The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[dismom2]

I can't speak for all teachers of course but I can speak for myself and the fellow teachers in my school. I think the "problem" that we teachers run into is that we can say over an over PLEASE do not get us gifts. We are teachers becuase we love your children. Our gift is seeing the spark in a kid's eyes when what we have been teaching them clicks, when a child who has struggled finally makes strides, our gift is the little hugs we get (in the lower grades I'm sure this doesn't happen nearly as often in the upper grades), when we plan a lesson and see that the children are not just learning from it but enjoying it and the joy in their individual learning is evident, when on the last day of school we are SO proud of our students for all they have accomplished and we see how much they have grown phsically, emotionally and in their academics. These are the best gifts. The only thing we ask from the parents is to support their child in their education. We do not ask for material gifts, we do not want material gifts. Still, as is our experience even though we make it clear that we do not want families spending their money on us (in the nicest possible way) , some families will still insist on getting a gift. It is because of this that we teachers do reccomend items that we could use and most of us would never dream of asking for a personal gift. This isn't because of a sense of entitlement or expectation. It is because after years of teaching we know that even though we have asked for no gifts parents will still go out and get something. And OF COURSE the thought is appreciated Very much. It is just that IF a parent insists on spending money on a gift we would much rather it be for something we can use in our class, something that we and your child will use often and well. Many of these items have already been mentioned in previous posts. It isn't that we expect these things but we do acknowledge that some families do want to gift something and in knowing that we will make reccomendations so that you're gift will be used for the betterment of your child and his or her classmates. Instead of guessing what a teacher might want go directly to the teacher or the school and say "I realize that gifts are not expected for the teachers/school at the holiday times but I would really like to show my appreciation for all that you do for my child/ren. What can your classroom/school use that I could donate?" I am sure you will get some simple and economical ideas if you are really feeling the need to buy a gift. And you can be assured that your gift will be not just appreciated but also used.

In all my years as a mother, I have never been asked by a teacher or school to NOT buy a gift.

Also, there have been many teachers on this thread (and other's) asking for personal gift cards---not one's that are used for the better good of the classroom. Since when do kids drink Starbucks?

I appreciate what you are saying, but if you read all the posts, you can clearly see that many teachers want gifts for themselves, not the classroom.
Not that they don't deserve some pampering---they do, but I just wanted to point that out since you brought it up.

 

[Ephany]

We always do vouchers to the local movie theater and a giftcard to Walmart so the teacher can buy something for the classroom along with a card from DD. Every teacher so far has come up to us after the holiday break and made a point to tell us what movie they saw and how much they enjoyed having a night out, so we'll be boring and stick that idea for now. We also add a book for the classroom on our Scholastic orders. I figure my DD's teacher and her para have done so much for DD this year already, giving them a few hours out and some kleenex is the least we can do.

 

[Anne34]

I am a single mom on a very tight budget. My little one gets special help from two different teachers and she has a student teacher. I don't know if its rude not to buy for all of them. I just simply can't buy for all of them so i am sticking to just their main teachers. I would like to acknowledge them in some way. I am sure that they understand people just can't afford to get too much. I know one is a Dunkin Donuts fanatic, but since we are on a budget do you think a $10.00 gift card is too cheap? I don't want my daughter's to be the only one in their class that doesn't give their teacher anything so we will give something, but it can't be much.

I think $10 is perfectly acceptable. I usually do $10-15 for the teacher depending on the year. You also have two teachers to buy for. I also think $5.00 for Dunkin Donuts is also fine....they can get a coffee and donut.

Just do what is in your budget.

 

[dismom2]

I know I posted earlier as a teacher but I'll post as a mom now. When my son was in school, I sent his teacher seasonal flowers. Sometimes I was fortunate enough that I could afford to have them delivered by the florist but one year my dad delivered them for me to save money and when my son got older, he took them to school himself. Every teacher loved them and I thought "oh, they are being nice" until a student did that for me at Christmas one year. His mom bought a small silver bud vase (dollar store? don't know..don't care)and placed a few flowers in it and tied a seasonal bow around it. I can still see him coming into the classroom carrying it and so proud. I still have that vase on my desk (minus the bow) for when my little ones bring in their treasured dandelions and othe small flowers they see on the way to school. They love having their flower on my desk. One year I had a parent send flowers at the end of one year. It feels very special to walk into the office and see flowers with your name on them.

