Marrieds choosing not to have kids

Status
Not open for further replies.
This thread prompted me to join, so this is my first post here.

DH & I are fence sitters as well. We got married in '01 and immediately started TTC. Well, we've got male factor infertility working against us so obviously nothing has happened kid wise. There are many days when I'd love to have our own kids. We've talked about it and decided if he can't get working correctly, that's going to be the end of it for us. There are other days when I'm perfectly content with our zoo and our child free lifestyle with all the free time and fun toys.

That being said, I agree with everyone here about kids now being allowed to run free like wild animals. Heck, my saint bernard is more well behaved than most kids I see on a daily basis. I can't imagine getting away with acting like such a turd and getting away with it when I was growing up.

Once a year, we take one of my oldest friend's 7 yr old daughter for about a week. She's like a niece to me. She knows she can't get away with much because I don't tolerate it..and she knows not to push very hard. She knows that if I've asked her what she wants for lunch, she'd better not throw a fit about it (or refuse to eat it) once it's prepared because I have no problem saying "OK cool" and sitting down to eat it myself after sending her to take her afternoon nap. That is one deal we've had. "I won't pester you about going to bed early as long as you've taken your nap kiddo..no nap no staying up late with us". She likes staying up with my DH playing video games like Haunted Mansion on the Gamecube.

We've got a few friends with kids. There's one wife who never shuts up about her kids.. mainly her oldest. Now that she's pregnant with her third, we haven't exactly invited them to do much with us because I don't care to hear all the details. Goes back to that infertility problem. It seems now most of our friends have kids and it's hard for us to meet new friends let alone child free friends. About 90% of the people in our circle are people we've known since at least high school. New additions have come & gone but the main core group is still there. I highly doubt nokidding has anything in our area, but I plan on checking it out.

Anyhow... :flower3:
 
This thread prompted me to join, so this is my first post here.

DH & I are fence sitters as well. We got married in '01 and immediately started TTC. Well, we've got male factor infertility working against us so obviously nothing has happened kid wise. There are many days when I'd love to have our own kids. We've talked about it and decided if he can't get working correctly, that's going to be the end of it for us. There are other days when I'm perfectly content with our zoo and our child free lifestyle with all the free time and fun toys.

That being said, I agree with everyone here about kids now being allowed to run free like wild animals. Heck, my saint bernard is more well behaved than most kids I see on a daily basis. I can't imagine getting away with acting like such a turd and getting away with it when I was growing up.

Once a year, we take one of my oldest friend's 7 yr old daughter for about a week. She's like a niece to me. She knows she can't get away with much because I don't tolerate it..and she knows not to push very hard. She knows that if I've asked her what she wants for lunch, she'd better not throw a fit about it (or refuse to eat it) once it's prepared because I have no problem saying "OK cool" and sitting down to eat it myself after sending her to take her afternoon nap. That is one deal we've had. "I won't pester you about going to bed early as long as you've taken your nap kiddo..no nap no staying up late with us". She likes staying up with my DH playing video games like Haunted Mansion on the Gamecube.

We've got a few friends with kids. There's one wife who never shuts up about her kids.. mainly her oldest. Now that she's pregnant with her third, we haven't exactly invited them to do much with us because I don't care to hear all the details. Goes back to that infertility problem. It seems now most of our friends have kids and it's hard for us to meet new friends let alone child free friends. About 90% of the people in our circle are people we've known since at least high school. New additions have come & gone but the main core group is still there. I highly doubt nokidding has anything in our area, but I plan on checking it out.

Anyhow... :flower3:

Welcome!
thcelebration.gif
 
Just a quick- "yay! I dont have much responsibilities" story!

A friend of mine who has (2) boys (they are good kids) e-mailed me today to tell me of her hectic life- Her poor aging mother was in the hospital (her mother lives with her) my friends sister was then in the hospital and she had to go over there to take of her! and then her one soon kinda skateboarded off of the cement steps and cracked a rib or his head or something.

