Teachers... why?

[sajetto]

I realize that YOUR CHILD is THE MOST IMPORTANT CHILD EVER TO WALK THE EARTH and it is OUTRAGE and INJUSTICE that they cannot do whatever they want, whenever they want. But when they are in a public setting, they will sometimes be forced to comply with the rules and wishes of other people.

This is life. Get used to it. Get them used it.

LOVE IT


I know a teacher who needs this as a sign above her door.

 

[Tigger Fans!]

I always remember my next-door neighbor teacher telling me that she sends a note home to parents on the first day of every school year which says "If you don't believe everything your child tells you about me, then I won't believe everything your child tells me about you".

My neighbor is very wise.

I need this on the wall in my classroom
You wouldn't believe some of the things my 2nd graders have said

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

I admit I haven't read all 10 pages of speculation here. I just have to say only that teacher and that student really know what was going on. There may be a school policy about sending students to the office. Maybe teachers were told not to avoid sending students on that particular day. Maybe the office asked to not let this particular student come to the office anymore. Maybe this particular student was often trying to get out of class. Most likely, the teacher may not have realized how distraught this student was because she was busy doing her job. I taught high school for several years and have seen all of the above occur. I usually would let a student go to the office if they were crying, but I don't know the circumstances of this situation and none of US really do.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

va32h

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Well we do not know what the problem was with this particular boy or why the teacher said no.

You're right. You don't know what the problem is. Surely you weren't in the classroom at the time so you are relying on information from your child. Your information is coming from a child's perception and frankly another student's interaction with a teacher is not your or your child's business. You can be all in a tizzy about this if you please. You asked "WHY" and I explained how things work at my school.

You are entitled to your opinion, yes, but other people's children frankly are not your business.

 

[miss missy]

So it wasn't a big deal to the other seventh graders.

I can only speak for my DD and I said it wasn't for her. I can not say of the others.

 

[miss missy]

You're right. You don't know what the problem is. Surely you weren't in the classroom at the time so you are relying on information from your child. Your information is coming from a child's perception and frankly another student's interaction with a teacher is not your or your child's business. You can be all in a tizzy about this if you please. You asked "WHY" and I explained how things work at my school.

You are entitled to your opinion, yes, but other people's children frankly are not your business.

If I was relying on my childs perception I wouldn't give a hoot LOL. No one said I was in a tizzy for gosh sakes, calm down. I said I didn't understand why in this TYPE situation a teacher would do as this one did. Now I do not believe most teachers would act as this one did... in fact they didn't since the others DID let him go to the office. And as far as other peoples children not being my business, hmmm I was upset for the poor kid, feeling don not make it my business , but I sure as heck can feel sad for him thankyouverymuch. Maybe others should have a bit of compassion and we wouldn't be going back and forth.

 

[Principessa Alba]

I'm going to post this and then go read what everyone else has written, but I always taught my kids to have respect for their teachers, but that respect didn't mean fear, and if anything like you explained happened they should just get up and walk out, and I'd help them deal with it later.

 

[Planogirl]

Maybe the office was tired of the kid coming in over and over to use their phone and that's why the teacher wouldn't let him go? I don't know, it's none of my business really and I let the teachers handle their own classrooms without worrying about the other kids. Just handling my own is enough IMO.

 

[Teacher03]

Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

First leap: That the child was crying. OP says in her first post that her daughter could see the kid was practically crying or about to cry. Over the course of 9 pages, this has been interepreted as openly sobbing, wailing, crying rivers of tears of anguish.

Second leap: That the tears mean the child was truly upset, not just being manipulative. I know a few kids (including my own) that cry to make the situation seem more dramatic or to make me feel sorry for them, etc. My daughter has an amazing number of deep emotional traumas, coincidentally when it is bedtime and she does not want to go to bed.

Third leap: The teacher is some control freaking ogre who refused to let him use the phone out of cruelty or ignorance. Perhaps the teacher, who unlike us has actually met this boy, knows the score just a teeny bit better than we do.

Fourth leap: That the child's absence had anything to do with his inability to use the phone, and that if it did, this is a negative consequence. We have no idea why the child was not in school - heck maybe he was being suspended for doing something really bad, and was trying to call home before the principal did to give his side of the story! Or, maybe his parents were just as outraged as you people and are keeping him home out of protest.

Either way, the fact that he was absent the following day doesn't change my opinion that the teacher did nothing wrong.

Schools deal with hundreds of children each day, all at once. When dealing with large numbers of children, there are certain routines and policies you simply have to put in place, or there will be total chaos.