Times are tough for many families. I would rather any family spend the money on their child instead of me. Seriously, that you took a few minutes of your time to write me a note means so much. When usually we only hear when we have done something parents don't like or think is unfair. It's nice to hear that we have done something right for a change.

As far as teachers feeling entitled, I can't speak for everyone but all the teachers I know don't expect anything. I love the ugly sweater analogy. Just because someone else thought the gift was a good idea, doesn't mean it was. I can tell you that every child who gives me something, be it a note, a fancy gift or a special barrette of theirs gets a thank you card mailed to their house over Christmas Break and I NEVER open any gifts in front of the class. I call the child over during a busy time and ask if they would like me to open their gift now or when I get home. If they say now, I open it, appreciate it and give them a hug and then they go back to what they were doing. No big show to make others feel bad.

This thread could be titled "Gifts for Neighbors", "Gifts for New CoWorkers", "Gifts for Doctors/Nurses/Dentists"...none of whom expect gifts, none of whom are your family and none of whom you know super well. It would be the same discussion.

That's a sweet story about the flowers. I love having my kids take flowers to the teachers. Sadly, though, another teacher will surely chime in and suggest that parent not send flowers because it will send them into an asthmatic state, or set off thier allergies. Then, they will complain about the "dollar store" vase, how they have too many vases, how it will clutter up thier house, how it will take time to donate only to find out even the charity won't want it. It's really a no-win situation. It seems that gift cards (plastic cash) are the only way to please the majority.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I have been following this thread over the past couple of days and I have a question.

WHAT GRADE do these teachers teach and/or how old are your kids?

DS is in 7th grade. He has 7 teachers, plus a percussion instructor. Are any of the parents here still trying to give gifts when their kids get to that age, or do you stop after elementary?

I will say we gave Barnes & Noble gift cards to the teachers last year - 7 in all. Only 2 teachers thanked me. This year I *might* be able to do a $5 card for each of them. I just got $700 in Dr. bills that I wasn't expecting so that has thrown off my groove.

Several weeks ago the PTA hosted an appreciation lunch for the teachers and I donated a large cookie platter and brownies from Sam's. Maybe another donation like that for the teacher's lounge would be appropriate? I don't know.

 

[momx2]

In all my years as a mother, I have never been asked by a teacher or school to NOT buy a gift.

Also, there have been many teachers on this thread (and other's) asking for personal gift cards---not one's that are used for the better good of the classroom. Since when do kids drink Starbucks?

I appreciate what you are saying, but if you read all the posts, you can clearly see that many teachers want gifts for themselves, not the classroom.
Not that they don't deserve some pampering---they do, but I just wanted to point that out since you brought it up.

I wanted to post the exact same thing in response to that post, but didn't because I just really don't want to start another argument. I just wanted to let you know I totally agree with this post and your post before this one. This entire discussion makes me very sad......

 

[mjkacmom]

As a parent of 3 children with many teachers to buy for, it is a bit disheartneing to read pages and pages of teachers (on several threads) articulating, in an unkind manner, thier disproval of the gifts they receive. There is nothing wrong with making helpful suggestions of what teachers, in general, would use, but to insult every parent (which, evidentially, is a good portion of them) is not a very kind thing to do. These parents and children thought you were going to like your gift, or I'm sure they would not have spent thier hard earned money on them.

.

Amazing how different people can read the same threads, and get such different opinions. Please copy and paste the unkind manner articulated by the teachers. What I've learned is that the majority of teachers don't want gifts, would much prefer handmade cards or nice letters from the parents, or classroom supplies, and although they truly appreciate the gifts they receive, if parents really feel the need to give them gifts, to steer away from items that might never be used. BTW, although gc's may be an thoughtless gift, IMHO, there is no more generic gift than a candle.

