What Would You Think If You Were Attending This Wedding...?

[AlexandNessa]

I think we're back to the "pay for your plate" argument - only in this case it's not the couple expecting gifts that cover their expenses, it's guests expecting entertainment that covers theirs. I'm guessing answers are falling depending on whether you follow the pay for your plate "rule".

I respectfully disagree with this. I wouldn't expect the bride and groom to "cover my plate." However, I would expect a little more than what they are currently planning to offer their guests.

Figure for a couple without kids:

An estimated $200 per person airfare = approx $400 per couple (I checked rates from Lansing, MI to Las Vegas, and they were running around this rate now.)

If couples choose a cheaper hotel, figure approximately $100/night, and figure a 2 night stay. That's $200 plus tax.

Figure an economy car rental at about $55 for a weekend.

That's a very conservative estimate of $655 just for these 2 nights before the wedding gift, not taking into account necessary vacation time from work (if applicable) and meal and other entertainment expenses. No guest really expects to recover their transportation/lodging expenses, but a loud buffet and buy-your-own bottle of beer could be a deal breaker for some. Now, also consider that Vegas isn't for everyone, and that some guests may not have considered ever going to Vegas at all, but now feel they "have to" to support the happy couple.

Again, probably best to be up front and honest with your guests as to what the plans are. It's your wedding. It's also their right to decline attending without it causing hard feelings.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

My friends did exactly what you are talking about doing, at Mandalay Bay, at few years ago. I was skeptical going into it but it was really really nice!!!

I think that you are right to let people go their own way once your planned dinner is finished.

Congrats and have fun!

 

[suzimar57]

my DH and i had exactly that kind of wedding - we got married in las vegas (at the new york-new york, in a small chapel, with a retired rabbi, of all choices....) - anyway, only my DS, and my DH parents flew there from jersey - DH 3 friends (who live in vegas) joined us - total people, including ourselves: 8 - so after the (brief) ceremony, we took some pictures, then went to Emeril's restaurant (in MGM) for dinner (we paid for everything) - afterwards, DH friends went home, and the rest of us went to the hotel to relax - night over!

(when we came home to jersey the following week, we had a large reception in lodi for all family/friends to attend)

 

[tw1nsmom]

I think you might be okay going your separate ways after dinner, but you would want to make sure you made dinner a leisurely one. If you're going to eat and run in an hour, I would try to arrange something more organized for after. No, it doesn't have to be a show (unless DMIL is paying). Maybe you could find a lounge with free entertainment (I really don't know anything about Vegas, so keep that in mind)...maybe a jazz club, or dancing. Someone else mentioned an after party in a suite. It wouldn't have to be all night, but I would also be upset if I traveled all that way for a brief ceremony and hour dinner. I would also be okay with going to the casino's as a group and spending my own money. Nobody woud expect you to provide them with gambling money.

I also think it would be rude to have your guests pay for all the drinks at the wedding. At least pay for soft drinks and wine. Maye you could arrange for carafes of soda, water and inexpensive wine to be placed on the table (or someone could go to the bar to replenish them if there isn't any table service). You certainly don't need to provide people with their beverage of choice, but they should be provided with some kind of beverage.

Oh, I just thought of something. Isn't there a free fountain show at the Bellagio? Maybe you could tell people that you wanted to go there for pictures and to see the show and that they're welcome to join you (you might get a great group picture).

 

[java]

Back on the drinks. Can I suggest buying a couple bottles of wine for the table. Like a couple house wine bottles. And then people have some form of "drink" covered. And if they want something stronger they can head over to the bar and get it themselves.
Going to Vegas is a big expense. I know you guys are doing it your way and it is your wedding. But also think about what others are doing to get there. The effort they are putting in to celebrate with you.

