Promise rings, what do they mean?

[Melissakay1q]

I think it's just a symbol of a commitment in a long-term relationship. The BF was probably nervous to see his GF move away and wanted to give her a visual reminder of their commitment without going all out with an engagement. Even so, college has a way of changing people and their idea of what they want. I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure she's a smart girl.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My boyfriend gave me a promise ring when I was 19. We had been dating for three years. We called it an "engaged to be engaged" ring. Three years later, he gave me an actual engagement ring. We got married a year after that. That was 28 1/2 years ago. Still married.

 

[aprilgail]

Also weirdly dad's would give their daughters (and in some circles sons) promise rings when they made a promise for virginity in front of their church as pre-teens. It always weirded me out to promise your dad that you wouldn't have sex because G-d says not to and you'll get a pretty ring out of it to wear on your wedding ring or engagement ring finger. Again mostly girls were pressured into this but sometimes boys would do it too.

OMG that really grosses me out- the whole promising daddy that you will wear his ring and not have sex just is SO weird! I wouldn't really be crazy about my 19 year old getting a pre-engagement ring either, at 19 I hope she is living life to the fullest and having fun and not pinned down to one boyfriend who gives her a ring to show everyone else that she is "his"

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My daughter is 21. Do you really think I am unaware that she might have different opinions than me. Holy crow!

No I didn't think you were unaware that your daughter might have different opinions than you (her age doesn't really matter though). Your own statement about asking what she was smoking and whatnot though leaned towards not considering she might have a different outlook on a ring.

Clearly my statement wasn't as straight forward as you think or we wouldn't still be arguing about it would we?

Well it's straight forward to you but appearantly not to everyone. Several people responded to you regarding it (including asking if you wore an engagement or wedding ring) so yeah I don't think your viewpoint was coming across the way you wanted it to.

I think promise rings are silly. Is that better?

Actually yes that is better even if we don't share the same opinion on the topic.



--Just my take here but you came across as wearing a ring, regardless of a promise,engagement,wedding, whatever, was not needed. It was further re-enforced when you used phrases like "special enough to warrant a symbol" and "label" "being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does."

If you view wearing a ring as a label and a not-needed symbol then I'm not sure how to take it if you wear a wedding ring or did or still do wear an engagement ring. Those are symbols too of being in a relationship. And if in your eyes a symbol is not needed then what's the point to you wearing a ring at all?--

 

[jrmasm]

No I didn't think you were unaware that your daughter might have different opinions than you (her age doesn't really matter though). Your own statement about asking what she was smoking and whatnot though leaned towards not considering she might have a different outlook on a ring.


If my daughter came home wearing a ring that she called a promise ring, 'what are you smoking' is exactly what I would ask her. And it wouldn't be the first time I asked her that. Clearly if she was wearing a promise ring, we would have differing opinions on the matter.

Well it's straight forward to you but appearantly not to everyone. Several people responded to you regarding it (including asking if you wore an engagement or wedding ring) so yeah I don't think your viewpoint was coming across the way you wanted it to.

And I guess the people that liked it understood what I meant.

Actually yes that is better even if we don't share the same opinion on the topic.



--Just my take here but you came across as wearing a ring, regardless of a promise,engagement,wedding, whatever, was not needed. It was further re-enforced when you used phrases like "special enough to warrant a symbol" and "label" "being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does."

If you view wearing a ring as a label and a not-needed symbol then I'm not sure how to take it if you wear a wedding ring or did or still do wear an engagement ring. Those are symbols too of being in a relationship. And if in your eyes a symbol is not needed then what's the point to you wearing a ring at all?--

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

*See other response below as I included quoting the intended person*

 

[Magpie]

OMG that really grosses me out- the whole promising daddy that you will wear his ring and not have sex just is SO weird! I wouldn't really be crazy about my 19 year old getting a pre-engagement ring either, at 19 I hope she is living life to the fullest and having fun and not pinned down to one boyfriend who gives her a ring to show everyone else that she is "his"

I agree! I don't think fathers should be trying to control their daughters' sex lives. Definitely gross!

With regards to living life to the fullest, though...

At 19, my university roommate was "living life to the fullest" by sleeping with three different guys, and spending her evenings going clubbing and experimenting with pot. What she was doing didn't look like a very good idea to me, but she seemed happy enough. And ultimately, nothing terribly bad happened to her (she graduated, got a job, moved on with one of the three, etc).

At 19, I'd just met the man who would eventually become my husband. He was my first serious boyfriend, the first and only man I was ever intimate with. By 20, I was quite happy to be "pinned down to one boyfriend" and by 21 we actually got ourselves handfasted in a Wiccan ceremony (we weren't Wiccan, but many of our friends were), symbolizing in front of everyone that we were committing to be a couple for the next twelve months (so, kind of like the pagan-party-version of a promise ring). 22, we moved in together and I got engaged to him, and he gave me a ring. 23, I married him, and he gave me another ring. Did I live life to the fullest? I feel like I did, and I certainly had a lot of fun along the way, even though I didn't party or play the field like my room mate did.

At 20, we joke that my daughter is "married to Science". She says she doesn't have time or interest in having a lover in her life. She spends almost all of her time in the lab, studying, or playing logic puzzles online. Is she living life to the fullest? My old room mate probably wouldn't think so, but I've never seen my daughter happier or more confident about what she's doing with her life.

