Just need to vent...

[megster1123]

Nobody told you that you were awful. Come on, Megster. You truly can't believe that you were bullied.

Please look at the other threads on this board. There are people on this wedding thread that I agree with 100%. We are liking each others posts and nodding with each other. On any other subject, I know we disagree vehemently. We snipe at each other. We have actual knock down/drag outs.

And then we move on.

I promise you that many people with agree with you down the road, on a different subject. Just not today. You were not bullied. You were in a mildly heated conversation.

Come on over to the Transgender Bathroom Threads if you want to see how mild this one was

Again, tell this to the other people that have reached out to me because they were treated similarly by some of the more active posters in this thread.

 

[surfgirl]

Again, tell this to the other people that have reached out to me because they were treated similarly by some of the more active posters in this thread.

I have no skin in this game - but I will say you may feel defensive and harassed... but it certainly isn't bullying. If you feel put upon and angry that others are disagreeing with you, close your computer, log off your phone, walk away and hug your kids or take your dog for a walk. Don't let the internet gremlins get you down, but don't feed into them either.

[look at the definition of bullying.
"Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict." ]

 

[mjkacmom]

Nobody told you that you were awful. Come on, Megster. You truly can't believe that you were bullied.

Please look at the other threads on this board. There are people on this wedding thread that I agree with 100%. We are liking each others posts and nodding with each other. On any other subject, I know we disagree vehemently. We snipe at each other. We have actual knock down/drag outs.

And then we move on.

I promise you that many people with agree with you down the road, on a different subject. Just not today. You were not bullied. You were in a mildly heated conversation.

Come on over to the Transgender Bathroom Threads if you want to see how mild this one was

It appears Meg is a newbie. This thread is downright tame! I don't see anything even worthy of getting points! Compared to others, it's a love fest.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

This thread has gone off the rails, and now I'm adding to the crash.

Asking questions, or sharing your own thoughts and opinions on an issue is not bullying. If someone disagrees with your opinion and challenges you with questions, or asks for more information, that is not bullying.

Seriously, do we need a "safe place" on this thread? At anytime, a poster can choose to leave a thread and no longer post, or you can choose to ignore the posts you find offensive. This is a discussion board, therefore there will be varying opinions.

OP - I truly do hope things work out for you and your friend!

 

[fly girl]

Ok, I've been gone all day so I missed the action, but I've just read everything.

@megster1123, obviously you have a right to your opinion. You asked earlier how some don't know about after parties being the norm? This is why -- many of us are older. Our bridesmaid days are long gone. (One yahoo for being in my 40's!) . We're now in the social circles correlated to our kids activities. Different places in our lives. I really didn't know this was commonplace. It wasn't 16 years ago.

Honestly, and please take that I'm trying to come from a neutral place, I think what stirred up this thread was the bitter comment followed by the sunny day jab. It was reading as a normal discussion thread until that point. Maybe I'm wrong, but that seemed to be the point that people had the WTH was that all about posts, and your little red alert square went off to the races. I'm sure it felt rough, and maybe you didn't mean to come off harsh, but it did read that way. It's hard for you to objectively go back and read -- you fought this battle all day. And I'm not attacking your opinion, but the way you handled it was what I perceive started it. Yep, I could be totally wrong, but as someone on the sidelines now coming in the game I'm telling you what I see.

Bullying -- eh, not really. A rough day on this Dis for you, most definitely! I've had them, most of us with a strong opinion have, but the funny thing is the next big topic the ones that disagreed with you on this will do a 180 and agree with you on the next.

And FWIW, I never had any issues at my wedding with bridesmaids or being a MOH or bridesmaid.

 

[jdb in AZ]

We all feel harassed from time to time, or from thread to thread. We either put on our big girl panties and post on a different thread, or just disappear into cyberspace. Sometimes I wait a few days to get my hair out of the air, but there's always some other topic of conversation that lures me back.

 

[Nancyg56]

Nobody told you that you were awful. Come on, Megster. You truly can't believe that you were bullied.

Please look at the other threads on this board. There are people on this wedding thread that I agree with 100%. We are liking each others posts and nodding with each other. On any other subject, I know we disagree vehemently. We snipe at each other. We have actual knock down/drag outs.

And then we move on.

I promise you that many people with agree with you down the road, on a different subject. Just not today. You were not bullied. You were in a mildly heated conversation.

