Thumb sucking at preschool

[ADisneyQueen]

My 4 year old is a thumb sucker. She's been doing it since she was in the womb (the ultrasound techinician pointed this out). My Dr. said not to worry about it, although I she has gotten better this year. We've tried to get her to stop but it's really hard. My problem is with her new preschool teacher who is constantly telling her to "save the thumb for home". She even made a point to do this during a field trip which all the parents go on. Each parent takes care of their own child during the trip, so I found this to be embarrassing to be corrected in front of everyone. Now the teacher has told me my daughter is having trouble sitting still at storytime, which I know is very unusual for her. She has always sucked her thumb when I read to her and at library storytime and she can't do it at school, hence the wiggling. BTW, I have felt from day 1 this teacher does not like me. She has said some strange things to me and other parents have commented that she seems to think she knows more than anyone. I understand that thumb sucking spreads germ, but I also don't want my DD to be singled out all the time. Yes, I have tried putting stuff on the thumb, and it either doesn't work or is not worth the stress. So, I am not looking for remedies. I guess I just want to know if any teachers/ parents have had this happen.

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

I also have a 4 yo who likes to suck his 2 middle fingers. We have been telling him to quit for a year so we set a date for him to stop that he agreed with-- we told him when he turned four he had to stop biting his fingers and he agreed, but that we would not tell him to stop until that date and he could do it all he wanted until then. Well he turned four in August and has stopped for the most part-- only biting them in his sleep out of habit. This way he felt in control and he is really trying.
That being said I would NOT allow a preschool teacher to treat my child that way. I would have a talk with her in private and tell her that your child is trying to stop and you have discussed it with her doctor and there is no real cause for concern from the doctor and you appreciate her concern but it is not needed. Then I would wait and see if it happened one more time and if it did I would arrange a meeting with the head of the preschool and address your concerns formally.

 

[justhat]

I'm not sure if this is the case with your preschool, but when I worked in a daycare we had a rule that no pacifiers were allowed past the infant room. Kids moved from the infant to toddler room at about 15-16 months and at that point the pacifier had to go home. So maybe if your preschool has this rule, they try to do it with thumbs too for consistency? I know it sounds weird, but that's the only thing I can think of cause I can't imagine why they would care if she sucks her thumb. We had the pacifier rule but we had a thumb sucker and she was allowed to suck her thumb as much as she wanted to.

 

[KeepSwimming]

All I can say is don't sweat it...she'll outgrow it eventually and the more the teacher stresses her out about it, the more your kid will feel self conscience.

I have no idea why this is a being made a big deal by teacher if you've expressed your unconcern. I would probably approach the teacher and talk with her...is this the preschools policy or hers? If she gives you any real grief then (personally) I would shine up a big red apple on my sleeve, hand it to her with a huge smile, and tell her to suck my big fat....toe.



Good Luck....

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Teacher, even if well-intentioned, is creating a bigger problem. Your little one will stop when ready and not before. The teacher is stressing your little one and should be told to please stop.

 

[Schmeck]

Well, I think four years old is too old to be sucking on her thumb - but is she getting molars? Or is she stressed out about something? Maybe if you try to find out why she has to suck her thumb, then you can find another way for her to comfort herself.

If your preschool class has any children with life-threatening peanut allergies, it could be a problem to have kids put their hands in their mouths and then touch objects in the class. If they had peanut butter with breakfast, even a trace of it in their mouths and then on their hands can cause a reaction if the allergic child comes in contact with the saliva.

 

[Mac and Us]

our DD will be turning 4 years old in 2 weeks. She also sucks her thumb. She started in the womb, gave it up for a pacifier for the first 5 months and took it back up when I bought her a new pacifier (which I bought the same brand, style except it was a 4-36 mo rather than newborn and she didn't like it).

She also carries her 'clean cloth' everywhere she goes. BTW: a clean cloth is a cloth diaper (never used on the bottom) that was originally used as a burp cloth but then became her 'blanket' comfort thing.

We try to encourage her to only suck her thumb during nap (when she takes one) and at bedtime. We never make an issue out of it. And thankfully her preschool teacher is very understanding of her thumb sucking.

I have to say that stopping a thumb sucker is harder than I ever thought it would be. At least with a pacifier you can take it away. A thumb is always there.

Our daughter has always sucked her left thumb. Last winter it got chapped, it split and became very sore....to the point that she wouldn't suck on it. We thought her thumb sucking days were over.......she ended up sucking the right thumb until the left one healed then she went back to the left thumb.

Our neice sucked the 2 middle fingers until she got into first grade then she stopped. I think they all stop on their own.

