The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[pooksma]

Notes and a copy to the principal. I just spoke on the phone to a parent Thursday who told me; " I really appreaciate all that you are doing for my son. You are going beyond the norm."

This small comment kept me on a natural high for the rest of the day!

I also have kept many notes from students over the years. Each time I read them I feel better.

 

[Pooki]

On DD's teacher's webpage, she has this note which I think she stated wonderfully:

As the holidays approach, I just wanted to thank all of you for the wonderful gift of your child each day. Teachers are some of the most fortunate people on earth. Each and every holiday we are showered with gifts and love from our kids. As much as we enjoy gifts, we enjoy giving to the kids more. In that spirit, I ask that you click on the links below to add to our classroom library or look over the following list for things that I can use to make the rest of this school year better! Thank you so much in advance.

After that she included some very popular book series that her grade level enjoys, and I think that was a great way for her to help parents find "gifts" should they be inclined to get anything. On that note, I noticed that in DD's Scholastic book order (I saw it online, not sure if its in the paper catalog) they sell certificates you can give your teacher to redeem a free book for the classroom library. I will be getting those certificates for the teachers, as well as a small trinket I feel would be used and appreciated. My kids will make cards too

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Once again someone is confusing the word APPRECIATING with USING. It has been said here by actual teachers that ALL gifts are appreciated, but NOT ALL of them are used.

I totally disagree that a GC is lazy. I do not chose that mode of gifting as a way to get out of shopping. I want to buy something I am sure will be appreciated AND used. And I agree, Starbucks is not for everyone. But a $5 GC to the lady that occasionally comes into my kiddos class that I see in the morning with her Starbucks cup..yeah, I might do that.

As I said, I don't wish to start an argument with anyone who thinks gift cards are a thoughtful gift. I think they are lazy - you don't. Since we are not on each other's gift list, I don't think there is a problem with our difference of opinion. If you think a Starbucks gift card is a good gift for someone on your list, that's great for you.

As far as appreciating versus using gifts, saying that someone only wants gift cards and will throw everything else in the trash doesn't seem to appreciate the effort that went into selecting the gift. Again, my opinion. Everyone has received gifts they can't use. It is the expectation of gift cards that suggests no appreciation of anything else. (That's not to suggest that you or anyone else on this thread feels that way, before another argument starts.) Some of the posters have apparently been made to feel that their gifts will not be appreciated or used because they are not giving cash. That's just not the case for all teachers. Many teachers enjoy and appreciate other things rather than cash at Christmas.

I do appreciate that you can only have so many mugs, candles, and apple themed items. But I applaud the people who take the time to get to know their kids' teachers and choose what they think they would like, whether it is gift cards, homemade items, or something purchased with the teacher in mind. That's what gift giving is all about, whether it is a teacher or a family member.

 

[momx2]

For people who are saying teachers don't appreciate gifts given to them if they don't use them, what about a gift you've received but don't like?

For example, what if your aunt or grandma gets you a sweater you think is ugly. You take it back to the store and exchange it for something you do like or it sits in your closet and you never wear it and it just collects dust until you either throw it away or give it to Goodwill. How is this any different than a teacher doing the same thing with a gift they can't use or don't like. You still appreciate the thought and are thankful your grandma thought of you and got you something, but does wanting to exchange it mean you're ungrateful? Or do you just keep something and wear it even though you think it's ugly/doesn't fit you right etc. or you already have one that is the exact same thing?

I'm not seeing how it's any different for teachers.

I would take it back and exchange it for something I wanted, but I wouldn't go tell a bunch of grannys the things I think they should and shouldn't buy their granddaughters. I think that is what rubs me a little the wrong way.

First, teachers are great. They are incharge of our future basically by educating our children. Second, I see posts on here every year from teachers saying that they don't expect gifts, but then I see posts every year telling others what is wrong with their presents and what the teachers like the best. So that tells me that 1) most, but not all, teachers do expect the gifts and 2) they know what they want.

