Promise rings, what do they mean?

[DizBelle]

I didn't really feel BF is controlling until my DH mentioned his opinion and maybe the BF is? I don't like the idea now that I see that a promise ring is promising yourself to someone to marry them at 19.

Isn't "promising yourself to someone to marry them" called "engaged"?

 

[DisAuntie]

Some of y'all have a very low opinion of men.

 

[nkereina]

A promise ring is whatever the couple wants it to be. DH and I did long distance for a while when we first started dating, and he gave me a promise ring as a symbol of his love and commitment while we were apart. It was just a symbolic physical gesture to show our relationship was serious. We didn't actually get engaged for another 6 years after that.

 

[pryncess527]

I don't think they are controlling (though like many things, it could be used as a tool of control).

I do find them a bit confusing and redundant.
An engagement ring is promise to be married. So a promise ring is a promise to one day promise to get married? That doesn't strike me as much of a commitment, but YMMV.
If you give someone a piece of jewelry to declare your intention to get married in the future, that's what I call an engagement ring.
I don't get the argument that they are less expensive than an engagement ring. An engagement ring does not have a pre-determined minimum required price.
If it just means "we are exclusive" -- then that's fine, a piece of jewelry in any form seems no more silly to me than a Letterman's jacket or fraternity lavaliere as a way of declaring to the world you are a couple, but I personally wouldn't call that a promise ring.

 

[wilkeliza]

One big thing to me is it seems so kiddy still. Like letterman jackets and class rings are such a high school thing and I remember my freshman year of college getting pretty ragged on for wearing my letterman jacket one time. Girls who had their Bfs letterman jackets still at college never wore them.

College rings weren't a big thing where I went but I grew up an Aggie fan and I know those rings are earned. I can't think of a single Aggie who would have given their ring to a significant other.

I didn't ever get a promise ring or anything and had a long distance relationship. I agree with PP who said that being confident in your relationship and being able to say not interested or no thanks or whatever. I'm mean let's be honest a jerk is a jerk with or with out the ring those types of guys (and gals) won't let a symbol stop them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The OP asked what people thought, on a message board. So with all due respect, the discussion was opened by the OP.

TBH in real life, I doubt I'd have an opinion on this topic simply because to my knowledge, no one I know or have know has ever had a 'promise ring' for any reason. It's simply not done.

If my daughter, who is a college student in a long term relationship, came home with a ring that she called a promise ring, I'd ask what she was smoking and tell her that IMO, a monogamous relationship is not special enough to warrant a symbol.

I'm pretty sure you misunderstood me completely.

You were quoting "wishing on a star" who had said-


You responded with:



The Original Poster of this thread is "Wishuponastar" so when I responded with what I responded with as far as it's no one's business why a person wears a ring or doesn't I was in no way referencing the Original Poster and her choice to ask the question she did on a message board. I was referencing your response that a monogamous relationship needs a ring (my point being it's none of my business why a person wears a ring or not and I don't equate choosing to wear a ring as a need). Obviously with my comments before I'm not questioning why the Original Poster asked what she did heck I shared personal details myself.

Honestly, once again I'm wondering if someone has confused the Original Poster whose name is "wishuponastar" with the poster you quoted who was "wishing on a star"

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Since when does a monogamous relationship need a ring?

I'm not sure anyone on this thread said a ring was needed.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm pretty sure you misunderstood me completely.

You were quoting "wishing on a star" who had said-
View attachment 205059

You responded with:
View attachment 205060


The Original Poster of this thread is "Wishuponastar" so when I responded with what I responded with as far as it's no one's business why a person wears a ring or doesn't I was in no way referencing the Original Poster and her choice to ask the question she did on a message board. I was referencing your response that a monogamous relationship needs a ring (my point being it's none of my business why a person wears a ring or not and I don't equate choosing to wear a ring as a need). Obviously with my comments before I'm not questioning why the Original Poster asked what she did heck I shared personal details myself.

Honestly, once again I'm wondering if someone has confused the Original Poster whose name is "wishuponastar" with the poster you quoted who was "wishing on a star"

I'm not sure anyone on this thread said a ring was needed.

You are both being too literal.

