Just need to vent...

[Shanti]

There's plenty of nights to "go sleep in your own bed" ... it's a wedding, it's one night, make a compromise.

In all the nights of people's lives to spend in bed without a lot of friends around, the wedding night is the primary one. It's the time for the bride and groom to be intimate, not hang out with buddies. How unromantic.

 

[phorsenuf]

IMO it turns to bullying when one specific poster totally crossed the line and made the "are you even into your husband" comment. That is no longer a heated discussion. The comment had no bearing on the OP or the discussion following it. It was being a bully. I can hold my own when it comes to defending my opinion on things, but I don't believe my blanket statements of "bitterness" in the room warranted the personal attack that I received. So, yes, I feel when a group of people goes about throwing around personal insults and insinuation against one person - that is being bullied.

Oh, good grief. Just out of curiosity, how old are you? I don't mean that question as a dig, jut curious what generation you are from.

 

[piccolopat]

Yes, those are my posts and how I feel. I agree with the bride. I would have felt really let down if one of my bridemaids decided they wanted to just go home after our wedding rather than continue to be part of the group.

Out of curiosity, just how long do you think the group needs to stay together after the reception ends before you would no longer feel let down? An hour, two hours, a few days??? Is that with or without the bride and groom?

 

[cabanafrau]

Out of curiosity, just how long do you think the group needs to stay together after the reception ends before you would not long feel let down? An hour, two hours, a few days??? Is that with or without the bride and groom?

I think I'm going to suggest to all brides I run into from now on that I heard that the new thing is to have your bridal party spend the wedding night and the day after the wedding putting together scrapbooks to commemorate the entire wedding planning process, from beginning to bitter end -- making certain of course that there are photos of the scrapbooking process included in the books.

Surely somebody will do it, somebody will "have the time of their lives doing it", and somebody will document it on social media and, voila, I will have created a new wedding tradition expectation out of whole cloth.

Cabanafrau is now applying for the bridal party protection program, because no doubt some upset bridesmaids are going to want to kick my heiney for adding to their "chance to celebrate the happy couple".

 

[Shanti]

I think I'm going to suggest to all brides I run into from now on that I heard that the new thing is to have your bridal party spend the wedding night and the day after the wedding putting together scrapbooks to commemorate the entire wedding planning process, from beginning to bitter end -- making certain of course that there are photos of the scrapbooking process included in the books.

Surely somebody will do it, somebody will "have the time of their lives doing it", and somebody will document it on social media and, voila, I will have created a new wedding tradition expectation out of whole cloth.

This bride should be sure to include copies of her unhappy text messages to her bridesmaid in the scrapbook. If she's going to document everything in the wedding, she might as well be honest about it. They'll look great next to the photos of the frustrated bridegroom, who is annoyed and bored with having the bridesmaids hanging around after the wedding, during what is supposed to be their romantic honeymoon.

 

[cabanafrau]

This bride should be sure to include copies of her unhappy text messages to her bridesmaid in the scrapbook. If she's going to document everything in the wedding, she might as well be honest about it. They'll look great next to the photos of the frustrated bridegroom, who is annoyed and bored with having the bridesmaids hanging around after the wedding, during what is supposed to be their romantic honeymoon.

Well of course the texts should be included, it should be a thorough documentation of the planning of the most auspicious event. Of course the bride shouldn't be expected to do that, the bridesmaids should have been archiving all of the texts in preparation for this joyous duty for months now. They agreed to be in the bridal party, they should be happy to perform any and all tasks, no matter the time or finances required -- or whether or not the traditions have been entirely dreamed up by some numbskull with a keyboard!

 

[Shanti]

Well of course the texts should be included, it should be a thorough documentation of the planning of the most auspicious event. Of course the bride shouldn't be expected to do that, the bridesmaids should have been archiving all of the texts in preparation for this joyous duty for months now. They agreed to be in the bridal party, they should be happy to perform any and all tasks, no matter the time or finances required -- or whether or not the traditions have been entirely dreamed up by some numbskull with a keyboard!

I wonder which bridesmaid is going to be videorecording the bride and groom...oh, never mind.

 

[Skywalker]

Honestly, I have no idea what it has to do with getting a room at the hotel. I stated my opinion a long time ago and then have spent way too much time explaining my opinion and defending myself when other posters decided to change the direction of the thread and attack me.
At this point I'm curious to see how long they'll keep it up and how ridiculous it gets. We've dubbed it Disney Bullyfest 2016 and are taking bets on how many pages they'll continue to pile on.

At this point, you are a legend in your own mind. While people are giving their opinions on this situation you are busy stewing in some sort of persecution complex lol. It's a discussion. I feel confident in saying you were, in fact, a Bridezilla. Someone who is so narcissistic and immature is frankly scary.

 

[design_mom]

I wonder if the bride did not sell as many rooms in her block as she’d hoped. When I got married (a long time ago), many hotels offered “perks” depending on how many hotel rooms your guests booked. If you booked a minimum number of rooms, the bride and groom got their wedding night in the honeymoon suite for free. Book more rooms, and they’ll throw in a champagne gift basket or brunch the next morning. For hotels where the reception was on-site, they often offered discounts or freebies on the reception if you booked a larger number of rooms. I wonder if the bride mentally calculated how many rooms her guests would book (including the OP) and planned on those perks. If the OP (and probably several others) didn’t end up booking as part of the bride's block, maybe she’s looking at losing the perks she was expecting.

