12 year olds and cell phones- what has been your experience?

[allison443]

Did you not read my post?

If you feel your 12 year old needs one, by all means buy one. I am of the opinion that they don't. I took public transit to school from grade 3 to 7 and never needed a cell phone. I understand they provide a level of comfort to people but I still don't think a child needs a phone. It has nothing to do with giving the child freedom as some may think.

Why is "needing" a phone the issue? People give their kids things they "want" all the time.

OP is talking about a phone as a Christmas gift. I can't even think of a Christmas gift I gave my kids that was an absolute "need".

Who here only gives their kids things that are "needs" not "wants"?

 

[mjkacmom]

We just text those things

Well, of course I meant text! Ds12 started middle school this year, and the first few days, he called me after school. I had to tell him to text!

 

[mhsjax]

I was referring to those who could let the kids some freedom, but don't. Our town is designed with all of the elementary schools in walking distance from every home in that area, and the HS and JH in the center of town - we have no busses. It's sad how many parents drive their kids to school. My DH (who coaches a few teams), was very surprised at how some parents stayed at practices in the 2nd grade, and even more surprised at how many parents drove their kids to practices when they were older - he has fond memories of riding his bike to them as a child. Although I admit we do drive ds12 to practices, even those his dad isn't coaching - he's always running late!

I don't find it strange that parents stay for practice while in 2nd grade. I think the opposite, I think it is weird if parents don't stay. First of all, I like to see how my kid is doing, and 2nd until I know the coach, I wouldn't just drop him off or let him bike there. There is time to let go, but I don't think letting a 2nd grader bike to practice by himself and not even bother to go is a normal situation, I could be wrong, but here we still hang out at practice.

When we have parentss that just come and drop off and leave at that age, we think wow, nice paretn they can't even bother to stay and pretty much these are the parents that are just using practice as baby sitting once or twice a week.

 

[pospisil]

DS9 got a phone when he was 7, and then I gave him my old iphone a couple of months ago when I got the new one, and it's worked out really well for us. He's surprisingly responsible with it. He told me that only 2 kids in his class don't have phones, and one other has an iphone, so I think a kid having a phone is just normal nowadays.

I'd like to add that of course he doesn't NEED a phone. Heck, I don't NEED a phone. But they're fun to have...........

 

[mhsjax]

Wow...generalize much?!?!?

Yes, we stay for most practices.....even my son's 4th grade baseball this past summer. Why? Because the coaches around here appreciate the help. The more adults you have the more help you can give the kids on the team. Also, if some practices are only an hour it's not worth driving back and forth if you dont stay.

As far as riding a bike vs. driving...I suppose the kids could try and bike their way there, but them getting killed might be a tough lesson to learn. For my daughter to get to soccer, it's only about a mile or two but she would have to cross a road that is 4 lanes of traffic and doesnt have a stop light to help her cross...and there is no bike path.

My son would have to take this 4 lane road about 5 miles to his baseball practice...again, no bike path or sidewalks for him to ride on.

Not everyone (and I'd guess not even most people) live someplace where you can walk or ride a bike where you want to go. Most of us need cars to get from pt A to pt B.

Same here, well actually it is about 3 miles and a huge 2 lane divided highway that is a major thorough fare. And it is pitch black when they finish practice, yeah right I will be sure and let my 7 year old bike in that, you would have to be CRAZY.

OIh yeah, also not to mention that he would have to bike about 1 mile down a road with no houses, and very few street lights. NOt everyone lives in Mayberry with everything around in a 3 mile radius.

 

[design_mom]

We stay for my 10 year old's hockey practices. One of us always goes, and often the whole family goes.

It's too far for him to go alone (not to mention all his gear!) And it's not worth it to go home and come back. Besides, I like to watch him play, and he likes for us to come. (He has expressed disappointment when we don't all go.)