Come on over to the Transgender Bathroom Threads if you want to see how mild this one was

I have avoided that thread like the plague! This opinionated old gal needs to stay away fom that one! LOL!

Megster- this is a discussion board. People discuss. I thought the whole thing was rather tame, so even with the strong opinions it was pretty easy going till someone got offended. Even then I thought the posts were pretty even tempered.

I like lively discussions and I know we all have different opinions, but not everyone likes to to be disagreed with. I woudl advise that if you want to participate, either to join in or to open a thread asking opinions, you really need to be prepared for others to interact with you. Be prepared that they will not all be in lockstep with you. It's not bullying.

Again, tell this to the other people that have reached out to me because they were treated similarly by some of the more active posters in this thread.

Please. I have been on this board for over ten years. If you think the posters here we rough, you would never have survived a few years ago. Again, my advice to you is that if you want to make a point, no filks do not agree with you, do nto take it personally and snap back. You may think you got bit today, but I think it was more like a friendly nibble.

It appears Meg is a newbie. This thread is downright tame! I don't see anything even worthy of getting points! Compared to others, it's a love fest.

I know!!!!!!! remember before the politics, religion, tipping, pool hopping, and towel animal animal discussions were banned???? LOL!!!!!!!!This one was a cake walk.

FWIW: I never stay over after a wedding if I can help it. My niece was married about 90 minutes from home and my sister was all about everyone spending the night. I asked my niece if she woudl mind if we got the heck out of Dodge afte teh wedding, we were going to Disney the next day. My siste was annoyed, my niece was fine. She told me she had no idea that her Mom was planning breakfast the day after, but that she planned to sleep through it. LOL! Sometimes it is nto the bride who goes all Bridezilla! LOL!

 

[gemini2727]

I have avoided that thread like the plague! This opinionated old gal needs to stay away fom that one! LOL!

I know!!!!!!! remember before the politics, religion, tipping, pool hopping, and towel animal animal discussions were banned???? LOL!!!!!!!!This one was a cake walk.

What is the controversy with towel animals, I have to know!

 

[VandVsmama]

When one finds oneself getting REALLY upset about what total strangers are saying on an online discussion board on ANY particular topic, that is a sign that one needs to step away from the computer and do something else for awhile.

The above comment is not directed any one individual here. It is intended as food for thought and a rule of thumb to follow so one doesn't get overly offended or upset over people who disagree with you when those people are individuals who you have never even met in person and likely will never meet ever.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Next time maybe not rely on posts that were made hours apart to support your argument.

And yes, I wholly believe there is bitterness in the thread. But did I ever call out someone specially? Nope. Just said bitterness as a general comment. If you want me to expand on that, then sure. I feel there are people weighing in with heavy opinions that have had a negative experience either being a bridesmaid or with a bridemaid in their wedding. And that negative experience led to some bitter feelings about being a bridesmaid. I never said anyone was bitter because they didn't agree with me, I said it because some people got WAY too bent out of shape by the discussion.

I wasn't aware you had set a time limit on the posts people here can refer to in this thread. If that's the case you shouldn't be quoting my post since I made it at 3:50 and you didn't respond until 4:21. My posts have a 30 second lifespan, after that you are not to use them to support your argument and claims of bullying.


I don't care what you think or why you called people bitter. You tossed a stone then complained when some were tossed back. Nobody is bullying you. They're disagreeing with you and moving forward in the tone YOU SET. This thread is VERY tame and the responses were also very tame. It's clear this forum is not for you.

 

[Nancyg56]

What is the controversy with towel animals, I have to know!

SHould you take them? Is it stealing? Even if the mousekeeper gives you the .50 animal, is it stealing if you take it? OMG!!!! You think that this is heated? Eveyone has towel animal opinions! I bet even the bathroom discussion is not as bad! LOL! If anyone is offended, just ask them to open a thread about how old boys should be when you must stop taking them into the ladies room with you! LOL!!! Now that one make toast!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

What is the controversy with towel animals, I have to know!

Eh - there's a lot of people that will read about towel animals and special gestures in general people have received while at Disney then they go down and expect the same things and get pissed when it doesn't happen. People can turn any "magic" that Disney bestows on guests to drama filled rants about how much money they spent but nobody went out of their way to make their vacation special. Then there's drama over people taking the towel animals etc.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

SHould you take them? Is it stealing? Even if the mousekeeper gives you the .50 animal, is it stealing if you take it? OMG!!!! You think that this is heated? Eveyone has towel animal opinions! I bet even the bathroom discussion is not as bad! LOL! If anyone is offended, just ask them to open a thread about how old boys should be when you must stop taking them into the ladies room with you! LOL!!! Now that one make toast!

