Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[goofie4goofy]

Hey Hockeykat! I feel your pain my mother is always telling me that my brother and his wife "do everything right". My husband and I do not have kids and do not plan to = so I guess we do everything "wrong". Because we do not have the responsibility of children we live a very different life than most people. We were able to take a different path financially by being able to take certain risks and they paid off......something we most certainly could not have done with children. We love our life and don't give a rat's hairy what people think. We do have our own business and we don't go to "work a day jobs" anymore, so that in itself bothers many people around us. Not everyone is "parent material" I think that is why there are so many crappy kids in the world. People think that it's just the thing you do without giving thought to the responsibility of a lifetime involved. It's not that I don't like kids, I do -- I just don't want to be a parent. We have had neighbors and friends ask us questions that would make your hair stand on end. I find this very strange but I have found the more successful you become, the more people have a problem with it. Our married with kids friends do not bother with us very much anymore, with the exception of birthdays and other milestone events, which is sad. They make us feel like we don't fit in and I have left a few events early in tears. To be honest, I am tired of the comments...."must be nice" "I want to do what you do" "life is tough" "you have it easy I have 2 kids"....We did not win a lottery, we work hard and we gave up a lot to have what we do. We wanted a different life, but it does not mean we ARE different. Will we regret in time that we did not have kids...who knows. I do know there are very few people who would have the guts to sacrifice what we did to make it happen. So for all the people with a "normal life" who "do everything right" there are some people who feel fufilled in other ways besides raising children. We never ever brag, never tell anyone our business and are always very generous with friends and family, and still people pass comments.

I feel better now.....I have been keeping that in for a while!! Thanks

 

[HockeyKat]

Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on doing exactly what you want to do, and having a wonderful life because of it!! I truly mean that. I think that your friends and family are probably jealous. I know I would be! It takes a lot of courage to do what you truly love and want, and not everyone has that. Some are honest enough to admit the jealousy yet still wish you well, and others couch it in rationalizations about their own life and how it is so much better than yours.

I have to admit... I don't like children. Not at all. One-on-one, some of them are okay, and some are occasionally cute, but I vastly prefer the company of adults.

I do leave my dislike of kids at home when I go to WDW. Well, of well-behaved kids and/or good parents (hubby says there are no bad kids, just bad parents). I still dislike bad parents, especially with killer strollers.

-Kat

 

[maddhatir]

Other people's kids are OK- if they are good. I don't mind talking to them etc- some of them are cute...and funny...and behaved. When I like your kids- I will tell you just how cute and well behaved they are, I will ask about them- I even go as far as saying you did a great job as parents! I have to tell some parents that only b/c they are few and far between! Most parents are used to getting the "eye roll" from people b/c their kids are monsters! So I feel I need to tell the parents who seem to be doing a good job!

But when they are brats- forget about it-- I do not want to know you!

To be honest, I am tired of the comments...."must be nice" "I want to do what you do" "life is tough" "you have it easy I have 2 kids"....

I know what you mean-- Don't you just want to scream-- "HEY! I CHOSE not to have kids"-- sorry you feel like you made the wrong decision- don't take it out on me! I believe they are, indeed, jealous when they make those comments- what else could it be- they want you to feel sorry for them ....but, SORRY! Isn't gonna happen

 

[kennancat]

I am tired of the comments...."must be nice"

Just smile, nod, and say "yes, it is!"

 

[Ragetti]

I love being a Dad. There is magic in the eyes of a little girl. But however I feel about the expereince, the decision to have kids or not is personal. No one has the right to question your choice.

And frankly, if you don't WANT to be a parent, then becoming one is risky... for you AND the kid.

 

[LoveStitch626]

We actually got our first "so when" comment this weekend. Well DH did..I wasn't there. We'd been lucky up to this point really. I think dh handled it very well. The convo sort of went like this "So when are you going to have babies?" "I have a baby" "When?!?!" "Ya he's 2.5 & 200lbs & furry all over" "No man, babies, real babies" "He is my baby" The other guy kind of rolled his eyes and walked off.

 

[kennancat]

When I like your kids- I will tell you just how cute and well behaved they are, I will ask about them- I even go as far as saying you did a great job as parents! I have to tell some parents that only b/c they are few and far between! Most parents are used to getting the "eye roll" from people b/c their kids are monsters! So I feel I need to tell the parents who seem to be doing a good job!

You all should check out the "surprising experience at Victoria & Albert's" thread - apparently a couple of parents feel this is condescending. I'm so tempted to ask if anybody's ever complimented their kids' behavior!