Let me rephrase. Since when does simply being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

That's it folks.

 

[Magpie]

You are both being too literal.

Let me rephrase. Since when does being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

That's it folks.

I think people like symbols. Whether it's a letter jacket, a promise ring, both of you dying your hair the same colour, matching tattoos, whatever, people like to display things that represent something that's important in their life.

I mean, I'm sitting here wearing wedding and engagement rings, which are symbols of my monogamous relationship. I am wearing a Escher/Minecraft mashup tee, which announces to the world that I love both Dutch graphic artists of the early 20th century and video games. I'm wearing a Hufflepuff bow in my hair, which displays my affection for Harry Potter. I also have Doctor Who branded socks. And I'm also wearing a gold bracelet that belonged to my great, grandmother-in-law, because I like what it symbolizes about the family I married into.

I'm sure you're displaying a symbol or two of your own. Even the Quakers (I was raised Quaker) would wear distinctively plain clothes, as a symbol of their commitment to living a simple life. Which means even the lack of overt symbols can be symbolic in and of itself.

Whether something is meaningful enough to warrant a symbol, should be entirely up to the person who wears it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You are both being too literal.

Let me rephrase. Since when does being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

That's it folks.

Excuse me? Too literal? You actually said "since when does a monogamous relationship need a ring"

I'm glad you don't think the symbol is warranted though you might want to let your daughter have her own opinion about it too (based on your previous comment) which may or may not match your own. That's completely your opinion. And my point was what your opinion is a reflection of your beliefs.

If a person in a relationship has a ring and chooses to wear it that's great. It's also great if they choose not to. It's none of my business why or why not they are not wearing a ring.

Quite frankly I think you're assuming that everyone shares your opinion of "don't wear a ring cuz you don't need it".

 

[DisAuntie]

You are both being too literal.

Let me rephrase. Since when does being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

That's it folks.

Do you wear a wedding ring? An engagement ring? If you do, your point is moot.

 

[CdnCarrie]

No biggie. It's the equivalent of wearing your BF's class ring or having his school jacket. In the 1950s girls got pinned when they were going steady. (remember when Richie gave Laurie Beth a pin on Happy Days...)

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Let me rephrase. Since when does simply being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

Well, like I said, it used to be that "going steady" including wearing a jacket or a class ring or a pin or something. I mean, this isn't anything new. It's not something I ever did, but it's been a thing going back to the 50's. If anything, I think it seems kind of quaint and old-fashioned at this point.

 

[jrmasm]

First of all, I edited my post that all of you quoted to add a word.

I think people like symbols. Whether it's a letter jacket, a promise ring, both of you dying your hair the same colour, matching tattoos, whatever, people like to display things that represent something that's important in their life.

I mean, I'm sitting here wearing wedding and engagement rings, which are symbols of my monogamous relationship. I am wearing a Escher/Minecraft mashup tee, which announces to the world that I love both Dutch graphic artists of the early 20th century and video games. I'm wearing a Hufflepuff bow in my hair, which displays my affection for Harry Potter. I also have Doctor Who branded socks. And I'm also wearing a gold bracelet that belonged to my great, grandmother-in-law, because I like what it symbolizes about the family I married into.

I'm sure you're displaying a symbol or two of your own. Even the Quakers (I was raised Quaker) would wear distinctively plain clothes, as a symbol of their commitment to living a simple life. Which means even the lack of overt symbols can be symbolic in and of itself.

Whether something is meaningful enough to warrant a symbol, should be entirely up to the person who wears it.

Of course it is. But that doesn't mean others can't or don't have their own opinion on the subject.

Excuse me? Too literal? You actually said "since when does a monogamous relationship need a ring"

I'm glad you don't think the symbol is warranted though you might want to let your daughter have her own opinion about it too (based on your previous comment) which may or may not match your own. That's completely your opinion. And my point was what your opinion is a reflection of your beliefs.

If a person in a relationship has a ring and chooses to wear it that's great. It's also great if they choose not to. It's none of my business why or why not they are not wearing a ring.

Quite frankly I think you're assuming that everyone shares your opinion of "don't wear a ring cuz you don't need it".