I know we all have families that need our help from time to time- but she has had it rough over the past few weeks- so she asked me what was going on in my life......I had to think long and hard and the only stressful thing I could think of was......

"Well I found a stray cat!" :lmao: I thought if that is the most stress I have in my life-- I am very thankful! If I had much more- I wouldnt be able to handle it! :lmao:
 

Just a quick- "yay! I dont have much responsibilities" story!

A friend of mine who has (2) boys (they are good kids) e-mailed me today to tell me of her hectic life- Her poor aging mother was in the hospital (her mother lives with her) my friends sister was then in the hospital and she had to go over there to take of her! and then her one soon kinda skateboarded off of the cement steps and cracked a rib or his head or something.

I know we all have families that need our help from time to time- but she has had it rough over the past few weeks- so she asked me what was going on in my life......I had to think long and hard and the only stressful thing I could think of was......

"Well I found a stray cat!" :lmao: I thought if that is the most stress I have in my life-- I am very thankful! If I had much more- I wouldnt be able to handle it! :lmao:

The only real stress I have right now is my brother being a butthead. He is 43 and lives at home with my mom and dad. No reason for it other than he is cheap and thinks the world revolves around him. He has decided that DH and I are the spawn of the devil and we need to grow up.:crazy: This coming from a 43 yr old at home with mommy and daddy. He makes stuff up about us and my parents are starting to listen to him. Crazy situation. I think I would take a 5 yr old over a 43 yr old that acts 5.
 
The only real stress I have right now is my brother being a butthead. He is 43 and lives at home with my mom and dad. No reason for it other than he is cheap and thinks the world revolves around him. He has decided that DH and I are the spawn of the devil and we need to grow up.:crazy: This coming from a 43 yr old at home with mommy and daddy. He makes stuff up about us and my parents are starting to listen to him. Crazy situation. I think I would take a 5 yr old over a 43 yr old that acts 5.

:rotfl: Are you sure we're not related? Sounds like my family.
 
:rotfl: Are you sure we're not related? Sounds like my family.

I wish I knew how to deal with it. My brother has always been a loner and things have always revolved around him. I could live with that but when my parents are acting like DH and I are the bad guys I'm lost. If anyone has any suggestions I am open. I don't care if my brother is mad. I am just upset I seem to be losing my parents too over my brothers craziness.:confused3
 
I wish I knew how to deal with it. My brother has always been a loner and things have always revolved around him. I could live with that but when my parents are acting like DH and I are the bad guys I'm lost. If anyone has any suggestions I am open. I don't care if my brother is mad. I am just upset I seem to be losing my parents too over my brothers craziness.:confused3

Honey I get ya 100000%. My sister is/was the exact same way. She's 13 yrs older than me, so when I came along it was just kind of screwed up HER plans. :rolleyes1 My brother, being a couple yrs older than her and the only boy, always caught a bunch of poo from her as well. Growing up, I wasn't a bad kid. Sure my grades weren't top notch but I was far from being a BAD KID. Any minor thing I did, my sister blew way out of proportion and did the whispering in my mom's ear which just made everything a million times worse and I got in trouble worse. Ya I was on the phone while my parents were out and I was grounded. Sister came home unexpectedly. Big deal. My brother got pretty much the same treatment. She would play our parents against my brother & I. Well long story short, 2 things happened. Number 1- I learned how NOT to care what my sister said or did. I darn near severed all ties because I have no time for that drama and I don't need it. I dealt with it by NOT dealing with it because it wasn't my burden to carry anymore and I think that's a route you should consider. I'm grown now and married (while she's never going to get married or even find someone to love her because she's such a sad person) and she can't do much to affect my life anymore. She tried which brings us to Number 2- My brother's middle kid had some problems which nobody in the family was supposed to know of with the exception of our parents. My sister caught wind of it and told me. It wasn't the fact she told me that was bad, but who else did she tell in a "Guess what!" fashion. I kept my mouth shut about knowing because if they wanted it to be a secret, I was going to respect that until someone told me. Until my sister started acting up (I don't recall how) and my brother flat out asked me if she told me anything. My brother & I rekindled our relationship and I wasn't going to jeopardize that for my sister. He was always good to me where she never was. I told him what I knew. My sister tried to blame me and let me take the fall but my brother knew it wasn't me. My mom knew it wasn't me. It exposed her for what she was and what she'd been doing all these years and mom actually apologized for it all.