As for "if you have time to watch, you have time to volunteer," maybe soccer is different than hockey, but our league doesn't seem to be hurting for volunteers. My DH offers every year, but they have enough more qualified coaches/assistant coaches than they need. (My DH knows the rules, but has never played. You have to take some classes to be qualified to coach, and DH would be willing to do that, but it's likely they wouldn't need him anyhow, because they would have enough coaches who also have playing experience.)

Most kids have an adult in attendance for practices (either a parent, or the carpool driver). Heck, the coach's son is on the team and the coach's wife is usually in the stands for practice, too.

 

[mhsjax]

I don't get it either. If you EXPECT your kids to get into trouble they will. We have never put restrictions on internet, cell phones, etc. and guess what, we have NEVER had an issue. I check the history (the one in the program files) every once in a while but since they kids have been using the internet for over 14 years and we have never had an issue I don't bother to do it much.



I have to agree. In our old town parents stayed at practices for younger kids mainly because it wasn't worth going home for a few minutes then turning around and picking them back up again. As the kids got older and the practices got longer it was drop them off at the door, see you later. When we moved here we signed the kids up for soccer. We walked them up to their first practice (3 blocks away) met the coach, left. We came back after practice to walk them home (we had only lived there for a week so just making sure that they knew the way) and we got in trouble for not staying to watch practice. I was SHOCKED. It was REQUIRED to stay-for 6th-8th graders I am sure most coaches would prefer parents NOT stay because it is just way to distracting for the kids.

We drive kids to practices for band and golf because they can't ride their bikes with all of their "stuff". Once they get their licenses they will be driving themselves!! For marching band many of the parents come watch the last half hour of practice because they do full run through of their show and the directors like them to have an audience so there are usually 50 or so parents on the hill watching for that=not because we can't let our kids be at practice alone.

Not directed at you or your kids BUT, if having parents of 6th - 8th graders is too distracting for the kids, well then they really aren't of 6th and 9th grade mentality. I stay for DD cheerleading practice she is 11. I stay because 1 the coaches sometimes want our eyes, we are sitting at an upper level, and 2 we just want to, and I guarantee you that none of them are distracted by us being there, That is a whole other problem. HOwever I don't stay for DS9 soccer practice but sometimes DH does, he like to chat with other parents and as a former soccer player and coach he just lies too. Those little 9 year olds don't even know the parents are there. Again, if parents are a distraction, there is a bigger problem.

I find it so funny that everyone here preaches to let kids grow up, and I agree with that, but then parents staying for a practice can be a distraction. Wow, can't have it both ways, if they are grown up enough to have cell phones and be out and about by themselves, then they are old and mature enough not to have parents that want to stay, be a distraction.

 

[golfgal]

Not directed at you or your kids BUT, if having parents of 6th - 8th graders is too distracting for the kids, well then they really aren't of 6th and 9th grade mentality. I stay for DD cheerleading practice she is 11. I stay because 1 the coaches sometimes want our eyes, we are sitting at an upper level, and 2 we just want to, and I guarantee you that none of them are distracted by us being there, That is a whole other problem. HOwever I don't stay for DS9 soccer practice but sometimes DH does, he like to chat with other parents and as a former soccer player and coach he just lies too. Those little 9 year olds don't even know the parents are there. Again, if parents are a distraction, there is a bigger problem.

I find it so funny that everyone here preaches to let kids grow up, and I agree with that, but then parents staying for a practice can be a distraction. Wow, can't have it both ways, if they are grown up enough to have cell phones and be out and about by themselves, then they are old and mature enough not to have parents that want to stay, be a distraction.

It isn't that the kids weren't of the 6th-8th grade mentality-it was the PARENTS yelling instructions from the sidelines, telling the kids what to do, etc. That is distracting for ANYONE. If the parents are just there chatting amongst themselves, not a big deal, but when they try to interfere with the practices, it is a HUGE distraction. I don't think parents should be at practices unless they are invited to go, period.