I realize that YOUR CHILD is THE MOST IMPORTANT CHILD EVER TO WALK THE EARTH and it is OUTRAGE and INJUSTICE that they cannot do whatever they want, whenever they want. But when they are in a public setting, they will sometimes be forced to comply with the rules and wishes of other people.

This is life. Get used to it. Get them used it.

I couldn't have said it better myself!

 

[Principessa Alba]

Personally I would rather raise a kid who is polite, and yet confident and unafraid of a teacher and the rules so that if need be and I do mean need be, they would just say, "Right now, sorry, but I have to go."

I remember a teacher my daughter once had in grade school that wouldn't let her call me when her glasses broke, and I remember telling my kids, if something like that happens again, you just say, I'm sorry, but I need to go, and just go.

And then I would step in if need be. Rules can't replace common sense.

 

[Mermaid02]

It is odd that the child was then absent the next day.

 

[va32h]

Personally I would rather raise a kid who is polite, and yet confident and unafraid of a teacher and the rules so that if need be and I do mean need be, they would just say, "Right now, sorry, but I have to go."

The problem with this theory (along with the other posts about "only on rare certain occasions") is that a child's perception of "if need be" and an adults are often vastly different.

Children have a tendency to be self-centered; and I don't mean that in a pejorative way. We are all literally born thinking that the world revolves around us, and it takes years and years to disabuse us of this notion.

My children define an "emergency" as pretty much anything that affects them. They are not the only ones, I'm sure.

There are some disciplinary issues in my children's school that I have not been pleased with. In each case, I told my children to comply with the teacher while in the classroom, and then talk to me afterward and I would take action myself. Their job is to be a student, not to be Norma Rae.

And quite frankly, children today have plenty of "confidence" - what they are totally lacking is respect for adults, empathy, and courtesy.

I have no idea why this child felt that he needed to use the phone. But I do know that his need, as with any one person's need, does not exist in a vaccuum. Surrounding every need are circumstances, logistics, other people and their needs.

Learning to accept that our needs - even legitimate, genuine, and very dear ones - cannot always be met is a vital part of becoming and adult.

And I am sure we all know an adult or two who never did learn this lesson.

 

[chris1gill]

Our school is unique, but children are allowed to call home whenever they'd like There are phone's in every classroom even... Now, unlike what you may think I have only received two call's from DS this year... one was so that he could tell me he was bringing home an exchange student & to put the teacher on the phone with me & the other call was finding out if he was supposed to come home on the bus when I'd signed him up for an activity I couldn't pick him up for.... so kids don't abuse the system of letting them use the phone just because the phone is there!

 

[Principessa Alba]

The problem with this theory (along with the other posts about "only on rare certain occasions") is that a child's perception of "if need be" and an adults are often vastly different.

I understand that but frankly, this is a non-issue with me. I just wasn't into raising a kid to be little robots. I don't care what the rules of the schools are, the teacher's rules, what ever, if my kid had to go to the bathroom, or didn't feel well, or got their period, or broke their glasses (my daughter really needed them) they understood that they could make that decision for themselves, no matter what the rule was.

They also knew that I wasn't going to back them up for anything stupid, and in all those years, it was never a problem. I don't know if it ever even came up, that a teacher said "no" and my kid went anyway. But they always knew that it was their decision and their call, not the teachers.

 

[va32h]

I understand that but frankly, this is a non-issue with me. I just wasn't into raising a kid to be little robots. I don't care what the rules of the schools are, the teacher's rules, what ever, if my kid had to go to the bathroom, or didn't feel well, or got their period, or broke their glasses (my daughter really needed them) they understood that they could make that decision for themselves, no matter what the rule was.

They also knew that I wasn't going to back them up for anything stupid, and in all those years, it was never a problem. I don't know if it ever even came up, that a teacher said "no" and my kid went anyway. But they always knew that it was their decision and their call, not the teachers.

Frankly, you don't understand. Courtesy and respect for authority = being a robot? We aren't protesting VietNam here, we are talking about expecting middle school kids to stay in class. "I don't care" speaks volumes. No you don't care - about anyone but your kid.

Yes, yes, your children were mature, perceptive, and brilliant beyond their years, so they would never have even considered leaving class for anything frivolous. Their teachers should have recognized that they were special and unique and should be allowed to walk in and out of class at will, trusting entirely in their judgement.

So what happens in a classroom where all the parents only care about their kid and all the parents expect their kid to be granted the personal authority to come and go, comply or refuse, at will.

 

[Principessa Alba]

Frankly, you don't understand. Courtesy and respect for authority = being a robot? We aren't protesting VietNam here, we are talking about expecting middle school kids to stay in class. "I don't care" speaks volumes. No you don't care - about anyone but your kid.

