Is not allowing your child to nap child abuse?

[MichelleVW]

It drives me crazy the people who live and die on a pediatricians words.

Yes about a disease I'll listen but that is about it!
The rest I'll listen to their opinion (and that is what it is, when it is past hard science) and decide what is best for MY child and myself.

Tell me about it!!! I work in the infant room of a daycare and some parents won't do ANYTHING without talking to their doctor first. (and I'm talking normal, common sense things).

 

[Coconut36]

It drives me crazy the people who live and die on a pediatricians words.

Yes about a disease I'll listen but that is about it!
The rest I'll listen to their opinion (and that is what it is, when it is past hard science) and decide what is best for MY child and myself.

Yes goodness knows as a Dr that specializes in newborns to teens they have no idea at all about things like sleep needs, dietary/nutritional needs, behavioral issues, safety..etc. They are just clueless about all things children unless they are sick/diseased

While I certainly don't live and die by their word I do consider them somewhat experienced when it comes to various needs, situations/scenarios that present themselves with infants/young children and their advice can be quite helpful.

 

[navywifetill2002]

From About.com...
Changing Needs Across a Lifetime

The average amount of sleep needed changes over our lifetime, especially during childhood and adolescence. Although there are averages, there will be individuals who fall both above and below these needs:

•Infants (3-11 months) need 14-15 hours
•Toddlers (12-35 months) need 12-14 hours
•Preschoolers (3-6 years) need 11-13 hours
•School age (6-10 years) need 10-11 hours
•Adolescents (11-18 years) need 9.25 hours
•Adults need an average of 8 hours
•Elderly adults may need less

Since we're talking about a 1 year old here this chart is saying 12-14 hours is standard though some kids will be above or below that. If this baby is going to bed at 8:30 it is very possible it is getting all the sleep needed.

My DD3 has never been a sleeper! Was awake till 3am up at 7am as an infant and didn't nap. Now we force her to bed between 9-10pm and she will often talk to herself till midnight. She's still up by 7am and doesn't want a nap (for my sanity she has a 1.5 hour "rest" period each day). Her Dr said she was healthy and her sleep patterns weren't hurting her. A nap at some points ment we were back to the infant 3am-7am sleep pattern and that wasn't good for anyone.

Thankfully we are still allowed to do what we think is best for our kids. I don't think in any way this mom is trying to "hurt" her child but instead make there life together better. Too many time people what to condem a mom because they do things "different" but that doesn't make it wrong!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

From About.com...
Changing Needs Across a Lifetime

The average amount of sleep needed changes over our lifetime, especially during childhood and adolescence. Although there are averages, there will be individuals who fall both above and below these needs:

•Infants (3-11 months) need 14-15 hours
•Toddlers (12-35 months) need 12-14 hours
•Preschoolers (3-6 years) need 11-13 hours
•School age (6-10 years) need 10-11 hours
•Adolescents (11-18 years) need 9.25 hours
•Adults need an average of 8 hours
•Elderly adults may need less

Since we're talking about a 1 year old here this chart is saying 12-14 hours is standard though some kids will be above or below that. If this baby is going to bed at 8:30 it is very possible it is getting all the sleep needed.

My DD3 has never been a sleeper! Was awake till 3am up at 7am as an infant and didn't nap. Now we force her to bed between 9-10pm and she will often talk to herself till midnight. She's still up by 7am and doesn't want a nap (for my sanity she has a 1.5 hour "rest" period each day). Her Dr said she was healthy and her sleep patterns weren't hurting her. A nap at some points ment we were back to the infant 3am-7am sleep pattern and that wasn't good for anyone.

Thankfully we are still allowed to do what we think is best for our kids. I don't think in any way this mom is trying to "hurt" her child but instead make there life together better. Too many time people what to condem a mom because they do things "different" but that doesn't make it wrong!

But in addition to needing a certain amount of sleep, people need their sleep at certain intervals. Babies might do fine with 12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, that doesn't mean they're able to stay awake for 12 hours straight.

If it was only about "average" sleep times, then I would be able to do fine not sleeping all week, and then going to bed at 10 p.m. on Friday after work and waking up at 6 a.m. on Monday -- after all that's 56 hours, an average of 8 per day! Sadly this doesn't work for me. After about 20 hours awake I'm starting to fall apart.

I don't know enough about this situation to make a judgement, but many kids at 1, especially if they're closer to 12 than 24 months, aren't ready for 12 hours of wake time in a row.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't know enough about this situation to make a judgement, but many kids at 1, especially if they're closer to 12 than 24 months, aren't ready for 12 hours of wake time in a row.

But many are! my DD stayed awake for 8-12 hours straight out of the hospital. She didn't sleep for more than 8 hours at a time until she hit about 15 yrs! Her teen yrs made up for her baby days! My son wasn't as bad but even he didn't nap after about 14 months.

 

[badblackpug]

Well I'm selfish, stupid, and abusive, and so is everyone I know. I don't know a single parent who hasn't kept a child up in order to regulate their bedtime, or made a child nap to regulate their bedtime.

