Wedding RSVPs not returned

[focusondisney]

If I had to reserve a spot at a party/wedding/reception I wouldn't bother going. Sorry, I don't consider it poor manners, just not my type of crowd. If someone called/texted and invited me I would respond with an honest yes/no.

Not quite sure what type of crowd you hang with. Generally speaking, weddings have been accepted to be formal invites with a response expected for many decades in most areas of the US. You’re not “reserving a spot”. You’re being a considerate guest so your host will have an accurate head count to assure the right amount of food & beverages. Catered weddings cost a small fortune. In many areas, per person costs start at well over $100. The host has to decide if they should order a place for people who have no intention of attending or gamble & not have enough food. They could waste hundreds or thousands of dollars if enough people don’t show up. I’m assuming if you are invited to a wedding these are people you know well & supposedly care about. Why would you want to cause them extra stress or money when all you have to do is check a box & drop a card in the mail? Is that really so much harder than answering a phone call or text???

 

[Dakota731]

If I had to reserve a spot at a party/wedding/reception I wouldn't bother going. Sorry, I don't consider it poor manners, just not my type of crowd. If someone called/texted and invited me I would respond with an honest yes/no.

What?? Then there’s no way you’d have an elegant plated event. The caterer needs a count or how would he have an idea of how much food to prepare? Plus how many tables and plates will be needed - this is a wedding not a pot luck! Plus the price you pay per meal I don’t want to be paying for people who aren’t coming

 

[Searc]

If I had to reserve a spot at a party/wedding/reception I wouldn't bother going. Sorry, I don't consider it poor manners, just not my type of crowd. If someone called/texted and invited me I would respond with an honest yes/no.

And we wouldn't want you there.

 

[Searc]

What?? Then there’s no way you’d have an elegant plated event. The caterer needs a count or how would he have an idea of how much food to prepare? Plus how many tables and plates will be needed - this is a wedding not a pot luck! Plus the price you pay per meal I don’t want to be paying for people who aren’t coming

I find people have this attitude when they have never been involved in planning a formal event and have NO idea what goes into the prep.

 

[Dakota731]

We had the shower Sunday with 30 guests and they all said “see you at the wedding” when they left, yet only five had RSVPd! I will give it a few days after the due date then start calling since we only have a week then till caterer needs final count. It just seems so lazy that you can’t put a stamped self addressed envelope into the mail. I’d be happy if they texted or emailed anything to get a count!

 

[Hikergirl]

Deadline for my daughter’s wedding RSVP is this week and only one third have been returned. So do we need to call people who don’t respond? After talking to friends, I’m finding this is a current problem nowadays. What is the problem with people when a stamp and envelope are provided and all you need to do is drop it in the mail? I didn’t have to call anyone for my own wedding a generation ago so not sure why I have to be a Mommy for grown adults. This is a sad commentary on good manners and respect for others in our society!

This seems kind of harsh seeing as the RSVP date isn't even passed yet.

I'm a last minute RSVPer especially for a wedding. Unless it is someone I am close to and there is no question about me going I am going to wait until the last minute to respond in case something more important is also scheduled for the same time.
If the RSVP date hasn't passed yet, then just wait- afterall you made the date the least you can do is complain about people after they missed it instead of before.

 

[Searc]

This seems kind of harsh seeing as the RSVP date isn't even passed yet.

I'm a last minute RSVPer especially for a wedding. Unless it is someone I am close to and there is no question about me going I am going to wait until the last minute to respond in case something more important is also scheduled for the same time.
If the RSVP date hasn't passed yet, then just wait- afterall you made the date the least you can do is complain about people after they missed it instead of before.

This attitude drives me CRAZY when my kids do it. You already have something scheduled, which means you are busy. Quit hemming and hawing to see if something you think is more important comes along. You already have a commitment that day and need to stick to it.

 

[MomOTwins]

What?? Then there’s no way you’d have an elegant plated event. The caterer needs a count or how would he have an idea of how much food to prepare? Plus how many tables and plates will be needed - this is a wedding not a pot luck! Plus the price you pay per meal I don’t want to be paying for people who aren’t coming

We had a plated event at a country club for our wedding and we needed RSVPs (which yes, we had to hound down people for--that is not a new "kids these days" things--getting people to RSVP for weddings on time is a problem that goes back decades!). However, I've been to two weddings that weren't at all like that. They were casual events that actually aren't all that different from a potluck, with open seating, cash bar, DIY decorations and a big buffet of simple things like roast chicken and mashed potatoes and salad, and a dance floor. And it was still beautiful and elegant.

We had the shower Sunday with 30 guests and they all said “see you at the wedding” when they left, yet only five had RSVPd! I will give it a few days after the date then start calling since we only have a week then till caterer needs final count. It just seems so lazy that you can’t put a stamped self addressed envelope into the mail. I’d be happy they texted or emailed anything to get a count!

Again, of course people have not yet RSVPd if you it is not yet the RSVP date. RSVP means that people should please respond by that date, not that people must respond as early as they possibly can. It is not laziness--you are being unreasonable and unfair to your guests to say one thing in the RSVP date but expect another. Weddings are big commitment of time and expense for guests as well, and by setting an RSVP date you give yourself time to prepare and your guests time to see if they can make necessary plans and arrangements to attend. If I was a guest invited to a wedding and found out the host said I was "lazy" for not RSVPing prior to the response date, I would not be attending or sending a gift.

 

[Dakota731]

Yes I will relax and stop stressing and wait two more days to see if I get more responses. I just didn’t think I was going to get fifty responses in two days when I’ve only gotten 30 back in three weeks. I have heard too many horror stories from friends and co- workers who have had twenty people show up without responding or have to pay several thousand dollars to the caterer for no shows.

