What Would You Think If You Were Attending This Wedding...?

[Heidict]

I have been to two family destination wedding and it was never discussed.

In your situation, okay. However, the OP never told us what the situation was in her family and if people that she was close to (ie: grandma) where able to make it due to financial issues.

In one case the Bride and Groom were disappointed at how few actually attended.

That is definatly one of the huge risks you run when having a destination wedding. Between the room, flight, wedding gift and spending money it adds up fast.

One was held in CA. If I am flying 3000 miles I expect to be feed and served drinks at the dinner. BTW this couple had a party at a friend's home on Thursday, paid for the rehearsal dinner for all, breatkfast before the wedding, had the wedding at a Church and then a full reception after. I was glad to attend. Then DH, my sister and I headed to DL for vacation. We would not have got to CA or DL for our vacation that year, but decided to so we could attend the wedding. Some only flew out for the weekend. DH and I as well as my sister had to take off work without pay to attend. If I was not going to spend more than 1 hours with them I would have not attended.

That so great that you were able to turn it into a fun vacation for your family. I love the idea of a breakfast with everyone, that day or the next.

This is how I expect, yes expect, to be treated if I go out of my way to attend. It maybe the B&G's day but the B&G need to treat their guests with respect too. IMHO a wedding is for the B&G and all the family who attend.

I guess we have different expectations then. I understand, that due to budget issues not everyone is able to go all out. Sometimes they aren't able to have an open bar or breakfast the next morning. It's hard to do nice on a tight budget.

 

[Heidict]

Many of us have suggested ways that the bride and groom could handle their guests expectations in a more economical manner.

If they do NOT want to provide their guests with anything more than one drink for a toast (heaven forbid if a guest doesn't realize that there will be no refills and drinks it too soon) then they should schedule it at a different time or place, so their guests would have different expectations.

And guess what, guests do HAVE expectations which the bride and groom should take into consideration, just as the bride and groom have expectations which the guests should take into consideration.

And you are absolutely right that there is no rule as to what should be served...there is no rule that there should even BE a reception! But if there IS one, guests will have different expectations based on place and time. So, if a bride and groom want to have a memorable event ( for all of the right reasons) they should take this into consideration.

If you schedule your reception in a place that serves food and alcohol, at a time when most people would consume them, then it is not unreasonable for your guests to expect to be given both. It is only unreasonable if they expect to CHOOSE what food or alcoholic beverage is served.

I agree with you, there have been a lot of great suggestions on this thread. I'm sure that the OP is looking them over and tossing them around with her DF.

What I get annoyed with are people who say they expect food, drinks and entertainment as if they aren't there they are insulted and offended. They figure since they went a ways and had to stay the night, either flying or driving, that there has to be these things in order to make it worth their while.

I always thought the wedding was about seeing 2 people that you love become one. The reception was for fun and partying, sure, but sometimes budgets can affect how all out it is. Guess I was wrong.

 

[Hannathy]

In reading all the response the feeling I'm getting is that the couple really only wants to spend the least amount of time possible with the people who have gone out of their way to be with them - 1 hour for dinner- and don't want to spring for a second drink for the outrageous amount of 15 people, then WHY HAVE A WEDDING! Why don't you and your husband to be go to Las Vegas and get married and have the honeymoon of your choice. You hold a wedding because you want to SHARE the time with family and friends not ditch them as quickly and cheaply as possible. Even an inexpensive reception held at a home or church lasts longer than 1 hour and most don't limit the guests to one beverage. I really don't understand this- you know these people well do you really think anyone in this close group will drink you into bankruptcy? If you have the wedding as you are proposing I hope you tell everyone of your plans before tickets are bought because I'd be upset if I spent all that money and would only have 1 hour of planned activity.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I just want to thank everyone for all opinions, contributions, etc. It has given me a lot to think about. I'm really glad I asked!

I think I should have been more specific on a few things...

First, all soft drinks are included.

Second, at the buffet, we will have our own room.

Third, everyone who we already know will be attending is rather excited, and has a list of things in mind to do while they are in Las Vegas aside from our wedding and dinner, and whatever we decide to afterwards that night.

OP,
I think I've mentioned to you before, but I am getting married at Mandalay Bay next week.