Yes, yes, your children were mature, perceptive, and brilliant beyond their years, so they would never have even considered leaving class for anything frivolous. Their teachers should have recognized that they were special and unique and should be allowed to walk in and out of class at will, trusting entirely in their judgement.

So what happens in a classroom where all the parents only care about their kid and all the parents expect their kid to be granted the personal authority to come and go, comply or refuse, at will.

You can make fun of me all you want (and i might add, I think that was a bit unneccesary - this is my opinion), but that's how I feel. And I'd do it again. I can't even believe this is a discussion. If my child needed to go to the bathroom, got their period, felt sick, or whatever, yes, I'm proud to say I taught kids to reason for themselves without abusing it.

And it wasn't a problem. I feel like, if a teacher is going to be that rigid and that upset about it, maybe teaching isn't their calling.

 

[noodleknitter]

The problem with this theory (along with the other posts about "only on rare certain occasions") is that a child's perception of "if need be" and an adults are often vastly different.

Children have a tendency to be self-centered; and I don't mean that in a pejorative way. We are all literally born thinking that the world revolves around us, and it takes years and years to disabuse us of this notion.

My children define an "emergency" as pretty much anything that affects them. They are not the only ones, I'm sure.

There are some disciplinary issues in my children's school that I have not been pleased with. In each case, I told my children to comply with the teacher while in the classroom, and then talk to me afterward and I would take action myself. Their job is to be a student, not to be Norma Rae.

And quite frankly, children today have plenty of "confidence" - what they are totally lacking is respect for adults, empathy, and courtesy.

I have no idea why this child felt that he needed to use the phone. But I do know that his need, as with any one person's need, does not exist in a vaccuum. Surrounding every need are circumstances, logistics, other people and their needs.

Learning to accept that our needs - even legitimate, genuine, and very dear ones - cannot always be met is a vital part of becoming and adult.

And I am sure we all know an adult or two who never did learn this lesson.

I agree with much of what you said. Entitlement/and a false sense of self thrive in our society.

But I also know that there are times when people make mistakes, and bad choices whether they be parents, kids, or teachers. This teacher, may very well have missed an opportunity to show empathy to an ill child. Or maybe not. I don't think any child needs to be forced to urinate at their seat so that they show their respect for an adult. There are some needs that are just that, needs. I wouldn't allow a boss to dictate such things, either.

Frankly, I like Rock'nRobin's seemingly common sense way of dealing with the issue. Kindness and compassion don't always lead to rebellion and chaos...

 

[mickeyfan2]

7th grade!

Would a teacher NOT let a kid go to the office to call home??? My DD told me one of the "cool kids" (not that it matters just to point out he isn't a cry baby) asked to go to the office to call home, she said he begged and the teacher never let him go, he tried to hide the tears but kids saw. I guess he went a couple other times that day too from different classes.

Sounds to me like something was bugging him and he was trying to reach home for that reason, whether it was a home problem or him I dunno, but I was sooooo mad!! I told DD if that ever happens to walk out and go to the office!!

What the heck was that teacher thinking???

edit to add Oh and he was absent the following day

Why did the cool kid and cry baby comment need to be added.

He had called home a couple of other times too. That does seem excessive. If he was that upset he should have gone to the nurse or the principal.

 

[va32h]

maybe not. I don't think any child needs to be forced to urinate at their seat so that they show their respect for an adult. There are some needs that are just that, needs. I wouldn't allow a boss to dictate such things, either.

Did I miss something? Who was forced to urinate on themselves?

"Respect" does not equal "never speaking unless spoken to". Surely there is some middle ground between cowering in fear of the teacher and just up and walking out of a room.

Just this past Friday I had to take my 1st grade son a change of clothes because he had an accident. Not because he was forced to pee on himself by a cruel teacher, but because he's a kid who waits til the last possible second.

He raised his hand, but the teacher, busy with other things, didn't see him in time. In that situation, a polite "Excuse me Miss Smith" would have solved the problem and been respectful.

I also reminded my son that the entire class is given several bathroom breaks per day, and that he needs to use those breaks, even if he doesn't think he has to go at that time.

The bathroom issue was a real hot button in our school. With my oldest, I even joined in - "how dare a teacher not allow a child to use the bathroom!"

But the reality of the situation was - the kids are given bathroom breaks as a class, approximately every 2 1/2 hours. Barring some sort of medical problem or illness, a child should be able to hold it for 2.5 hours. It's not as if they are drinking gallons of water in class all the while.

So the "no bathroom breaks during class time" rule is really not as horrible as it sounds.

Although again - I must have missed the part about children being forced to pee on themselves.

Anyway, I don't equate an employee-boss relationship (two adults) with a teacher-student relationship (an adult and a child). I certainly treat my own children differently than I treat my employees.