Some leftover drama from yesterday.....should I be mad?

[npmommie]

OP said her husband runs on this road all the time by himself, but she only objected to him taking their dd with him.

I guess I don't see how it's no problem for the dh to go by himself, but him taking the dd on that road is a problem. If it's too dangerous for the dd to be on the road (supervised by an adult, that it!) then isn't it too dangerous for the adult to be on the road alone?

(I can see why it would be too dangerous for the 10 year old by herself, but supervised by her dad, I think is a different story.)

Well ... I think it probably is too dangerous for him to run on those roads. However, since he runs on the roads everyday he has become immune to the possibility of danger. The condition of the road and the traffic passing at high speeds only a few feet away have become an everyday occurrence to him.

Yes, I do think its too dangerous for him too. But many do run, walk, and bike on this particular road. but yes, he does it all the time when he is running long distance.
the difference is that when he is alone, he is making the decision for himself only, when he has a child with him he is also making the decision to take her in a situation I would not and that he knows I feel strongly about.
and I have to also add, she has never walked on that road, that day was the first time.

I would not have apologized to you; I would be looking for you to apologize. You disrespected your husband and treated him like your daughter. If you need to make up rules for him to follow in regard to the raising of your child, you have other issues to deal with.

I don't make up rules for him to follow, but I do feel strongly about certain things, and keeping them safe is one of them.
and no we don't have other issues.

What kind of a rule is that...a father, presumably based on your post, a responsible father cannot walk someplace with his daughter because you "ruled" it out. I hope his whole life isn't a series of insults like you have dished out here.

If I were him, I would not only be insulted but I would be very angry. The person that is owed an apology is him. You must think of him as lower than whale do-do. Making rules for your children is a must to protect them from themselves, but with a parent those rules should, naturally, be flexible. She wasn't alone, she was supervised and probably having a good time with her dad.

It is incredibly insensitive and domineering to think that no one but you can protect her from harm. Secret: there is no way to protect your child from danger forever, sometimes danger comes to you. I can sympathize with your fears but they must be tempered with common sense. This has none of the common sense needed.

To the statement "The next time she wants to run on that road is she going to say, "Well, Dad lets me." He doesn't let her run on the road by herself does he? If not, then DAD, does not let her.

I wouldn't let my 10 year old drive a car, but they could certainly ride with me when I went some place. This topic is the same and not even close to being reasonable.

he was not insulted, nor do I think of him as "lower than whale do do".
and I do not think I am the only one who can protect her

I am sitting here in total disbelieve at how many on this thread think it is OK for a wife to tell their husband where he can and can not walk with HIS daughter and that there are grown men out there that let them do it!!! (and even apologize)


Sorry but I don't want to be married to a man with so little back bone that he would go along with this and I'm sure as heck not raising my son or daughter to be lead around by the nose like this.

hmmm, don't lead him around by the nose, but I am able to voice my concerns about things, doesn't mean he has no back bone

And maybe this is the OP's freak out point. Maybe for others it is riding on a motorcycle. That doesn't mean the OP completely dictates things the husband can/can't do with the kids. Maybe she has a reason for the skittishness over the busy roads. It's not always so black/white.

exactly. I don't completely dictate what he can and can't do, but there are certain things that are my freak out point,
and walking with speeding traffic just a few feet away is one of them.

what would he do in the blink of an eye if a car veered into them?
and I know there are uncontrollable dangers every day, but in my opinion that one was controllable by not walking on the road from the start.

That is one of mine as my father was killed on a motorcycle when I was 12-years old. If my DH allowed my DD to ride on a motorcycle there would be hell to pay.

First, I'm sorry.

See this is what I mean about it not being so black & white. This doesn't mean you lead your husband around by the nose. All this means is that this is your unnegotiable "thing". Maybe the busy street is the OP's trigger. And by the way, husbands can have their triggers too.

im sorry too.
and what mickeysgal said is true.

 

[npmommie]

I think I get where you're coming from.
I would trust my DH to keep our children safe, but I would hope that DH understands I worry A LOT about traffic. To me it pertains to our newly licensed 16 year old DS and driving a car (in winter no less). I worry, and worry some more. I know what it's like to get the call, and I couldn't imagine living through another one. DH doesn't alway "get it". I want my child to learn to be independent, but I also want to see my child grow up.
DH doesn't worry like that. I don't think most men do.

Sometimes when I start to rant about stuff like this, and he starts to get upset, I have to remind him where I'm coming from. I worry, I'm afraid of something happening.

Hopefully OP can explain to her Dh more thoroughly that it's not a matter of trusting him, it's a matter of worrying about safety, and maybe keep that in mind when selecting a walking route.

But to answer the question posted I would not be mad, I would be hurt that he didn't understand my fears.