I don't think anything can top refillable mug discussions.....

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't think anything can top refillable mug discussions.....

I don't know.....pool hopping is pretty lively!! And even I cannot stay off of the 12 year old boys who must accompany Mom into the ladies room so they do not get abducted. LOL!!!!

Right now I trying to remain civil to my DH crazy nasty sister...so I would welcome a good old fashioned DIS DIScussion!

 

[nephthys43]

So... I talked to her a little while ago. I'm still confused and now a little angry. I started the conversation off by acknowledging that she was upset with me. She said she knew I had things going on and problems I was dealing with and that she feels like I'm not "in" this. She also said she doesn't want me to feel like I have to do this. I told her I loved her and that I want to be there on her day, and she brought up the hotel room. I told her I didn't understand why I needed to stay over. She started on about drinking and having a good time and such. I told her that I didn't plan on getting drunk. There's no way for me to be a responsible bridesmaid and help her during her wedding if I'm sloshed. She got annoyed and was like I don't need you to help me go to the bathroom. I explained that wasn't what I meant and sometimes things happen at weddings that need someone to be able to think and fix it.

Then she was talking about how there were going to be drunks out on the road and she didn't want me driving an hour home at night. That it was going to be a long day and I'd be tired. It took all I had to bite my tongue. I am 10 years older than she is. I already have a mom and even she knows better than to tell me what to do. Finally, I just said that even if I did have a room reserved, I'd have to cancel it. I couldn't afford it. She asked me why I couldn't afford it? The tone of her voice made me want to hang up. I live alone. She lives with her fiancé. She has help with the bills, I don't.

The conversation basically ended there. She saw some neighbor that she had to talk to and hung up. I texted her to call me back later. She texted back and said, "ok. Just be upfront if you need things. I'm here u know".

I don't even know what to think.

 

[nephthys43]

Btw... I love the latest posts... Bring on the pool hoppers and towel animals!!! Wait! We need a little boys in the girls room post too!

 

[asta]

Bringing this back to a wedding discussion. All of this talk about after parties reminds how it was back in the dark ages when I got married. We were told that it was poor manners for the bride and groom to stay too long at your wedding reception because guests were not supposed to leave before the bride and groom. I guess the bride and groom could leave and then come back for another party.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Finally, I just said that even if I did have a room reserved, I'd have to cancel it. I couldn't afford it. She asked me why I couldn't afford it? The tone of her voice made me want to hang up.

Wow. What a snot. I feel sorry for you. She does not sound like a nice person.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Again, tell this to the other people that have reached out to me because they were treated similarly by some of the more active posters in this thread.

I will gladly tell these other people. Who are they?

 

[Nancyg56]

So... I talked to her a little while ago. I'm still confused and now a little angry. I started the conversation off by acknowledging that she was upset with me. She said she knew I had things going on and problems I was dealing with and that she feels like I'm not "in" this. She also said she doesn't want me to feel like I have to do this. I told her I loved her and that I want to be there on her day, and she brought up the hotel room. I told her I didn't understand why I needed to stay over. She started on about drinking and having a good time and such. I told her that I didn't plan on getting drunk. There's no way for me to be a responsible bridesmaid and help her during her wedding if I'm sloshed. She got annoyed and was like I don't need you to help me go to the bathroom. I explained that wasn't what I meant and sometimes things happen at weddings that need someone to be able to think and fix it.

Then she was talking about how there were going to be drunks out on the road and she didn't want me driving an hour home at night. That it was going to be a long day and I'd be tired. It took all I had to bite my tongue. I am 10 years older than she is. I already have a mom and even she knows better than to tell me what to do. Finally, I just said that even if I did have a room reserved, I'd have to cancel it. I couldn't afford it. She asked me why I couldn't afford it? The tone of her voice made me want to hang up. I live alone. She lives with her fiancé. She has help with the bills, I don't.

The conversation basically ended there. She saw some neighbor that she had to talk to and hung up. I texted her to call me back later. She texted back and said, "ok. Just be upfront if you need things. I'm here u know".

I don't even know what to think.

Okay....breathe. And breathe again. Becuase this was one snippy conversation she had with you. I am so sorry, and this is why I tell people who are hurt if they are not included in a wedding party.....Be grateful for unanswered prayers!