 

[SueM in MN]

If the teacher wants her to stop, putting pressure on her/making comments is one way to make her do it more. Nothing like a little extra pressure to get you to give up a comfort habit.
A 4 year old is old enough to enlist in thinking of ways to handle the situation. Both of my girls were big time thumb suckers. The oldest didn't do it in public by 3 or 4 and quit entirely when she was 7. We had talked about things you do at home (private things) and things you can do in public, starting at about 3. Thumb sucking was one of those "home" things.
My youngest DD decided on her own to quit sucking her thumb entirely when she was between 4 and 5. (Mostly because she saw her sister had stopped and anything her sister did, she wanted to do too). It was funny to watch her; sometimes her hand would go up to her mouth and "sneak" in. She'd pull it out and hold it down with her other hand. In bed, she would pull it out and put both of her hands under the blankets. I saw her several times sit on her hand to keep it from going into her mouth. None of this was easy for her - she is disabled and physically it was hard for her to do sometimes. Also, she has ADD, and used her thumb to settle herself down.
The point is that until the child wants to, no one can make them stop. They have to make themselves stop and the teacher seems to be making it harder for your child, not easier.

 

[DisneyCrazyX5]

Why do so many teacher thank that by calling attention to a habit they are helping? I was a first grade teacher for 11 years before becoming a SAHM I learned quickly that by making thing a bigger deal any habit became worse. I had a few students who still sucked their thumb in first grade. Usually during a movie or story. If I felt sucking their thumb was interfering with their work (like a hands on project or paperwork) I would walk over to them and remind them this was not a time to suck their thumb, because it was making it harder for them to work. I also had a signal I used with one girl. When I saw her thumb in her mouth, I would catch her eye and rub the side of my nose. She would pull her thumb out. I knew it was such a habit, she wasn't even aware of it.
I think what the teacher is saying "save you thumb for home" is great, but it should be heard only by your daughter- not the whole class. If the teacher is not careful soon the other students will be telling your daughter the same thing.
I would have a hard time keeping my child in this class if the teacher doen't cool it some.

 

[estherhead]

I have a 3 year old thumb sucker, with a pillow case as her "night-night." She'll be 4 in February. I've seen a huge drop in her sucking & needing the night-night in the last 6 months and am not too concerned. Preschool teachers, like any other professional, vary greatly in their skills, knowledge, and personality. If you can't switch teachers, I'd tell her how you felt. It's silly to "parent" someone's child when they are standing right there. That always gets my goad up and immediately tell them that I am right here, and I am dealing with it. Just like if you are standing there and your child is being obnoxious I will take their hand and march them over to you and tattle tale on them. Parents are the parents. Honestly, I'm sure there are a few, but how many 18 year olds suck their thumbs?

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I have taught preschool for many year and am now the director of a wonderful school. You need to make it very clear that you as the parent will decide if and when you choose to wean her off the thumb sucking. WE have a few thumb suckers every year and it has never been an issue. The only intervention the teacher should be making is to encouage frequent handwashing as she should be doing any way. I would be sure to make some surprise visits to the class to be assured that things are going as you would like them to go, talk with the director and the other parents. Listen to your child. Does she seem to like the teacher???

Children will give up security objects when they are ready and not before. WE do however see that most thumb suckers have a lot more cold and virus so do enncouage hand washing!!!

Jordans' mom

 

[100AcreWood]

That is really tough. Our preschool has a no pacifier rule so dd couldn't have the pac after 15 months old. It was actually a good thing, it cut down on the sucking a lot. But thumbs are very different since you can't take them away. I agree with the other posters, the teacher is the problem.

Recently I took dd to the dentist for the first time and he commented the pacifier has affected her front teeth. He asked me to banish it in the next 6 months. So we started working on it (3 weeks later still working). The only times she keeps it is in the car and sleeping at night. So I have banished it from the car but it has created a lot of stress for her. She is finally down to only asking 2-3 times for it in the car. I told her a princess would call her when she went 28 days without the paci in the car. (we're doing the enchanted princess call). I didn't have a problem with her minimal use until the dentist pointed out its effects.

However, I refuse to take it away from her at night. I think some kids need their pacis or thumbs. My manager told me both her girls finally gave up their pacis sometime in the 4th year. And it wasn't tramatic it was their call. So I bet your little one will give up the thumb soon too (without the pressure).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Personally I think you are way too polite. I would have told that teacher to suck something and it wouldn't have been her thumb! My ds is a thumb sucker. We do not care if he ever stops! I mean honestly- do you know any grown men walking around sucking his thumb? When he feels he doesn't need it he will stop and not a minute before. I don't mean to tell you what to do but I would have a chat with her teacher. I had a teacher who used to pick on me because my Mom used to dress me all up for school (I was 6 years old). The other kids used to laugh at me because of the teacher and I obviously have not forgotten about it. It was very stressful for me and she used to make me cry. I never told my Mom about it until I was an adult because I always thought I had done something wrong as a kid. If she had known that teacher would have had one angry Mom on her hands! I would let her know that you are the parent and thumbsucking is okay with you and you don't need her to "break" your child of the habit. If she insists then tell her that you'd like to break her of her habit of being nasty as she too old for that nonsense!

 

[alisonbestford]

Well, my DF's DD (11) still sucks her thumb but, so what ?
She's well adjusted, spends loads of time doing cool stuff with school, girl guides etc, and has great times with her little sister, helping to organise dance routines when her friends call round

IMHO everyone has a vice - unfortunately, in adulthood, it is often smoking or drinking......