 

[npmommie]

You are overreacting. She's 10!! And if someone was driving drunk or texting, if they were going to drive on the sidewalk it is going to happen whether or not your child is there or just your husband. Do you not hold his safety to the same regard? I could see if she was 4, or 5, or even 7, but 10 is old enough to knows not to walk in the road. My 10 year old know how to shoot a rifle and drive a tractor. (and those are my freak out points, btw She does those things with her Dad, and I trust him enough to care for her safety.)

I course I hold his safety to the same regard, but see my post above.

and there are no sidewalks, I am talking about a 2 lane 50 mph roadway, with only a small shoulder area.

 

[mhsjax]

Sorry, men! I would be very mad. Especially with all who text and talk on cells.

I think we have a winner here. Someone who finally gets it. My DH is not as aware as I am with the kids. So I understand where the OP is coming from. Sorry but there is HUGE difference in the way that moms and dads take care of their kids. Dads are not as carful. some maybe but not most. Sorry dads.

 

[bluesaturn]

I think we have a winner here. Someone who finally gets it. My DH is not as aware as I am with the kids. So I understand where the OP is coming from. Sorry but there is HUGE difference in the way that moms and dads take care of their kids. Dads are not as carful. some maybe but not most. Sorry dads.

I think women are much more paranoid about their kids. I think they tend to project their own anxiety onto their kids. I think men are more often realist and assess the actual chance on danger in situations.

 

[mhsjax]

I think women are much more paranoid about their kids. I think they tend to project their own anxiety onto their kids. I think men are more often realist and assess the actual chance on danger in situations.

I disagree.

 

[declansdad]

I think we have a winner here. Someone who finally gets it. My DH is not as aware as I am with the kids. So I understand where the OP is coming from. Sorry but there is HUGE difference in the way that moms and dads take care of their kids. Dads are not as carful. some maybe but not most. Sorry dads.

Bull Pucky!!

 

[crashbb]

Bull Pucky!!

Wait, you mean you didn't know that your wife was a better parent, simply because she is a woman?

And yes, saying that dad's are not as careful and that dad's need to have rules given to them by their wives so that they don't lead their children into danger IS saying that the mom's are better parents.

 

[npmommie]

Wait, you mean you didn't know that your wife was a better parent, simply because she is a woman?

And yes, saying that dad's are not as careful and that dad's need to have rules given to them by their wives so that they don't lead their children into danger IS saying that the mom's are better parents.

no she did not say moms are better parents. she said moms are more aware. and I believe that too.
we look at the "what could happen" scenarios with the kids way more than men do and any man who says that is not true is spouting bull pucky

 

[crashbb]

no she did not say moms are better parents. she said moms are more aware. and I believe that too.
we look at the "what could happen" scenarios with the kids way more than men do and any man who says that is not true is spouting bull pucky

We are going to have to disagree then. I think that by saying that you cannot trust your husband's judgment with your child (and both you and the PP did), you are saying that you are the better parent.

I'm sorry that it appears that you've married bone heads who are not aware of the surroundings and their children. I would trust just as many of the fathers I know with my child as I would trust mothers.

 

[ZachnElli]

I call bull puckey too and I'm a mom! I think it's the opposite in my house, I'm much more lenient than my dh, especially when it comes to our dd. Maybe he did it just because you told him not to and he thought it was a ridiculous request and proved you wrong? No need for words, just did it. Totally sounds like something I would do!

 

[Hannathy]

We are going to have to disagree then. I think that by saying that you cannot trust your husband's judgment with your child (and both you and the PP did), you are saying that you are the better parent.

I'm sorry that it appears that you've married bone heads who are not aware of the surroundings and their children. I would trust just as many of the fathers I know with my child as I would trust mothers.

I agree totally! And I don't know how they can spin it any other way than saying they are the better parent and they are the only one who knows what is right for their kids.

Sorry but I still say there are an awful lot of spineless men out there that go along with this, and then to apologize still just amazes me.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

We are going to have to disagree then. I think that by saying that you cannot trust your husband's judgment with your child (and both you and the PP did), you are saying that you are the better parent.

I'm sorry that it appears that you've married bone heads who are not aware of the surroundings and their children. I would trust just as many of the fathers I know with my child as I would trust mothers.

ITA and I am a female.

Why in the world would a woman have a child with someone they do not think can keep them safe?

I'm beginning to see why the divorce rate is so high.

 

[LisaR]

And maybe this is the OP's freak out point. Maybe for others it is riding on a motorcycle. That doesn't mean the OP completely dictates things the husband can/can't do with the kids. Maybe she has a reason for the skittishness over the busy roads. It's not always so black/white.

