Should men be forced into fatherhood?

[N.Bailey]

no matter how many responses I read, the responsibility seems to remain at the hand of the guy. 'don't do this if you don't want this'. 'wear this if you don't want that.' 'go into it expecting a baby'.
but if the girl ends up pregnant no matter how many precautions are used or lies told, it's time to open up the bank account. what a fair system.

The responsibility remains in the hand of the guy? What planet are you on? The woman has not only the financial burden, but also the daily care; at minimal for the next 18 years, for that child.

At times, this will mean the women will not graduate, or get to go on to college. She could be forced into a minimum wage job ASAP, especially if her family isn't willing to help.

And you advocate the man should have the luxury of just walking away? I don't think any court in this nation will see the situation thru those tinted shades you've got on. The courts are on the child's side. Thank the Lord someone is.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

Not to mention that on the other side of the window lies a baby who is about to get showered with borken glass.

I beat your simile to death!

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

 

[N.Bailey]

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

With all due respect, I think anyone acting the way you did is very foolish. I don't know if this is a real story or a hypothetical one, but unless you seen her HIV tests results, it's not the smartest move to have unprotected sex with anyone. You should have used the condom and you can blame everyone else, but it's your own fault that you didn't use it.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

no matter how many responses I read, the responsibility seems to remain at the hand of the guy. 'don't do this if you don't want this'. 'wear this if you don't want that.' 'go into it expecting a baby'.
but if the girl ends up pregnant no matter how many precautions are used or lies told, it's time to open up the bank account. what a fair system.

That's what women were (and usually are, still) told. Don't have sex unless you are ready to support a child on your own. It's a good message, I guess. As is, wear a condom or you'll pay child support.

But people - young people especially - get caught up in the moment and BOOM! Baby makes three. What then?

I can't figure out a fair way.

If guys can walk away and leave women with the burden of raising the child solely on their shoulders, that's not fair. He had a hand in this, too. Why does he get to live the Life of Riley, while she becomes the single mom?

On the other hand, guys DON'T have the option of "undoing" a pregnancy, they are forced to pay for their mistake where women, technically, can. He's at the whim of the mom. Totally unfair.

So, Mr. McBean, put on your thinking cap and find me a way that is fair to Mom, Dad, and baby.

 

[Disney Doll]

I will make no assumption about the moral character of either participant.

I wil say, man or woman, that if you do not want to become a parent, then you must take repsonsibility for yourself, and protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy, regardless of what your partner says.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

Borken was a typo! I edited it! This is NOT a hampster issue.

Wear your condom. Trust everyone, but always cut the cards! And she should be insisting on that condom, because she doesn't know what you might have, even if she IS on the pill.

But, no...you don't want to wear it (for your own reasons) and she doesn't want you to (for hers). So, now you guys have a baby.

The unwanted offspring is your child. How could you not love it? ???

You find me a fair solution, and I'll go with it. Just not, Leave The Woman Holding The Bag...the baby is in HER body!

...and you DID get her pregnant. What is your problem with the phrase?

 

[Stacey2grls]

If forced into fatherhood means paying child support, than yes I agree. You can't make someone feel an emotional attachment. But, if you father a child, you should pay child support. Honestly, I really can't see how you have a child, and want nothing to do with it. I understand this guy being angry at first, but, this is your own child. How can you not feel an attachment?

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

I didn't catch this episode so I don't know the whole story but....

Has he ever offer to terminate his parental rights to the baby? I don't know what would happen legally, but he does have that choice. Did they talked about what his parents thoughts on this situation? I find it hard to believe that the grandparents would not fall in love with their grandchild. I know I would make my son accept the fact that he is a father now and to pay up.

If I was her, I would want him to terminate his rights to the child. I would raise her solely as my own and view him just as an unknown sperm donor. I would only ask for a family medical history for the child health record. At this point, my child and I would have absolutely nothing to do with him or his family. I wouldn't not want my child exposed to such a person.

 

[cardaway]

I understand this guy being angry at first, but, this is your own child. How can you not feel an attachment?

I guess you have to be a guy and have the possibility of being with a woman, not seeing her for years, and then have somebody contact you looking for not only current child support but back support for a child you did not even see born.

Happens all the time, just use Google.

Not everybody is happy to be a parent.

 

[N.Bailey]

SNIP

On the other hand, guys DON'T have the option of "undoing" a pregnancy, they are forced to pay for their mistake where women, technically, can. He's at the whim of the mom. Totally unfair.

So, Mr. McBean, put on your thinking cap and find me a way that is fair to Mom, Dad, and baby.

That's just it though. The man does have the option of walking away from the daily care of the child. He's free to make that choice if he so desires.

