12 year olds and cell phones- what has been your experience?

[debster812]

Why would you need to get hold of him if he was a practice and part of a carpool or on a bus with the team?

It's as much for him to get hold of us as well. For my piece of mind.

We made a decision that works for our family, and you've made decisions that are right for your family.

That's why I said we'd have to agree to disagree.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm with your husband on this one - our kids got phones when they really NEEDED them. High school seemed to be the benchmark, because they both were in sports and other activities and could call me when they were ready to be picked up. Also, that was the time when they did more with their friends OUTSIDE someone's home, where a phone was available for them to use, so they could call me in an emergency.

Your kids didn't have sports and other activities where they needed to be picked up until high school? I don't think I've been to a practice for a kid older than 7, ever. Granted, up until 10 or so, the practices usually end close to when they are scheduled to end, but after that - you call when you need a ride. Dd14 has been involved in musical theater since the 3rd grade. Rehearsals end when they end - there is usually a guestimate, and if you have the free time to hurry up and wait for them to end, good for you. I prefer the call. Our kids start going out for lunch in the 6th grade, and most go hang out somewhere after school starting in middle school (the library, starbucks, TCBY, someone's house). Kids are biking all over the place here starting around the 5th grade. Cellphones are for the convinience of the parents, not the kids.

 

[goofy!]

I agree with your husband, there is no need for a 12 year old to have a cell phone.

I will also have to agree to disagree.

If you want to paint a broad brush, there is no reason a responsible 12 year should not have a cell phone. In reality, whatever works for each individual family is the best decision for that family.

Why would you need to get hold of him if he was a practice and part of a carpool or on a bus with the team?

In my children's experience: Practices canceled by weather - no pay phones anywhere, they can easily call Mom to come pick them up. My kids swim competitively and there have been numerous times that practice has been canceled an hour early due to lightning. I don't want them to sit at a pool during lightning for an hour because they can't call me to let me know practice was canceled. There is no pay phone and you are not allowed to use the office phone except in emergencies. Calling a parent to pick you up early is not considered an emergency.

Additionally, I will not allow my children to mooch minutes from somebody else to call me, even in an emergency. They paid for those minutes, why should I expect them to give some of them to my child? I am responsible for my child being able to get hold of me, nobody else. So, in the absence of pay phones, if that means he carries a cell phone then so be it.

As for the second one - the bus with the team. That is strictly for my convenience. DS can text me when the bus gets close and I can run over and pick him up. No more sitting in parking lots waiting and waiting for a bus. I have better things to do than sitting in parking lots.

In my day, my friends and I always carried quarters in our pockets in case we needed to call our parents. Try and find a pay phone these days - they don't exist.

 

[goofy!]

3,000 texts a month!!! That's ridiculous That an average of 100 a day. If you figure only 30 seconds per text, that's almost an hour wasted every day.

Not even close to an hour a day the way kids text these days.

And besides, when you were a kid, did you never talk on the phone with your friends for an hour a day?

All three of mine have cell phones. The only one who comes close to 3000 texts a month (actually she does more) is my daughter with Down syndrome. She texts up a storm.

The 14 year old - he is lucky if he breaks 1000 and the 20 year old college junior - he tends to skype more than text.

 

[Kae]

my kids have phones with texting. We have set rules phone go in the same spot everynight, on the charging station plugged in if they need to be, No phones at the dinner table, and they need to be respectfull when using them.

Kae

 

[mhsjax]

Your kids didn't have sports and other activities where they needed to be picked up until high school? I don't think I've been to a practice for a kid older than 7, ever. Granted, up until 10 or so, the practices usually end close to when they are scheduled to end, but after that - you call when you need a ride. Dd14 has been involved in musical theater since the 3rd grade. Rehearsals end when they end - there is usually a guestimate, and if you have the free time to hurry up and wait for them to end, good for you. I prefer the call. Our kids start going out for lunch in the 6th grade, and most go hang out somewhere after school starting in middle school (the library, starbucks, TCBY, someone's house). Kids are biking all over the place here starting around the 5th grade. Cellphones are for the convinience of the parents, not the kids.

I have to ask, how do kids start going out to lunch in 6th grade, they can't drive.

Most parents here do attend sports practice way beyond the age of 7, I don't with DS and he is 9 but a lot of parents do, I do stay at DD cheerleading, but probably because I like to socialize with the parents. But I do agree, you just don't know when practice may end. OUrs if anything may end a bit early.

 

[JVL1018]

My 11 year old has had one for a year(got it for her 10th birthday).
It's been great-she goes bike riding with her friends, or up to the park, she gets a little freedom and I feel fine knowing she can call me when she gets there or at certain times to check in.
She cheers and texts or calls when she is done with practice and needs to be picked up, she takes the bus back and forth to games-we go to every game, but the bus may leave after the game after we leave, goes slower, so when she arrives back at the park she just calls us to come pick her up.

She texts with friends, but it is an every so often thing, not anything that is excessive at all. She has a friend who lives here in NJ in the summer and in AZ in the winter and they keep in touch via text-it's nice for them.