I'm a firm believer that kids should be allowed to be just that - kids!
DD (almost 7) still has a bottle of milk at night and in bed in the morning.
Do I worry? No

I know that DD is becoming worried about what people will say and will, eventually, stop.

I'd far rather she continued with her 'comfort' habit that indulge in something more sinister - like smoking!
There appears to be an increasing number of 10 year olds (in the UK at least! ) taking up smoking!

Life, in general is pretty stressful - full stop.
I won't even begin to try to make excuses

 

[rgribik]

Our preschool wanted the parents to discourage thumbsucking, because it not only spreads her germs, but she could pick up germs by sticking her thumb in her mouth all the time. They also have trouble understanding some kids because they can talk around their thumb(mine could talk with hers in). We let her pick out special bandaids and let her wear them during the day, then she could have her thumb at night. Then after a few weeks we put her special bandaids on at night, and she was all done sucking her thumb. My second daughter was a binkie baby, but she traded them in for a bike at 3 and a half. Anyway, your teacher doing anything more than a GENTLE reminder is not going to help, and will probally only make her nervous. Tell your teacher you are her parent and as such you will actively work on this on your time.

 

[Hodkys]

I have been surprised to read about these school 'pacifier rules'. I think any group of children have the ability to contribute plenty of germs - amongst themselves and passing it on to parents. Just think of those runny noses and childhood diseases that 'do the rounds'.

My son has sucked his thumb from birth. As he has grown he has sucked his thumb less. He now sucks it when he becomes tired and is ready for sleep. Whenever I watch him sleeping (don't they all look like little angels) he sucks his thumb then too - it's automatic. When I say he sucks his thumb...he probably just puts it in his mouth out of habit. I don't notice him actually sucking on it as he did when he was a baby and teething etc.

I think there are more aspects of a child's development that this teacher should be concentrating on - like numeracy, literacy, social and emotional development etc. Certainly, 'Prevention of thumb sucking' is not on our British National Curriculum.

I don't understand why it appears to be of such interest to this teacher. I wouldn't worry about it. If this teacher keeps reminding you or your daughter (in front of the other children is a No No) then you probably need to go and have a word with her and politely ask her to refrain.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Okay I'm probably going to get flamed by some by our dd (6) has sucked her thumb since she was in the womb (ultrasound). When she was in preschool teacher didn't bother her about it at all. We talked to her when she went to kindergarten about being a "big girl" and she agreed to no thumb sucking at school. That said she still sucks her thumb at night, when she's tired or needs comforting. Pediatrician said "just let her be" and that's my inclination. She's my sixth child and I really don't think any great harm (except maybe making the orthodontist richer) is going to happen if we let her do it until she is ready to stop on her own. I do think she would be very stressed out if someone was always pointing it out and making her feel bad about it. I would definitely talk to the preschool director about your daughters feelings. Good luck.

 

[Schmeck]

Well, my DF's DD (11) still sucks her thumb but, so what ?
She's well adjusted, spends loads of time doing cool stuff with school, girl guides etc, and has great times with her little sister, helping to organise dance routines when her friends call round

IMHO everyone has a vice - unfortunately, in adulthood, it is often smoking or drinking......

I'm a firm believer that kids should be allowed to be just that - kids!
DD (almost 7) still has a bottle of milk at night and in bed in the morning.
Do I worry? No

I know that DD is becoming worried about what people will say and will, eventually, stop.

I'd far rather she continued with her 'comfort' habit that indulge in something more sinister - like smoking!
There appears to be an increasing number of 10 year olds (in the UK at least! ) taking up smoking!

Life, in general is pretty stressful - full stop.
I won't even begin to try to make excuses

Doesn't falling asleep after drinking the bottle of milk cause a lot of tooth decay? Or does she get up after having the bottle and brush her teeth?

 

[alisonbestford]

Don't even go there about tooth decay
She cleans her teeth, and uses a mouth wash immediately after her bottle - both morning and night

 

[rt2dz]

I haven't read all the posts so I may very well be missing information, if so, I apologize. I also can't help you with how to get your little one to stop sucking her thumb--none of my 3 sucked their thumbs and gave up the pacifer on their own before a year. BUT...

I have served on the school boards of our old (accrediated) preschool. And I can tell you with absolute authority you have a problem with that preschool teacher. That is not a good thing. A child should be reprimanded in private, and in the case of the field trip, not by the teacher. If there is a problem (especially policy wise), a conference should have been set up by the teacher with you--no child present--where things could be discussed (problem, why a problem, possible solutions).

You now need to do a couple of things. Set up a conference with the preschool teacher. If that doesn't solve the problem (and it sounds as though it might not), another conference with the director of the preschool (where the teacher may or may not be present), and if that doesn't do the trick, switch preschools. You may just want to switch preschools immediately anyhow. At the very least, I'd start looking into other preschools so if the problem can not be resolved or gets worse, you already know what your back-up plan is.