I also think a good portion of the parents here buy gc's, and are not insulted. On the other hand, I think the few who purchased body lotion, ornaments, mugs, and candles in the past, are getting their panties in a bunch!

 

[mrsltg]

I have to respond with another side....

My mom is a teacher and has been for years. Although I agree with your first point on the food, every other point does not affect my mom.

My mom has a 7 1/2 tree at the cabin dedicated to her ornaments from her "kids" . After 30 years of teaching, she can also tell you which kid gave her which ornament - for every one!!!

She also has all of the knick-knacks and coffee mugs and uses them as storage in her sewing/craft room. She cherishes all of these gifts. And, like I said above, can still tell you who gave her each and every one!!

Some teachers really do appreciate all of the stuff the their "kids" do for them.

amy

Thank God! I thought I was going to blow an anyeurism reading these posts up until yours! I mean really? Seriously? "Give me ....... not ........." WTH? "I want xyz not abc." How in tune with the season!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

In all my years as a mother, I have never been asked by a teacher or school to NOT buy a gift.

Also, there have been many teachers on this thread (and other's) asking for personal gift cards---not one's that are used for the better good of the classroom. Since when do kids drink Starbucks?

I appreciate what you are saying, but if you read all the posts, you can clearly see that many teachers want gifts for themselves, not the classroom.
Not that they don't deserve some pampering---they do, but I just wanted to point that out since you brought it up.

Which is why I said : "I can't speak for all teachers of course but I can speak for myself and the fellow teachers in my school.". I have read this thread all the way through so I do know that some teachers do enjoy personal gifts that are just for themselves. I can tell you that where I teach, the teachers are very upfront about NOT buying gifts. This will not be the case in every single school, obviously. Really I don't want there to be so much stress for families in the holiday season over what to get a teacher, whether or not to get a teacher anything, Will the teacher like it? Will it be used? Is the money being wasted by buying a gift? Gosh, there are other things to worry about than this. Just keep it simple: In my opinion the best thing to do is to write a thoughtful note as a parent and have your child write one as well. If one feels a need to show their appreciation by buying a gift for the teacher contact the teacher directly and ask directly what he or she would like for the classroom. Again, I can't venture to speak for every single teacher just myself and the teachers whom I work with.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have been following this thread over the past couple of days and I have a question.

WHAT GRADE do these teachers teach and/or how old are your kids?

DS is in 7th grade. He has 7 teachers, plus a percussion instructor. Are any of the parents here still trying to give gifts when their kids get to that age, or do you stop after elementary?

I will say we gave Barnes & Noble gift cards to the teachers last year - 7 in all. Only 2 teachers thanked me. This year I *might* be able to do a $5 card for each of them. I just got $700 in Dr. bills that I wasn't expecting so that has thrown off my groove.

Several weeks ago the PTA hosted an appreciation lunch for the teachers and I donated a large cookie platter and brownies from Sam's. Maybe another donation like that for the teacher's lounge would be appropriate? I don't know.

My oldest is in middle school, and I know the teachers get a lot less gifts than the elementary school teachers. I've never spoken to any of her teachers - I will actually have to look at her report card to find their names. However, dd7 was selling candy for Brownies, and I had to solicit during these tough ecomonic times, so I bought chocolate covered pretzels (in a holiday tin) for her teachers. They can eat them, put them in the teachers lounge, regift - I figured it was a win-win - dd gets her badge, someone gets a snack!

 

[momx2]

Amazing how different people can read the same threads, and get such different opinions. Please copy and paste the unkind manner articulated by the teachers. What I've learned is that the majority of teachers don't want gifts, would much prefer handmade cards or nice letters from the parents, or classroom supplies, and although they truly appreciate the gifts they receive, if parents really feel the need to give them gifts, to steer away from items that might never be used. BTW, although gc's may be an thoughtless gift, IMHO, there is no more generic gift than a candle.