Ceremony is at 5pm. We're providing a shuttle to take our guests to dinner at a restaurant. They'll have cocktail hour at 6pm and then dinner is at 7pm. During the cocktail hour, DFi and I will go around with a photographer and take pics at the Vegas sign and wherever else we can go in that time.

We're doing a consumption bar and will pay for the drinks.


I figure, with a group of around 25 of us, dinner will take 2 hours at least. After dinner, whomever is still awake is welcome to join us in the lounge. We'll probably start a new tab then.

I think if you buy a couple of bottles of wine for your table, they should be fine. But it may be awkward when you tell them they can only have one drink.

FYI to those being dismissive of the buffet, Mandalay is not your typical buffet. They have very fresh food, tons of variety, etc. Just saw it featured on some show on the travel channel. It's not cheap either.


ETA:
We went to a destination wedding in Puerto Rico. They served only beer and sangria. There was a bar outside the room wwe were in so when anyone wanted something else, we went out and got some. Only minor rumbles, but no one was really miffed.

Wow! I would really like to know what resturant you are eating at and what place has the cocktail hour! I like the Vegas sign idea very much, and it would be nice to have a cocktail hour before dinner for the guests. I'm going to PM you for more info!!!

I think what you have planned sounds perfect and fun! One of the best times at a wedding I can remember is when we all met at a nice pub near the hotel after the dinner/reception. Everyone treated the bride and groom to drinks. We made up funny toasts, and just had a blast talking and laughing. Some stayed for a few minutes, some chanaged first, etc. I thought it was a great idea for a small wedding.

This is actually what we are leaning towards, the only thing is finding a place that won't be too crowded, although knowing DF's family and friends, nobody would really care!

 

[Jynohn]

First OP, I love your engagement picture in your signature, and congratulations!

Since you asked our opinions, I will say that if I were a guest at your wedding, I would probably not be too put out by the cash bar, but would expect you to spend more time with me considering the time and expense involved in traveling to be with you on your special day. Most people consider their vacation time to be very precious, and some wouldn't chose Las Vegas as a destination if they had a say in the matter. Those guests will be there, however, because they care about you and want to be part of your day. If I were your guest, I would probably feel a more than a little hurt if you only spent a couple of hours with me after I gave up my vacation time to be with you.

I like the brunch idea, as this is something that the wedding couple has done at almost every wedding I've been to where guests spend the night at a hotel due due to the distance (and even sometimes because they overindulged a bit too much the night before!) I also think maybe a show or something the night before would be a great idea. I understand that money is an issue, but for only 15 people and a year to save, I don't think it's that unreasonable, considering the amount of money your guests will be spending to be there. If your budget makes it truly out of the question, I would probably consider getting married in Vegas and having the reception at home later.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and congratulations again!

 

[Ride Junkie]

Your wedding plans sound a lot like ours! We got married at Paris in Las Vegas 2 years ago. We had about 17 guests, and had a little buffet and an open bar (that we paid for) in our suite after the ceremony (ceremony was at 4:30). After a few hours, everyone went their separate ways, but we let everyone know that we were going to Studio 54 at MGM for whoever wanted to join us. So a group of about 9 of us ended up going to 54, a few went gambling, a few went to Circus Circus with their child, etc. I don't think you should feel obligated to pay for eveyone's after-dinner entertainment.

By the way, I LOVE the buffet at Mandalay Bay!! It is our favorite. Hope your wedding is magical.

 

[MinnieFan4ever]

I know you didn't ask, but I'm going to say it anyway. People are traveling to go to your wedding you need to feed them and "water" them. You should cover the dinner in its entirety including tips. Especially since you're only talking about 15 people. You can probably arrange it with the restaurant to have certain types of liquor though so that people aren't ordering the most expensive champagne on your tab.

QUOTE]


I totally agree. You really should plan on paying for all the drinks. It will probably end up being 3 drinks per person on average if you are going to be there around 1 1/2 - 2 hours. Since your parents don't drink you won't have to budget for them. How about his grandparents and counsin? You may be talking about another $200 - $250 to add to your budget for the extra drinks.

Remeber that your guests will be spending a lot of money to come to your wedding and you don't want to nickel and dime them when they get there. As for what to do after dinner, I do not think it is necessary to plan another activity.

Have a wonderful wedding and don't stress out to much with the planning.