Financially however, both the mother and baby need his help (normally anyway) and yes, he had a hand in the cookie jar too.

IMO, the way it's set-up right now is what is best for the child. Being totally fair to mom and dad isn't really the goal. The goal is to give the child as many opportunities as possible so they can eventually become law abiding citizens that contribute to our society. Unfortunately, that takes $$$$ and IMO, it's money that the parents should have to cough up rather than the state.

 

[SillyMe]

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

Hmm, story sounds familiar. Have you told that story once before under a previous username?

 

[janette]

I think there should be an option available to men to terminate their parental rights before a child is born or if they aren't notified of the pregnancy than on notification. A woman can decide whether she wants to be a parent and men should have the same rights.

 

[imsorry]

Hmm, story sounds familiar. Have you told that story once before under a previous username?

I think I remember it also.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

I guess you have to be a guy and have the possibility of being with a woman, not seeing her for years, and then have somebody contact you looking for not only current child support but back support for a child you did not even see born.

Happens all the time, just use Google.

Not everybody is happy to be a parent.

I'm not a guy. But I guess I can imagine as well as any guy.

If someone called me up and said I had a child (or a sister, aunt, uncle - whatever) that I never knew about, I would want to meet that person immediately.

I wouldn't feel that I had to pay the person back if they'd never told me. That seems ridiculous.

But this person is now part of my family. I'd try to do whatever I could for them. Of course, if it were a child, I'd rather take it into my house (Oh God, even MORE laundry! Perish the thought.) than pay for someone else to raise it.

What is your solution, cardaway? What is fair to everyone?

 

[N.Bailey]

I guess you have to be a guy and have the possibility of being with a woman, not seeing her for years, and then have somebody contact you looking for not only current child support but back support for a child you did not even see born.

Happens all the time, just use Google.

Not everybody is happy to be a parent.

There are individual cases that I don't agree with. I wish I could remember the names to search it out because I spent hours one day trying to find links to it, but this one case immediately comes to mind is a case where a woman had I believe 3 children. She'd been having an affair with another man for many years and this other man actually fathered I believe 2 of the 3 children. I guess there was an old law on the books in that state which read something to the effect of, if the children resided in that house and he'd known about an extra marital affair, but turned a blind eye to it, then he's financially responsible for ALL the children in the house.

It turned out though that the woman left her husband and eventually married the man who had fathered 2 of the 3 children. The ex is now forced to pay child support for all those kids.

Cases such as this one just leave me shaking my head in disbelief. The only good thing is, these are the exception rather than the rule.

 

[poohandwendy]

If guys can walk away and leave women with the burden of raising the child solely on their shoulders, that's not fair. He had a hand in this, too. Why does he get to live the Life of Riley, while she becomes the single mom?

Sounds like a good argument to make abortion illegal.

Btw, I do not know why it is assumed that most men would do the dishonorable thing and walk away from the responsibility. Most men feel very strongly attached to their children too, no matter how they were conceived.

 

[L107ANGEL]

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

Hey I remember you!!! You threw us off by not having the Hurricanes logo in your sig. I see you are still trying to bring flowers and sunshine to the Dis again. Welcome back fan!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

hampster.

situation:

I know a girl pretty well, we've been friends for quite some time. we agree to have sex as consenting adults. I reach for a condom, but she assures me it's not needed, she's on the pill. in fact, she's not, it's a scam. in the end, "I got her pregnant" so now I'm the one on the hook. I don't want a kid, I sure don't want to marry her. so now it's time to kick 20% of my income to the situation, pay for health insurance, and if I don't want to spend time with the unwanted offspring, I'm a (fill in the blank).

then the women boo-hoo when the kid doesn't have a father figure in their life and they hop from guy to guy trying to find a daddy for the kid that wasn't wanted in the first place by the genetic father.

seems like a rational system to me.

Why don't you want your child?? Is it because they are genetically half of a person you now despise?? I can understand that you would feel bitter, resentful, frustrated, robbed, angry, etc, but why does that lead to you not being able to love and want to care for your child?? Apparently you would have preferred the pregnancy be terminated, but the fact is it wasn't. Couldn't you have found a way to move past all those negative feelings and found the good in the situation?? You created a child, regardless if you intended to or not. I know I am a sensitive and emotional person and I guess that is why I am having such a difficult time seeing it from your perspective.

 

[poohandwendy]

Why don't you want your child??

Maybe for the same reason a woman who aborts does not want her child. I dunno.

Why is it considered cold/heartless for a man to not want the child, but a woman is exercising her 'right to choose' and should not be judged if she aborts? Total double standard.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

Hmm, story sounds familiar. Have you told that story once before under a previous username?

umm, no. hypothetical, but I'm sure it's a rational situation.