You're still being too literal. My 'since when you do need...' was a verbal eye roll because I think the situation described by the op is silly. I think most things 19 years are silly. I'm old.

I assume nothing. I am fully aware that some people find promise rings to be meaningful symbols. I don't. But whatever floats your boat!
And thanks for the parenting advice.

Do you wear a wedding ring? An engagement ring? If you do, your point is moot.

See my edit. I view engagements and marriages differently.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You're still being too literal. My 'since when you do need...' was a verbal eye roll because I think the situation described by the op is silly. I think most things 19 years are silly. I'm old.

I assume nothing. I am fully aware that some people find promise rings to be meaningful symbols. I don't. But whatever floats your boat!
And thanks for the parenting advice.

1) I wasn't really giving you parenting advice. You said you'd ask "what she was smoking and tell her that IMO, a monogamous relationship is not special enough to warrant a symbol." I was pointing out that your daughter may have a different opinion on the matter than you. Depending on her opinion you asking "what she was smoking" and then telling "her that IMO, a monogamous relationship is not special enough to warrant a symbol" could really hurt her feelings if she doesn't have the same opinion as you.

2) I'm not being too literal you said something that was pretty darn straight forward and I responded. And if you really think the OP is being silly and that most things 19 year olds are silly then really why respond to the thread at all?

3) I'm glad that you now say "whatever floats your boat" because honestly that was my point the entire time. You never said anything of that sort before. Saying "I don't see it as important but I get that other people do" is entirely different than "Since when does simply being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does." and "since when does a monogamous relationship need a ring".

 

[Aimros]

I guess I don't see what the big deal is. My high school boyfriend (now husband) bought me a ring on our two year anniversary. We never called it a "promise ring" but I always thought of it that way. We went to separate colleges, graduated, got married, etc. We have a wonderful relationship and I do not regret for an instant being boyfriend/girlfriend while we were in college. I was proud to wear the ring he bought me - I didn't feel "marked". If it's not meant to be it's not meant to be - a ring isn't going to change that one way or another.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I view engagements and marriages differently.

The way you framed your argument was a monogamous relationship doesn't warrant a symbol like a ring....but now that's except it does when it comes to engagement or wedding rings?? I'm sorry but that's all sorts of not making much sense. If you had framed your argument as "since when does a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a promise ring" that might make more sense for your actual opinion, even if I don't agree with it. However, you used it as ring in general multiple times.

 

[nkereina]

Let me rephrase. Since when does simply being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does.

A promise ring is really just a gift. No different than if you gave your significant other a watch, a necklace, or some other kind of gift to express your love and commitment. Just because it's a ring does not necessarily mean intent of marriage someday.

 

[jrmasm]

1) I wasn't really giving you parenting advice. You said you'd ask "what she was smoking and tell her that IMO, a monogamous relationship is not special enough to warrant a symbol." I was pointing out that your daughter may have a different opinion on the matter than you. Depending on her opinion you asking "what she was smoking" and then telling "her that IMO, a monogamous relationship is not special enough to warrant a symbol" could really hurt her feelings if she doesn't have the same opinion as you.

2) I'm not being too literal you said something that was pretty darn straight forward and I responded. And if you really think the OP is being silly and that most things 19 year olds are silly then really why respond to the thread at all?

3) I'm glad that you now say "whatever floats your boat" because honestly that was my point the entire time. You never said anything of that sort before. Saying "I don't see it as important but I get that other people do" is entirely different than "Since when does simply being in a monogamous relationship warrant a symbol like a ring? I don't think it does." and "since when does a monogamous relationship need a ring".

1) My daughter is 21. Do you really think I am unaware that she might have different opinions than me. Holy crow!

2) Clearly my statement wasn't as straight forward as you think or we wouldn't still be arguing about it would we?

3) I think promise rings are silly. Is that better?

 

[jrmasm]

A promise ring is really just a gift. No different than if you gave your significant other a watch, a necklace, or some other kind of gift to express your love and commitment. Just because it's a ring does not necessarily mean intent of marriage someday.

It's the added label that makes it different IMO. I don't think the OP's husband would feel the boy was trying to control his daughter if he had given her a watch.