Everyone follows their own path. I don't see any reason why a pre-engagement ring has to get in the way of anyone living life to the fullest and having fun. If my daughter had got one at 19, I'd have had complete faith in her ability to make her own choices.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If my daughter came home wearing a ring that she called a promise ring, 'what are you smoking' is exactly what I would ask her. And it wouldn't be the first time I asked her that. Clearly if she was wearing a promise ring, we would have differing opinions on the matter.And I guess the people that liked it understood what I meant.

It appears you didn't get my point on that subject of your daughter.

And the people who liked my comments (I guess we're in a competition now??) and responded by quoting your comments didn't fully get what you meant.

We'll just agree to disagree here and move on.

 

[pryncess527]

A promise ring is really just a gift. No different than if you gave your significant other a watch, a necklace, or some other kind of gift to express your love and commitment. Just because it's a ring does not necessarily mean intent of marriage someday.

Yet that seems to be precisely what many people here say a promise ring means. that's what makes it a "promise" ring instead of just a ring.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yet that seems to be precisely what many people here say a promise ring means. that's what makes it a "promise" ring instead of just a ring.

While I do agree that yes that is what majority tend to mean it truly means whatever people choose it to mean as I had mentioned earlier.

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to marry you someday..then yes that's what it means to them

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to be committed to you..then yes that's what it means to them

Even The Knot, which is a mega wedding website/magazine/hosting of bridal conventions says

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think promise rings are silly. Is that better?

I think they are silly, too, actually. Culture has seemed to have shifted in the past 20 years regarding dating, and when people start seeing each other exclusively. There seems to be less meaning to pre-engangement rings to me than 30-40 years ago.

 

[Magpie]

While I do agree that yes that is what majority tend to mean it truly means whatever people choose it to mean as I had mentioned earlier.

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to marry you someday..then yes that's what it means to them

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to be committed to you..then yes that's what it means to them

Even The Knot, which is a mega wedding website/magazine/hosting of bridal conventions says
View attachment 205156

Now you're asking me if I love you

And it really means, "Will I marry you?"

And I answer, "Yes, I love you"

But it really means that I won't be untrue


As the Years Go By, by Mashmakhan

 

[indimom]

Whatever they want it to mean.
DD's BFF got a promise ring when she headed off to college.
She's been in a committed relationship for three years. For them, it meant they intended to remain committed even while apart.
Maybe it will eventually fall apart, maybe it won't. That's for time to tell. A ring won't change that.
Every relationship is individual and shouldn't be judged based on our own past experiences.

 

[jrmasm]

It appears you didn't get my point on that subject of your daughter.

Or maybe I'm not interested?

And the people who liked my comments (I guess we're in a competition now??) and responded by quoting your comments didn't fully get what you meant.

Only in your mind are we in competition. You said I was not clear, I said some people got it. I agree I wasn't clear to you.

We'll just agree to disagree here and move on.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Or maybe I'm not interested?Only in your mind are we in competition. You said I was not clear, I said some people got it. I agree I wasn't clear to you.

If you're not interested then don't respond to my comment regarding it.

And no it's not only in my mind are we in competition. You brought up the people who liked your comments. So what? I had people like my comments too. It doesn't mean people who like my comments aren't able to respond to me with with clarifying questions/points. And it doesn't mean that by people liking my comments that other people won't understand what my point it..I don't see how people liking your comments equates to be clear what your point was. Some people "got it" other did not and thus they responded to you..it wasn't just me you weren't clear with.

 

[jrmasm]

If you're not interested then don't respond to my comment regarding it.

And no it's not only in my mind are we in competition. You brought up the people who liked your comments. So what? I had people like my comments too. It doesn't mean people who like my comments aren't able to respond to me with with clarifying questions/points. And it doesn't mean that by people liking my comments that other people won't understand what my point it..I don't see how people liking your comments equates to be clear what your point was. Some people "got it" other did not and thus they responded to you..it wasn't just me you weren't clear with.

Listen, I have to head out and do some volunteer work tonight and I've got a super busy weekend. So I'm out. Feel free to have the last word!!!!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Listen, I have to head out and do some volunteer work tonight and I've got a super busy weekend. So I'm out. Feel free to have the last word!!!!

lol okie dokie I'll take you up on that offer. You chose to respond when I said agree to disagree and move on. Don't make me the bad person by "daring me" perse to respond to you.

Have a great weekend by the way and I actually mean that in a sincere way. Volunteer work is a great reason to be busy.

 

[Magpie]

Listen, I have to head out and do some volunteer work tonight and I've got a super busy weekend. So I'm out. Feel free to have the last word!!!!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Ok I had no idea it was memegenerator(.net) where you can get all the memes. Seriously have I been living under a rock when it comes to making memes?? You learn something new everday

 

[pryncess527]

While I do agree that yes that is what majority tend to mean it truly means whatever people choose it to mean as I had mentioned earlier.

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to marry you someday..then yes that's what it means to them

If the bf gave the gf a ring and said this is my promise to be committed to you..then yes that's what it means to them

Even The Knot, which is a mega wedding website/magazine/hosting of bridal conventions says
View attachment 205156

Yes, but in none of those is it "just a gift" -- which is what the poster I quoted said. I appreciate that you said it means whatever people choose it to mean, I don't disagree with that -- which is why i didn't quote you. If a person wants to give a gift that just happens to be a ring with no greater meaning attached, I doubt they'd call it a promise ring.