What is a typical wedding gift ($) these days?

[SamSam]

DH and I got married last year, and being military, and from opposite ends of the state, most of the attendees had to travel. We didn't expect any gifts and made that clear; we received a few thoughtful presents, some cards, and cash/checks from $10-$150. Those who gave more were those who made more, but I honestly can't remember exact amours from anyone other than my grandma and FIL. Grandma gave $50, a very large amount for a disabled senior living on SSI/disability only; FIL gave $100, also a large amount considering he was unemployed at the time. Both gifts blew us away, knowing the strain it must have been on them to give those; probably the only reason we remember how much it was.

Either way, you give what you feel is appropriate and what you can afford. IMHO, if someone has any thoughts of you being "cheap" or not covering the cost of your attendance, they don't deserve the gift of your presence, much less anything of monetary value. We paid for a wedding we could afford, invited only those we truly wanted to share the day with, and expected nothing but good wishes and a good time in return.

Agree completely.

 

[rockydek]

200.00 to 400.00 in the Boston area....Depending how close you are to the couple. Also... the location of the event.

 

[onescgirl]

Give what you can afford is the correct answer.
If you give $50, but you could afford to give $200, then it would be considered cheap.
But, would $50 coming from someone with lower income or financial hardships be considered cheap? No, of course not.

For those that give $300 or more for wedding gifts, I would like to know what do you give to Dis Friends? I would like to go ahead and invite you to my daughters wedding in 10+ years!

 

[westjones]

I am SO glad the OP started this thread. I have learned so much. For one, I have learned I don't want to attend weddings unless I am related and actually need to go because I don't want to have to wonder if I gave enough or can afford to give enough.

And secondly, I now understand why so many weddings now days are limiting their guests to just close people

I remember for my wedding, the minister on the Sunday before (during his sermon) invited EVERYONE at church to come to my wedding. I didn't ask him to do that. haha And when I heard him say it, all I could think of is: I hope I have enough cake! We only has a cake and punch reception (we had an afternoon wedding in between meals).

Can you imagine if a minister did that now! I have known quite a few people over the past years who have gotten married but we haven't been invited and I am fine with that, although two of my friends I would have loved to see them get married...but both were second weddings and only open to immediate family.

So I am wondering...if it is possible to have an 'open wedding' now days without breaking your budget?

I mean, my girls just graduated high school and they all seem to have these Open Houses where you don't have any idea who is going to show up and many come and you just put out food and cake and have a party.

Couldn't you just have a wedding in a church and then an "open house' type reception after that wouldn't end up costing any more than a high school Open House...except for the brides dress and the grooms tux.....which should be about the cost of Prom.

So in theory should you be able to have a wedding for about the same as the combined cost of Senior Prom and Senior Open House?

I am just thinking out loud here.

But I do sort of miss how relaxed weddings used to be and how people could come and there was no pressure and it was just 'nice' to see the couple start their lives together.

Oh well....anyway....like I said at the start of all of this. I am glad the OP asked them, and I know it decline any wedding invitations in the future that do not come from family members.

 

[kkandaj]

Yes that is what I meant precisely! The OP wanted to know the least amount they could give without seeming cheap and to me a guest that did not cover the cost of their attendance would seem cheap. It has nothing to do with the B & G not being able to afford their wedding.
The OP specifically asked about not appearing cheap. A person can give whatever they want or they can choose not to attend if they cannot afford the luxury of giving a gift. I personally would never go to a luxury event knowing that the bride and groom spent $$$ for me to be entertained and only give $ for a gift. I will say thought that I despise giving cash because the amount always seems less than when you give/get actual gift. Maybe because with the right sales/coupons a person can get a really fabulous gift but cash is just cash....

Maybe it's because I'm in the Midwest, but I don't understand this concept. We will be going to a wedding in November that will be extremely expensive. For example, the bride and her mother flew to NJ--for one day--from Kansas City--to be measured for a dress that she saw in a magazine--has never tried on and will be receiving through a shipment. (This may be normal in other areas of the country, but this is abnormal here.) They are a very wealthy family and will be spending tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding, as it is their only daughter and they have the money to do it. The parents of the bride are paying for the wedding, which is still pretty normal in our area.

In no way could we ever afford to cover our "plates" for this upcoming wedding. BUT--this is a family we have grown up with for the past 20 years. Her mother and my mother are dear friends and they actually set the date around when our family travels so that our entire family could be there. My brother grew up with/is friends with the bro of the bride, I grew up with/am friends with the bride and our parents are friends.