Chances of your brother being exposed to your parents is probably slim to none unless he slips up like my sister. I'd suggest trying to cultivate a better relationship with your mom when you're brother's not around. Call her when you know she's free to talk. Call her every so often. Or your father depending on who rules the roost in your house and would most likely see the forest for the trees. I'd also suggest just NOT dealing with your brother. Bad poo like that has a way of affecting people and it just weighs you down. I know how ya feel though. Sometimes it takes things being totally shaken around for something good to happen in that sort of situation. :goodvibes Hope this helps out some and wasn't too long winded. I tend to ramble around what my point is before I actually get to it. hehe
 
Honey I get ya 100000%. My sister is/was the exact same way. She's 13 yrs older than me, so when I came along it was just kind of screwed up HER plans. :rolleyes1 My brother, being a couple yrs older than her and the only boy, always caught a bunch of poo from her as well. Growing up, I wasn't a bad kid. Sure my grades weren't top notch but I was far from being a BAD KID. Any minor thing I did, my sister blew way out of proportion and did the whispering in my mom's ear which just made everything a million times worse and I got in trouble worse. Ya I was on the phone while my parents were out and I was grounded. Sister came home unexpectedly. Big deal. My brother got pretty much the same treatment. She would play our parents against my brother & I. Well long story short, 2 things happened. Number 1- I learned how NOT to care what my sister said or did. I darn near severed all ties because I have no time for that drama and I don't need it. I dealt with it by NOT dealing with it because it wasn't my burden to carry anymore and I think that's a route you should consider. I'm grown now and married (while she's never going to get married or even find someone to love her because she's such a sad person) and she can't do much to affect my life anymore. She tried which brings us to Number 2- My brother's middle kid had some problems which nobody in the family was supposed to know of with the exception of our parents. My sister caught wind of it and told me. It wasn't the fact she told me that was bad, but who else did she tell in a "Guess what!" fashion. I kept my mouth shut about knowing because if they wanted it to be a secret, I was going to respect that until someone told me. Until my sister started acting up (I don't recall how) and my brother flat out asked me if she told me anything. My brother & I rekindled our relationship and I wasn't going to jeopardize that for my sister. He was always good to me where she never was. I told him what I knew. My sister tried to blame me and let me take the fall but my brother knew it wasn't me. My mom knew it wasn't me. It exposed her for what she was and what she'd been doing all these years and mom actually apologized for it all.

Chances of your brother being exposed to your parents is probably slim to none unless he slips up like my sister. I'd suggest trying to cultivate a better relationship with your mom when you're brother's not around. Call her when you know she's free to talk. Call her every so often. Or your father depending on who rules the roost in your house and would most likely see the forest for the trees. I'd also suggest just NOT dealing with your brother. Bad poo like that has a way of affecting people and it just weighs you down. I know how ya feel though. Sometimes it takes things being totally shaken around for something good to happen in that sort of situation. :goodvibes Hope this helps out some and wasn't too long winded. I tend to ramble around what my point is before I actually get to it. hehe

The main problem is my parents look at my brother as the "baby" still. I have just recently decided that DH does not exist and I will be cool and detached. If they think we are a problem to the "baby" then we won't be a problem anymore. I think not being around for awhile will shake my parents up a bit. DH does not deserve to be the bad guy when he hasn't done anything wrong. (OK, he can be a smart alleck, but who can't). DH has been around for 25 yrs. He was never a problem before. Like I said, just:crazy:

Sorry to get off track folks. Back to the married without children thread. Talking about the bratty kids is more fun than talking about my 43yr old bratty brother.:rotfl2:
 
You should try teaching. It absolutely blows my mind when parents ask me for parenting advice. Let's see, I have no children of my own and you want my advice? Parent response: But he's so good at school! Yeah, that's because at school we have rules with real consequences. Kick and scream all you want kid because in the end you will do it my way.