I also think a good portion of the parents here buy gc's, and are not insulted. On the other hand, I think the few who purchased body lotion, ornaments, mugs, and candles in the past, are getting their panties in a bunch!

I have bought both, GC for the past couple years, but my panties aren't in a bunch. You can put a laughing smilie beside your post, but it doesn't make it funny. I am truly sad about this thread and what I have learned.

I also don't believe that the majority of teachers don't want gifts. I believe the majority expects the gifts. If not, why is there a whole week dedicated to teacher appreciation in most schools with lists of things for parents to bring in? Why do we give money to buy class gifts, only to have to also buy an individual gift so our child doesn't feel bad?

BTW, some may not like candles as a gift, but I love them. I have actually spent long periods of my time in candle stores trying to find the perfect candle for certain people. Again, I just find this so sad....a sign of our times I'm afraid.

 

[dismom2]

I wanted to post the exact same thing in response to that post, but didn't because I just really don't want to start another argument. I just wanted to let you know I totally agree with this post and your post before this one. This entire discussion makes me very sad......

Thank you. I think a lot of people feel the same way, but are afraid to post for fear of getting flamed. I read the whole thread (and some of the other similar ones) and I shared them with my family and some friends. They all made the same comments I did, so, I know I was speaking for many other people when I said what I did. Thank you again.

 

[piglet50]

my kids are too old for me to use any of these ideas. i sure wish i had seen this thread several years ago.

 

[mjkacmom]

I also don't believe that the majority of teachers don't want gifts. I believe the majority expects the gifts. If not, why is there a whole week dedicated to teacher appreciation in most schools with lists of things for parents to bring in? Why do we give money to buy class gifts, only to have to also buy an individual gift so our child doesn't feel bad?

.

Well, then we can agree to disagree, because I know many teachers, and NONE of them want or expect gifts. It's sad that people like yourself feel this way. Please, instead of the candle, have your child draw his or her teacher a picture, maybe with some wording on why the teacher is special. Really, that's what the teachers want.

 

[irky416]

I would take it back and exchange it for something I wanted, but I wouldn't go tell a bunch of grannys the things I think they should and shouldn't buy their granddaughters. I think that is what rubs me a little the wrong way.

First, teachers are great. They are incharge of our future basically by educating our children. Second, I see posts on here every year from teachers saying that they don't expect gifts, but then I see posts every year telling others what is wrong with their presents and what the teachers like the best. So that tells me that 1) most, but not all, teachers do expect the gifts and 2) they know what they want.

I wish I could make a list of gifts for my employees to get me, but oh, right, they don't buy me gifts. I guess I just feel there is a sense of entitlement from teachers, in general, for gifts and not only that, but the right gifts. I know I will get flamed probably for saying that, but that is the general tone on these boards every year whether it be about Christmas presents, end of year presents or teacher appreciation week presents. This is the only profession I know of that so much gift giving is involved.

Most parents I know do feel pressured to give the right gifts, so do the kids. I think schools should have policies on the amount and type of gifts to be given to make it fair to every child, because it hurts children to see a classmate give an expensive gift while his parents provided none.

Is giving a list to that granny of ideas of gifts you might enjoy any different than what's going on in this thread?

I am not getting from this thread that teachers are dictating what they receive but rather trying to just let people know what might be most useful. In my family, we always give lists of things we would like and many other families I know as well. This is no different. Yes, sometimes you get things not on the list and you like them just as much, but sometimes you don't like them. That's the risk you take when you buy a gift for someone. I don't understand why people think just because you give a gift to someone means the receiver has to keep it and use it and love it or they're seen as ungrateful and entitled.

Amazing how different people can read the same threads, and get such different opinions. Please copy and paste the unkind manner articulated by the teachers. What I've learned is that the majority of teachers don't want gifts, would much prefer handmade cards or nice letters from the parents, or classroom supplies, and although they truly appreciate the gifts they receive, if parents really feel the need to give them gifts, to steer away from items that might never be used. BTW, although gc's may be an thoughtless gift, IMHO, there is no more generic gift than a candle.