I know that the bride and their family would be hurt if we did not come to the wedding because we couldn't pay for our "plates," which would make us "cheap." In fact, I know they don't expect that! To me, that seems so shallow. I know this family doesn't consider this a "night out" for their friends, but a celebration of their love. They want people there to celebrate with them, no matter their friends' economic status. Maybe this too is a Midwest thing. I honestly have no idea.

Needless to say, we will probably spend close to $50 for a gift. If it was a family that we weren't as close with, it would be $25. When I got married 8 years ago, we received from $10-500. The $500 was from a large group of DH's family members from out of state--and we were completely shocked and grateful! We didn't think anything of people at our reception giving us $10, even though we spent $75 pp for 200 people. I would've been heartbroken if someone I invited didn't attend because they felt their gift would've been too small. I can remember how much fun we had and how blessed we felt to have people come from Belguim, Nebraska, Louisiana, Texas and Washington DC. We didn't care about any type of money or gift.

 

[westjones]

Maybe it's because I'm in the Midwest, but I don't understand this concept.

We are from the midwest too and I also don't understand this concept...never even realized people thought like this. But am SO glad I now know so we can avoid problems in the future.

 

[kkandaj]

We are from the midwest too and I also don't understand this concept...never even realized people thought like this. But am SO glad I now know so we can avoid problems in the future.

Completely agree!

 

[MowgliFan]

I don't understand the concept either, and I'm from the south. We didn't invite people to our wedding and expect them to give us a monetary gift that covered the amount of their dinner! And I don't see that it matters if the bride & groom have an expensive wedding or are more budget-conscious - that is *their* choice, and I don't see that it is my responsibility to spend more on a gift for them if they choose a fancy venue and lots of "add-ons" for their wedding. That is THEIR choice for THEIR day.

I also don't see it as the wedding couple spending money to entertain me - that sounds more like they are putting on a show instead of inviting people to spend a special day with them - and if they spend $$$ and get a $ gift from me, then I'm in the wrong?

I would look at their registry and find something that fits my budget, or if they don't have a registry I would do my best to find a gift that I think will be meaningful to them - and still fit in my budget. Their wedding budget is their business, and I fail to see how it is right for couples to expect to recoup their expenses through wedding gifts.

 

[shoney]

I live on Long Island in what, I guess, is considered "cover your own plate" territory.


I don't know a single person who takes this as literal as it is being conveyed on here.

The average wedding here is held at a catering hall. They generally charge between 100.00 and 125.00 per person. The average wedding gift tends to be that much.

You wouldn't call the catering hall and ask what price, are they adding extra's, etc...

My parents recently attended a wedding for her co-worker and close friend. It was 400.00 per person. This is substantially higher than average. My parents gave 400.00 for both of them. No one would feel obligated to "pay for their plate".



Now, if a person had a BBQ, which I never heard of, people may decide to give less than average.

If it were a close relative or friend, I have an amount in mind regardless of the venue. My SIL was remarried last year. We gave 500.00. She had 100 people at a restaurant, not traditional wedding catering hall. I know it was only 40.00 per person. I would have given the same amount if she had it at a much more expensive place.

It is the same thing with kids b-day parties. The average is 20 to 25 per kids. The average gift is 20 to 25 per kid. If someone decides to have an extravagant b-day party, say bejeweling clothing at the local girls boutique (runs $40+), people will give the same 20 to 25 gift.


My son just got his 7th invitation to a bar/bat mitvah this year. I am not Jewish and have no idea what it costs, but they are held in the same places as the weddings. I asked around and the going rate is 54 per kid. Since the kids get to go to the cocktail hour, but are only served chicken nuggets/pizza at the reception, instead of the steak/chicken/fish the adults are eating, I assume the price per kid is half as much.

So, I think that "cover your own plate" is really just averages, what the normal/average gift is based on. No one searches out the exact price to figure out what to put in the card.

 

[gina2000]

My son just got his 7th invitation to a bar/bat mitvah this year. I am not Jewish and have no idea what it costs, but they are held in the same places as the weddings. I asked around and the going rate is 54 per kid. Since the kids get to go to the cocktail hour, but are only served chicken nuggets/pizza at the reception, instead of the steak/chicken/fish the adults are eating, I assume the price per kid is half as much.

