Some leftover drama from yesterday.....should I be mad?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would say he should be trusted with the children just as much as she should be trusted with them since she's obviously an idiot with no common sense.

Well, there are liars out there--maybe she didn't know.

Like the Australian wife murderer? She trusted him enough to marry him and go into the ocean with him, only for him to cut her oxygen.

I wouldn't jump to calling someone an idiot right away.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The problem OP is that you gave your dh a "rule". I would never give my DH a rule. He is an adult who has common sense. He doesn't need rules. If something bothered me like you feel about your dd going on the main road I would say to him that while I know it is a little silly I feel nervous about it and would he mind just not taking her on that road. If he did what your dh did I might have a kneejerk stress reaction (meaning it would give me anxiety) but I would trust my dh because I know he would never ever put our children in harm's way. So I would not be mad.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You should ask your husband. Honestly I don't know how unsafe that road is, I've never seen it. The idea of that kind of road sorta freaks me out. But you know I'm a worrier, I worry unnecessarily myself sometimes. I might be more likely to trust the judgement of a man who walks on it regularly and obviously doesn't want his daughter to die either.

He did not feel it was a wise choice. I could not read him the exact scenario--he was doing something to my computer for the last three hours. But on the surface, no sidewalks, 50mph speedlimit...didn't strike him as a good idea.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Lisa Loves Pooh, I stand corrected.

 

[hereyago]

Well, there are liars out there--maybe she didn't know.

Like the Australian wife murderer? She trusted him enough to marry him and go into the ocean with him, only for him to cut her oxygen.

I wouldn't jump to calling someone an idiot right away.

BUt at the same time, we like all other animals have a thing called: instinct, intuition and we fail to ignore it a lot for "love" or other reasons. People get married or have kids with people that they ""know" they shouldn't, but do anyway. that little voice that says something is wrong. or the obvious things that people CHOOSE to ignore.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

BUt at the same time, we like all other animals have a thing called: instinct, intuition and we fail to ignore it a lot for "love" or other reasons. People get married or have kids with people that they ""know" they shouldn't, but do anyway. that little voice that says something is wrong. or the obvious things that people CHOOSE to ignore.

True.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Lisa Loves Pooh, I stand corrected.

Thanks

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Well, there are liars out there--maybe she didn't know.

Like the Australian wife murderer? She trusted him enough to marry him and go into the ocean with him, only for him to cut her oxygen.

I wouldn't jump to calling someone an idiot right away.

Yes there is always the possibility that you could be lied to (though I think an active heroin user would be tough to hide) but I don't see the point in treating your husband like someone who can't be trusted until he has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes there is always the possibility that you could be lied to (though I think an active heroin user would be tough to hide) but I don't see the point in treating your husband like someone who can't be trusted until he has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

But..what if I'm right?



Okay--I'm kidding.

 

[dimimi]

No, I would not be mad. I would not have told DH where he is allowed to walk with his own child either.

Ditto

 

[declansdad]

Yay for your hubby! He is a strong, solid man with manliness and ego firmly in place, to see that he had made a mistake in judgment. Love it!

No you have another henpecked husband who feels that he will need to apologize in order to have his wife speak to him again. Even when he wasn't the one in the wrong.

OK, which is exactly what it seems like the OP's family does. But her husband changed it up this day. Made a different decision. So what then? In your family, you have mutual rules, but one day your wife goes against it? What happens then? Do you feel you'd have the right to be righteously IRKED with her for changing it up?

Apparently you missed the part where she said it was her rule.

 

[luvmy3]

No, I wouldn't be mad. There are plenty of things that make me nervous, but I know my dh would never put our kids in any danger. I trust his judgement enough to not give him rules about what he can and can't do with our kids, if I didn't I wouldn't have married him and had kids with him in the first place.

 

[Robindianne]

No you have another henpecked husband who feels that he will need to apologize in order to have his wife speak to him again. Even when he wasn't the one in the wrong.

This.

This is the kind of crap (when "we" women make rules and force the men to comply or else treat them like traitors, idiots, etc) that gives traction to the "women are nags" hype. Note to DH: please kick me kindly in the **** if you even start to feel the need to apologize to get me to speak to you again. I didn't marry a child; I married a partner.

 

[horseshowmom]

No you have another henpecked husband who feels that he will need to apologize in order to have his wife speak to him again. Even when he wasn't the one in the wrong.

This.

This is the kind of crap (when "we" women make rules and force the men to comply or else treat them like traitors, idiots, etc) that gives traction to the "women are nags" hype. Note to DH: please kick me kindly in the **** if you even start to feel the need to apologize to get me to speak to you again. I didn't marry a child; I married a partner.

I agree with these two posts. Two women come to mind (one a friend, one a relative). They both have long term marriages (more than 20 years), and both of them have husbands who learned long ago that it was just easier to give in than to stand up to their wives (who would become righteously indignant because they certainly knew what was best for their children or whatever else was concerned) - sadly, thereby justifying her feelings that she was right to start with.


Do I respect their husbands? I don't know. I mostly just feel sorry for them. We were somewhere one time, and the wife had gotten mad over something to do with the children. He finally apologized, and she walked off satisfied. I never said a word (not my business), but he looked at me and said, "Well, you know how she is..." I just changed the subject, but he was right, and I did/do know how she was/is.