I wish I could make a list of gifts for my employees to get me, but oh, right, they don't buy me gifts. I guess I just feel there is a sense of entitlement from teachers, in general, for gifts and not only that, but the right gifts. I know I will get flamed probably for saying that, but that is the general tone on these boards every year whether it be about Christmas presents, end of year presents or teacher appreciation week presents. This is the only profession I know of that so much gift giving is involved.

Most parents I know do feel pressured to give the right gifts, so do the kids. I think schools should have policies on the amount and type of gifts to be given to make it fair to every child, because it hurts children to see a classmate give an expensive gift while his parents provided none.

 

[Kteacher]

My favorite gifts are the notes and artwork I receive . One former student drew a picture of my cat looking out my front door ( her grandparents live across the street from me, and she would always see the cat!). I framed that picture and have it hanging up in my hallway. My beloved cat has passed away, so the picture and memory are very precious to me. One of my favorite pictures is one a student drew of Stacy Keibler in a pink dance outfit. The child included himself in the picture-he told me it was a picture of his mom reading him a bedtime story .
I always give gifts to every child in my class -usually a bag filled with books, crayons,pencils,stickers,and a writing journal.

 

[Pooki]

One of my favorite pictures is one a student drew of Stacy Keibler in a pink dance outfit. The child included himself in the picture-he told me it was a picture of his mom reading him a bedtime story .

That has me rolling, Stacy Keibler is DH's dream girl!! How old was this child, anyhow?? And what sort of book was mom reading to him anyhow??

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I would take it back and exchange it for something I wanted, but I wouldn't go tell a bunch of grannys the things I think they should and shouldn't buy their granddaughters. I think that is what rubs me a little the wrong way.

First, teachers are great. They are incharge of our future basically by educating our children. Second, I see posts on here every year from teachers saying that they don't expect gifts, but then I see posts every year telling others what is wrong with their presents and what the teachers like the best. So that tells me that 1) most, but not all, teachers do expect the gifts and 2) they know what they want.

I wish I could make a list of gifts for my employees to get me, but oh, right, they don't buy me gifts. I guess I just feel there is a sense of entitlement from teachers, in general, for gifts and not only that, but the right gifts. I know I will get flamed probably for saying that, but that is the general tone on these boards every year whether it be about Christmas presents, end of year presents or teacher appreciation week presents. This is the only profession I know of that so much gift giving is involved.

Most parents I know do feel pressured to give the right gifts, so do the kids. I think schools should have policies on the amount and type of gifts to be given to make it fair to every child, because it hurts children to see a classmate give an expensive gift while his parents provided none.

Once again - extraordinarily well said!

 

[daisyduck123]

I just have to ask about the candle thing.. why?
We just bought some Yankee candles with their B2G2 sale on the big jars. I thought those would make lovely gifts for ds's teachers.
If the teacher doesn't like the scent, those are easy to re-gift. But I thought everyone loved YC!

Due to my cat, I never burn any candles in my home. All of the candles I receive go straight to my next yard sale.

 

[momx2]

Once again - extraordinarily well said!

Ahhh, thank you.

 

[TroyE]

Man, I could be saving alot of money on gifts if all teachers were as good as you.

My favorite gifts are the notes and artwork I receive . One former student drew a picture of my cat looking out my front door ( her grandparents live across the street from me, and she would always see the cat!). I framed that picture and have it hanging up in my hallway. My beloved cat has passed away, so the picture and memory are very precious to me. One of my favorite pictures is one a student drew of Stacy Keibler in a pink dance outfit. The child included himself in the picture-he told me it was a picture of his mom reading him a bedtime story .
I always give gifts to every child in my class -usually a bag filled with books, crayons,pencils,stickers,and a writing journal.

 

[mafibisha]

I guess I just feel there is a sense of entitlement from teachers, in general, for gifts and not only that, but the right gifts. I know I will get flamed probably for saying that, but that is the general tone on these boards every year whether it be about Christmas presents, end of year presents or teacher appreciation week presents. This is the only profession I know of that so much gift giving is involved. .

