The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[dismom2]

I'm still a bit confused on the whole getting to know your teacher so you can buy her a gift that's special to her.

Last year one of my kids had a teacher who was/is a huge dog lover. She has several dogs and talked about them all the time in class. We knew this much about her, so we got her some dog themed items, and some B&BW items, and put them all in a nice reusable basket.
Now I have to wonder if she feels the same way about dog themed items as many teachers feel about teacher themed items. Maybe since many people know she likes dogs so much other people got her dog themed items, too? Maybe she has too many and threw our gift away.

One of my children has a teacher who is a huge Disney fanatic. Naturally, I would think I was putting thought into a gift if it was Disney themed. Well, maybe she has too much of that theme, and maybe we got the wrong characters. Do you see where I am going with this? Short of me going down to the school and interviewing all my children's teachers, there is no way I would be able to know exactly what they want or have too much of. I think this is one reason why people give a lot of pampering type items. One year I gave several people Gold Canyon Candles, which are high quality candles, and not cheap. I tried to choose popular scents. I didn't realize so many people do not want candles. I really didn't. I really thought I was giving a greaat gift.

I think school supplies are always good to give a teacher. I like to buy that sort of thing throughout the year, when it's on clearence, and give it to the teachers, as I know they can use it.
But, for Christmas, maybe the teacher would like something more for herself, and not the class.We have heard stories from many teachers here, and now I am more confused than ever. Some said they LOVE home baked goods. Many say they throw it away. Some say they aren't allowed to receive it.
Even though a lot of teachers say they don't want or need certain items, there are several on this thread who said they do like these gifts.
It's all very confusing. As for gift cards, I know that in some instances, if I were to give people a Walmart gift card, it would not get used (myself included), because a lot of people will not give Walmart their business (there have been threads about Walmart and how a lot of people boycot them). Not that that is the only store, but there are many small towns that only have one department store, and that is usually a Walmart.
It's really hard to tell, even if you get to know a teacher somewhat, what to get them. When your kids get older and move up in grades, the teachers don't seem to need help as much, and when I do help, we are so busy with the kids and doing what we are suppose to do with them during a school day, we don't sit and chat about specific things they like to recieve as gifts. There is no time for that. And, at my childrens' school, they close the campus before and after school and only kids are allowed on it. We parents have to wait outside the gates, and if we want a meeting with the teacher, we have to make an appointment. I can't see making an appointment just to quiz the teacher on what to get her for Christmas. It's usually all "business". And, since my children do very well in school, most of the time I am sent home a note saying they don't need me to participate in the parent teacher conferences. So, there again, I don't get a lot of opportunity to meet with the teacher.
I do quiz my children sometimes and ask them what everyone got the teacher for a gift, but they can't remember everything, and the teachers, if they open the gifts during class, "act" like they like everything they get, or so my children have said. And, the teachers who go out of thier way to send home a thank you card (not all do) always say how much they liked our gift. I have no way of knowing if they are not being truthful.

I do like the idea of writing a special note to those teachers who have really made a huge impact on a child. There are a couple teachers who my kids still talk about to this day---I can tell by how my children talk which teachers have truly made a lasting impression on my children. Not that they didn't like the others (they did), but these few really stand out. I'm old now, but I can only remember the names of 3 teachers I had when I was in grade school and one from high school. One of those teachers I wrote a letter to several years after I graduated to let her know she indeed made an impact in my life and I will always remember her. Even though I will never see her again, I really thought it would make her feel good to know she was truly special to me, and I appreciated her, and will always remember her. What better gift is there than that? I couldn't do this for every teacher I have ever had, but out of respect, I would give a general good wishes card or note to them.

I have learned a lot from this thread, including some things I wish I didn't. But, I have read a few heart warming stories, too, which were really nice.

Most gift givers mean well, which is what everyone should keep in mind.

 

[MKCP5]

DH once came home with socks from a student for X-mas. Like a package of white gym socks, so far that has been the strangest thing we have gotten.

Best one we have have ever gotten was three huge portions of frozen salmon!! Dad had gone fishing in WA and had it all shipped home, frozen. Very generously shared a portion with us. Don't think that will ever happen again!!