Destination weddings are popular now- but the reality of them I think gets lost on the Bride and Groom. It is a HUGE expense for those attending. My cousin had a CRUISE! A 7 day CRUISE! It would have cost us $7000 to attend plus find a babysitter for a week. So we didn't go. My cousin came back and his wife was complaining about the gifts they had received. That they weren't generous enough. I reminded her that people had spent THOUSANDS just to get to their wedding maybe they didn't have any left over $$.(Oh and they are divorced already- a year later)

 

[kilee]

I too say, at least cover the expense of non-alcohlic drinks. Like soda, tea, and coffee.

Now I can say any destination wedding we've been too-- it has been a bit more offered than this. The last one was in Charleston, SC- and only had about 28 people.

I know we had a nice dinner the night before the wedding-- there was no rehersal here either. Just a nice dinner for those who had arrived already.

Then we had a full brunch (they offered a champagne toast but brunch eliminated the drinking factor) after the wedding.

We paid for our airfare, hotel, and other meals. However, they did provide the 2 really nice meals. This was probably the most "budget" conscience destination wedding we've been too.

Personally, I figure destination weddings, where you invited guests, really don't save money. They tend to cost the same- because there are certain things you should provide for your guests. It just sounds bad when you want an hr long dinner- but expect people to travel for that. Not everyone wants to make their vacation in Vegas, yet they may feel obligated too.

I'd try to figure out a nice compromise so your guests don't feel like "why did I waste this money for this 55 minute buffet", and you don't break the bank.

 

[Bob NC]

Geez....Can't believe the attitudes of many people here. Forget the holier than thou folks sitting in their easy chairs critiquing your plans. Your plan sounds great. I have been to many weddings with open bars, I have been to many with cash bars, been to a few with no alcohol. I can't figure out just what kind of person, when invited to the wedding of a friend or relative, would consider it "rude/tacky" to have to pay for their own alcohol. Sounds like someone I wouldn't want at my wedding.

I do like the idea of telling everyone where you'll be after the reception so everyone can go change clothes and relax together. There's plenty of common areas or lounges to gather at.

 

[java]

Geez....Can't believe the attitudes of many people here. Forget the holier than thou folks sitting in their easy chairs critiquing your plans.

Did you see the title "What would you think if you were attending this wedding?"... so everyone is saying what they would think.
And how is it holier than thou to say we drink at the weddings we attend?

 

[AlexandNessa]

Geez....Can't believe the attitudes of many people here. Forget the holier than thou folks sitting in their easy chairs critiquing your plans.

Trust me, I'm a heathen! No holier than thou here! But, in all fairness, the OP did ask the question ... just read the title of the thread.

But, you're right ... It's not us (any of us here on the DIS) the OP needs to worry about. It's her guests she needs to worry about. If her guests don't care about the expense of traveling to and staying in Vegas, great. Then she has nothing to worry about. If her guests are using the wedding as an excuse to vacation, and the wedding is just one brief "activity" during said vacation, great again. However, if guests are traveling to Vegas solely for the wedding, and they wouldn't otherwise go to Vegas, well then, that's a TOTALLY different story. It will all depend on her guests.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Geez....Can't believe the attitudes of many people here. Forget the holier than thou folks sitting in their easy chairs critiquing your plans. Your plan sounds great. I have been to many weddings with open bars, I have been to many with cash bars, been to a few with no alcohol. I can't figure out just what kind of person, when invited to the wedding of a friend or relative, would consider it "rude/tacky" to have to pay for their own alcohol. Sounds like someone I wouldn't want at my wedding.

I do like the idea of telling everyone where you'll be after the reception so everyone can go change clothes and relax together. There's plenty of common areas or lounges to gather at.

First, the OP asked for peoples opinions. Second, this isn't your typical reception. It's more of a dinner. Would you invite people out to dinner, your treat, and then not pay for any kind of beverage? Nobody is saying that the OP needs to pay for all liquor, just a bare minimum of soft drinks and maybe some inexpensive wine. If the bride and groom are drinking they should offer their guests something as well.

