What is a typical wedding gift ($) these days?

[goodfood4ursoul]

We have a wedding for a niece this month and I wasn't sure what to give her either. We live in Michigan and it is a backyard small wedding (30 people) at most with a larger reception at a hall. But for the food she has asked everyone coming to bring a dish to pass (she called it a potluck) and asked us if we could provide the beverages for everyone also. So that being said I really wasn't sure what to give. Any advice?

It sounds like bringing the dish to pass ( or in your case, beverages) is in lieu of a gift.
I think I'd get in touch with the MotB and try to get a better idea of what is being asked,
if they want canned drinks, 2 liters of soft drinks, a bunch of good ole sweet tea, sparkling cider, or a punch bowl in wedding coordinating colors.
Beverages don't have to be expensive...

That being said, I'd consider buying a nice decorative recipe box,
and quietly asking the rest of the relatives to bring on a card a copy of the recipe for the dish
they are bringing to the wedding, and fill the recipe box with her celebratory wedding dishes.
She sounds like a very family-centered bride

 

[westjones]

It sounds like bringing the dish to pass ( or in your case, beverages) is in lieu of a gift.
I think I'd get in touch with the MotB and try to get a better idea of what is being asked,
if they want canned drinks, 2 liters of soft drinks, a bunch of good ole sweet tea, sparkling cider, or a punch bowl in wedding coordinating colors.
Beverages don't have to be expensive...

That being said, I'd consider buying a nice decorative recipe box,
and quietly asking the rest of the relatives to bring on a card a copy of the recipe for the dish
they are bringing to the wedding, and fill the recipe box with her celebratory wedding dishes.
She sounds like a very family-centered bride

That is a good idea!

I would probably give them a small gift too.

 

[rockawaybeachgirl]

$200 close friend
$300 family, where one of us is in the bp(not immediate family; cousins and
$500 sibling wedding.

But this is LI, so my numbers will not match most other responses on here.

This is us too. NYC, Irish Catholic neighborhood, single income family.

Honestly, it may seem like a lot - but then I think about how much my husband and I would spend for a four course meal, five hours of drinking top shelf alcohol, and a night of dancing to a live band or DJ (typical wedding around these parts) and it seems like a bargain!! I mean just a 'nice dinner with some wine', which would probably be about 2 hours, could run $150-200 if we let it!

 

[Tiger926]

For good friends I would think nothing of $100.00- $200.00. However it has nothing to do with "covering plate" I don't care what type of wedding it is, so what if they have a meal and drinks, I didn't request that or plan that, it isn't my problem and I won't help pay for it. I don't and and never will understand the mentality behind a guest having to offset the cost of a wedding. If you can't afford the big wedding then don't have one, a novel idea, don't you think?

I didn't say the bride and groom can't afford the wedding, I said that we as guests like to cover that cost, so the couple can use our gift of money for other expenses.

Nowhere did I say we expected that from our guests, nor do other couples expect it.

Tiger

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I didn't say the bride and groom can't afford the wedding, I said that we as guests like to cover that cost, so the couple can use our gift of money for other expenses.

Nowhere did I say we expected that from our guests, nor do other couples expect it.

Tiger

Yes that is what I meant precisely! The OP wanted to know the least amount they could give without seeming cheap and to me a guest that did not cover the cost of their attendance would seem cheap. It has nothing to do with the B & G not being able to afford their wedding.
The OP specifically asked about not appearing cheap. A person can give whatever they want or they can choose not to attend if they cannot afford the luxury of giving a gift. I personally would never go to a luxury event knowing that the bride and groom spent $$$ for me to be entertained and only give $ for a gift. I will say thought that I despise giving cash because the amount always seems less than when you give/get actual gift. Maybe because with the right sales/coupons a person can get a really fabulous gift but cash is just cash....

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I never realized before this thread how different the cost of living was from the Midwest to the Northeast! The average child's birthday party cost $15-20 and that gets you a pizza, soda, ice cream per kid. The only way here to host a wedding for $15 per person would be to have it in your backyard and I'm fairly certain it would still cost more.

Is the cost of living in the Midwest cheaper across the board? Housing, food, entertainment, taxes??????

We are always trying to find the best area to retire!

I am not sure the "Midwest" could go across the board. I just had my daughters first birthday party and it was 300.00 for 10 children which included 2 hours enterainment, a pizza, 2 pitchers of pop and 10 cupcakes.

No way would 15.00 per guest get anything but a VFW or backyard wedding. Housing is WAY more reasonable in our area but that is relative because we are neighbors to Chicago.

Taxes are likely cheaper both property and sales.

I find it interesting that people jumped to the MAX to give is to cover the cost of the plate. The OP asked for the MINIMUM to give.

Which brings me to the another post. Why more for a couple? Because there are two of you to feed and entertain. It has nothing to do with single or double income.