 

[DianeV]

We are having the same issue with my daughters wedding and the rsvp date was a month ago since it’s considered a destination wedding. We currently live in Florida but both sides of the family are mostly in Michigan and Indiana. My daughter gave plenty of notice with a save the date but some just haven’t sent it back.
It’s like ok fine you don’t want to travel but at least send the response back so we know for sure. I feel bad enough for her that her numbers are so low as obviously even some close family have chosen not to come.

 

[tzolkin]

They were casual events that actually aren't all that different from a potluck, with open seating, cash bar, DIY decorations and a big buffet of simple things like roast chicken and mashed potatoes and salad, and a dance floor. And it was still beautiful and elegant.

I've been to several "casual" weddings that were at home or in a park, but they still sent out invitations and expected people to let them know if they were going or not. I think that's why so many people have been baffled by that one poster's comments about how they would rather not go than "reserve a spot". Even for more casual events, it's still rude to not respond whether you're attending or not. To me, it's basically telling your family member or friend that you don't care enough about them to commit to attending their event in case something better comes along.

 

[Hikergirl]

This attitude drives me CRAZY when my kids do it. You already have something scheduled, which means you are busy. Quit hemming and hawing to see if something you think is more important comes along. You already have a commitment that day and need to stick to it.

It's only a commitment if I RSVP yes I am going. It is an invitation, it is not a summons, you aren't required to go because you get an invitation. If you put an RSVP date on it, then people get to wait until then to decide if they want to go or not.
Newsflash- your wedding (or any other event you host) isn't the most important event in everyone elses life, some people do actually have more important things to do. If I have more important people in my life, you bet your behind I'm waiting to make sure there is no plans to do something with them before I respond to your wedding invitation.
Or, if I don't want to go because I just don't like you or whatever reason I still don't need to respond until the RSVP date. If you think people have to respond yes right away because you invited them all I can say- good god get over yourself.

 

[easyas123]

I guess what I don't get (and perhaps others see it this way as well...) is why some folks treat a invitation with a RSVP to a special occasion such as a wedding, as a imposition and react adversely toward it? Someone, a friend or family member, thought so much of you to invite you to a very important milestone in their life.

It's not like they sat down one day and made a list of folks they'd like to irritate by spending $100 a plate ( or whatever) and 4-6 hours of their time with.

 

[BabiesDaddy]

The only thing you can do, is have enough food for everyone that got an invitation. No other way around it. Better to have left over food than not enough.

 

[Hikergirl]

I guess what I don't get (and perhaps others see it this way as well...) is why some folks treat a invitation with a RSVP to a special occasion such as a wedding, as a imposition and react adversely toward it? Someone, a friend or family member, thought so much of you to invite you to a very important milestone in their life.

It's not like they sat down one day and made a list of folks they'd like to irritate by spending $100 a plate ( or whatever) and 4-6 hours of their time with.

A few years ago I got a wedding invitation for a cousin who I haven't seen since I was in HS. I was past 40 when I got the invite. I wasn't irritated by it, but I was a little confused as to why I was invited. I stuck the invite aside and debated about going. I responded by the date I was ASKED to respond by. I didn't go, something more important came up with someone more important too me. No big deal, and I'm sure my cousin didn't care one bit about me not being there, I mean I haven't been there for the last 30 years anyway.
Maybe you have only been invited to weddings of those close to you and I can understand you thinking the way you do if that is the case. Just know that many people get invites out of the blue from family or old friends that they aren't close too.

 

[pigletto]

I just went through this when planning my sisters bridal shower . I would say at least two thirds of the people didn’t respond at all and had to be asked . Some were yes and had forgotten, some were no . But really I’m in the the camp of “it not hard to text or email someone “ ( which is what our response method was),
We could not even figure out which room we would be in at our venue until we gave a number . It’s pretty integral to the overall event to get a number for the food , the favours , etc .
I generally respond to things as soon as I get them so I won’t forget.

 

[MickyLynn]

You do get a lot of responses in the few days after the deadline, as people mail on the date sometimes. Honestly, if you're playing chicken with your social calendar, I'd rather just get a 'no'.

 

[Hikergirl]

You do get a lot of responses in the few days after the deadline, as people mail on the date sometimes. Honestly, if you're playing chicken with your social calendar, I'd rather just get a 'no'.

So in your mind if people aren't willing to immediately accept your invite because they might *gasp* want to wait to see if there are other important things going on, then you don't want them there at all?
People should put that on the RSVP for sure, I know I'd love to know if I'm invited to Bridezilla's wedding.

I sure hope my ds's marry somoene who has no problem with people waiting until the RSVP date and can respect that people can make a choice between their wedding and something else.

 

[mjkacmom]

The only thing you can do, is have enough food for everyone that got an invitation. No other way around it. Better to have left over food than not enough.

So even if you are spending $100+ a plate and 30 people don’t rsvp, you should spend $3000 just in case?

 

[barkley]

Better to have left over food than not enough.

not if you are paying for it but not getting the benefit of it. depending on the venue/local laws it may be against the contract/illegal for the purchaser to have it (unless they are going to opt to let some guests get additional servings). when you pay 'per plate' it's just that-per plate with the unplated items not boxed up to go. the venue i worked for operated under the same licensing most of the other non day to day restaurants operated under-we couldn't box up unused food to go. doing so was against the law and left us open to huge liability b/c insurance wouldn't have covered us if someone got sick b/c they put the stuff in the back of their car unheated/unrefrigerated. individual caterers sometimes have licensing to provide a flat amount that the purchaser can keep but many have it hard written in their contracts that event food is use it or lose for the event.