Is not allowing your child to nap child abuse?

[LuvsDragonflies]

This and this and this.

There is also a trial going on in Pennsylvania that kind of qualifies.

Again, (you missed part of my post) abuse doesn't have to be horrific, graphic or even particularly sadistic to cause damage.

 

[luvsJack]

No its not abuse. And its hardly sleep deprivation. That would come from DAYS without sleep, not from not having a nap.

Lots of kids do not take naps, they sleep through the night and they are fine. Some kids get up early, some sleep late. Every one is different.

In child care, we always had parents that requested no naps. Never would I have thought it was abusive for thier child not to take a nap.

 

[anniemae]

I don't know, but a one year old child would be ready for bed around 6:30-7:00 I would think if he did not nap. My 2 1/2 year old still naps, but there are days when he simply will not sleep. On those days, he is ready for bed by 7:00.

Maybe she needs to experiment with nap times. I know moms who put there kids down by noon for nap, they also have a "cut off" time so they will not sleep too late, so as not to disrupt the night time sleeping. If a child sleeps too late in the day or too long, they can be up late into the night, which seems counterproductive.

I would also agree with the pp who said if the child really wanted to sleep, he would sleep. In the cars seat, high chair, floor etc.

 

[DopeyDame]

You can't keep taking it out and not putting it back.

How do you know she's not putting it back in? There's no indication that the mom is waking the kid up at 6am or something. If she's letting the baby sleep in as long as she wants, than the baby is, in fact, filling up her 'sleep bank' each night. At that age, DS napped, went to bed, at 7:30, and was up at 5:30 every morning (much to my chagrin!) If this baby sleeps until 8:30a, then she's getting exactly as much sleep as my DS was.

I'm a big believer in "sleep begets sleep" at this stage, so I think the mom is probably just shooting herself in the foot, but I see nothing to indicate the mom is depriving the child of sleep.

As for what is and isn't child abuse... "not the best of parenting methods" doesn't fall into the abuse category. Yes, the actions DO in fact have to rise to a certain level of horrible-ness before it's abuse. Otherwise it's just every day crappy parenting. There is a difference.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

How do you know she's not putting it back in? There's no indication that the mom is waking the kid up at 6am or something. If she's letting the baby sleep in as long as she wants, than the baby is, in fact, filling up her 'sleep bank' each night. At that age, DS napped, went to bed, at 7:30, and was up at 5:30 every morning (much to my chagrin!) If this baby sleeps until 8:30a, then she's getting exactly as much sleep as my DS was.

I'm a big believer in "sleep begets sleep" at this stage, so I think the mom is probably just shooting herself in the foot, but I see nothing to indicate the mom is depriving the child of sleep.

As for what is and isn't child abuse... "not the best of parenting methods" doesn't fall into the abuse category. Yes, the actions DO in fact have to rise to a certain level of horrible-ness before it's abuse. Otherwise it's just every day crappy parenting. There is a difference.

In order to get enough sleep (16 hours) this baby would need to go to bed at 8:30PM and sleep unitil 12:30PM in the afternoon. Think that's happening?

 

[marmalade]

It is not child abuse. If the child was truly sleep deprieved at 1yr old, no amount of trying to wake the child would work. The child would simply fall asleep and that would be it.

Like others have said the mother is trying to get this child on a sleep schedule. I had a child would wouldn't sleep AT ALL during the night so we had to do something similar. Is my DD damaged now? No, she goes to bed at a normal hour and sleeps like a normal 7yr old.

 

[marmalade]

In order to get enough sleep (16 hours) this baby would need to go to bed at 8:30PM and sleep unitil 12:30PM in the afternoon. Think that's happening?

My kids NEVER slept 16hrs a day, maybe their first month of life but that was it.

 

[luvmy3]

In order to get enough sleep (16 hours) this baby would need to go to bed at 8:30PM and sleep unitil 12:30PM in the afternoon. Think that's happening?

Since we don't personally know the woman the OP is talking about we can think whatever we want. Maybe you should call her personally and ask her if you want what you think to be true. Otherwise the rest of us will just stick to our own opinions. I guess some have a hard time dealing with alot of disagreement

ETA I also think this thread qualifies for the "do you have kids" question, since we were all perfect parents before we had them. Our babies got all 16 hours of sleep they needed every night, they had scheduled nap times every single day and went to be happily at bed time..........