The reason why people are telling you 54 is because it is a multiple of 18, a number considered lucky in the Jewish faith. Gifts traditionally are multiples of that number. It has nothing to do with the cost of the meal.

 

[shoney]

The reason why people are telling you 54 is because it is a multiple of 18, a number considered lucky in the Jewish faith. Gifts traditionally are multiples of that number. It has nothing to do with the cost of the meal.

Yes I understand that. It is $54, not $18 or $36. That was really my point!

 

[gina2000]

So what's the point about the price? I took it to mean that because the kids' food costs less, you could give less. $54 seems okay but I'm sure no one would complain if it were $36 or $18. It's a symbol.

 

[Tiger926]

I don't understand the concept either, and I'm from the south. We didn't invite people to our wedding and expect them to give us a monetary gift that covered the amount of their dinner! And I don't see that it matters if the bride & groom have an expensive wedding or are more budget-conscious - that is *their* choice, and I don't see that it is my responsibility to spend more on a gift for them if they choose a fancy venue and lots of "add-ons" for their wedding. That is THEIR choice for THEIR day.

I also don't see it as the wedding couple spending money to entertain me - that sounds more like they are putting on a show instead of inviting people to spend a special day with them - and if they spend $$$ and get a $ gift from me, then I'm in the wrong?

I would look at their registry and find something that fits my budget, or if they don't have a registry I would do my best to find a gift that I think will be meaningful to them - and still fit in my budget. Their wedding budget is their business, and I fail to see how it is right for couples to expect to recoup their expenses through wedding gifts.

I'm not sure why people are having trouble understanding this concept?

No one is saying that brides and grooms expect guests to cover plates, but we are saying that many of us as GUESTS expect to cover our plates for the most part.

I didn't expect anyone to bring me gifts, let alone expect guests to cover their plates - we had a big Italian wedding of about 250 people and received $0-thousands of dollars as gifts. We didn't have any expectations of gifts at all, but as givers we do have a base gift that we feel is appropriate.

I live on Long Island in what, I guess, is considered "cover your own plate" territory.


I don't know a single person who takes this as literal as it is being conveyed on here.

The average wedding here is held at a catering hall. They generally charge between 100.00 and 125.00 per person. The average wedding gift tends to be that much.

You wouldn't call the catering hall and ask what price, are they adding extra's, etc...

My parents recently attended a wedding for her co-worker and close friend. It was 400.00 per person. This is substantially higher than average. My parents gave 400.00 for both of them. No one would feel obligated to "pay for their plate".



Now, if a person had a BBQ, which I never heard of, people may decide to give less than average.

If it were a close relative or friend, I have an amount in mind regardless of the venue. My SIL was remarried last year. We gave 500.00. She had 100 people at a restaurant, not traditional wedding catering hall. I know it was only 40.00 per person. I would have given the same amount if she had it at a much more expensive place.

It is the same thing with kids b-day parties. The average is 20 to 25 per kids. The average gift is 20 to 25 per kid. If someone decides to have an extravagant b-day party, say bejeweling clothing at the local girls boutique (runs $40+), people will give the same 20 to 25 gift.


My son just got his 7th invitation to a bar/bat mitvah this year. I am not Jewish and have no idea what it costs, but they are held in the same places as the weddings. I asked around and the going rate is 54 per kid. Since the kids get to go to the cocktail hour, but are only served chicken nuggets/pizza at the reception, instead of the steak/chicken/fish the adults are eating, I assume the price per kid is half as much.

So, I think that "cover your own plate" is really just averages, what the normal/average gift is based on. No one searches out the exact price to figure out what to put in the card.

Tiger

 

[shoney]

So what's the point about the price? I took it to mean that because the kids' food costs less, you could give less. $54 seems okay but I'm sure no one would complain if it were $36 or $18. It's a symbol.

because the adult cost is that of a wedding, 100 to 125 per person. I am assuming that the kids price is less. (I didn't have kids at my wedding, so I never priced out what a catering hall charges for kids)

I don't think anyone would complain, that would be rude.

It is just the customary, average amount that the kids give. I am sure there are some that may give less and some that may give more.

 

[gina2000]

I think we're speaking at cross purposes. $54 is a symbol. It has nothing to do with the cost of a plate at a bar mitzvah. It may be close to the cost but again....no one will give $60 because of the symbolism. And many will give $36 because it's a symbol of good luck. My guess is that few will give $18 because it's on Long Island.