I respectfully disagree.

Teachers greatly appreciate everything and trust me, if you're a teacher, there is NO sense of entitlement on any front!!

Teachers would prefer NO ONE spend money on items that may SEEM unique to the parent ("Best Teacher" Mug) when in truth, EVERY parent thinks the same thing.
Sadly its not unique and it ends of being money spent that needn't be.

Especially in this economy, IF you insist on gifting, it would be more appreciated for the child to draw a picture with the words s/he writes in crayon, "best teacher."

And yes, many schools now DO have a policy of NO GIFTS. Its heartbreaking to see a little one say sheepishly they 'forgot' their gift, as they observe a classmate giving a teacher a crystal vase or mug ect.

Again, a card with a heartfelt note from the parent of child will be forever cherished.

 

[Kteacher]

That has me rolling, Stacy Keibler is DH's dream girl!! How old was this child, anyhow?? And what sort of book was mom reading to him anyhow??

I teach kindergarten :0 I'm very friendly with this family, and I know they are all huge DWTS fans. I know I can't speak for all teacher's but I truly love the pictures the kids draw for me, and I've framed and saved my favorites.

 

[MiniGirl]

I always thought this would be a good idea until somone did it to me recently. They donated money to a charity that was special to them but had absolutely no meaning to me. Even though they donated in my name, I felt like they were just giving money they would have given eventually anyway and sticking my name on it.

Like I mentioned though, the charities I was going to donate to were ones that lined up with the teacher's passions -- not mine. I did put a lot of thought and time into finding the right one, but was flamed so badly I didn't do it. I took the easy route and gave a gift card. The only reason I mentioned it here on this thread was because the OP (and many others) mentioned giving to a food bank or something in the teacher's name. It no longer matters anyway. I am homeschooling my oldest this year and next year will probably be bringing my youngest home as well, so my days of giving teacher gifts are almost over anyway.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Originally Posted by momx2
I guess I just feel there is a sense of entitlement from teachers, in general, for gifts and not only that, but the right gifts. I know I will get flamed probably for saying that, but that is the general tone on these boards every year whether it be about Christmas presents, end of year presents or teacher appreciation week presents. This is the only profession I know of that so much gift giving is involved. .

I respectfully disagree.

Teachers greatly appreciate everything and trust me, if you're a teacher, there is NO sense of entitlement on any front!!

Teachers would prefer NO ONE spend money on items that may SEEM unique to the parent ("Best Teacher" Mug) when in truth, EVERY parent thinks the same thing.
Sadly its not unique and it ends of being money spent that needn't be.

Especially in this economy, IF you insist on gifting, it would be more appreciated for the child to draw a picture with the words s/he writes in crayon, "best teacher."

And yes, many schools now DO have a policy of NO GIFTS. Its heartbreaking to see a little one say sheepishly they 'forgot' their gift, as they observe a classmate giving a teacher a crystal vase or mug ect.

Again, a card with a heartfelt note from the parent of child will be forever cherished.