This my pet peeve about message boards. If someone posts one thing they do/don't do, others immediately label them. "You don't let your kids do A or B or C?? Well, you MUST be a helicopter parent. Those 'poor' kids are never going to be able to move away from home and live productive lives."

Everyone has a thing or two that they are weird about. My mom forbid me to cook when I was growing up. She had serious kitchen fears. I couldn't use the stove and could barely use a knife without her freaking out. If you only knew that detail, you would assume she was a helicopter parent.

But, if you knew that I was in charge of cutting the grass, weed whacking and snow blowing all by the age of ten, you would see my mom was simply being weird about the kitchen thing. She didn't have any problem with me taking a bus to downtown Detroit starting at the age of nine but I couldn't boil water on the stove. My siblings and I still tease her about that to this day and all of us managed to move out by 19, lead productive lives and we all do fine in the kitchen!

If the OP is wracked with fear over everything her DD does, she has issues and needs help. If she has one or two odd things that worry her, she should try and work on those but even if she can't resolve her own worries, I am sure her DD will grow up just fine.

 

[npmommie]

I agree totally! And I don't know how they can spin it any other way than saying they are the better parent and they are the only one who knows what is right for their kids.

Sorry but I still say there are an awful lot of spineless men out there that go along with this, and then to apologize still just amazes me.

hmmm, actually he is a pretty good guy who realized he disrespected my feeling on something and he owned up to it.
not spineless at all.

ITA and I am a female.

Why in the world would a woman have a child with someone they do not think can keep them safe?

I'm beginning to see why the divorce rate is so high.

well, we have been married 23 yrs, and together about 25. I guess we are doing something right

This my pet peeve about message boards. If someone posts one thing they do/don't do, others immediately label them. "You don't let your kids do A or B or C?? Well, you MUST be a helicopter parent. Those 'poor' kids are never going to be able to move away from home and live productive lives."

Everyone has a thing or two that they are weird about. My mom forbid me to cook when I was growing up. She had serious kitchen fears. I couldn't use the stove and could barely use a knife without her freaking out. If you only knew that detail, you would assume she was a helicopter parent.

But, if you knew that I was in charge of cutting the grass, weed whacking and snow blowing all by the age of ten, you would see my mom was simply being weird about the kitchen thing. She didn't have any problem with me taking a bus to downtown Detroit starting at the age of nine but I couldn't boil water on the stove. My siblings and I still tease her about that to this day and all of us managed to move out by 19, lead productive lives and we all do fine in the kitchen!

If the OP is wracked with fear over everything her DD does, she has issues and needs help. If she has one or two odd things that worry her, she should try and work on those but even if she can't resolve her own worries, I am sure her DD will grow up just fine.

thank you. no I am not wracked with fear over everything dd does.
and she does some things with dh, that freak me out, and I don't say a word.
they both have the adventure seeking personality that I obviously don't have.

 

[npmommie]

So I have a question for all of you moms posting on this thread ( you all are moms right?)
has your husband never done anything that you questioned in regards to the kids?

 

[bluesaturn]

no she did not say moms are better parents. she said moms are more aware. and I believe that too.
we look at the "what could happen" scenarios with the kids way more than men do and any man who says that is not true is spouting bull pucky

If the mother is ruminating over every possible "what could happen" scenario, the child might actually be better off listening to the father's more realistic views about danger.

 

[Mermaid02]

I might be annoyed that my request was disregarded, but I wouldnt' be mad- especially a day or two later. My dh got a motorcycle last year- he takes our son out and it makes me nervous. DH is a good driver, they wear helmets and appropriate clothing and it still makes me nervous. I suck it up. He's his parent too and if he's comfortable taking him out- I trust his judgement.

 

[Mermaid02]

So I have a question for all of you moms posting on this thread ( you all are moms right?)
has your husband never done anything that you questioned in regards to the kids?

See my above post

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree totally! And I don't know how they can spin it any other way than saying they are the better parent and they are the only one who knows what is right for their kids.

Sorry but I still say there are an awful lot of spineless men out there that go along with this, and then to apologize still just amazes me.

Hmmm...wow!

I'm not sure I'd agree with I who thinks that some women have married bone heads.

My husband isn't a bone head--but he has done some things that make you wonder what in the world was he thinking.

I didn't trust my husband with my kids around water for the longest time. It isn't because he is stupid. It is just that he doesn't watch the kids all the time, so being entrusted with their care when he needs to be completely focused on them...well, he is out of practice. I only did it once and it didn't take him long to get distracted. And with very small children--not a risk to take.

But with my 10yo, different story.

But it is far fetched to agree that there are women who must have married boneheads just b/c they have anxiety in situations they deem unsafe. Men won't necessarily see the same issues...they tend to take more risks and feel comfortable doing so. But if mom doesn't feel it is safe for the child, it doesn't make her controlling.