 

[Mickeypooh99]

My kids NEVER slept 16hrs a day, maybe their first month of life but that was it.

My kids never would either. Even during their first month of life! All kids are different. My kids did so many things different than what the baby books said they should be doing. I always joked that my kids never read those books.

 

[LisaR]

Op'er, do you know how long this has been going on? I'm betting the baby wins out in this case. She will be so crabby and cranky that mom will throw her hands up in the air and let her sleep. Does she ever leave the house with the child? Because the minute that kid hits the car seat, she will be out like a light.

I think mom is either overwhelmed or stupid but I don't see it as abuse.

Most parents (myself included) think we have the magic solution to sleeping through the night, potty training, walking, teething, etc but our kids usually make it clear that we don't know what the heck we are doing!

 

[Ginny Favers]

Abuse, no, but I think mom is a self-obsessed moron. At that age, not responding to your baby's cues and setting the schedule for them is a recipe for disaster. Children who don't get sleep when they need it tend to act out a lot more and make their parents' lives more difficult... I hope this child does that to her.

 

[YO's Mom]

What do you think? My sister says it's child abuse because she won't let her baby sleep when she is obviously tired.

Well, then I guess your sister would think I am abusive. I won’t let my 9 year old sleep on the way home from her summer day camp. Sure, she is tired – swimming, playing out in the sun, being on the go all day. She wants to sleep. But, if she takes even a 15-20 minute nap then she cannot go to sleep until 11 or 12 that night. And, even if she’s up until midnight, she had to get up at 7 the next morning. So, basically I won’t let her trade a 15-20 minute nap for 2-3 extra hours of sleep at night.

Do you know how long the baby sleeps at night? Does he wake up at 10 or 11 am? If so, it’s not crazy that she wants him to stay awake until 8 or so. Does he wake up at 6 and then nap from 9-11? If so, maybe an afternoon nap doesn’t fit into the schedule (too much sleep).

As others have said, a truly sleepy baby will sleep or will scream until you let it sleep. If mom’s redirection works, then I think she’s doing ok.

The worst part of being a parent is everybody else judging you all the time!

 

[MichelleVW]

If you had ever seen true child abuse you wouldn't even think this could be it.

If a 1 yr old truly wanted to sleep just redirecting them wouldn't do it, a baby who's body really needs and wants to sleep would sleep, we have all seen them sleeping thru parades at Disney or on rides, etc.



Not all kids need 16 hrs of sleep. We are individuals and in such have vastly different needs. My DD never napped and never needed that much sleep as a baby. She would only sleep about 9 hrs a night maybe 10 even as a newborn. And she is a perfectly healthy, intelligent, 20 yr old now.

Agreed...if a baby is tired no amount of redirecting will keep them awake...and if it does they are usually screaming from being too tired so who wants that?

No its not abuse. And its hardly sleep deprivation. That would come from DAYS without sleep, not from not having a nap.

Lots of kids do not take naps, they sleep through the night and they are fine. Some kids get up early, some sleep late. Every one is different.

In child care, we always had parents that requested no naps. Never would I have thought it was abusive for thier child not to take a nap.

Same here. We've had parents request shorter or no naps (I work in the infant room) and although we sometimes think they are a little off their rocker we don't think it's abuse. But what is funny though we will write down that the child took a shorter nap than they really did (by an hour or more) and the parent comes in the next day talking about how the shorter nap really worked and the baby slept all night. We don't tell them different Lol....win win for everyone!

Since we don't personally know the woman the OP is talking about we can think whatever we want. Maybe you should call her personally and ask her if you want what you think to be true. Otherwise the rest of us will just stick to our own opinions. I guess some have a hard time dealing with alot of disagreement

ETA I also think this thread qualifies for the "do you have kids" question, since we were all perfect parents before we had them. Our babies got all 16 hours of sleep they needed every night, they had scheduled nap times every single day and went to be happily at bed time..........

Seriously my girls weren't big on napping and I honestly think we gave up organized naps around 12 months or so...but if they were tired they would crash out on the floor.

 

[luvmy3]

Op'er, do you know how long this has been going on? I'm betting the baby wins out in this case. She will be so crabby and cranky that mom will throw her hands up in the air and let her sleep. Does she ever leave the house with the child? Because the minute that kid hits the car seat, she will be out like a light.