 

[mhsjax]

It isn't that the kids weren't of the 6th-8th grade mentality-it was the PARENTS yelling instructions from the sidelines, telling the kids what to do, etc. That is distracting for ANYONE. If the parents are just there chatting amongst themselves, not a big deal, but when they try to interfere with the practices, it is a HUGE distraction. I don't think parents should be at practices unless they are invited to go, period.

Gotcha, we have a very strict no parent involvement rule, in fact we sign a contract, that could be the difference. So as long as we don't yell we are always welcome to stay, I don't think the parents would like it one bit if they were told they couldn't stay. But again, ours don't yell from the sidelines either. We have been trained to be well behaved.

 

[mjkacmom]

We stay for my 10 year old's hockey practices. One of us always goes, and often the whole family goes.

It's too far for him to go alone (not to mention all his gear!) And it's not worth it to go home and come back. Besides, I like to watch him play, and he likes for us to come. (He has expressed disappointment when we don't all go.)

As for "if you have time to watch, you have time to volunteer," maybe soccer is different than hockey, but our league doesn't seem to be hurting for volunteers. My DH offers every year, but they have enough more qualified coaches/assistant coaches than they need. (My DH knows the rules, but has never played. You have to take some classes to be qualified to coach, and DH would be willing to do that, but it's likely they wouldn't need him anyhow, because they would have enough coaches who also have playing experience.)

Most kids have an adult in attendance for practices (either a parent, or the carpool driver). Heck, the coach's son is on the team and the coach's wife is usually in the stands for practice, too.

DH always stayed at ds's hockey practices - gear, and risk of injury. That was one of the reasons he had to stop playing (that, and the fact that ds also wanted to play baseball, soccer, and football...). Around here, you have no problem finding hockey, baseball, and football coaches - there are too many. It's not the same for soccer, unfortunately, or basketball.

 

[jrmasm]

I don't find it strange that parents stay for practice while in 2nd grade. I think the opposite, I think it is weird if parents don't stay. First of all, I like to see how my kid is doing, and 2nd until I know the coach, I wouldn't just drop him off or let him bike there. There is time to let go, but I don't think letting a 2nd grader bike to practice by himself and not even bother to go is a normal situation, I could be wrong, but here we still hang out at practice.

When we have parentss that just come and drop off and leave at that age, we think wow, nice paretn they can't even bother to stay and pretty much these are the parents that are just using practice as baby sitting once or twice a week.

That's kind of crappy. You have no idea why those parents might do that.

 

[mhsjax]

That's kind of crappy. You have no idea why those parents might do that.

Actually we do, these are the ones that are always late, never at the games, they just don't care and you can see it. There is a difference. Maybe I didn't word it exactly the best way.

 

[jrmasm]

Actually we do, these are the ones that are always late, never at the games, they just don't care and you can see it.

You do? Did they tell you? And who is 'we'? Are you and the other parents sitting around at practice talking about that parents that aren't there? Sweet!

Sometimes people have other obligations. It's not like each parent selects the practice and game times that work best for them. And it is possible to love and care about your children and still not drop everything for a 2nd grade soccer practice.

 

[mhsjax]

You do? Did they tell you? And who is 'we'? Are you and the other parents sitting around at practice talking about that parents that aren't there? Sweet!

Sometimes people have other obligations. It's not like each parent selects the practice and game times that work best for them. And it is possible to love and care about your children and still not drop everything for a 2nd grade soccer practice.

I hate to break it to you, but I have 3 that go in 3 different directions on at least 2 nights of the week. I am telling you that there is a difference, you don't need to get defensive, if it doesn't apply to you then don't worry, but the fact is, when parents of 1 child drops and runs is hardly ever at games and is almost always late for pickup after practice and you offer to pick up or do something for them and they decline because they say they aren't doing anything and can pick them up yet are habitually late, then there is a problem and is very different from the parent that has more than one and just can't stay.

Oh and by the way, it is possible to want to stay at the practices and not be considered a parent that can't let go. As some seem to suggest.