 

[mhf]

I am another one that was never a girly girl. My mom wanted a pink dress wearing princess. She got an athletic tomboy who hated dresses and does not own the color pink. (I do have a hot pink summer top but don't tell anyone). I look like a girl or in my case woman (I am 47) with long reddish blonde hair. If I could wear flip flops and shorts year round that would be me. I work in IT, love beer, hang out with the boys when it comes to sports. I have girlfriends but to them I am more of a free spirit.

But I am a girly girl Love dresses, princess, jewelry, choclate. But I think they left the mom gene out of me. Maybe I was shopping.

Thank goodness I found DH. They left the dad gene out of him.

My 11 year old neices came to visit last weekend...fun...for 2 days. Then time for them to go back to dad

Melissa

PS it's snowing here

 

[LoveStitch626]

I am another one that was never a girly girl. My mom wanted a pink dress wearing princess.

I gave up on dresses. When I wear them I feel like Marla from League of their Own. Gracefully & Grandfully...

 

[kennancat]

I am another one that was never a girly girl. My mom wanted a pink dress wearing princess.

This is another reason I'm afraid to have kids - I'm not a girly girl and I figure it would be an excellent cosmic joke if I ended up with a daughter who was! "No honey, put the barbies down - look, I got you legos!"

 

[maddhatir]

But I am a girly girl Love dresses, princess, jewelry, choclate. But I think they left the mom gene out of me. Maybe I was shopping.

Thank goodness I found DH. They left the dad gene out of him.

My 11 year old neices came to visit last weekend...fun...for 2 days. Then time for them to go back to dad

Melissa

PS it's snowing here

Me too! I am totally a girlie girl! The part about the shopping- I sure did get THAT gene from mom!!! She taught me well!

I have a 5yr old major princess niece, a 7 moth old niece- who will, I am certain be another princess and 2 nephews- I love to see them- and that is my kid quota-- and the "quota feeling" can last up to 1 full month!

and PS! Its snowing here too!

 

[maddhatir]

This is another reason I'm afraid to have kids - I'm not a girly girl and I figure it would be an excellent cosmic joke if I ended up with a daughter who was! "No honey, put the barbies down - look, I got you legos!"

Well my SIL was a jock in highschool, played field hockey etc, doesnt wear make up- never worries about her hair and her daughter is SUCH a girlie girl that she is now 5 and she just recently would allow her mother to put a pair of pants on her! and that is only b/c one of her little fiends wears pants. If its not pink- forget it!

She always talks about being an actess and she is only 5- she would like to be an "actress" in Disney she tells us.

My niece is always worried about her hair- she makes an outfit change at least 3 times during that day- one day it was maye 40 degrees out- and she came outside in a flowey nighgown- her cha cha glass heels with fuzzy feathery things on them- her poodle handbag and was running around the yard!

She got mad at someone while she was out there and went stomping off- can I tell you how funny this little kid looked like all dressed up like that stomping off- it would not have been funny at all if she wa snot dressed like that- I told SIL- you see that right there-- that is going to be her when she is 21 and a guy wont buy her a diamond-- or a new car or something! She is going to still be dressing like that at 21!

My SIL deals with it-- but doesnt understand it at all- how she had it in her to be so girlie b/c she didnt get it from her mommy!

 

[TKDisneylover]

I think that is why there are so many crappy kids in the world. People think that it's just the thing you do without giving thought to the responsibility of a lifetime involved.

AMEN to that!!

I work at Social Services receiving police reports on juvenile delinquents & assigning them to a social worker. It's amazing how many times a social worker will meet with a family and they want the worker to "fix" their kid and take no responsibility. Or the other extreme, persons having unprotected relations and having kids they don't want and they end up getting shipped off to foster care. Sheesh!

DH & I are 42 & 43 and have been together since high school. We dated/lived together for 6 years before we married. We told everyone plain & simply there would be no kids! We truly enjoy being the adult kids that we are!

Have a magical day everyone!

 

[maddhatir]

AMEN to that!!

I work at Social Services receiving police reports on juvenile delinquents & assigning them to a social worker. It's amazing how many times a social worker will meet with a family and they want the worker to "fix" their kid and take no responsibility. Or the other extreme, persons having unprotected relations and having kids they don't want and they end up getting shipped off to foster care. Sheesh!

DH & I are 42 & 43 and have been together since high school. We dated/lived together for 6 years before we married. We told everyone plain & simply there would be no kids! We truly enjoy being the adult kids that we are!

Have a magical day everyone!