Birthday parties for example. For parties where all three children attend I spend 45-60 on the gift. For parties where only one child attends I spend 15-20 on the gift.

 

[NotUrsula]

I am not sure the "Midwest" could go across the board. I just had my daughters first birthday party and it was 300.00 for 10 children which included 2 hours enterainment, a pizza, 2 pitchers of pop and 10 cupcakes.

No way would 15.00 per guest get anything but a VFW or backyard wedding. Housing is WAY more reasonable in our area but that is relative because we are neighbors to Chicago.

Taxes are likely cheaper both property and sales.

I find it interesting that people jumped to the MAX to give is to cover the cost of the plate. The OP asked for the MINIMUM to give.

Which brings me to the another post. Why more for a couple? Because there are two of you to feed and entertain. It has nothing to do with single or double income.

Birthday parties for example. For parties where all three children attend I spend 45-60 on the gift. For parties where only one child attends I spend 15-20 on the gift.

In my area of the Midwest you can cater a "dry" wedding for $20 pp, but that only covers the food/beverages, not the venue, and does not include the wedding cake or the table linens. This is possible going with a pasta buffet from a caterer who does not have a premises contract. The venue fee will normally run somewhere between $300-3000 for a three hour rental, with church halls/VFW's going on the low end, and historic structures on the high end. (Furniture is included with the rental, along with plain white linens; if you want different linens you normally have to pay a surcharge.)

The usual pasta buffet will include a green salad, a selection of bread/rolls, grilled chicken breast, a meatless white alfredo sauce, plain pasta, and a baked red-sauce pasta that normally contains beef or sausage, such as baked ziti. The beverages will include ice water, iced tea and hot coffee. If you want to add a plated dessert, it will normally run you about $3/pp extra for a piece of pie or cheesecake.

Children's birthday parties such as you describe do tend to run about the same here, but that is because private parties encroach on the number of occupants the venue can otherwise have, so you are paying for the price of admission along with the extras.

 

[NotUrsula]

Wow, I could understand a potluck dish, but ALL the beverages to a wedding? Including alcohol? That's a bit much for the bride to expect out of a guest. I would get her a card.

For a backyard potluck a keg is probably about what they are looking for. In my area a keg of an ordinary domestic runs a tad over $100, plus deposits. Not too outrageous for close family to supply that plus an ice chest full of soft drinks and some iced tea.

IME, when it comes to informal weddings, family members, including aunts, cousins and such, tend to pitch in as their gift, and it is a gift from the entire branch of that family, as they are all invited, including children. I have several family members involved in the wedding business, and the things we have given one another as gifts have variously included the wedding gown, bridemaid gowns for younger siblings, the photography, the liquor, the flowers, air tickets or hotel nights (bought on points).

 

[TandEsMommy]

OP, I would take into account the socioeconomic factors of typical weddings in your area. My family is on the lower side if the income bracket in general, with a few upper middle class members thrown in. Most of the family goes to weddings in either newer jeans or khaki slacks. A typical gift ranges from $10-$25; those on the higher income side give around $50, $100 for their closer relatives. I usually give $50 now, but have given $15 or $25 when I was in college or my XH was laid off.

A coworker of mine got married several years ago, we were in outside sales, very successful, and the office all pitched in to get her a very large gift. We all gave $75, an amount we all agreed on.

DH and I got married last year, and being military, and from opposite ends of the state, most of the attendees had to travel. We didn't expect any gifts and made that clear; we received a few thoughtful presents, some cards, and cash/checks from $10-$150. Those who gave more were those who made more, but I honestly can't remember exact amours from anyone other than my grandma and FIL. Grandma gave $50, a very large amount for a disabled senior living on SSI/disability only; FIL gave $100, also a large amount considering he was unemployed at the time. Both gifts blew us away, knowing the strain it must have been on them to give those; probably the only reason we remember how much it was.

Either way, you give what you feel is appropriate and what you can afford. IMHO, if someone has any thoughts of you being "cheap" or not covering the cost of your attendance, they don't deserve the gift of your presence, much less anything of monetary value. We paid for a wedding we could afford, invited only those we truly wanted to share the day with, and expected nothing but good wishes and a good time in return.

To the person bringing drinks, that was the same situation for my first wedding; the ladies at the church all got together and did a potluck for our reception; we received a card signed by each of them, and the amount it saved us on our wedding was the gift. For our wedding last year, a friend's mom catered our rehearsal dinner and got us a card. Nothing else is required or expected of you when you are contributing to the wedding.

 

[Dreamer7787]

I've been invited to three weddings this summer. Apparently age 25 is the magic number in my circle.

The least we gave was $75. FI was the only one able to go, we had not seen the couple in ages and were b-listed (got a phone call one month before the wedding asking if we wanted an invite).