My personal favorite are the parents that tell my that I am hurting their child's self-esteem and emotional development by enforcing the rules!! I tell them "well, that is actually a standard in the state of Florida for Social Studies." There is no dealing with these kind of parents.

A little off-topic here but DH and I were considering having kids and somehow that got spread around to being that I was pregnant. What did the parents do? Complain that a preganat teacher would be confusing to their child and that I shouldn't be allowed to teach! In fact I actually got a few angry notes form parents that I was letting them down!! Augh! The nerve!! :furious: :furious: I really wanted to say that I wasn't sure of the father before clearing up the misunderstanding.
 
You should try teaching. It absolutely blows my mind when parents ask me for parenting advice. Let's see, I have no children of my own and you want my advice? Parent response: But he's so good at school! Yeah, that's because at school we have rules with real consequences. Kick and scream all you want kid because in the end you will do it my way.

My personal favorite are the parents that tell my that I am hurting their child's self-esteem and emotional development by enforcing the rules!! I tell them "well, that is actually a standard in the state of Florida for Social Studies." There is no dealing with these kind of parents.

A little off-topic here but DH and I were considering having kids and somehow that got spread around to being that I was pregnant. What did the parents do? Complain that a preganat teacher would be confusing to their child and that I shouldn't be allowed to teach! In fact I actually got a few angry notes form parents that I was letting them down!! Augh! The nerve!! :furious: :furious: I really wanted to say that I wasn't sure of the father before clearing up the misunderstanding.

See what having children does to people. It makes them crazy.:rotfl2:
 
The only real stress I have right now is my brother being a butthead. He is 43 and lives at home with my mom and dad. No reason for it other than he is cheap and thinks the world revolves around him. He has decided that DH and I are the spawn of the devil and we need to grow up.:crazy: This coming from a 43 yr old at home with mommy and daddy. He makes stuff up about us and my parents are starting to listen to him. Crazy situation. I think I would take a 5 yr old over a 43 yr old that acts 5.

OMG!!!! I never really wanted to get into it- but that is a MAJOR problem in my life-- I try and block it out or else I would be in the looney bin though!

My brother is 38- lives with my mother, verbally abuses her, has never had a job, thinks the world revolves around him and has a few mental problems (can ya tell!) and wont admit to any of them!- My father spolied him rotten when we were kids, would never admit HIS son had any problems, dad passed away, and has left the monster for mom to deal with!

My major concern is for my mother- I can care less about him.
 
OMG!!!! I never really wanted to get into it- but that is a MAJOR problem in my life-- I try and block it out or else I would be in the looney bin though!

My brother is 38- lives with my mother, verbally abuses her, has never had a job, thinks the world revolves around him and has a few mental problems (can ya tell!) and wont admit to any of them!- My father spolied him rotten when we were kids, would never admit HIS son had any problems, dad passed away, and has left the monster for mom to deal with!

My major concern is for my mother- I can care less about him.

What is scary is that there seems to be quite a few boys posing as men out there. My brother has a decent job. How else could he have about half a million in the bank. I think my brother has a personality disorder but my parents think DH and I are the ones in the wrong. I am going to block it out or DH will put me in that looney bin. He has been very supportive for someone who is supposed to be the spawn of the devil.:rotfl2:
 
I am going to block it out or DH will put me in that looney bin. He has been very supportive for someone who is supposed to be the spawn of the devil.:rotfl2:

LOL what else can ya do? I think your decision is a smart one. YOU know dh & you aren't the devil... bugger on anyone else who thinks otherwise. :cool2:
 
What is scary is that there seems to be quite a few boys posing as men out there. My brother has a decent job. How else could he have about half a million in the bank. I think my brother has a personality disorder but my parents think DH and I are the ones in the wrong. I am going to block it out or DH will put me in that looney bin. He has been very supportive for someone who is supposed to be the spawn of the devil.:rotfl2:

I WISH my brother had a job and stop sponging off of my mother- she is 66 and supposed to be enjoying her life. But she has to deal with him everyday- he actually THINKS she should support him- he thinks there is nothing wrong there- now if that is not a mental problem- I dont know what is?