DH and I are 40 and 42- been together since high school- lived together for 13 years before getting married- we also told everyone no kids for us!

I was just in the grocery store yesterday and a woman was in front of me checking out and she had a daughter about 8 with her. The woman started commenting on "dont have kids" to the male cashier and asked him if he wanted kids- he said eventually- she then looked at me- and I had to chime in and say- I never wanted them- and dont have them!

I was walking out to the parking lot and realized- man! It seems like 99% of the people you see are breeders! It is unbelieveable how many people seem they feel the need to follow the herd and breed!

I FEEL so lucky I can think for myself and not feel I need to "fit in" with the rest of the this wacked out world!

And WHY is it when some breeders comment about "dont have kids" they have to throw in-- I love my kids, but if I could do it all over again-I might do it differently

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

DH and I are 40 and 42- been together since high school- lived together for 13 years before getting married- we also told everyone no kids for us!

I was just in the grocery store yesterday and a woman was in front of me checking out and she had a daughter about 8 with her. The woman started commenting on "dont have kids" to the male cashier and asked him if he wanted kids- he said eventually- she then looked at me- and I had to chime in and say- I never wanted them- and dont have them!

I was walking out to the parking lot and realized- man! It seems like 99% of the people you see are breeders! It is unbelieveable how many people seem they feel the need to follow the herd and breed!

I FEEL so lucky I can think for myself and not feel I need to "fit in" with the rest of the this wacked out world!

And WHY is it when some breeders comment about "dont have kids" they have to throw in-- I love my kids, but if I could do it all over again-I might do it differently

Well, after reading your post it is definetely a good thing that you will not reproduce!

 

[hollyb]

AMEN to that!!

I work at Social Services receiving police reports on juvenile delinquents & assigning them to a social worker. It's amazing how many times a social worker will meet with a family and they want the worker to "fix" their kid and take no responsibility. Or the other extreme, persons having unprotected relations and having kids they don't want and they end up getting shipped off to foster care. Sheesh!

DH & I are 42 & 43 and have been together since high school. We dated/lived together for 6 years before we married. We told everyone plain & simply there would be no kids! We truly enjoy being the adult kids that we are!

Have a magical day everyone!

Your not even a mom and you think you know what is best for kids. What a JOKE!!!! Your better off getting a job washing dishes. Until your a mom you have no clue.

 

[momof3littlelilos]

I was walking out to the parking lot and realized- man! It seems like 99% of the people you see are breeders! It is unbelieveable how many people seem they feel the need to follow the herd and breed!

I FEEL so lucky I can think for myself and not feel I need to "fit in" with the rest of the this wacked out world!

And WHY is it when some breeders comment about "dont have kids" they have to throw in-- I love my kids, but if I could do it all over again-I might do it differently

HI! I'm a mom...and although I find the tone sort of argumentative I'll bite...I'm a breeder but I'm not a herd girl...I'm a grouchy hermit maybe, but definately too odd and cranky for the "herd" ...I was born to people who, IMHO, had us without putting much thought into it, they just did what was expected of them and then spent their lives resenting it. I always thought being in a family could be fun, even though my childhood wasn't...now I've got a family, and I try to be mindful about it and we have fun and are happy - tantrums, poopy diapers and all.
But, part of being mindful means you have to realize what you're missing and/or what you gave up for what you have. In retrospect maybe I should've finished college first, or established a career, or traveled more, or had a few more youthful indescretions or...whatever....I don't see how it's confusing...there's always something someone could have done differently. I don't think you're being honest with yourself if you can't find something in your life you might have done differently if given the opportunity.
If you really don't want children that's great if your life makes you happy...what I find confusing is people feeling like they have to justify their choices either way.

BTW - we're surrounded by crappy kids, and wonder constantly: "what we're those people thinking when they had kids?" That thought isn't exclusive to the childless!

 

[momof3littlelilos]

ps - I jumped into this thread accidentally - I was about to click into "Disney For Families" just above this...oops...breeding destroys brain cells, I swear it does

 

[kennancat]

HI! I'm a mom...and although I find the tone sort of argumentative I'll bite...I'm a breeder but I'm not a herd girl

BTW, it sounds like you're a parent, not a "breeder". I've typically heard that term applied to people who have kids without thinking and then expect society/the government/the schools/i.e. someone else to raise them!

 

[kennancat]

Your not even a mom and you think you know what is best for kids. What a JOKE!!!! Your better off getting a job washing dishes. Until your a mom you have no clue.

<Insert Poltergeist music in the background>

She's backkkkk......

And still hasn't learned proper grammar