I think that husbands sometimes allow themselves to be treated this way just to keep the peace. The husband in the OP's case had nothing to apologize for, but I guess the OP was satisfied after he apologized to her so she would stop being annoyed (as she said in her first post, she was preparing to get mad all over again).

I think you both must have interpreted things completely different than I did and intended.

My response was about mutual respect for one anothers feelings - not one person making the "rules". For example - I just had a baby just under 4 weeks ago. The last month or two of my pregnancy my husband did not want me mowing the lawn with the riding lawn mower. He didn't want me getting on a step ladder even. He was worried. Now I know I was fine to do both of those things but I RESPECTED his feelings on the subject because it just wasn't worth him worrying about me. So if I reacted like you said you would I should have been mowing the yard daily and hunting for excuses to climb the step ladder because he shouldn't tell me what to do.

You say you feel sorry for the OP's spouse (oh and I guess mine too) -I guess the feeling is mutual because from your posts in response I feel pretty sorry for your spouse that you are going to do whatever you want with no regard to his/her opinion or feelings.

I didn't get that out of any of the men's (or women's, for that matter) posts. As fas as respect goes, the OP's husband said the roads were not busy at all that day. She should have respected his opinion, but she didn't. JMHO

 

[npmommie]

Oh my goodness, I go out shopping, and now this thread is up to 11 pages!!!!


and for the record, my dh is not henpecked, far from it
I never said I was not speaking to him. that is not the kind of childish game I would play.
I can say what I feel and so can he.
I also never used the word forbid.


carry on

 

[badblackpug]

"I specifically told him not to walk there"

You specifically told a grown man who has no mental deficits where he could walk?

For goodness sake, he took her on a walk...not to a nudie bar!

I'm sorry, but if you trust this man enough to have children with him and stay married to him for 23 years, then you have to trust him enough to take proper care of your child.

As for women being the more attentive parent..... horse hockey. I have ADD, I am very easily distracted. In WDW i get the stroller and the stroller age kids, because I have lost the walkers....more than once. I also don't carry the back pack because I have lost that and the room keys.....more than once. I'm not sure what I'll do when everyone is walking.

As for comparing marriage to a normal man to a heroin addict... apples and oranges. Also a woman who would marry a heroin addict and have children with him shouldn't be allowed to care for the children either. Obviously, she, too, has problems. ...and no adult should ever "forbid" another adult to do something. That, to me, is absolutely disrespectful.

Has my husband ever made a decision for the kids that I questioned? Yes. He took my oldest to a PG13 movie, when she was about 10. I want to think it was an Xmen movie, but I could be wrong. I questioned him asking if he knew that the movie was PG13 and did he think it was appropriate for her at the time. I didn't get mad. I wasn't "fuming." I simply asked. He said he did think it was appropriate and explained why, and I trust his judgment. Implicitly. I work nights, he works days. He spends equal amount of time alone with the kids as I do. He is out and about with them, by himself, even as infants (my youngest 2 are 2 & 1) I would never consider telling my husband what he could or could not do with his own children. ...and if I had to, he wouldn't be my husband.

I agree with the PP who discussed her mother who worries about everything. Mine is the same way. My father just learned to agree with her and move on to avoid the arguments and the nagging. Her anxiety makes everyone else anxious, and your kids will either learn to deal with you on a "need to know" basis, or will make your anxiety theirs and will learn to be anxious and fearful.

 

[npmommie]

Well I don't think it is anxiety when I don't want my child walking on a 2 lane 50 mph road that has a small shoulder. I call it common sense.

 

[hambirg]

Well I don't think it is anxiety when I don't want my child walking on a 2 lane 50 mph road that has a small shoulder. I call it common sense.

I guess the issue for me is don't you feel your DH has the same sense when it comes to the safety of his own child? I can understand your fear. .but seriously if your DH said that there was no traffic and he thought it was fine. . .then don't you trust his judgment as somebody that loves that child just as much as you do?

As a single mom, I find all of this fairly interesting. I have learned to deal with the fact that my ex has just as much legal right to my kids as I do. . .I don't have a lot to say to that. . .the courts will pretty much tell me that. I do trust my DH with his kids. Hell, I picked him! Even though we had our differences, I know that he's the only other person in the world that can possibly love and care about those kids as much as I do. So I deal.

 

[badblackpug]

Well I don't think it is anxiety when I don't want my child walking on a 2 lane 50 mph road that has a small shoulder. I call it common sense.

Are you saying your husband lacks common sense? If that is so, he shouldn't be allowed to be alone with the children at all.

This is what always gets me about these type of threads. You asked for an opinion..."should I be mad?" ... and then you argue when people don't give you the answer you want to hear.

Here is the answer. NO. Your husband should be. You treated him like a child. You have belittled him by basically saying that he is not competent to make a decision regarding the safety of his own child. Here is my opinion again. It is anxiety. She is not alone, she is with her father who loves her and would give his life to protect her, this is a man you chose to marry, chose to have children with, and chose to remain married to. You should trust him with your child. If you are married to man with whom you cannot trust with your child then you need to leave him and provide a safe environment for your child.

Again, you have no right to tell a grown person what they are and are not allowed to do. I would NEVER dream of telling my husband where he could or could not take OUR kids, but again, I trust him and I know he would never put them in harm's way.

 

[npmommie]

LOL I think you might want to read thru the thread I am not arguing with anyone
I actually am now finding this thread amusing