Other than that, some of us are concerned that her guests will be disappointed not by the quality or price of the reception but at the limited time they'll be spending with the bride and groom. Again, she asked for opinions.

 

[mickeyboat]

My dad married in Las Vegas five years ago. The ceremony was very nice, and they treated us to a nice dinner in a private room of a restaurant at the hotel. They provided bottles of wine with dinner, and it was very nice.

I think the set-up is perfect in your situation to do the same. Have some relatively inexpensive wine available to drink, and if someone wants something stronger or different, they can go to the bar. I don't really think people will mind. You know whether or not this would fly with your families.

As for entertainment, we met in the pub and did some gambling after the wedding, which I thought was plenty. We all made arrangements to see shows and do other entertainment on our own the other nights we were there, which was also fine, because different people have different tastes as far as shows are concerned. I never expected the bride and groom to pay for my entertainment.

Good luck, and congrats, Meg!

Denae

 

[Bob NC]

Did you see the title "What would you think if you were attending this wedding?"... so everyone is saying what they would think.
And how is it holier than thou to say we drink at the weddings we attend?

LOL....It just looks like some people are kinda taking it personally that free drinks won't be served at a wedding they won't even be attending.

I think this is an opinion: "If it were my wedding, I would pay for an open bar."

This not so much: "Making people pay for their drinks is rude and tacky."

 

[Principessa Alba]

LOL....It just looks like some people are kinda taking it personally that free drinks won't be served at a wedding they won't even be attending.

I think this is an opinion: "If it were my wedding, I would pay for an open bar."

This not so much: "Making people pay for their drinks is rude and tacky."

Maybe for a wedding in town, or one I didn't have to stay over night for. But a wedding with out of town guests and for destination weddings, I think you owe the people who have travelled for your day a little more. Just my opinion of course, and OP, I'm sure your wedding will be great, but if were your aunt, for example, and I had to pay airfare and hotel and all the other stuff involved in travelling, (parking or transportation to airport, meals other than wedding dinner, etc) I'd grumble a little if you tried to nickle and dime me some more. I'd never tell you though, because I wouldn't want to ruin your day.

 

[Beth76]

LOL....It just looks like some people are kinda taking it personally that free drinks won't be served at a wedding they won't even be attending.

OK dude chill out. No one's taking it personally. OP wanted to know how we would feel if we were atttending this wedding. If I were a wedding guest, I told her how I would feel.

If I were to attend this wedding it would cost me and DH over $1000 to fly and stay in LV for 3 nights. DH would have to take some vacation time. I would have to leave my kids with my parents and then they maybe wouldn't be willing to watch them when we go on a vacation to someplace we want to go--I don't want to go to Vegas. OK, but it's a good friend, so I suck it up.

So I get there, the wedding is about 20 minutes--fabulous I don't like long weddings. We got to dinner immediately afterward to a public buffet. DH doesn't like public buffets. So he picks around and he plans to get something later from a real restaurant. We like to have wine with dinner. An hour later, we're getting a bar tab for our wine. Seriously? So now we have to pay for our drinks at a restaurant that we don't even like. And the wedding couple just excused themselves (gee I've got a nice visual in my head). It's 8pm, I've seen the wedding couple for maybe 2 hours and now I've got to find something to do because I can't go home.

If I was attending this wedding, that's how I would feel. Maybe the OPs guests wouldn't feel the same, but she asked anyway. I answered honestly. Because if she was my friend I would never say a thing.

 

[Ricmiclvsthemouse]

I do not go to a wedding so I can get a free martini. If it was financially difficult for me to go to an out-of-town wedding, and I decide to go anyway...drinking 10 free martinis will not make the credit card payment next month. I would be going to the wedding to celebrate you and DF.

Have a bottle of champagne to toast with and pay for soda, coffee, etc to go with the meal. The servers can offer your guests the available choices. They're your family and friends--they don't care. Please only do what you are financially comfortable with, even if that means hot dogs and peanuts outside Circus Circus!

