Just need to vent...

[KBoopaloo]

I guess my main question is that - even after all that goes into being a bridesmaid - wouldn't you still want to join the party? Because honestly, as a bride, if I had to make attending a party an obligation I would probably reconsider my choice of who I asked to be a bridesmaid. A bride shouldn't have to "make" her friends come to a party. Her friends should want to come.

Except that not everyone loves parties. In fact for some people all of the social events that surround weddings can be extremely stressful and adding yet another one at the end of the day would just add to that stress. I have no idea if that is the case for the OP but as an introvert myself, I find a lot of the hoopla and parties surrounding friends' weddings to be incredibly stressful. Insinuating that someone not wanting to attend yet another party at the end of a string of parties (shower, bachelorette party, wedding itself) makes them a bad friend is incredibly insensitive. Since OP has already participated in and spent a lot of money to participate in the other festivities leading up to the wedding without complaint, I think it is really unfair to insist that if she doesn't want to stick around to party into the wee hours on the night of the reception she somehow doesn't care enough about her friend.

 

[megster1123]

Please don't take away from the seriousness of real bullying. A discussion like this is definitely not it and overuse of the word is taking away the real meaning.

So now I'm being told that I cannot feel bullied by the actions of people in the thread? I can't feel bullied from being ganged up on by people writing pages and pages of posts telling me why I'm so awful and wrong? That I can't feel bullied by someone stating maybe I'm just "not into my husband"?

That makes a TON of sense.

 

[Allison]

Here is my opinion-If you think people disagreeing with you on a message board is bullying, then you don't understand how serious real bullying can be.

If you think this thread is bullying, then you need to acknowledge the unpleasant things you said about people in your posts are also bullying. Do you acknowledge that?

In my opinion, none of it is.

 

[megster1123]

Here is my opinion-If you think people disagreeing with you on a message board is bullying, then you don't understand how serious real bullying can be.

If you think this thread is bullying, then you need to acknowledge the unpleasant things you said about people in your posts are also bullying. Do you acknowledge that?

In my opinion, none of it is.

Thank you for your opinion, I have mine as well.

Ok so let's now turn the discussion to how I'm not allowed to feel bullied.

 

[gwynne]

So now I'm being told that I cannot feel bullied by the actions of people in the thread? I can't feel bullied from being ganged up on by people writing pages and pages of posts telling me why I'm so awful and wrong? That I can't feel bullied by someone stating maybe I'm just "not into my husband"?

That makes a TON of sense.

It's not unusual at all for folks to have a variety of opinions in a discussion forum. That is what is on this thread. People are sharing various ideas, takes, perspectives and experiences.

Just my opinion-I don't think using a particular word solely for hyperbole effect adds to the discussion.

 

[megster1123]

It's not unusual at all for folks to have a variety of opinions in a discussion forum. That is what is on this thread. People are sharing various ideas, takes, perspectives and experiences.

Take a read through the thread, and tell me how the attacks on me are in any way conducive to a valid discussion of the original topic.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I think that you should do what you are comfortable with. If you don't want to stay or can't afford to stay at the hotel - just tell the bride. She should know how you are by now and if she doesn't then she just wanted to fill a dress/position in her wedding and that is a shame.

Weddings have gotten out of hand. Brides demands have gotten out of hand. People have gotten out of hand. The fact they brides tell you what to get them off their registry - it's all a bit spoiled to me. I think for most young couples weddings are 100% about me, me, me and how much money I can get out of you - whether you are a guest or a participant. It's sad really.

I got married 24 years ago (i was a young bride 21) and I could not imagine wanting to have an after party. I wanted to leave with my dh and have some quiet time to ourselves. It was such an incredible day. Our reception ended at 1230am or so and dang, I was tired. I planned my wedding with my dh and it wasn't all consuming or that stressful like they seem to be today. I wonder what the difference is? I had a church ceremony, a hall for the reception and all the traditional things - I just don't get what the difference is between then and now.

 

[diznygirl]

How thin-skinned do you have to be to feel bullied on a stupid message board????

There was an after-party at my wedding. My husband and I did not attend - we wanted peace and quiet. Though if we had wanted, we would have gone. None of our friends sat around judging anyone else for being there or for not being there. I think that's called "maturity."

The OP should be able to do what she wants without being judged, and without the bride getting all butt-hurt about it.

 

[Allison]

The OP should be able to do what she wants without being judged, and without the bride getting all butt-hurt about it.

Especially since the OP isn't aware of any party of anything going on after. I will be interested in an update after they speak to each other. Hopefully, the OP can get to what is really going on.

 

[megster1123]

How thin-skinned do you have to be to feel bullied on a stupid message board????

There was an after-party at my wedding. My husband and I did not attend - we wanted peace and quiet. Though if we had wanted, we would have gone. None of our friends sat around judging anyone else for being there or for not being there. I think that's called "maturity."

The OP should be able to do what she wants without being judged, and without the bride getting all butt-hurt about it.

Hey, FYI it's not really nice to say crappy things to people who feel bullied. Maybe try not making unnecessary comments that are obviously only intended to fuel the fire. That's called maturity.

 

[mummabear]

I didn't read the whole thread but working at an event center, which hosts weddings and requires a minimum wedding block at our inn I'm wondering if you not booking a room is requiring her to pay for that room.

I had been owndering this myself. If there was some sort of kick back for the brides room if x amount of peope booked and they didnt hit tha number.