 

[jrmasm]

I hate to break it to you, but I have 3 that go in 3 different directions on at least 2 nights of the week. I am telling you that there is a difference, you don't need to get defensive, if it doesn't apply to you then don't worry, but the fact is, when parents of 1 child drops and runs is hardly ever at games and is almost always late for pickup after practice and you offer to pick up or do something for them and they decline because they say they aren't doing anything and can pick them up yet are habitually late, then there is a problem and is very different form the parent that has more than one and just can't stay.

OMG! Does that mean you aren't at every practice for all 3 children? Holy crap, do you ever miss a game? That's just terrible.

Really, you ought to not worry about what other people are doing. If the coach has to stay late then it's his issue. It is none of your business.

I got to say and dang did this go off topic (sorry OP, get the kid the phone) , this kind of busy body attitude it the reason that after 10 years of soccer practice and games, I sit in my dang car when my 1st grader is playing.

 

[mhsjax]

OMG! Does that mean you aren't at every practice for all 3 children? Holy crap, do you ever miss a game? That's just terrible.

Really, you ought to not worry about what other people are doing. If the coach has to stay late then it's his issue. It is none of your business.

I got to say and dang did this go off topic (sorry OP, get the kid the phone) , this kind of busy body attitude it the reason that after 10 years of soccer practice and games, I sit in my dang car when my 1st grader is playing.

WEll actually when the coach was my DH, it was my business, but thanks for the advise. My you are an angry person.

 

[mhsjax]

OMG! Does that mean you aren't at every practice for all 3 children? Holy crap, do you ever miss a game? That's just terrible.

Really, you ought to not worry about what other people are doing. If the coach has to stay late then it's his issue. It is none of your business.

I got to say and dang did this go off topic (sorry OP, get the kid the phone) , this kind of busy body attitude it the reason that after 10 years of soccer practice and games, I sit in my dang car when my 1st grader is playing.

Yep I said several times that I don't go to his practice, and whne DH is out of town no one is there, but there is a difference and sorry you can't see it. Maybe if you weren't so uptight about it you would. Oh by the way, so not a busy body. I am done here. Off to DD cheerleading, and I will be staying but most of my friends won't and I won't talk about them as I know they are working and not just blowing off their kid.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't get it either. If you EXPECT your kids to get into trouble they will. We have never put restrictions on internet, cell phones, etc. and guess what, we have NEVER had an issue. I check the history (the one in the program files) every once in a while but since they kids have been using the internet for over 14 years and we have never had an

Yep. Mine have free access to the internet on a laptop they share (and take anywhere in the house they want to) too We talk about basic safety rules fairly often (no posting your last name or your specific city--just the general area, no school name, no phone numbers, etc), let them know they can let us know ASAP if anything makes them uncomfortable, talk about sites that "trick" you into clicking onto something you did not intend (whitehouse.com being a great example) and what to do if that ever happens (don't panic, close it ASAP and let us know so we can check for viruses). We have yet to have any problems--if we do then we will handle it as it comes. My parents always trusted me to behave--and I actually lived up to that expectation.

Did you not read my post?

If you feel your 12 year old needs one, by all means buy one. I am of the opinion that they don't. I took public transit to school from grade 3 to 7 and never needed a cell phone. I understand they provide a level of comfort to people but I still don't think a child needs a phone. It has nothing to do with giving the child freedom as some may think.

Yes, I read you post. The one where you said NO 12 year old--not just not your child.
Okay I can admit it is not an all out need. Nothing beyond food, basic shelter, healthcare and basic clothing is a need. However, it is a pretty darned valid safety item. I don't know when you were in grades 3-7 but when i was (and i got myself to and from school too), there were pay phones at every gas station and many street corners AND I got out of school at the same time every day (so my parents know if I was not home by say, 4:00 something had happened and they knew I had only been out of school one hour at that point and knew how i would have gone about getting home). The only pay phones between my kids' school and home are at the two actual train stations and they get out of school at all kinds of random times. it is a totally different circumstance. I honestly do think it would be negligent of a parent in this day and age to put a child in the situation of having to et home from school in the way mine do and not supply a cell phone for the child if it were economically feasible to do so.