For his cousin's wedding we gave $200 and for two good friends we gave $150. Would have liked to give them $200 as well but couldn't make it work with our monthly budget. We also gave a $50 shower gift.

All this while trying to save for our own wedding... I hope no more friends get married between now and then!

 

[SaraJayne]

For us, a "typical" wedding amount would be $50. That amount would be for friends or co-workers.

Our niece got married last year and we gave her substantially more. Another niece (sister of one that just got married) is having her wedding next year, and we will give her the same amount we gave her sister.

We're in the Upper Midwest.

Give what you can comfortably afford, not what others tell you to give.

 

[kneedeep]

Look like the amount to give boils down to several factors:

-income level of guest - $100 has been mentioned as both too little and extremely generous in this thread. Obviously it depends on the percentage of you income that $100 represents. Do you spend $250 on a night out with friends without worrying too much? Then spending that on a wedding gift seems appropriate. But if a $50 dinner out stretches your budget, then it's not a "cheap" gift. It's about what you can afford.

-relationship to couple - I think it's safe to say most of us would give more to siblings or other close relatives, and less to more casual acquaintances and those who may have "b-listed" us.

-extravagance of wedding - What you give at a backyard potluck wedding most likely wouldn't be the same as at an upscale hotel or country club event. But again, think about what you an afford. We have given a larger gift than what was probably anticipated at a simple wedding because we could afford it and really wanted to bless the sweet couple who was getting married. On the other hand my cousin's family is extremely wealthy and she had a very lavish wedding. We didn't feel the need to put ourselves in financial peril in order to match up to their extravagance, and frankly they would never have wanted that- they spent that much on the wedding because they could afford it. There could be a separate thread on not overspending on your own wedding so you come to expect certain gifts from your guests to "cover the cost."

- region of the country - clearly more is spent on weddings and wedding gifts in larger cities and more affluent areas. If you are within the average income level in your area, then you'll probably want to spend what's customary there.

- I am surprised no one has brought up how many weddings the couple has had. ;-) A friend recently complained about getting a gift for her cousin's second wedding, having spent a relative small fortune as a college student and bridesmaid in the first wedding. She commented that she would give less this time than the last, and if there's a third wedding she won't send anything but a card!

 

[Lewisc]

That said, I don't want to underestimate and appear cheap (but things are a little tight right now).

Any opinions???

Give what you can comfortably afford, not what others tell you to give.

I didn't read every post in this thread. I just picked the last one to comment on.

The OP ask for opinions because they don't want to appear cheap. Give what you can afford doesn't really answer the question.

The correct answer. It varies geographically. Probably varies a little depending on the type of wedding. $200 + for a couple is probably typical in the NYC area. That doesn't help the OP

Find out if the couple is registered. You can probably spend less money buying a gift. Particularly true if you're able to purchase a gift listed on the registry at a better price somewhere else.

Some posters say "give what you can afford". That sounds reasonable but not really. A person who could only afford $5 might be better off sending a gift later. Not a relative or close friend? Not even sure why you were invited. Decline the invite. Close friend or relative. Do they know your finances. Go to the wedding. Buy what you can.

 

[kneedeep]

The problem with only reading the last post is that you don't get a sense of the general discussion that has taken place. Many responses were contributing to a broader conversation about wedding gift amounts. If you want to redirect your response to the OP's original question, that is fine, but singling out one response as being unhelpful seems unnecessary.

OP, another option to consider would be to give something other than money that is sentimental or particularly thoughtful. Perhaps some artwork of the location where the couple met, is getting married, or will live. This may allow you to spend less than the norm in your area, but not obviously so.

 

[SaraJayne]

I didn't read every post in this thread. I just picked the last one to comment on.

The OP ask for opinions because they don't want to appear cheap. Give what you can afford doesn't really answer the question.

The correct answer. It varies geographically. Probably varies a little depending on the type of wedding. $200 + for a couple is probably typical in the NYC area. That doesn't help the OP

Find out if the couple is registered. You can probably spend less money buying a gift. Particularly true if you're able to purchase a gift listed on the registry at a better price somewhere else.

Some posters say "give what you can afford". That sounds reasonable but not really. A person who could only afford $5 might be better off sending a gift later. Not a relative or close friend? Not even sure why you were invited. Decline the invite. Close friend or relative. Do they know your finances. Go to the wedding. Buy what you can.

"Give what you can afford" is still my answer. I don't care what others may consider cheap. Do they want you (general you) at the wedding or do they want a gift grab? I think your answer above makes clear your opinion.

It would be helpful to read the entire thread, instead of singling mine out.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

"Give what you can afford" is still my answer. I don't care what others may consider cheap. Do they want you (general you) at the wedding or do they want a gift grab? I think your answer above makes clear your opinion.