My big thing is...where's the wedding ? I love wedding ! (I couldn't find the 'fat' smilie!)

Congrats to the & !

 

[DawnCt1]

I would expect my meal to be paid for including tip. I would also expect a reasonable amount of drinks to be included. If I am paying to attend a destination vacation and give a gift I should not also pay to eat and drink.

I would also expect to be entertained for a few additional hours too. Just like I would after a wedding reception at a hall - food, drinks and then dancing. I would also expect this to be paid for.

You are talking 15 people tops, so this should not be too expensive.

I actually agree with you. Attendees are going to an added expense to attend the wedding; an expense that guests do not incur attending most weddings.

 

[DMickey28]

We got married on a cruise, similar situation, destination wedding 11 people came with us.

We did the ceremony and then a island tour with lunch at a private beach. Then later that night we did a dinner, which we covered, at a speciality restaurant on the ship. After that dinner everyone was free to do whatever they wanted and almost everyone ended up going to a club on the ship for about an hour.

I think your idea is fine. If they want to join you then great, if not that's fine. Maybe the night before or the day after you can offer an entertainment type experience that you can get RSVP for and get tickets for.

 

[Camicar]

I would never ask/demand or even dream of commenting on a bridal couple's choices unless they ask me, but if so, I will tell them the truth as I see it.

I love destination weddings and as a former bridal consultant I often advise couples to consider that option because -- to be honest -- it cuts down on the number of today's ultra-demanding guests.

However, a destination wedding does NOT mean that you give no consideration to your guests' desires and needs. I think when you are having a wedding for which a considerable number of the guests need to travel (and expend a lot of money) due to the bridal couple's preferences, then the bridal couple DOES owe their guests as much consideration as possible. I would suggest that the host's consideration should include more than an hour of time together and a public buffet at which I have to pay for my own drinks. (And I hardly even drink!)

I will say that I am from an area where cash bars are considered unacceptable and rude. I am fully aware that is not the case in other places. So I am speaking solely for myself -- if I can pay upwards of $1000 to attend your wedding which is at a site of your choice and for your enjoyment (not mine since I would never go to Vegas for any other reason), then you should be able to buy me a Diet Coke or glass of wine AND spend more than an hour of time. Lord knows, I detest destination weddings where it becomes a week-long group travel tour, but surely there is a happy medium, liking seeing a show together?

My dh and I have declined destination wedding invitations when it's become clear that the wedding is just a blip on a day's time. It's totally fine to have that when the day starts and ends with me in my own bed at home and involves no more travel expenditure than gas money. It's not so fine when it involves vacation time, air travel expense, hotel and food expenses and so on. In that case, we have declined and sent the couple our regrets and a check.

 

[dameodie]

Haven't read all the responses...

But I think the best way to keep the peace may be to go to the parent who's pushing for it and say "Well, frankly, that just isn't in the budget. If you're offering to pick up the tab however we'll certainly consider it." Put the ball in their court.

But honestly I don't think it's necessary. Then again, we didn't have any dancing at our wedding either, just the ceremony and then dinner (catering food, but also a buffet!) We were packing up by like 5:30-6PM We also had an "after party" with our friends/non-evil SiL and her husband, at the cabin we'd rented for the weekend.

 

[disykat]

First, the OP asked for peoples opinions. Second, this isn't your typical reception. It's more of a dinner. Would you invite people out to dinner, your treat, and then not pay for any kind of beverage? Nobody is saying that the OP needs to pay for all liquor, just a bare minimum of soft drinks and maybe some inexpensive wine. If the bride and groom are drinking they should offer their guests something as well.

The OP has already stated they are buying the buffet - which I'm sure includes soft drinks, etc. They are also buying one round of alcoholic drinks.

People are saying that what they are providing is not enough. Yes, people are saying the host needs to pay for all liquor. Are we reading the same thread?