She wanted a phone, so we gave it to her for her birthday, but I have found *I* like her having a phone for *my* convenience more than anything else.

 

[mhsjax]

I will also have to agree to disagree.

There is no reason a responsible 12 year should not have a cell phone. What ever works for each individual family is the best decision for that family.



In my children's experience: Practices canceled by weather - no pay phones anywhere, they can easily call Mom to come pick them up. My kids swim competitively and there have been numerous times that practice has been canceled an hour early due to lightning. I don't want them to sit at a pool during lightning for an hour because they can't call me to let me know practice was canceled. There is no pay phone and you are not allowed to use the office phone except in emergencies. Calling a parent to pick you up early is not considered an emergency.

Additionally, I will not allow my children to mooch minutes from somebody else to call me, even in an emergency. They paid for those minutes, why should I expect them to give some of them to my child? I am responsible for my child being able to get hold of me, nobody else. So, in the absence of pay phones, if that means he carries a cell phone then so be it.

As for the second one - the bus with the team. That is strictly for my convenience. DS can text me when the bus gets close and I can run over and pick him up. No more sitting in parking lots waiting and waiting for a bus. I have better things to do than sitting in parking lots.

In my day, my friends and I always carried quarters in our pockets in case we needed to call our parents. Try and find a pay phone these days - they don't exist.

Gotta love that Florida weather don't ya? We have had the same experience. I have 2 other kids that have activites and they have to be dropped off and sometimes it is lightening where soccer practice is and the kids need to be able to get in touch with the parents to be picked up. Some people may not be familiar with FLorida and our lightening storms and being out in the open or around a pool. And like you, I don't like my child to have to use a coaches phone.

 

[tiggerlover]

We got DS his phone when he was 10, he is 14 now and I have no regrets. I say make her Christmas!

 

[allison443]

My almost-12 year old daughter wants a cell phone for Christmas. It is, in fact, the only thing she wants. She's a very responsible, well-behaved girl and she gets straight A's in school. Still, I don't know. Her father and I are discussing it. I really did not plan on getting her one for a couple of years, because I always know where she is. There have only been a few times where I have thought it would be nice if she had a phone so I could call her. Mostly when she's not with us she is at school or at a friend's house, and I know the family of that friend. I know that as time goes by she will want more freedom and spend more time away from us, in less supervised situations.

Did you ever get your kid a phone and regret it? That's my only fear, that a phone will cause problems and we'll wish we hadn't done it.

Right now I am leaning slightly toward "yes" for three reasons. 1) It will make her Christmas. She will be leaping and screaming with joy. 2) It's FREE with our plan! 3) We'll be getting her one someday anyway. We're just delaying the inevitable.

My husband is leaning toward "no" because he "just doesn't see a need for it."

Any advice?

Thanks!

A few years ago we got my youngest dd a cell phone for Christmas, she was 12. Like you said, it totally "made" her Christmas and she was literally jumping for joy! It was nice because none of our kids believed in Santa anymore and it kind of reminded me of the Santa excitement, kwim?
I hid the cellphone in a wrapped box and then called it so it rang inside the box.

As for whether she "needed" it, maybe not, but who gives their kids only things they "need" for Christmas? We certainly don't, we give our kids things they want, not just what they need. I think most people do the same....we are on a disney board, right, and disney isn't a necessity.

My dd has never given us any problems with using the phone...if she did, or used it inappropriately or rudely, then we would take it away just like we could take away other privileges she has.

I will say it is a great convenience for me that she has a phone.


OP good luck with your decision!

 

[Tweevil]

If you think it's right get her one.

My son has had one since he was 8 - started with one of those Shrek 5 button phones. This was out of necessity and my piece of mind more than anything. He went to a tracphone (mostly for Disney trips) and now has a newer one that slides open - he'll be 12 in January.

He knows this is for getting a hold of me, Mom-mom or his Dad. He isn't into texting very much yet. He primarily uses it to tell me he is off the bus and at his Dad's house which is a 2 block walk from the bus stop. It is nice to know that he is ok when I am 4 cities over working.

Sure, there were people who thought it was dumb but you know what? This is my kid and I felt it was right. It's not a toy and he knows it and handles the responsibility very well. I knew where my kid was and could confirm he was safe. That is what matters... Cell phones are something that is the norm now. With guidelines I am sure your daughter will do very well.

I bet she has the bestest Christmas ever!

 

[declansdad]

People lived forever without cell phones. I think they can continue that way. It may be right for you but that doesn't mean that you will convince me that a child that young needs a phone.

Practices - around here the coach is responsible if a practice ends early. they wait until the kids are picked up. Texting - the amount of texting by kids is way too much.

In my opinion, my child doesn't not need a phone at the age of 12. If you feel your does, that is your decision.

 

[allison443]

People lived forever without cell phones. I think they can continue that way. It may be right for you but that doesn't mean that you will convince me that a child that young needs a phone.

