Some leftover drama from yesterday.....should I be mad?

[robinb]

Well ... I'm going to buck the trend and support the OP here. And I am not one of those Nervous Nellies who worry about every little thing that may go wrong. However, country roads are dangerous for pedestrians. And for everyone who is mad that the OP should dare to question her DH's judgment ... well maybe his judgment is faulty. What may be OK for one person is not OK for two. What may be OK for an adult may not be OK for a 10-year old.

I live in the city, but Madison is surrounded by the country and I read about someone being killed on nearby country roads a few times a year. There was a recent trial for a woman here in Dane County who plowed into a woman walking on the side of a country road. The dead woman was talking to her friend one second and then literally gone the next. They think the driver was texting.

Like I said, I am not a Nervous Nellie but I would be angry if my DH put my DD into what I considered to be a dangerous situation.

 

[smb6]

I can understand your not wanting/allowing her to go to that busy street by herself, but if she is with her dad, I don't see it as a problem. She's his daughter too. I don't think he would do anything to put her in danger.

This is as far as I read into the thread before finding a post I can just say DITTO to

 

[WDWisTheBest]

This is as far as I read into the thread before finding a post I can just say DITTO to

Double the ditto. I would trust the DH to protect his daughter.

 

[Keli]

Our dd is grown now but I would have trusted dh to keep dd safe wherever he took her. I know his love for her is as great as my own and his desire to keep her safe is just as great. But like your dh, my dh believed things were safe that I did not.
It was a difference of opinion. Maybe I was overprotective, maybe he wasn't protective enough. So when she was under my control I made the decisions and when she was under his control he made the decisions. And she made it to adulthood safe and sound

 

[hercamore]

I agree with robin's post.

I also live in the city surrounded by farmland. Country roads are so dangerous for walking. There have been locally several sad stories of fatalities due to driver being inattentive on the back roads.

 

[HonnyDipp]

No you shouldn't be mad. He's her father, I'm assuming he's a good dad and he wouldn't put her in any danger.

 

[allison443]

sorry double post.

 

[allison443]

I agree with robin's post.

I also live in the city surrounded by farmland. Country roads are so dangerous for walking. There have been locally several sad stories of fatalities due to driver being inattentive on the back roads.

OP said her husband runs on this road all the time by himself, but she only objected to him taking their dd with him.

I guess I don't see how it's no problem for the dh to go by himself, but him taking the dd on that road is a problem. If it's too dangerous for the dd to be on the road (supervised by an adult, that it!) then isn't it too dangerous for the adult to be on the road alone?

(I can see why it would be too dangerous for the 10 year old by herself, but supervised by her dad, I think is a different story.)

 

[robinb]

OP said her husband runs on this road all the time by himself, but she only objected to him taking their dd with him.

I guess I don't see how it's no problem for the dh to go by himself, but him taking the dd on that road is a problem. If it's too dangerous for the dd to be on the road (supervised by an adult, that it!) then isn't it too dangerous for the adult to be on the road alone?

(I can see why it would be too dangerous for the 10 year old by herself, but supervised by her dad, I think is a different story.)

Well ... I think it probably is too dangerous for him to run on those roads. However, since he runs on the roads everyday he has become immune to the possibility of danger. The condition of the road and the traffic passing at high speeds only a few feet away have become an everyday occurrence to him.

 

[mickeysgal]

I also live in the city surrounded by farmland. Country roads are so dangerous for walking. There have been locally several sad stories of fatalities due to driver being inattentive on the back roads.

That happens here all the time as well. There are some twisty roads with no shoulders, nothing but dropoffs, that even I am hesitant to drive on. Too many crashes. Yet you see people cycling or walking - on the road. The cars have to be very deliberate about going around them.

To me, this story isn't so black/white. My DH sometimes lacks common sense. He operates on a daily basis that everything is fine and can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that things can go wrong. He tends to be lax in some common sense judgement. He's gotten better over the years, but it has driven me crazy at times and this "trait" is quite obvious to others as well. If the OP's husband is like this, I can see why she'd be upset. She knows that particular road, so I'm going to err on the side of caution and say that if she says it's a dangerous road, then it probably is and both of them should have stayed away from it.

 

[declansdad]

Thank you everyone for your input. I do appreciate it.
he is not mad at me, he did apologize to ME, LOL, he said he will not take her walking on that road next time since he knows how strongly I feel about it.

I would not have apologized to you; I would be looking for you to apologize. You disrespected your husband and treated him like your daughter. If you need to make up rules for him to follow in regard to the raising of your child, you have other issues to deal with.

 

[goofyernmost]

It sounds like you may be too protective of your daughter. She was with an adult - her own father.

Honestly, my husband would have been extremely insulted that I gave him "orders" on where he could and could not walk with our daughter. Basically, it sounded like you don't think he has enough common sense to take care of his own child. I doubt that you meant for it to come across that way, but I suspect that's how he took it. Truthfully, I probably would have (and I know DH would have). Honestly, how would you feel if he had given you "orders" to follow?

I know it's a scary world out there, but I don't think you're doing your child any favors by acting like you're the only one who can take care of her.

must be a man thing, I don't know, but mine thinks I always over react too.