My Mother (besides my DH) is the most important thing in my life...and she knows it-- we have a great relationship- she knows my brother is the spawn of the devil....well, actually the devil himself!:sad2:

This isnt really OT- all of this stems from oblivious parents (just like my dad!)-and parents like those out there today- who think "not MY child" or "cut the kid some slack" well- this is what you get when you think that way!

SO! Stop letting the kids rule the roost and give them some stinkin' disipline! OR open your eyes-- b/c yes your kid is the little monster that everyone thinks he is- and he is only going to be a bigger one- just give him some time...oh yeah- thats right.....and some slack! :furious:
 
Okay, I think I have found home.

DH and I have been married for almost 2 years now. I am 31, he is 36. I have never wanted children, and I still don't. DH is even more adamant than I. And oh, the questions. I am a very forceful person and pretty much just tell people to shut up. My latest tactic is to say, "You wouldn't want to see the spawn that we would produce" or "I pity the poor child that would have us for parents" and that usually produces a laugh and they drop the subject. If they continue, I say, well, I just don't want a child, and don't you think a child should feel wanted?

We love our childless life. We do pretty well, and have all the toys we could want. We just bought into DVC (waiting for ROFR on our resale!), since DH talked me into a WDW trip in September and I am totally, 100% hooked. I just don't feel the parental urge. I can see a child doing something cute and think awww, but I just don't want my own.

And I soooo hear you on the sibling thing! I have an older brother who can do no wrong. He has unfortunately spawned, two very pretty overpriviledged children who will never see the right side of discipline in their lives. We have limited our contact to as brief a time as we can on the holidays as to not seem as though we hate them. DH works in the retail industry so we use that as an excuse! ;)

I also completely understand the friends problem. We have reached the age where almost everyone is either hopelessly single or married and pregnant/young kids. Our last set of couple friends is due in July. So, we will be doing lots of stuff together!! We are hoping by our 40s that most people will have older kids and will re-join an adult-oriented life.

It's strange... my parents had me when they were older (37/38), and they retained an adult life. They would have date night once a week, and get together with a group of other couples (some childless, some not) once a month. We got sent to sitters all the time. It just doesn't seem like people really do that anymore.

-Kat
 
Okay, I think I have found home.

DH and I have been married for almost 2 years now. I am 31, he is 36. I have never wanted children, and I still don't. DH is even more adamant than I. And oh, the questions. I am a very forceful person and pretty much just tell people to shut up. My latest tactic is to say, "You wouldn't want to see the spawn that we would produce" or "I pity the poor child that would have us for parents" and that usually produces a laugh and they drop the subject. If they continue, I say, well, I just don't want a child, and don't you think a child should feel wanted?

We love our childless life. We do pretty well, and have all the toys we could want. We just bought into DVC (waiting for ROFR on our resale!), since DH talked me into a WDW trip in September and I am totally, 100% hooked. I just don't feel the parental urge. I can see a child doing something cute and think awww, but I just don't want my own.

And I soooo hear you on the sibling thing! I have an older brother who can do no wrong. He has unfortunately spawned, two very pretty overpriviledged children who will never see the right side of discipline in their lives. We have limited our contact to as brief a time as we can on the holidays as to not seem as though we hate them. DH works in the retail industry so we use that as an excuse! ;)

I also completely understand the friends problem. We have reached the age where almost everyone is either hopelessly single or married and pregnant/young kids. Our last set of couple friends is due in July. So, we will be doing lots of stuff together!! We are hoping by our 40s that most people will have older kids and will re-join an adult-oriented life.

