it's worked out really well. Great for communication, great for keeping track of her communication. She is very responsible with it. We are closer than ever because she's not allowed to text or call her friends much, but I told her she can text or call her Dad or me anytime. It may sound silly, but texting has really helped the three of us with communication because she really likes to text.

Also, many of her friends are on facebook and internet chat sites and email and we really aren't comfortable with her doing that yet. We felt the cell phone(with texting plan, but no data or internet) gave her a way to feel a bit like she's keeping up with the other kids even though we don't allow her all the online stuff. She can email her friends via text, but she can't do all the internet stuff. She keeps her music, pictures and life on that cellphone. When she's in trouble, it's great to take the phone away and she loses everything. She's highly motivated to be an angel and get back in good graces so she can get her phone back!

If your kid is responsible and you're feeling ready, I say go for it. I will warn you that the first few months she may need heavy restrictions on use because the phone feels kind of like an exciting toy. My daughter was so excited at first that she wanted to call and text everyone all the time. We had to keep reminding her that not everyone was excited about her cellphone and she can't be annoying people. After a few months when the phone wasn't so new, that's not a problem.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ouch! I wish we lived in a town like yours, where my kids could walk and bike places. we're in a very rural area. Until very recently, our cel service has been sketchy at best. Everyone I know still has a landline. DH has a cel phone so he can be on call 24/7 for work (sigh), and I have an older one I keep in the car for emergencies.

We let our dd bike in our neighborhood, etc. But when she wants to go to her friends' houses we have to drive her. At her school, it seems like the kids who have both parents working, or a single parent, all have cel phones. I can see how this would make a lot of sense. So some of dd's friends have them, some don't.

But until dd is driving, or maybe in an afterschool sport other than swimming, it doesn't make sense to get her a cel phone.

I can totally understand this attitude--a cell phone is not right for your kid and your family but you can understand why it is for others. It is the poster who feels NO 12 your old needs one and cannot see how others may be in different situations who boggles my mind

 

[maddiel]

There are, sadly, some kids who will never need cellphones. There parents will never allow them any freedom, away from adults. They will never be allowed to spread their wings, make mistakes, or learn how to be confident and capable without someone holding their hands.

Is there really a need for that kind of comment?

I made the decision not to get a cell phone for my oldest daughter until she was in high school. I believe there are costs as well as benefits to having a cell phone at an early age and for my daughter and my family their was no net benefit. BTW - she had some freedom, she just didn't have a cell phone.

Most parents limit internet access and require that children use the internet in public areas of the home - right? To me, allowing children cell phones - particularly with unlimited or large texting packages - is too much like letting them hole up with a laptop in their bedroom. YMMV.

One of the most convincing arguments I read about delaying cellphones was that often children stop using the family phone and as a result parents get left out of the loop. And the opportunities for bullying also concerned me.

I also have a DD10 and she's not getting a cell phone anytime soon - but like anything else, I'll probably re-evaluate that decision every year or two based on circumstances.


M.