I can't speak for all teachers of course but I can speak for myself and the fellow teachers in my school. I think the "problem" that we teachers run into is that we can say over an over PLEASE do not get us gifts. We are teachers becuase we love your children. Our gift is seeing the spark in a kid's eyes when what we have been teaching them clicks, when a child who has struggled finally makes strides, our gift is the little hugs we get (in the lower grades I'm sure this doesn't happen nearly as often in the upper grades), when we plan a lesson and see that the children are not just learning from it but enjoying it and the joy in their individual learning is evident, when on the last day of school we are SO proud of our students for all they have accomplished and we see how much they have grown phsically, emotionally and in their academics. These are the best gifts. The only thing we ask from the parents is to support their child in their education. We do not ask for material gifts, we do not want material gifts. Still, as is our experience even though we make it clear that we do not want families spending their money on us (in the nicest possible way) , some families will still insist on getting a gift. It is because of this that we teachers do reccomend items that we could use and most of us would never dream of asking for a personal gift. This isn't because of a sense of entitlement or expectation. It is because after years of teaching we know that even though we have asked for no gifts parents will still go out and get something. And OF COURSE the thought is appreciated Very much. It is just that IF a parent insists on spending money on a gift we would much rather it be for something we can use in our class, something that we and your child will use often and well. Many of these items have already been mentioned in previous posts. It isn't that we expect these things but we do acknowledge that some families do want to gift something and in knowing that we will make reccomendations so that you're gift will be used for the betterment of your child and his or her classmates. Instead of guessing what a teacher might want go directly to the teacher or the school and say "I realize that gifts are not expected for the teachers/school at the holiday times but I would really like to show my appreciation for all that you do for my child/ren. What can your classroom/school use that I could donate?" I am sure you will get some simple and economical ideas if you are really feeling the need to buy a gift. And you can be assured that your gift will be not just appreciated but also used.

 

[zachsmomie]

I know I posted earlier as a teacher but I'll post as a mom now. When my son was in school, I sent his teacher seasonal flowers. Sometimes I was fortunate enough that I could afford to have them delivered by the florist but one year my dad delivered them for me to save money and when my son got older, he took them to school himself. Every teacher loved them and I thought "oh, they are being nice" until a student did that for me at Christmas one year. His mom bought a small silver bud vase (dollar store? don't know..don't care)and placed a few flowers in it and tied a seasonal bow around it. I can still see him coming into the classroom carrying it and so proud. I still have that vase on my desk (minus the bow) for when my little ones bring in their treasured dandelions and othe small flowers they see on the way to school. They love having their flower on my desk. One year I had a parent send flowers at the end of one year. It feels very special to walk into the office and see flowers with your name on them.

Times are tough for many families. I would rather any family spend the money on their child instead of me. Seriously, that you took a few minutes of your time to write me a note means so much. When usually we only hear when we have done something parents don't like or think is unfair. It's nice to hear that we have done something right for a change.

As far as teachers feeling entitled, I can't speak for everyone but all the teachers I know don't expect anything. I love the ugly sweater analogy. Just because someone else thought the gift was a good idea, doesn't mean it was. I can tell you that every child who gives me something, be it a note, a fancy gift or a special barrette of theirs gets a thank you card mailed to their house over Christmas Break and I NEVER open any gifts in front of the class. I call the child over during a busy time and ask if they would like me to open their gift now or when I get home. If they say now, I open it, appreciate it and give them a hug and then they go back to what they were doing. No big show to make others feel bad.

This thread could be titled "Gifts for Neighbors", "Gifts for New CoWorkers", "Gifts for Doctors/Nurses/Dentists"...none of whom expect gifts, none of whom are your family and none of whom you know super well. It would be the same discussion.

 

[Kriii]

I'm a school speech language pathologist who works in a very poor area of town. Gifts are rare for our teachers and truly no one minds. Notes of appreciation are also rare but so appreciated. Last year, I got two notes from students telling me how much they appreciated my help and it meant so much! I literally have kept every note I've ever received in my career. Believe me, a sincere note is greatly appreciated.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Instead of guessing what a teacher might want go directly to the teacher or the school and say "I realize that gifts are not expected for the teachers/school at the holiday times but I would really like to show my appreciation for all that you do for my child/ren. What can your classroom/school use that I could donate?" I am sure you will get some simple and economical ideas if you are really feeling the need to buy a gift. And you can be assured that your gift will be not just appreciated but also used.

This is a wonderful idea, and your whole post is great! I think teachers in general are very appreciative and work extremely hard. I think the "backlash" (for lack of a better word) is because the posts on the DIS always seem to turn into "We only want gift cards and throw away everything else."