 

[cinmell]

While I applaud donating to charity on my behalf. This is where I'd have a problem with it. If I worked in a very poor district where the kids at the school are on the poverty line and someone donated a goat to a a third world country, than to the neighborhood school kids, that would be a problem for me.

Yes, I have compassion for third world countries, but we have children starving here too. I think if I was a teacher, I'd want to see the kids at my own school being helped. Tha'ts what I'm there for. To me, charity begins at home & in the home neighborhoods.

Also, I really don't like people picking charities on my behalf. If you know my charities, great, then by all means donate. But don't pick a goat or cow in another country & say it's from me.

I very much agree with all that you said.

 

[Cindy B]

See, it doesn't bother me about the donation from or to help other places. I place a large amount of time in the social studies curriculum explaining and stating that others are hurting around the world also.

By explaining that other kids around the world are also hurting (with much LESS!), kds can understand that their situation is NOT hopeless. For example, my kids are studying CUBA. The average Cuba salary is about $10-20 PER MONTH.

They can see that they have more than that. In fact some of my kids even asked unprompted "What can I do to help these kids?".

My kids get a lot of programs and they know that. THere are three after school programs, free breakfast, free lunch, gov't assistance, etc. I don't mention these programs to them but those have all come up in class discussion.

 

[mamalle]

Yes, but the gift is not about what you need or what you want. It's about the thought.

I was raised this way and raising my kids this way too..

 

[Bopsmom]

I was raised this way and raising my kids this way too..

I just had a chuckle. My DGrandma from SC used to say, "you raise chickens and you rear children". This is in no way a criticism of your usage, just a funny transient thought I had when I read your post.. Isn't it funny what will remind a person of a loved one.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm still a bit confused on the whole getting to know your teacher so you can buy her a gift that's special to her.

Last year one of my kids had a teacher who was/is a huge dog lover. She has several dogs and talked about them all the time in class. We knew this much about her, so we got her some dog themed items, and some B&BW items, and put them all in a nice reusable basket.
Now I have to wonder if she feels the same way about dog themed items as many teachers feel about teacher themed items. Maybe since many people know she likes dogs so much other people got her dog themed items, too? Maybe she has too many and threw our gift away.

One of my children has a teacher who is a huge Disney fanatic. Naturally, I would think I was putting thought into a gift if it was Disney themed. Well, maybe she has too much of that theme, and maybe we got the wrong characters. Do you see where I am going with this? Short of me going down to the school and interviewing all my children's teachers, there is no way I would be able to know exactly what they want or have too much of. I think this is one reason why people give a lot of pampering type items. One year I gave several people Gold Canyon Candles, which are high quality candles, and not cheap. I tried to choose popular scents. I didn't realize so many people do not want candles. I really didn't. I really thought I was giving a greaat gift.

I think school supplies are always good to give a teacher. I like to buy that sort of thing throughout the year, when it's on clearence, and give it to the teachers, as I know they can use it.
But, for Christmas, maybe the teacher would like something more for herself, and not the class.We have heard stories from many teachers here, and now I am more confused than ever. Some said they LOVE home baked goods. Many say they throw it away. Some say they aren't allowed to receive it.
Even though a lot of teachers say they don't want or need certain items, there are several on this thread who said they do like these gifts.
It's all very confusing. As for gift cards, I know that in some instances, if I were to give people a Walmart gift card, it would not get used (myself included), because a lot of people will not give Walmart their business (there have been threads about Walmart and how a lot of people boycot them). Not that that is the only store, but there are many small towns that only have one department store, and that is usually a Walmart.
It's really hard to tell, even if you get to know a teacher somewhat, what to get them. When your kids get older and move up in grades, the teachers don't seem to need help as much, and when I do help, we are so busy with the kids and doing what we are suppose to do with them during a school day, we don't sit and chat about specific things they like to recieve as gifts. There is no time for that. And, at my childrens' school, they close the campus before and after school and only kids are allowed on it. We parents have to wait outside the gates, and if we want a meeting with the teacher, we have to make an appointment. I can't see making an appointment just to quiz the teacher on what to get her for Christmas. It's usually all "business". And, since my children do very well in school, most of the time I am sent home a note saying they don't need me to participate in the parent teacher conferences. So, there again, I don't get a lot of opportunity to meet with the teacher.
I do quiz my children sometimes and ask them what everyone got the teacher for a gift, but they can't remember everything, and the teachers, if they open the gifts during class, "act" like they like everything they get, or so my children have said. And, the teachers who go out of thier way to send home a thank you card (not all do) always say how much they liked our gift. I have no way of knowing if they are not being truthful.