It certainly doesn’t give her any right to insist that you book a room, but it could explain why she seems to be so invested in where the OP is planning to sleep.

 

[jrmasm]

Hey OP! Sorry about your Bridezilla. She's a real peach.

But thanks for this thread. It made my day way more interesting!

 

[megster1123]

Well, it looks like the night crew has made an appearance to rehash the "discussion" from today. This should be really fun.

 

[VandVsmama]

OP: I'm sorry that the bride is being so self absorbed. You don't have to JADE to her.

JADE = justify, argue, defend, explain

Your finances are your business. I agree with on the room issue. Why waste all that money on a hotel room when you can sleep at your own place? So suddenly she's worried that you're going to drink and drive? Well if hotel rooms were mandatory then she should have said so months ago. I find it interesting that she didn't offer to pay for your hotel room so the hotel room must not really be THAT mission critical.

As another poster said...she wants what she wants and she wants it NOW!

 

[bethy]

No. Really. The bride is a brat if she is being snarky about a bridesmaid returning home after the wedding.

It's over. You are married. Get over yourself.

The bridesmaids have served you well. There have been showers, and BBQs, and rehearsal dinners, the wedding, the reception, etc. And now she is angry the OP didn't pay for a hotel room? Um, maybe she is out of money. Maybe she wants to return to her house and her family. Maybe she feels her obligations to you have been met.

Your Big Day is done. It's over. Move on with your husband. Enjoy your life. Stop the drama. Grow up.

I have never heard of an after party. It just sound like an effort to string things along just a little bit longer.

I've always seen the newlywed a depart with much fanfare while most of the guests are still there.... Personally I was anxious to leave with my new husband!

 

[megster1123]

At this point, you are a legend in your own mind. While people are giving their opinions on this situation you are busy stewing in some sort of persecution complex lol. It's a discussion. I feel confident in saying you were, in fact, a Bridezilla. Someone who is so narcissistic and immature is frankly scary.

Well, aren't you just full of relevant things to add to the discussion about the OP. Oh wait...

 

[piccolopat]

I'm going to comment on weddings in general. This isn't directed at anyone so please no one take offense. This is simply my opinion. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of the love a couple has for one another that has led to the marriage ceremony. There is way too much time, energy and emotions going into all of the planning, engagement party, showers, other pre-parties, bachelor and bachelorette destination parties, expensive attire, matching shoes, hair, makeup, jewelry, ultra fancy receptions and now the expectation that after all of this people are still expected to give their time once again for another party, morning after brunch and who knows what. Perhaps all of the emphasis on all of this stuff is a reason why so many marriages end in divorce. Maybe we should go back to basics. Boy meets girl (or other combination). They date and get to know each other. Couple gets engaged. There is a bridal shower, maybe a potluck at someone's house, to help the couple get started in life with basic things rather than over the top registry items. Don't worry about having the most expensive, most elaborate wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, favors, etc. Get things that won't break the bank to reduce your stress but that still make you feel special. Most of your guests won't remember any of these. Understand that you and your bridal party have lives and jobs and other obligations before during and after the wedding. Flexibility and knowing that sometimes conflicts mean someone can't do something will also help reduce stress. Invite your closest friends and relatives rather than the whole neighborhood so you have time to really enjoy your guests. After the cake is cut and the last song is played, say thank you to your parents and slip away to begin your lives together. Thank God if that is your faith. Fall asleep exhausted in each others arms and dream of the future that you have started to build. Enjoy your honeymoon and get to know each other in new ways. If you want, have a backyard BBQ when you get back and re-live the memories of your wedding day. Above all, remember that the wedding is only a day. The trick is to working together to make the marriage last a lifetime.

 

[phorsenuf]

Well, it looks like the night crew has made an appearance to rehash the "discussion" from today. This should be really fun.

Um,maybe some people have things going on during the day and are just getting around to being on.

 

[Disneylover99]

I guess my main question is that - even after all that goes into being a bridesmaid - wouldn't you still want to join the party? Because honestly, as a bride, if I had to make attending a party an obligation I would probably reconsider my choice of who I asked to be a bridesmaid. A bride shouldn't have to "make" her friends come to a party. Her friends should want to come.

Phew! I just got through this thread, but I just wanted to comment on this post.

Bridesmaids are good friends of the bride. But, keep in mind, not all bridesmaids are friends with each other. Sometimes they don't like each other or even know each other very well. I don't think it's fair to say a bridesmaid should want to come to an after party.

 

[megster1123]

Um,maybe some people have things going on during the day and are just getting around to being on.

Um, maybe it only meant that a whole new crop of posters were appearing? Nothing against those who are just joining, it's just mildly entertaining that points that were made, discussed, argued and dismissed (or so I thought) and are now being rehashed all over again.

 

[phorsenuf]

Um, maybe it only meant that a whole new crop of posters were appearing? Nothing against those who are just joining, it's just mildly entertaining that points that were made, discussed, argued and dismissed (or so I thought) and are now being rehashed all over again.

Well, that's pretty much how a discussion board functions.

 

[megster1123]

I guess at the end of the day, my husband must have a very unique set of friends and family. 14 people were in our wedding party and they all came to the after party. Everyone got along. No one complained, good times had by all. Friends that got married, even those years later, kept the idea of the after party alive. Everyone still got along. Good times had by all again. Our group enjoys spending time together. Even those with kids, even those out of town. So call me whatever name you feel fit, I consider myself lucky to have friends that bend over backwards for each other without even blinking an eye.