I asked one of my DD's teachers what she likes to get for Christmas from students (I asked this before she was my DD's teacher - she is also a mom at the school and we see each other outside school). She said she likes to get Christmas ornaments and thinks of her students every year when she puts her tree up. She probably also likes gift cards and maybe didn't feel like she should say that, or maybe she actually prefers a more personal gift. If you get to know your child's teacher (you in a general sense, not directed to anyone), you will find that they have lots of interests and likes outside of their job and can appreciate a well-thought gift, no matter the form or the cost.

 

[eeyorefan74]

Wow, who knew teacher gifts were so controversial? I just wanted to say thank you to all the teachers for doing one of the most important jobs on the planet. That being said, I'd especially like to say thanks to the ones who have posted that they treasure each ornament they've been given and display them on a tree every year, remembering the child who gave them. I think this says a lot about you as a person, and as a teacher. I would hope my DD's teachers would understand that gift giving is more about choosing something from the heart than anything else. I hate to see us become a society where we just exchange gift cards, go pick out our own gifts, and avoid any real thought. So, as many PP's have said, if you do a gift card, don't forego having your child write that heartfelt note, or writing one yourself. Obviously from this thread, there is a need for schools to place real limits on gift-giving. I think the schools who have asked for book donations and classrooms who do something together for charity are doing a great thing. As a parent, I'd certainly appreciate a note home from my child's teacher asking for something like this instead of gifts.

 

[dismom2]

I have to respond with another side....

My mom is a teacher and has been for years. Although I agree with your first point on the food, every other point does not affect my mom.

My mom has a 7 1/2 tree at the cabin dedicated to her ornaments from her "kids" . After 30 years of teaching, she can also tell you which kid gave her which ornament - for every one!!!

She also has all of the knick-knacks and coffee mugs and uses them as storage in her sewing/craft room. She cherishes all of these gifts. And, like I said above, can still tell you who gave her each and every one!!

Some teachers really do appreciate all of the stuff the their "kids" do for them.



amy

After reading so many posts about how teachers hate the gifts they recieve, and how they throw them in the garbage this is really refrshing to read.

My sister is a nurse and she gets a lot of themed Christmas ornaments. She proudly displays them, year after year, on a tree specifically meant to remind her of her work, and she fondly remembers each and every thoughtful person who thought enough about her to give her one.This special tree means a lot to her---she said that when she add's on to it, it is like putting a little piece of someone's heart on the tree. My hairdresser also has a similar tree, with hair stylist themed ornaments. I think this is a sign of true appreciation.

My parents, who grew up in the depression era, could find a use for just about anything. As for mugs, my father uses them in the garage to put screws, nuts, bolts and many, many other little items into. He also uses other small containers that gifts came in for the same use. My mother uses them as pencil holders (so do I, and one for my make-up brushes and other things), to hold little craft items, etc... Where there is a will, there is a way.

If you truly have too many of one thing, please try to find an alternative to throwing them away, or recycle them in some way. Or, donate them to someone who would appreciate them.

The saddest thing I read on this thread are the posts full of excuses as to why you cannot even donate unwanted gifts. There are many different cherities and organizations that could use your unwanted things. And for those of you who went the extra mile to express how inconvenient it is for you to have to take the time to donate----well, that's just sad. I don't even know what to day about that.

Some teachers have chimed in here to say that they do like candles, Bath and Body Works gifts and such, so not all teachers hate these items. As for the antibacterial hand soap----I can't imagine anyone complaining about receiving that as a gift. If you don't want it at home, it would be great for use at school (there can never be too much handwashing at school), after-all, people do need soap----I would hope ( and if you. personally, are allergic to it, don't use it, but many other people can use it, and it may prevent you from catching something----too many schools don't supply soap). And the comment about how we buy them at the 5 for $10 sale----that is really, really sad. Does it really matter if we got it when it was on sale?