I do like the idea of writing a special note to those teachers who have really made a huge impact on a child. There are a couple teachers who my kids still talk about to this day---I can tell by how my children talk which teachers have truly made a lasting impression on my children. Not that they didn't like the others (they did), but these few really stand out. I'm old now, but I can only remember the names of 3 teachers I had when I was in grade school and one from high school. One of those teachers I wrote a letter to several years after I graduated to let her know she indeed made an impact in my life and I will always remember her. Even though I will never see her again, I really thought it would make her feel good to know she was truly special to me, and I appreciated her, and will always remember her. What better gift is there than that? I couldn't do this for every teacher I have ever had, but out of respect, I would give a general good wishes card or note to them.

I have learned a lot from this thread, including some things I wish I didn't. But, I have read a few heart warming stories, too, which were really nice.

Most gift givers mean well, which is what everyone should keep in mind.

Gift giving is always going to be a guessing game, and of course any teacher you give a gift to is going to tell you how much he or she loves it, even if it's not 100% the truth, although the thought is always appreciated. I have bought candles - who knew? Now I know. It's still a crap shoot, but now that I know that 99% like gc's, 50% like ornaments, 30% like lotion, 20% like candles, 10% like baked goods, and 1% like mugs, it makes my choice easier. Especially knowing that 100% like notes and letters.

 

[peytonsmomie]

I think the simplest way to avoid the problems many gift-givers are incurring here on this thread, is to do a little research into your individual school. It does me no good to know that "most" schools don't allow teachers to accept homemade foods, when my school is not "most."

Goodness, our PTA organizes an army of parents to bring in potluck dinners for the teachers during conference nights, everything from salads to entrees, we feed em. We also bring 3 dozen cookies each around Christmas time, then the cookies are all swapped and packaged for the teachers, a "cookie swap" that they don't have to bake for! We even go so far as to ask parents to bring in a treat for the teacher to share with her class on her birthday (only requirement is no nut products).

I make some treats every holiday season that are asked for by teachers even before my kids are in their class, so I hardly think they're being thrown out on the sly.

It all boils down to knowing your audience. If you don't want to grill your kid's teachers, why not ask someone from the PTA? Generally they're in the school multiple times a week, and tend to know the skinny on the in-school gossip. They'll know if your planned gift is a great idea, or maybe not the best.

Of course, what others have said is true above all, if you're not giving with a pure heart, it won't matter what the gift is. Teachers long to know that we value their hard efforts. Whether that value is shown through a simple note, a get well card after a sick day, or a lavish gift doesn't matter. They're gonna teach your kid the best they can, no matter what.

 

[daughtersrus]

I guess that I've been buying the wrong gift all along.

My youngest DD has always been in a self-contained Special Ed class. I don't feel right buying just for the teacher and DD's aid so I buy for all of the staff. That means that I often have at least 16 people to buy for (teacher, DD's aid, 5 classroom aids, music, adaptive PE, vision, hearing, PT, OT, Speech, the director of the school and the nurse) Add to that the bus driver and the 3 aids on the buss and we're up to 20!

I usually get the teacher and DD's aid something a little "bigger" but for the rest, I try and shop Target after Christmas and pick up gifts when they are 75-90% off. Usually this means candles, lotion, Christmas decorations, decorated kitchen towels, candy dishes... most of which seems to be on the unwanted lists.

Even a $10 gift card to each would be $200 and that just isn't in the budget.

Maybe I should just stop giving?!

When my oldest DD was in Kdg, we gave her teacher some handcrafted holiday jewelry (pins, necklaces, earrings...) for all of the holidays with a poem that we wrote. I don't remember it exactly but it was along the lines of a little holiday cheer to last the whole year. There was something for St Pat's Days, Easter, Spring, Valentines, Memorial Day, fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, winter, Christmas...My DD (now almost 22yo) ran into this teacher about a year ago and she remembered DD (she also had my middle DD for Kdge and 1st) and told her how she still wears the items and even had the snowman pin on her jacket!