Wedding RSVPs not returned

[BadPinkTink]

I was thinking the same. Include the paper RSVP card and also give a way to respond via email, etc.

exactly. There is no point expecting Auntie Mary to RSVP by email or Facebook when she does not have a Smart phone or use a computer. And the same way , there is no point in sending a snail mail paper RSVP to someone who is never without their phone or laptop. Honestly if someone sent me a snail mail paper RSVP, I would open it, and then think right need to post that back but then it would get lost and forgotten about and never sent. But send me an email to an online RSVP and you will get a reply within the hour.

 

[MickyLynn]

Yeah, you couldn't do that on LI. They want an estimate at the start, adjust price quotes accordingly, and want a hard number 3 weeks out. I think in 1996 the rate probably would have been around $75 pp.

 

[Dakota731]

The caterer said that this has become a much bigger issue than it was 20-30 years ago. Don’t know if it’s just a lack of consideration or people just not being educated on basic good manners. And I don’t get it when people say it’s because younger people use technology only. Well heck, I hope they are able to figure out how to at least mail a letter!

 

[BabiesDaddy]

So even if you are spending $100+ a plate and 30 people don’t rsvp, you should spend $3000 just in case?

You've never planned a wedding have you? $3000 isn't alot of money if someone is planning a " $100+ a plate" wedding. Anyone planning that wouldn't sneeze at that money. They be more worried about guests arriving without food for them.

 

[BadPinkTink]

And I don’t get it when people say it’s because younger people use technology only. Well heck, I hope they are able to figure out how to at least mail a letter!

its not that people are unable to figure out how to at least mail a letter, its that mailing a letter , any letter is not something that they do. The only time I mail ANYTHING is at Christmas, I mail 1 present to my aunt and 1 present to my friend in America. In my day to day life I dont mail anything, can't remember the last time I bought stamps or even put something in a letter box.

I online shop, send birthday wishes on Facebook, contact companies through social media or email. I dont even post invoices to clients, they are handed in person or emailed.

This is the world today and you need to realise that for many people mailing a letter is something they are unfamiliar with and you should provide them with an alternative communication method.

 

[mjkacmom]

You've never planned a wedding have you? $3000 isn't alot of money if someone is planning a " $100+ a plate" wedding. Anyone planning that wouldn't sneeze at that money. They be more worried about guests arriving without food for them.

Um, yes, although mine was closer to $80 pp, 1985. My parents paid, but I’m still mad at 4 of DH’s college friends who not only didn’t show up, but never called and explained why. I live in the area of the country where these weddings originated, and everyone I know, no matter how much money they have, wouldn’t piss away $3000. My sister is one who doesn’t work, never will, her money works for her, and she values money. Her daughter just got into a car accident and got a ticket. My sister took her to traffic court to plead down the points so her insurance wouldn’t go up. I have several very wealthy family members, they more than anyone else I know hate to overspend or waste money.

 

[BabiesDaddy]

Um, yes, although mine was closer to $80 pp, 1985. My parents paid, but I’m still mad at 4 of DH’s college friends who not only didn’t show up, but never called and explained why. I live in the area of the country where these weddings originated, and everyone I know, no matter how much money they have, wouldn’t piss away $3000. My sister is one who doesn’t work, never will, her money works for her, and she values money. Her daughter just got into a car accident and got a ticket. My sister took her to traffic court to plead down the points so her insurance wouldn’t go up. I have several very wealthy family members, they more than anyone else I know hate to overspend or waste money.

I agree with you completely. No one would ever piss away $3000 intentionally. But as you know by experience, you plan for the best, but prepare for the worst as they say.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with you completely. No one would ever piss away $3000 intentionally. But as you know by experience, you plan for the best, but prepare for the worst as they say.

Which is why I’d contact everyone who did not RSVP instead of paying for their plate, probably with a light friendly email or text, asking for their RSVP.

 

[afan]

All of this, but I wouldn't necessarily call kids of friends/cousins gift grabby. I think a lot of those invitations come from a place of not wanting to offend. I know we had a number of invitations that were formality. Certainly welcome, but formality.

But the flip side is I got annoyed when my aunt sent me invites to my cousin's wedding showers 1000 miles and a flight away. I didn't have money to go nor were we close enough I felt like burning vacay days for it. To me it was pure gift grab and I did send them for the shower and the weddings that I also couldn't go to. To me it was just rude because I rarely saw them so wouldn't have even known the showers happened.

 

[Southernmiss]

To the question of people do not respond to RSVPs like they did 20 or 30 years ago, maybe wedding guests lists are getting too big. And people are inviting those who are not truly that close to the bride and groom.

When our son married in 2017, we split a third of the available invitations. We got up to 100 guests for our family, the bride's family got 100 guests and our son and his wife each had 50 guests--their college friends and attendants.

It worked for us. There were RSVP cards and online or texting responses available. The bride's mom contacted me a few days after the RSVP deadline and I had a only a small handful of people to contact to see if they were coming. Facebook, phone call, text. It was really easy and I was able to respond back to bride's mom within a day. With about 2 weeks left to go after the RSVPs came in, the bride's mom told us to please invite anyone by word of mouth we wanted to. I did not have anyone else to invite. ((Oops, I did get a little shade from my mother as i did not invite aunts and uncles who live 1500 miles away who had never met 23 year old DS, but he and his bride only wanted people there who they had met. So I was able to explain it and smooth things over.))