I think mom is either overwhelmed or stupid but I don't see it as abuse.

Most parents (myself included) think we have the magic solution to sleeping through the night, potty training, walking, teething, etc but our kids usually make it clear that we don't know what the heck we are doing!

Exactly. This sounds like a case of a parent trying her "magic solution", maybe after trying a number of others. Sounds like she could use suggestions from her friends not accusations of abuse.

(OP, I just re-read and saw you say your sister thinks its abuse, so if she is this woman's friend my above comment is for her, not you).

 

[Hannathy]

In order to get enough sleep (16 hours) this baby would need to go to bed at 8:30PM and sleep unitil 12:30PM in the afternoon. Think that's happening?

You need to quit thinking this is an absolute number that if a child doesn't get this number terrible things will happen! It isn't a case of unless you get this concentration of oxygen you will suffer brain damage or death, it is just a number.

If any of mine slept for 16 hrs a day we would be going to the DR. Mine never did that even straight out of the hospital. Human bodies have their own sleep clocks and amounts they need. Smart people go with it and don't try to fit everyone into a made up one size fits all number.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I was a nanny for a family in Florida. The husband was on his third wife at the time. She had adopted a baby girl and was raising her nephew. They were 3 and 1 when I was hired.

I only worked there for 8 weeks before I quit. The mother demanded that I not allow the children naps. This meant that I would put them to bed at 7 pm when I got off work. I never saw the mother hold her one year old daughter the entire time I worked there! She even had a weekend nanny to take over when I was off.

I was a live in nanny from Ohio, so I couldn't quit immediately. It was a hellish couple of months.

 

[MichelleVW]

I was a nanny for a family in Florida. The husband was on his third wife at the time. She had adopted a baby girl and was raising her nephew. They were 3 and 1 when I was hired.

I only worked there for 8 weeks before I quit. The mother demanded that I not allow the children naps. This meant that I would put them to bed at 7 pm when I got off work. I never saw the mother hold her one year old daughter the entire time I worked there! She even had a weekend nanny to take over when I was off.

I was a live in nanny from Ohio, so I couldn't quit immediately. It was a hellish couple of months.

Sounds like people where I work. The babies are raised by their nannies and put to bed at 6:30 p.m before the parents come home from work. These people have their kids in daycare at 6:30 in the morning and then their nannies pick them up and take care of them the rest of their waking hours. I don't understand why some people have kids?

 

[happygirl]

No, it's not abuse. How silly anyone would think it's even sleep deprived.

 

[EllenFrasier]

OP here. Not sure how long she's been doing this with the baby, but I think it's more like she wants the child to fit her schedule. She was angry at her MIL the other day because she let the child take a nap while she was watching her, and then she (the mom) was trying since 8:30 that night to get her to go to bed. Well of course if she took a nap she was not going to fall asleep at her regular time, so why try for two hours? Let the kid get up and play, read her a book, etc.
I wish I realized how short my children's childhood actually was going to be. While I was in the midst of raising my children it always seemed like in my mind I was saying "when they get older, it will be easier"...not. As they have gotten older, it is harder!
If you have kids that are 4 or under, cherish every minute of it. Once they get to school, everything changes.
And as far as this particular mom goes, I have no intention of reporting her to CPS for not allowing her child to take a nap! I was just wondering if my sister was off base thinking it was abuse. I think it's very selfish of this mom to not allow her child to sleep when she's tired, but I'm sure the child will be okay.

 

[ajk912]

No, it's not abuse. How silly anyone would think it's even sleep deprived.

Oh I know. Sure, a 12 month old should still be napping in the afternoon and I would be raising my eyebrows at that parenting. A 23 month old is still 1 and I think it was about that age we were cutting out the naps as well. By the time my OLDEST was 23 months I had two kids already, and it was really difficult to maintain patience at 10pm at night when you were exhausted after running around after kids all day. It was much, much, much easier to adjust sleep schedules so that the kids were ready for bed (for the night) at 8-9pm or so. Obviously you can't do this with infants but I really NEEDED my kids, once they were settled in a sleep pattern, to be in bed every night by 9. But I guess that makes me selfish? Whatever. I was just trying to stay sane.