I do think times have changed with the whole social media thing. Pinterest has thousands of pages dedicated to After The Wedding festivities. Why on earth would anyone want to gaze into their new husband's eyes when they can post the pictures of the after party instead Look at us! The party is still going on! We are fun people! Not for me, but I see it happening more and more.

As another Poster has menioned, my DH and I were together 4 years (and living together for 3 1/2) before we got married, we did not need to rush back to the room to be together. The next day we were heading away for 5 weeks together for our honeymoon, we partied until our reception was shut down. (in saying that it was only midnight with no after party). I wouldnt have been upset of my bridesmaids had left anytime after the offical duties (speeches, first dance, cutting of the cake, throwing the boquet) was done. It was a long day!

This is actually quite rude.

Really? Sensitive much?

I'm sorry... this cracks me up. What group? The party's over! Are we all going to stand around their bed and cheer them on?

No way around it, that comment was very rude.

Really? Really? Maybe internet forums are not the place for you if you offend so easily.

I do think that the increased number of couples who live together before marriage, or who do not save themselves even if they live apart, has probably dampened the urgency with which married couples leave the reception. When I was a kid, they left after cutting the cake and the reception would go on for hours after they were gone. Now, I see many couples who enjoy the festivities and stay up late with guests

Nail on the head.

 

[sk!mom]

It's a really simple concept. We had a formal wedding and reception. Some people plan parties after the reception for their wedding party - we did. In our case we reserved a large suite in the hotel that would easily allow the 14 people in our wedding party to hang out after the wedding. We rolled in the coolers, turned on some music, someone ordered pizza and were able to kick off our shoes and let our hair down. We had a great time. The wedding party stayed together until maybe 1 or 2am and then the wedding party went back to their own rooms.

But the OP has said that nothing of the kind has been planned as far as she knows. If the bride wants her to stay because there are celebrations that she will miss, then that should have been communicated.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Just because no one agrees with you don't equal bullying.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings. There's WAY too much bitterness in this thread it's almost comical.

Take a read through the thread, and tell me how the attacks on me are in any way conducive to a valid discussion of the original topic.

It was a discussion about brides then you had to just toss in that there's bitterness on the thread because people disagreed with you. When you toss the first stone you cannot complain about being hit back.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

Honestly, I have no idea what it has to do with getting a room at the hotel. I stated my opinion a long time ago and then have spent way too much time explaining my opinion and defending myself when other posters decided to change the direction of the thread and attack me.
At this point I'm curious to see how long they'll keep it up and how ridiculous it gets. We've dubbed it Disney Bullyfest 2016 and are taking bets on how many pages they'll continue to pile on.

You stated in your first opinion that you can see why the bride would be upset because the OP didn't book a room. Your reasoning for this was that there might be an after party for the bridal party, but you say here that the act of getting a room at the hotel actually doesn't have anything to do with the OP being able to attend a potential after party. This seems to be a disconnect. Why would the OP not booking a room at a hotel be cause for the bride to be upset? The after party doesn't impact it, because it's reasonable to assume that the bride lives in the metro area of the wedding so will be able to attend any event that the bride may want to organize, which leaves a great big nothing as to why the bride might be upset.

I understand that you had an after party and you had fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here, and even if it was, it still wouldn't impact whether or not the OP attended an event after the reception, so I guess I still don't understand where you see that the bride should be upset?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I can't feel bullied from being ganged up on by people writing pages and pages of posts telling me why I'm so awful and wrong? .

Nobody told you that you were awful. Come on, Megster. You truly can't believe that you were bullied.

Please look at the other threads on this board. There are people on this wedding thread that I agree with 100%. We are liking each others posts and nodding with each other. On any other subject, I know we disagree vehemently. We snipe at each other. We have actual knock down/drag outs.

And then we move on.

I promise you that many people with agree with you down the road, on a different subject. Just not today. You were not bullied. You were in a mildly heated conversation.

Come on over to the Transgender Bathroom Threads if you want to see how mild this one was

 

[fly girl]

I'm sorry... this cracks me up. What group? The party's over! Are we all going to stand around their bed and cheer them on?

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Bride jilted at the alter = Big disappointment
Bridesmaid who gets sick just before it's time to walk down the aisle = Moderate disappointment
Bridesmaid who decides not to come to an after party = Minor disappointment

Bride who freaks out over minor disappointment = Bridezilla

 

[AJ1983]

Our wedding reception lasted until 2 am. My MOH went home at about 1 because she was exhausted. She had been with me the entire day since 830 am getting hair and makeup done. I was ready to drop myself so I didnt feel put out by her or anyone else leaving early. The point was to see us get married and we appreciated the people who took the time to attend any portion of the day to celebrate with us. That being said, DH and I stayed until the end because we had been living together for 4 years at that point (no mystery there lol), and also we paid for the wedding so we wanted to enjoy it all

 

[megster1123]

It was a discussion about brides then you had to just toss in that there's bitterness on the thread because people disagreed with you. When you toss the first stone you cannot complain about being hit back.

Next time maybe not rely on posts that were made hours apart to support your argument.

And yes, I wholly believe there is bitterness in the thread. But did I ever call out someone specially? Nope. Just said bitterness as a general comment. If you want me to expand on that, then sure. I feel there are people weighing in with heavy opinions that have had a negative experience either being a bridesmaid or with a bridemaid in their wedding. And that negative experience led to some bitter feelings about being a bridesmaid. I never said anyone was bitter because they didn't agree with me, I said it because some people got WAY too bent out of shape by the discussion.