Practices - around here the coach is responsible if a practice ends early. they wait until the kids are picked up. Texting - the amount of texting by kids is way too much.

In my opinion, my child doesn't not need a phone at the age of 12. If you feel your does, that is your decision.

Isn't it okay to buy our kids things they want, even if they don't need it?

 

[mamacatnv]

I'm in the why not category. I don't think it has to be a need, its ok to be a want. DD wants a Wii, we are going to get one, afterall why not, I mean really why not? We will regulate it like any other toy or device.

Oh and we got DD a cell for Christmas the year she was 10, no regrets.

I remember wanting to be on the phone with my friends, it didn't matter if I had just seen them 5 minutes before at school or was on my way to school, it was just something we did. My parents had very very IMO unreaonably strict telephone rules and you know what, here I am 35 years later and I still resent what they did.
Their rule was not based on anything, they just didn't see the need. Sound familiar?

My kids are not spoiled brats by any means but I do try to listen to their wants and indulge periodically plus IMO cell phones are not a totally indulgent purchase, they are useful and do come in handy sometimes!

 

[emer95]

Wow, I really appreciate all of the thoughtful feedback! One thing has impressed upon me the most- not one single person has said they got a phone for their child and wished they hadn't.

The want vs. need issue has been a very interesting thing to ponder, too. How many things has she gotten for Christmas that she actually "needed?" Other than the toothbrush that shows up in her stocking every year.

I'm feeling more and more that this is going to be the best Christmas she's ever had. Thanks everyone!!

 

[laurie31]

Twelve was the age for both my girls to get phones. With DD#1, we were very paranoid about the same things that concern you - will she waste time, spend too much time texting, take the phone to places where she shouldn't have it, etc. So we limited her to 400 texts/month. She was very careful and did not go over, so for her 13th birthday, she got unlimited texting.

We discovered something that several other posters have mentioned; the phone is not a necessity, but so what! Adults tend to think of a phone the way we think of the power bill or the water bill - as a utility. Something we only pay for because we NEED it. But kids see their phones as toys. Yes, they communicate with them and they are very useful to us as parents (another discovery - we liked her having the phone as much as she did) and we also discovered how useful texting can be, dispite thinking it was silly before.

So if you wouldn't hesitate to give your child a DSi or a Wii for Christmas, why not a phone? So what if she plays games on it (as long as it's not instead of doing homework)? How is that different from playing games on a Wii? Isn't that a waste of time too? But it's fun, we love our Wii. Everthing in life doesn't have to be done for some higher purpose. Having fun IS a legitimate use for an item.

As for texting, if your DD is at a concert or football game where it's impossible to hear, texting is the only way to communicate. It's also discreet. I can get a text from my DD at work and reply quickly, and it takes a tiny fraction of the time that a call would take. Finally, this hasn't happened to us yet, but if DD ever finds herself in a situation where she is uncomfortable and wants to come home, she can text us and none of her friends would be the wiser.

Finally, what the kids are telling you is true. I'm not normally in favor of getting something because everyone else has one, but all the other kids really do have phones, and the ones who don't feel left out. It is how they communicate.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My almost-12 year old daughter wants a cell phone for Christmas. It is, in fact, the only thing she wants. She's a very responsible, well-behaved girl and she gets straight A's in school. Still, I don't know. Her father and I are discussing it. I really did not plan on getting her one for a couple of years, because I always know where she is. There have only been a few times where I have thought it would be nice if she had a phone so I could call her. Mostly when she's not with us she is at school or at a friend's house, and I know the family of that friend. I know that as time goes by she will want more freedom and spend more time away from us, in less supervised situations.

Did you ever get your kid a phone and regret it? That's my only fear, that a phone will cause problems and we'll wish we hadn't done it.

Right now I am leaning slightly toward "yes" for three reasons. 1) It will make her Christmas. She will be leaping and screaming with joy. 2) It's FREE with our plan! 3) We'll be getting her one someday anyway. We're just delaying the inevitable.

My husband is leaning toward "no" because he "just doesn't see a need for it."

Any advice?

Thanks!

My vote is to get her the phone. Tell dad that he is just going to have to accept his dd is growing up and she would like to join the 21st Century.

Anyway it makes life easier just to call her or text for that matter when she is out.

 

[declansdad]

Isn't it okay to buy our kids things they want, even if they don't need it?

Didn't say it wasn't but there is a difference between a cell phone and a Wii.

 

[allison443]

Didn't say it wasn't but there is a difference between a cell phone and a Wii.

You quoted me, but I didn't say anything about a wii...I was just asking because your main argument against getting a cell phone seemed to be that kids don't "need" one. If you get your kids other things they don't "need" then that argument loses credibility.

Of course there are other valid arguments against a cell phone, like the expense of the phone itself, the monthly cost, not trusting your kid to use it responsibly, etc. But you didn't mention those, did you?


Every family has to make the decision that is right for them.

 

[mamacatnv]

Didn't say it wasn't but there is a difference between a cell phone and a Wii.

Okay, so in the grand scheme of things what is the difference other than the Wii is not portable?