I also think a good portion of the parents here buy gc's, and are not insulted. On the other hand, I think the few who purchased body lotion, ornaments, mugs, and candles in the past, are getting their panties in a bunch!

Thia is how I am reading it as well!

 

[momx2]

Well, then we can agree to disagree, because I know many teachers, and NONE of them want or expect gifts. It's sad that people like yourself feel this way. Please, instead of the candle, have your child draw his or her teacher a picture, maybe with some wording on why the teacher is special. Really, that's what the teachers want.

Do you mean that "people like me" feel sad? Because in my posts I have stated more than once that is how I feel about this entire conversation. I'm very happy that the teachers at your school don't expect gifts, but at my children's school it is. Now, no teacher has ever said to me or my children that they expect gifts, but of course they do and I truly think they deserve a little gift from my child. Unfortunately, in many schools it has turned into a competition and the children are the ones who end up losing, IMO.

I have said before on this thread that I think most teachers are great. I also believe it is one of the most important jobs in America, but to publicly say what someone should get you as a gift is just sad to me.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

My oldest is in middle school, and I know the teachers get a lot less gifts than the elementary school teachers. I've never spoken to any of her teachers - I will actually have to look at her report card to find their names. However, dd7 was selling candy for Brownies, and I had to solicit during these tough ecomonic times, so I bought chocolate covered pretzels (in a holiday tin) for her teachers. They can eat them, put them in the teachers lounge, regift - I figured it was a win-win - dd gets her badge, someone gets a snack!

So why is it OK to buy generic chocolate covered pretzels that benefit your DD, but it is not OK for parents to buy Godiva chocolate, candles, or body lotions? It seems that some of the PP have put a lot of thought and effort into their gifts, not just ordered ten of the same items for people whose names they don't even know. Either way, I hope your DD's teachers appreciate that you remembered them at Christmas, and I hope your panties don't get in a bunch if they post on the DIS about the parent who only gave them pretzels so her DD could earn her Brownie badge.

I don't think I've ever been guilty of purchasing body lotions or mugs for a teacher, but I am guilt of buying chocolate for them!

 

[momx2]

Is giving a list to that granny of ideas of gifts you might enjoy any different than what's going on in this thread?

I would never give my granny a list of thing to buy me. If she asked what I wanted I would tell her, but I wouldn't take it upon myself to give her a list or tell what to buy me.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Well, then we can agree to disagree, because I know many teachers, and NONE of them want or expect gifts. It's sad that people like yourself feel this way. Please, instead of the candle, have your child draw his or her teacher a picture, maybe with some wording on why the teacher is special. Really, that's what the teachers want.

Then I hope your DD is giving pictures with her pretzels.

I LIKE buying teacher gifts, and I love all of my kids' teachers. Fortunately, they all have too much class to ask for a $5 gift card instead of something my child thought they would like. Maybe they do throw it away in private, but I hope they can appreciate the joy from a 5 year old who gets to pick out a gift and give it to a favorite teacher.

 

[allison443]

Let me say up front that our school collects money from each parent (whoever wishes to contribute) and gives the teachers a monetary gift. I always contribute to that (usually $10 sometimes $20). I get that money is useful, everyone can use it, etc.

However, especially when my kids were in the younger grades, they would get very excited about picking out a special gift for their teachers because they really liked their teachers. I shamefully admit I have given some Bath and Body Works stuff over the years . (seriously, though, who can't use soap? Put it in the teacher's bathroom at school if you don't like it.)

I certainly hope my kids' teachers weren't annoyed that my kids picked out a gift and gave them a nice card. like some on here seem to be. They certainly didn't seem to be. My kids have received lovely thank you notes from them, usually sent home the same day. Maybe it's okay to give a gift as long as I also gave money.

I'm not a teacher but I was a volunteer Girl Scout leader for many years. The girls in my troop sometimes gave Christmas or year end gifts. I was very touched by whatever I received. I certainly didn't think, oh, I wish it was a Starbucks gift card instead.