It would be helpful to read the entire thread, instead of singling mine out.

Again that is what most people do. Give what they can afford but the OP specifically asked for criteria from others so that she would not appear "Cheap". Give what you can afford is not going to help the OP avoid appearing cheap and YES I have read the whole thread.

 

[Lewisc]

Again that is what most people do. Give what they can afford but the OP specifically asked for criteria from others so that she would not appear "Cheap". Give what you can afford is not going to help the OP avoid appearing cheap and YES I have read the whole thread.

Thank you. I don't know how many other posters made comments which didn't answer the OPs question.

That begs the question, suppose all you can afford is $5. In other words you really can't afford anything. Close friend or relative. I'd go. Celebrate the event. Unless something has changed etiquette suggests you have a year to give a gift. I'd make some comment about a gift being on order or still looking.

Acquaintance. Maybe a the child of a co-worker I'm not close to. Maybe I've never even met the kid. I'd probably decline the invite rather then look cheap.

Give what you can afford" is still my answer. I don't care what others may consider cheap. Do they want you (general you) at the wedding or do they want a gift grab? I think your answer above makes clear your opinion.

It would be helpful to read the entire thread, instead of singling mine out.

The question is how much to give without appearing cheap. A gift of $5 will look cheap even if that's all you can afford.

There are circumstances in which you give what you can afford, even if you look cheap. There are other circumstances where you don't go if what you can afford is significantly less then the norm.

 

[reginaastralis]

I think this is a very interesting thread. We have five weddings coming up in the next year, and then we our *hopefully* throwing our own next fall as well. I've never really considered what people would give us. To me, this is a celebration of our love ... and if we love you enough to invite you, it's because we want you to be there with us ... not because of what you might bring us.

That being said, I'm not considering anything for my wedding for the people who are attending. The food choices are for us, the fact that we are having an open bar is for us ... and the gelato cart , yep, definitely for me. In fact, my boyfriend specifically said he doesn't want to lose one of our options for our meal for chicken, and my response was "What will my mother eat?" and he laughed and said "If she wants it, she can pay for it."

We're paying for this on our own, so one of the most expensive things we have to do this year is give gifts to all of our friends. We're traveling this weekend for a wedding, which is costing us $700 just to get there, not including the food we will have to eat when we're there (we wanted to make a three day getaway out of it, but we couldn't afford it) However, even though it's costing us almost what we pay in mortgage every month to get to the wedding, do they deserve any less money than the people who will be getting married in the town we live in? It's a really interesting idea, I've been trying to persuade my boyfriend for a Vegas wedding, but he's afraid our friend's wouldn't be able to afford the plane ticket to get out to our wedding. To him, the most important thing is for our loved ones to come, and we'd never want someone to feel like because they couldn't give a "good enough" gift that they shouldn't come.

 

[ncbyrne]

DH and I have five grown kids, all married. My first DD married in north Jersey. 125 guests. All but one gift was monetary, averaging $200 per couple (one gift of a Stiffel lamp was delivered to the house the week before). DD#2 was married in VA and had the same gift expectations. WRONG! They received mostly wrapped gifts with a few $ gifts $100 or under. The only ones who gave more were the family members from the north.
DD#1 in NJ got shower gifts from her registry, and there was also a Wishing Well for smaller gifts. DD#2 in VA got only Wishing Well type gifts at her shower and registry gifts at the wedding.
It's all about where you live.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Thank you. I don't know how many other posters made comments which didn't answer the OPs question.

That begs the question, suppose all you can afford is $5. In other words you really can't afford anything. Close friend or relative. I'd go. Celebrate the event. Unless something has changed etiquette suggests you have a year to give a gift. I'd make some comment about a gift being on order or still looking.

Acquaintance. Maybe a the child of a co-worker I'm not close to. Maybe I've never even met the kid. I'd probably decline the invite rather then look cheap.



The question is how much to give without appearing cheap. A gift of $5 will look cheap even if that's all you can afford.

There are circumstances in which you give what you can afford, even if you look cheap. There are other circumstances where you don't go if what you can afford is significantly less then the norm.

Okay so apparently we all have different ideas of etiquette on this thread but here goes with this situation, for me.

Close friend or family I would go and I would explain prior to the wedding that a gift would be coming but due to circumstances it may be after the wedding. I hope close friends or family would understand and I would give a card at the wedding wishing them congratulations.

Other than close friends or family if I could not afford some kind of gift. I would not attend. I would feel guilty that my attendance was costing them money. Perhaps I live in a world where I just cannot ignore the price of things but again it boils down to for me, my gift would need to at least be equal to the cost of my attendance or I would feel cheap.

Wedding etiquette also states a year for a thank you card and apparently dh's cousin believes nEVER is the etiquette even when the mom addressed and stamped the envelopes...