It's strange... my parents had me when they were older (37/38), and they retained an adult life. They would have date night once a week, and get together with a group of other couples (some childless, some not) once a month. We got sent to sitters all the time. It just doesn't seem like people really do that anymore.

-Kat

Welcome home Kat!

We used to get a lot of -people with kids- over here starting up on us- but that seemed to cool down a lot!

I think b/c someone here questioned them as to why they are hanging out on "our" thread, giving us grief- when we dont go over to the "family" thread and invade their space!:lmao:

Oh by the way- my stray kitty - I found him a home(thank you fellow DISer and my Wench friend rhiannonwales)- So i dont have a lot on my plate right now!:lmao:
 
Thanks for the welcome! :goodvibes

I read through some of this thread before posting, although I don't have the 3 days needed to read through all of it!!

I just don't understand why people with kids feel the need to guilt trip you into thinking you should have them. I understand that for them it may be the "greatest thing ever" but not everyone is made alike.

I am not really a "typical" girl anyhow, though... work writing software, love hockey and beer and tech toys, hate pink, only have enough shoes to get by. So I leave a lot of mommy-types baffled, most of the time. This likely contributes to my inability to find girlfriends or keep them once they turn into breeders.

-Kat
 
Thanks for the welcome! :goodvibes

I read through some of this thread before posting, although I don't have the 3 days needed to read through all of it!!

I just don't understand why people with kids feel the need to guilt trip you into thinking you should have them. I understand that for them it may be the "greatest thing ever" but not everyone is made alike.

I am not really a "typical" girl anyhow, though... work writing software, love hockey and beer and tech toys, hate pink, only have enough shoes to get by. So I leave a lot of mommy-types baffled, most of the time. This likely contributes to my inability to find girlfriends or keep them once they turn into breeders.

-Kat

It is getting better for DH and I- we are getting older (40 and 42:headache: --mentally 30) and some our friends with kids are able to come out and play a bit more than before b/c their kids are getting older!
thwoohoo-022.gif


On Friday night we just hung out with a friend of mine that I have known since I was 5- her boys are 16 and 12 now- I just e-mailed her to tell her we have to do it again b/c we had so much fun!:banana:
 
Thanks for the welcome! :goodvibes

I read through some of this thread before posting, although I don't have the 3 days needed to read through all of it!!

I just don't understand why people with kids feel the need to guilt trip you into thinking you should have them. I understand that for them it may be the "greatest thing ever" but not everyone is made alike.

I am not really a "typical" girl anyhow, though... work writing software, love hockey and beer and tech toys, hate pink, only have enough shoes to get by. So I leave a lot of mommy-types baffled, most of the time. This likely contributes to my inability to find girlfriends or keep them once they turn into breeders.

-Kat

I am another one that was never a girly girl. My mom wanted a pink dress wearing princess. She got an athletic tomboy who hated dresses and does not own the color pink. (I do have a hot pink summer top but don't tell anyone). I look like a girl or in my case woman (I am 47) with long reddish blonde hair. If I could wear flip flops and shorts year round that would be me. I work in IT, love beer, hang out with the boys when it comes to sports. I have girlfriends but to them I am more of a free spirit.

It gets easier when you get older. The friends with children will start going out more as the kids get older. The people that want you to be a breeder start shutting up after you hit 40. It will take awhile but they will leave you alone. We have even had people tell us that wouldn't give up their kids for anything but........if they had it to do over they don't know if they would.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.





Receive up to $1,000 in Onboard Credit and a Gift Basket!
That’s right — when you book your Disney Cruise with Dreams Unlimited Travel, you’ll receive incredible shipboard credits to spend during your vacation!
CLICK HERE









DIS Facebook DIS youtube DIS Instagram DIS Pinterest DIS Tiktok DIS Twitter DIS Bluesky

Back
Top Bottom