If your worry is that excessive, you might want to try to reign it back in before it starts adversely effecting your family. He's a grown man. Forbidding him to walk on a certain street with your dd is silly. You've been married for 23 years, surely you can trust him to keep his own child safe. It sounds like this is your issue and I don't see that your husband did anything wrong. If my spouse treated me like an imbecile, of course I'd be offended.

I have to take your husbands side on this one. If I were in his shoes I would be mad that you told me where I could take a walk with my child.

I see this as a learning experience for your daughter. The more she experiences with a responsible adult the better off she will be when she goes off on her own.

What kind of a rule is that...a father, presumably based on your post, a responsible father cannot walk someplace with his daughter because you "ruled" it out. I hope his whole life isn't a series of insults like you have dished out here.

If I were him, I would not only be insulted but I would be very angry. The person that is owed an apology is him. You must think of him as lower than whale do-do. Making rules for your children is a must to protect them from themselves, but with a parent those rules should, naturally, be flexible. She wasn't alone, she was supervised and probably having a good time with her dad.

It is incredibly insensitive and domineering to think that no one but you can protect her from harm. Secret: there is no way to protect your child from danger forever, sometimes danger comes to you. I can sympathize with your fears but they must be tempered with common sense. This has none of the common sense needed.

To the statement "The next time she wants to run on that road is she going to say, "Well, Dad lets me." He doesn't let her run on the road by herself does he? If not, then DAD, does not let her.

I wouldn't let my 10 year old drive a car, but they could certainly ride with me when I went some place. This topic is the same and not even close to being reasonable.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't understand why anyone would tell their grown husband where to or not to take his own child or stepchild. I married him with the assumption that he has the good sense of how to make it through each day. I further assume he knows what is and is not safe and how to keep our children safe.

As for your dd ever saying "but Dad lets me", I would hope a 10 year old can tell the different in what she can do alone and what she can do with an adult.

I am a big worrier too. Didn't think I would make it through the teen years and not looking forward to facing them again, but I certainly have enough trust in my husband to not "tell" him what to do with his own child. And if I did he would probably look at me and say "seriously?" then walk out giggling. Which is the same thing I would do if he tried to "tell" me what to do.

 

[Planogirl]

My DH would just give me a blank look. He does that when I overdo the worry bit and it usually snaps me back into reality. I have an issue with heights so I fretted over DS going into high places a few times. My fear not DS'. I had to learn that.

 

[Hannathy]

I am sitting here in total disbelieve at how many on this thread think it is OK for a wife to tell their husband where he can and can not walk with HIS daughter and that there are grown men out there that let them do it!!! (and even apologize)


Sorry but I don't want to be married to a man with so little back bone that he would go along with this and I'm sure as heck not raising my son or daughter to be lead around by the nose like this.

 

[Acklander]

I think everyone has their "freak out" point. Personally, I'm pretty easy going, but for some reason I hate the thought of balconies, I can stand on them but can't lean against the railings. I don't allow the kids to lean on them either. As I've explained to DH, I'm easy going in so many ways and to please allow me this one freak out thing. I've also told him that if he does it when I'm not there to NEVER tell me about it and don't have the kids mention it either.

I realize I'm being unreasonable (hence the don't ask/don't tell policy) and will acknowledge that this is totally MY issue, but I can't help myself, so it is what it is. The family is great about it. If theres a balcony they'll sort of smirk and roll their eyes at me, but they humor me anyways.

 

[mickeysgal]

I think everyone has their "freak out" point.

And maybe this is the OP's freak out point. Maybe for others it is riding on a motorcycle. That doesn't mean the OP completely dictates things the husband can/can't do with the kids. Maybe she has a reason for the skittishness over the busy roads. It's not always so black/white.

 

[robinb]

And maybe this is the OP's freak out point. Maybe for others it is riding on a motorcycle. That doesn't mean the OP completely dictates things the husband can/can't do with the kids. Maybe she has a reason for the skittishness over the busy roads. It's not always so black/white.

That is one of mine as my father was killed on a motorcycle when I was 12-years old. If my DH allowed my DD to ride on a motorcycle there would be hell to pay.

 

[mickeysgal]

That is one of mine as my father was killed on a motorcycle when I was 12-years old. If my DH allowed my DD to ride on a motorcycle there would be hell to pay.

First, I'm sorry.

See this is what I mean about it not being so black & white. This doesn't mean you lead your husband around by the nose. All this means is that this is your unnegotiable "thing". Maybe the busy street is the OP's trigger. And by the way, husbands can have their triggers too.

 

[surfergirl602]

you are right. he would not put her in danger, and I am sure he looked out for her. but..........I worry about things like a driver not paying attention, texting, talking, drunk, etc.
I see people walking and jogging on the road all the time though, and my SIL who lives up the road walks out there with her dog all the time.

You are overreacting. She's 10!! And if someone was driving drunk or texting, if they were going to drive on the sidewalk it is going to happen whether or not your child is there or just your husband. Do you not hold his safety to the same regard? I could see if she was 4, or 5, or even 7, but 10 is old enough to knows not to walk in the road. My 10 year old know how to shoot a rifle and drive a tractor. (and those are my freak out points, btw She does those things with her Dad, and I trust him enough to care for her safety.)