Should men be forced into fatherhood?

[SwedishMeatball]

Maybe for the same reason a woman who aborts does not want her child. I dunno.

Why is it considered cold/heartless for a man to not want the child, but a woman is exercising her 'right to choose' and should not be judged if she aborts? Total double standard.

Of course, but you left out the other part of my post that addressed that. Life is not fair and he didn't have control to make the choice that he would have preferred, but that's the hand he got dealt. I guess I'm just thinking too idealistically in wanting him to just accept it like a mature adult and move on and make the best of it by sucking it up and not punishing the child.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

Why don't you want your child?? Is it because they are genetically half of a person you now despise?? I can understand that you would feel bitter, resentful, frustrated, robbed, angry, etc, but why does that lead to you not being able to love and want to care for your child?? Apparently you would have preferred the pregnancy be terminated, but the fact is it wasn't. Couldn't you have found a way to move past all those negative feelings and found the good in the situation?? You created a child, regardless if you intended to or not. I know I am a sensitive and emotional person and I guess that is why I am having such a difficult time seeing it from your perspective.

I don't have an unwanted child, my wife and I have a daughter. I'm trying to look at it from an outside perspective. the more I look at it, the more unfair it seems to men.

 

[poohandwendy]

Of course, but you left out the other part of my post that addressed that. Life is not fair and he didn't have control to make the choice that he would have preferred, but that's the hand he got dealt. I guess I'm just thinking too idealistically in wanting him to just accept it like a mature adult and move on and make the best of it by sucking it up and not punishing the child.

I totally understand what you are saying, but IMO i would rather see the that type of man cut off from the word go and the mother being aware that his intentions are such...so that she can be prepared for what the future really holds for her. It would also protect the child from having an idiot bouncing in and out of his/her life.

Obviously I am speaking hypothetically, it will never happen. LOL, I just think it is an inequity that is not productive. Holding men legally responsible, the ones who would walk away from it, if they had a choice...it just does not seem to be producing stable lives for kids.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Maybe for the same reason a woman who aborts does not want her child. I dunno.

Why is it considered cold/heartless for a man to not want the child, but a woman is exercising her 'right to choose' and should not be judged if she aborts? Total double standard.

You're right. I can totally understand people not wanting to have a child. I wouldn't abort, but that's just me. I can think of many situations (not unlike the one Sylvester posed) where abortion might not be the worst idea.

I can't really put myself in that position...you never know until it is you...but I *imagine* that I'd want it. More family to love, and all that.

But I love all babies. I'd take anyone's baby in. Even with the laundry.

 

[scraptoons]

I don't feel sorry for any man that thinks they may be forced into fatherhood. Men disgust me when they whine about this. They don't like it...they better keep it zipped!

What about us poor women? I got pregnant while on the pill. Was I forced into motherhood?

Don't get me wrong. This was my 3rd child. He was conceived while I was trying to convince my DH to get fixed.
I was in my 7th month before I was completely ok with the fact that I had to go thru the baby years all over again. Thought I had control in my life.

Got a tubal after baby was born.

But then there are women who get pregnant after having tubals...yikes. My OB/GYN made it clear that even this is not 100% birth control either.

The only 100% birth control is abstinence.
If you don't want a baby, you don't have sex.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I don't have an unwanted child, my wife and I have a daughter. I'm trying to look at it from an outside perspective. the more I look at it, the more unfair it seems to men.

Sorry, not you, but the hypothetical man in that situation.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

Sorry, not you, but the hypothetical man in that situation.

I have two friends that have kids and aren't fit to be dads. but their situations aren't ideal either. the kids lose, so in some instances I think it's best for the natural father not to play a part in the whole situation.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I have two friends that have kids and aren't fit to be dads. but their situations aren't ideal either. the kids lose, so in some instances I think it's best for the natural father not to play a part in the whole situation.

Yes, you're right. Some people aren't cut out to be parents. I guess I really am just too idealistic in my expectations.

 

[beckmrk04]

.........................

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Has no one brought up the fact that the WOMAN might have an STD?? If I were guy, that ALONE would make me always want to wear a condom.

 

[DisneyPhD]

You took the words right out of my mouth!!! He says men don't have a choice? Well, they do ... to abstain, to use a condom, to have a vasectomy. Three choices there. You don't want to create a life, then don't perform the act that creates one!

I am with you. If you don't want to have kids, there are ways not to.

 

[MosMom]

This is a grey area issue for me and I can really see both sides. I think in the end it boils down to personal responsibility. Wear a condom. Period. For so long, birth control was always up to the woman. If a man feels that strongly about not becoming a father, then he needs to make sure he doesn't become one. He is in complete control of his destiny if he takes it upon himself.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just curious, to those who keep saying 'it's as simple as wear a condom or be prepared to take care of a child, you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'...are you all anti-abortion?

Because that is an argument that could be used against the woman...'it's as simple as use birth control or be prepared to have a child...you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'

 

[beckmrk04]

Just curious, to those who keep saying 'it's as simple as wear a condom or be prepared to take care of a child, you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'...are you all anti-abortion?

Because that is an argument that could be used against the woman...'it's as simple as use birth control or be prepared to have a child...you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'

They are dealing with the consequences by having an abortion, IMO. That is one choice. Another is have the baby. Another is adoption. None are easy.

 

[poohandwendy]

They are dealing with the consequences by having an abortion, IMO. That is one choice. Another is have the baby. Another is adoption. None are easy.

It could also be said that a man is dealing with consequences when he gives up his parental rights. Not necessarily an easy choice either.

YAnd, the men have no choices. Both people have the exact same choices when having sex, but the women have ALL of the choices if pregnancy is a result. That is not equality in any way, shape or form.

 

[cardaway]

Just curious, to those who keep saying 'it's as simple as wear a condom or be prepared to take care of a child, you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'...are you all anti-abortion?

Because that is an argument that could be used against the woman...'it's as simple as use birth control or be prepared to have a child...you knew the risks and made your bed, lie in it'

Exactly.

 

[MosMom]

I see your point but on the other hand, why should 100% of the responsibility fall on the mother if she doesn't want to abort the baby or give it up? Why should it be that easy for the father to wash his hands of it?

 

[yeartolate]

Is it that difficult to think you need to control your sexual urges unless you are completely sure you are ready to accept the consequences of your actions? Folks (men and women) should expect contraceptive failure and assume their partner is fertile and has had multipel partners. If a person cannot think in these terms,maybe they should abstain.


Perhaps guys should have to carry a concealed weapons permit - maybe a law already exists. I will check my California Penal Code.

 

[cardaway]

Perhaps guys should have to carry a concealed weapons permit - maybe a law already exists. I will check my California Penal Code.

 

[cardaway]

I see your point but on the other hand, why should 100% of the responsibility fall on the mother if she doesn't want to abort the baby or give it up? Why should it be that easy for the father to wash his hands of it?

The same reason it should be real easy for the woman to wash her hands of it if she chooses that option.