When a Parent Dies and Loser Siblings Come Looking for Money

[tvguy]

I’m not sure about all states but tell her if she can charge fees for being executor to charge the maximum amount allowed.

I can't find any states that prohibit an executor from being paid.
In California, the compensation for an executor is determined by California Probate Code section 10800 and is calculated as follows:

• 4% on the first $100,000 of the estate's value
• 3% on the next $100,000 of the estate's value
• 2% on the next $800,000 of the estate's value
• 1% on the next $9 million of the estate's value
• 5% on the next $15 million of the estate's value
• A reasonable amount, as determined by the court, for all amounts above $25 million

 

[tvguy]

We have a situation in our family where the executor of the estate has not settled the estate and it has been three years. There is a house to be cleaned out and sold, and putting off the sale is doing nothing but reduce the cash assets of the estate. Taxes, insurance, upkeep eating up cash. Nothing anyone can do, because it isn't worth disrupting the family peace. But it would nice to have it settled.

 

[SteveH]

Been there, done that. Haven't talked to my brother in 15-years due to it, and zero regrets. Sorry you are going through this, sadly it's not uncommon.

Lesson I learned is you get to choose your friends, but you don't choose your family. That doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or even talk with them.

 

[china mom]

Lesson I learned from being a caregiver with non-helpful siblings.

1) My goal is to not live with either of my kids when I reach the point of needing that much care. Moving my mother in with me was very disruptive to my children's lives and they gave up a lot due to her being there.

2) if for some reason, one of my children does become my caregiver, either pay them a generous stipend or make provisions in the will for them to receive more.

I took my mother in out of familial obligation and compassion. Two of my three brothers took, took, took from her their whole lives and did not visit her one single time while she was living with me, make less help me with anything. And they did not live so far away that it would have been a burden to visit.

After she died, I found out that she had rewritten her will several years prior and had left much larger sums to the two who were leeches. It was not about the money but rathe the incredible resentment and feelings of betrayal I felt over her doing that.

Slightly in her defense, she did re-write the will before she needed to move in with me and receive around the clock care and, apparently never considered changing it back to equal distribution.

My lesson leaned: Hope that your children take care of you out of love but appreciate that even with love, they wil be making sacrifices. Show your appreciation and respect for the sacrifice by acknowledging it while you can (if you can) and also in your will.

 

[Kitty 34]

When we (my 4 siblings and I) lost our mother two years ago and then our Dad last summer it became very apparent that a couple of the siblings were quite money driven. It definitely divided what once was a "close" family unit. That's all I will say because it still hurts.