The comment about someone donating to a cherity that you aren't familiar with---- it's the thought that counts; someone was trying to help someone less fortunate. My parents donate to many charities in the names of others. It's a bit selfish to say that you don't like the cherity someone chose. I plan to donate to several animal funds---would that be offensive? Should I not do so because it was in your name, and you don't like animals? I think you are missing the whole meaning behind the gesture.

As a parent of 3 children with many teachers to buy for, it is a bit disheartneing to read pages and pages of teachers (on several threads) articulating, in an unkind manner, thier disproval of the gifts they receive. There is nothing wrong with making helpful suggestions of what teachers, in general, would use, but to insult every parent (which, evidentially, is a good portion of them) is not a very kind thing to do. These parents and children thought you were going to like your gift, or I'm sure they would not have spent thier hard earned money on them.

A good suggestion for all those unwanted candles and goodies you recieve would be to put them in the teachers lounge and let the people who like lotion, B&BW items, candles, frames, food, and ornaments (and anything else) take them home. There are a lot of people who do like those gifts. And most people know people who they can pass them on to (and if this is an inconvenience for you, don't participate). I know I would glady take home some of those gifts. Even if I already have some of them, I like to stock up so I don't have to buy those things later on.

I thought of another use for all the ornaments. Why not hang a garland, or put up a tree (doesn't have to be a Christmas tree) and hang them on them at the school? You can fit many ornaments on one smallish tree, and I think it would be a nice holiday decor. When the tree get's too full, you can take them down and add new ones. I think children would really get a kick out seeing thier ornaments proudly displayed. As the kids get older and move on, you can replace them with new ones.

I have a lot of good idea's for those unwanted gifts. I'm sorry to read that so many teachers would rather call our gifts usless trash, yard sale and thrift-store rejects, clutter, a health hazzard, an an inconvenience. This really doesn't have to be the case. Just use your imagination---- the possibilities are endless, whether you choose to keep the gifts or not.

As for the pictures of the kids you recieve.... I think the collage idea is wonderful (and can be rotated out as the board gets full and the kids move on). Our school has a couple of these hung up and it's great to see pictures of all the kids we have known, especially the older ones. It doesn't have to be "your child" to mean something. Again---use your imagination. You can scan the pictures into your computer and downsize them.

Thank you to the teachers who think that notes are the best gift. Especially the ones who would rather have those than gift cards. Gift cards are nothing more than cash. You can't please everyone---one of these days nobody will have a gift to open, as it will be nothing more than a gift card/cash exchange. Wrapping paper will be a thing of the past. It's sad when people only want cash.

I just want to add that this does not apply to all of you. There were just a lot of threads that sounded the same, and I am commenting to those teachers.

I truly appreciate teachers, and I show that by helping out at the school and being involved in my childrens' education. I just think this whole gift giving thing has truly gotten out of hand. My wish for teachers is that you get a raise. I always vote for you and the important school subjects at every election.

 

[ckrum]

I am a single mom on a very tight budget. My little one gets special help from two different teachers and she has a student teacher. I don't know if its rude not to buy for all of them. I just simply can't buy for all of them so i am sticking to just their main teachers. I would like to acknowledge them in some way. I am sure that they understand people just can't afford to get too much. I know one is a Dunkin Donuts fanatic, but since we are on a budget do you think a $10.00 gift card is too cheap? I don't want my daughter's to be the only one in their class that doesn't give their teacher anything so we will give something, but it can't be much.

I think this would be fine. To be honest, I love even a $5 gc. Also, gc to a local bookstore are fine. And, the homemade cards/crafts from the kids are just precious. I try to keep them displayed in my classroom & rotate them occasionally. I've also had a child that made a donation to our local animal shelter, in my name, that was very sweet. It really has nothing to do the with amount or how elaborate the gift, just the joy on the child's face and knowing you are appreciated.
Last year, my DDs teacher asked that any gifts be for the classroom & she sent home a "wish list". She had things like: cardstock, colored copy paper, stickers for an upcoming project, etc... DD really enjoyed shopping for items on the wish list. Although, we also added a gc to a local bookstore for the teacher.