 

[shoney]

I think we're speaking at cross purposes. $54 is a symbol. It has nothing to do with the cost of a plate at a bar mitzvah. It may be close to the cost but again....no one will give $60 because of the symbolism. And many will give $36 because it's a symbol of good luck. My guess is that few will give $18 because it's on Long Island.

I know the multiple of 18 is a symbolic thing.

Obviously, 54 isn't the exact cost of a plate. I'm just going on averages.


The point of my post was not to discuss Jewish customs, but to say that wedding and parties of all kinds have a set of average gift amounts.

I wouldn't give $54 to a Catholic couple for the wedding! I wouldn't give 200.00 for a 5 year old's birthday party.

These norms are loosely based on what the cost of a plate is. It isn't a "pay for your plate" or don't come situation.

 

[kkandaj]

I'm not sure why people are having trouble understanding this concept?

No one is saying that brides and grooms expect guests to cover plates, but we are saying that many of us as GUESTS expect to cover our plates for the most part.

I didn't expect anyone to bring me gifts, let alone expect guests to cover their plates - we had a big Italian wedding of about 250 people and received $0-thousands of dollars as gifts. We didn't have any expectations of gifts at all, but as givers we do have a base gift that we feel is appropriate.





Tiger

The part I don't understand is that people would rather not attend a friend's wedding, rather than look "cheap" when they can't afford to give $100-400 as a gift. There have been several people that have mentioned that they would be considered cheap if they didn't give close to what their dinner/night out cost--or would think someone was cheap if they didn't give that much--therefore there IS an expectation of spending hundreds of dollars on gifts. I cannot imagine accepting a gift of $400 from anyone, other than a large group that pooled money together--and again would've been heartbroken if my friends skipped my wedding because they thought they were going to be considered "cheap." But I don't receive gifts well--I'm a giver, too--though I don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on friends--and give what I feel is appropriate. In my world, my monthly grocery budget or the amount I tithe per month is not an appropriate gift.

 

[Tiger926]

The part I don't understand is that people would rather not attend a friend's wedding, rather than look "cheap" when they can't afford to give $100-400 as a gift. There have been several people that have mentioned that they would be considered cheap if they didn't give close to what their dinner/night out cost--or would think someone was cheap if they didn't give that much--therefore there IS an expectation of spending hundreds of dollars on gifts. I cannot imagine accepting a gift of $400 from anyone, other than a large group that pooled money together--and again would've been heartbroken if my friends skipped my wedding because they thought they were going to be considered "cheap." But I don't receive gifts well--I'm a giver, too--though I don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on friends--and give what I feel is appropriate. In my world, my monthly grocery budget or the amount I tithe per month is not an appropriate gift.

Considered cheap by whom? Are the bride and groom or their parents (if they paid for wedding) sitting around keeping track of gifts and then making fun of people based on amounts?

Or do people feel cheap based on their own personal feelings of themselves?

Tiger

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Yes Tiger that was my point! It is not at all about the bride and groom. The OP asked as a attending guest what the minimum that could be given is without being cheap. A 1.00 could be given and I am sure most brides and grooms would say thank you. That doesnt answer the question though.

Most of you have answered that it should not matter to the bride and groom and it doesn't.

The OP is a guest, responding as a GUEST I would not give less than what I estimate the cost of my attendance to be. Period. That is the bare minimum I would consider giving as a guest. I would feel cheap otherwise. Again this is a direct response to the question asked by the op who is going as a guest.

I would never sit and add up the cost of a plate and multiply it times 5.

Everybody has some notion in their head that they base their gift on. As GUESTS.

Bride and groom should invite who they want without regard to what they are recieving as gifts but again this was not what the OP's post was about.

 

[inkedupmomma]

OP stick with your gut! Do what you can afford, no more no less! If you can swing it, add a little git on the side too!

We recently went to my fiance to be's cousins wedding, which was VERY talked up, and winded up giving $200, and a really cute set of beach/sea themed measuring spoons that cost $30.00. Looking back, I wish I had given less. All i heard was how much the wedding cost, and I got caught up in the moment. Honestly, I think the spoon set was way cooler and will mean more down the line.

With that said, they are a young couple who bought their first house the same week as the wedding, and I'm sure my gift went to good use!

I'm getting married in 4 months, and I want people to come whether they have a gift or not! I'm sad knowing that some family isn't coming because they can't afford it. I'd rather them there than having a gift, but you can't convince some people.

Basically, there is no right or wrong answer here, do what you can, and add a meaningful note to whatever you end up giving!