The wedding was close to New Orleans and we had a very nice catered buffet meal of lots of New Orleans style food. There were 4 buffet stations around the venue with different food offerings at each station, so no one was standing in long lines to fill their plates. There was a gracious plenty and the bride's family and our family took food home. The venue ran out of chairs, but there were bar height tables. Didn't matter a whole lot as the DJ was great and everyone was on the dance floor and still talks about how nice and fun the wedding was.

 

[crisi]

All of this, but I wouldn't necessarily call kids of friends/cousins gift grabby. I think a lot of those invitations come from a place of not wanting to offend. I know we had a number of invitations that were formality. Certainly welcome, but formality.

We've had both - the ones that are gift grabby (and everyone has some of those 'friends' and relatives who invite the better off for the gift - and you know who they are) and the formalities. In both cases, we send a prompt no. We always also send a card wishing them well as the date approaches.

When we get invited to a wedding we can't attend due to some prior commitment - but normally would attend - we also respond immediately no. And we send the same gift we would have sent if we'd been able to attend. The cost of the dinner has no impact on the cost of our gift. What does have an impact on the cost of our gift is how close we feel to the couple getting married and our own financial circumstances.

 

[MickyLynn]

$100/plate is considered a budget wedding here. $3000 is a lot of money on that budget. Its an entire extra photographer for your second prep site, or 50%-75% of your DJ.

 

[Dakota731]

its not that people are unable to figure out how to at least mail a letter, its that mailing a letter , any letter is not something that they do. The only time I mail ANYTHING is at Christmas, I mail 1 present to my aunt and 1 present to my friend in America. In my day to day life I dont mail anything, can't remember the last time I bought stamps or even put something in a letter box.

I online shop, send birthday wishes on Facebook, contact companies through social media or email. I dont even post invoices to clients, they are handed in person or emailed.

This is the world today and you need to realise that for many people mailing a letter is something they are unfamiliar with and you should provide them with an alternative communication method.

Some things are too formal for a text. There are times such as a condolence card, thank you note or wedding response that should be mailed. It may take a little more effort but it shows respect and that you care. Maybe parents aren’t doing enough to teach their kids basic etiquette and courtesy nowadays.
I told my daughter to work on mailing out her thank yous the week after the shower. That’s another whole issue - showing appreciation when someone takes the time and effort to buying you a gift! I guess I’m old fashioned but good manners can never hurt anything in my opinion.

 

[serenitynow]

I recently sent our regrets by RSVP to a wedding for a cousin my husband had never even met over 2,000 miles away.

In return, I got a fancy preprinted card that matched the wedding invitations reminding me that a wedding gift must be received by 12 months from the wedding day, but really should be sent as soon as possible if one is not attending the event (this was news to me).

At the bottom of the demand letter card was the couple’s PayPal and Venmo account numbers. How rude!

Well guess what, now I’m not even sending a wedding congratulations card.

 

[SouthFayetteFan]

I had heard tales of a legendary train wreck of a wedding thread earlier today. Glad I found it - wow...

OP: I hope you’re able to get an accurate tally. I hope people have the decency to respond and that they’ll all trickle in over the next few days.

It really is Mean Girls day isn’t it folks?? Some people have truly embraced their inner Regina George here.

To the OP...

To everybody else...

And probably what you all want to say to me right now:

 

[leebee]

I'm sorry... it's just not that hard to put your name on a card, check off the appropriate box, put the card in the pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope, and stick it in a mailbox. How much easier can they make it for you? DD just got married in June, and it would have made me crazy to have to keep track of replies made in a variety of ways, and you know something would have slipped through the cracks. Just put the card in the mail!

 

[MickyLynn]

I had heard tales of a legendary train wreck of a wedding thread earlier today. Glad I found it - wow...

As a veteran of The Knot's forums, I can tell you that this is nothing compared to what I've seen in wedding threads.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...And I don’t get it when people say it’s because younger people use technology only. Well heck, I hope they are able to figure out how to at least mail a letter!

Me too, since it's already addressed and stamped!! But if they reeeeally can't, my suggestion is:
1) check the appropriate little box
2) snap a pic
3) text it



I understand someone who replies yes and then gets sick and has to (really apologetically) cancel.

I even understand someone who holds off until a few days before the requested date (so, you know, it actually gets there by that date) because another really important, already-planned, event is up in the air for some reason.

But I do not understand people who don't reply at all just in case a better offer comes along (or because they're lazy, or because they think it's old-fashioned). If you don't want to go, say no and be done with it. If you do want to go, say so - one way or another!


OP, I hope you get most of the replies and don't have to make too many calls!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Its been interesting reading this thread. What struck is that maybe need to be aware that the senders main method of communication may not be the recipients main method of communication.

The sender/host makes it unbelievably easy to adapt one's own usual method of communication by providing a card that needs one of two words circled along with a stamped, addressed envelope.

 

[DisneyHardin]

My sister got married about a year ago. She had a pretty big number of people she had to track down to ask if they were planning to come. She still had a few people that were no shows.