I don't find it strange that parents stay for practice while in 2nd grade. I think the opposite, I think it is weird if parents don't stay. First of all, I like to see how my kid is doing, and 2nd until I know the coach, I wouldn't just drop him off or let him bike there. There is time to let go, but I don't think letting a 2nd grader bike to practice by himself and not even bother to go is a normal situation, I could be wrong, but here we still hang out at practice.

When we have parentss that just come and drop off and leave at that age, we think wow, nice paretn they can't even bother to stay and pretty much these are the parents that are just using practice as baby sitting once or twice a week.

I am gonna agree that this is a horrible attitude. I can tell you why I never stayed for lessons when my daughter was that age. She had a lot of separation issues--a whole lot. However, as it turned out, a short (one hour) class of something that interested her was one of the few things she could (just barely) get through without an anxiety attack. It was a big thing to help build her confidence that she could get through these classes. SO, I did not stick around--I let her know she could handle it and helped her overcome her issues. Often I was just around the corner reading stories to her brother in the car--but I was never right there. I wonder if there were judgmental parents there who thought i was just wanting babysitting? I can say I never once assumed that of parents who did not stay for girl scouts or play rehearsals (things I ran). It never crossed my mind that someone would hassle with getting a child there if they wanted free time.

 

[jrmasm]

WEll actually when the coach was my DH, it was my business, but thanks for the advise. My you are an angry person.

Angry, not really. Just tired of the b.s. that goes on on the sidelines.

And since your husband is the coach, he needs to tell the parents to be there on time or else. It's not hard.

I am gonna agree that this is a horrible attitude. I can tell you why I never stayed for lessons when my daughter was that age. She had a lot of separation issues--a whole lot. However, as it turned out, a short (one hour) class of something that interested her was one of the few things she could (just barely) get through without an anxiety attack. It was a big thing to help build her confidence that she could get through these classes. SO, I did not stick around--I let her know she could handle it and helped her overcome her issues. Often I was just around the corner reading stories to her brother in the car--but I was never right there. I wonder if there were judgmental parents there who thought i was just wanting babysitting? I can say I never once assumed that of parents who did not stay for girl scouts or play rehearsals (things I ran). It never crossed my mind that someone would hassle with getting a child there if they wanted free time.

Isn't it nice to know that people who know nothing about you were probably judging you.

 

[2girlsmom]

I will say that my husband absolutely agreed with Declansdad and said neither of our children would have a cell phone before high school. Then the elementary school put both my children on different buses, both wrong buses, that would not take my children to the after school care where they were supposed to be going (and this was the second time with my eldest, first was in kindergarten, second was in 5th grade). After that, he came to the conclusion that it is SAFER for the kids to have the ability to contact us in that situation, as their school is 7 miles on a busy highway from our home, and obviously there is NO way they could have walked home, etc. So in our case the girls got cell phones when they were 10 and 8 years old, and we do have unlimited text on all lines, as I text and so does my husband for work, so that was never an issue. When we first got the phones, they were locked so they could only call or receive calls from people in their contact list, and that list was me, my dh, my parents, my sister, my inlaws. Basically the family members that in an emergency could go get my kids in an emergency situation. This year, (they are 12 and 10 now), we opened up the security so they can call/text with their friends. But on average they send maybe 25 texts per month, and at least half of those are to me, dh, or each other. This year my dd12 is in 7th grade and the show choir teacher schedules rehearsals at the last minute, so it is very handy for Meag to be able to text us or call and say she has practice and to pick her up at what time. (Middle school is 3 miles on major highway still, and she is 4'8" tall, 65 pounds; WAY too small to be able to safely get home without either a bus or us). So do they NEED the phones? For the most part, no. Is it helpful/safer for them to have them? Yes.