My 4 year old goes to pre-school. If she naps at school she is fine, she goes to bed around 8. If she doesn't nap at school she wants to nap when she gets home, then she doesn't go to sleep until midnight. This child is NOT a morning person. She is grumpy at 7 am when she goes to bed at 8, she is EVIL when she goes to bed at midnight. So you bet, I do not let her nap when she gets home from school.

 

[gwynne]

Yes goodness knows as a Dr that specializes in newborns to teens they have no idea at all about things like sleep needs, dietary/nutritional needs, behavioral issues, safety..etc. They are just clueless about all things children unless they are sick/diseased

While I certainly don't live and die by their word I do consider them somewhat experienced when it comes to various needs, situations/scenarios that present themselves with infants/young children and their advice can be quite helpful.

BBM-I agree. Sometimes additional perspectives on child development issues can be helpful. Toddlers and young children experience a period of rapid growth and development. Sometimes it's very rapid. Their sleep/nap needs aren't always the same week to week and month to month. There may be times when they need to get some extra rest, and then they may revert back to needing less.

I'm sure some may disagree, but I think it's a bit like what expectant mothers go through. Sometimes all the changes leave them tired. They're probably better off getting a little extra rest, (when they need it) rather than just "dealing".

 

[luvmy3]

Well when I was having problems with my son staying up most of the night after napping, multiple pediatricians at the group we used suggested trying to keep him from napping in the afternoon. We tried everything to get him to go to sleep earlier, or failing in that to at least sleep later in the morning, but the only thing that worked was not letting him nap in the afternoon. I'm fairly certain the pediatricians wouldn't have suggested it if they had felt it was abusive.

My pediatrician suggested the same thing when my dd was an infant. It worked eventually and she as on a normal sleep pattern. She's a teen now, and still a night owl and definitely not getting as much sleep as she should on school nights, but makes up for it on the weekend. Her pediatrician doesn't seem displeased at all with her

 

[MichelleVW]

Yes goodness knows as a Dr that specializes in newborns to teens they have no idea at all about things like sleep needs, dietary/nutritional needs, behavioral issues, safety..etc. They are just clueless about all things children unless they are sick/diseased

While I certainly don't live and die by their word I do consider them somewhat experienced when it comes to various needs, situations/scenarios that present themselves with infants/young children and their advice can be quite helpful.

Listening to their opinion is different than worrying about "facing their pediatricians displeasure". Seriously who cares if the doctor is displeased with what you are doing. I did what was right for my family and if the doctor didn't like it...well then too bad.

 

[Colleen27]

You don't give enough info to make any judgment in my opinion. Is the baby getting enough sleep overall, even if it isn't on her schedule? We had to do something similar with DD10 when she was a toddler because she'd tend to want a 2-3 hour nap around dinner time and then fight bedtime until 11 or 12 at night. So we wouldn't let her take that late nap... She was sleeping 12+ hours at night and taking a 1-2 hour nap in the morning, but when it came to the afternoon nap/late bedtime we did have to adjust her schedule to fit the rest of the family and the adjustment period wasn't easy on either of us. You can condemn it as "just not wanting to deal with the baby at night" but when the parents have to be up and moving early in the morning, adjusting the sleep schedule of the toddler is far better than sleep deprived parents behind the wheel (and in my husband's case, operating power tools) the next day. And allowing her to be on her schedule wouldn't have been doing her any favors either, because she was then extraordinarily cranky when I had to wake her up at 8am to get on with our day when her little body wanted to sleep till noon.

And I really question that 16hrs requirement for a 1yo. I don't think any of my 3 slept that much except as newborns.

 

[Sabrefan]

In order to get enough sleep (16 hours) this baby would need to go to bed at 8:30PM and sleep unitil 12:30PM in the afternoon. Think that's happening?

My kids haven't slept for 16 hours a day since they were newborns.

I always distracted my kids from taking naps (after age 1 or so) to get them on a good schedule. They are good sleepers now and appear to mentally healthy so I do not believe for one second they were abused. I think it is INSANE to compare distracting a child from taking a nap to child abuse.

 

[Colleen27]

Keeping your baby from sleeping (if they are indeed sleepy and need the sleep) only so that it fits into your own schedule is selfish, imo.

So then you'd apply that same judgment to all the parents out there who wake their babies before they'd naturally ride in the morning to get them to daycare on their way to work?

I'm pretty granola/AP in my parenting style but I really don't get this child-as-center-of-the-universe stuff. Of course we adjust our kids' schedules to fit our own. That's the way the world works - we can't all just quit our jobs, ignore our other obligations, and adapt the entire family's routine to the demands of the youngest.

 

[Coconut36]

So then you'd apply that same judgment to all the parents out there who wake their babies before they'd naturally ride in the morning to get them to daycare on their way to work?

I'm pretty granola/AP in my parenting style but I really don't get this child-as-center-of-the-universe stuff. Of course we adjust our kids' schedules to fit our own. That's the way the world works - we can't all just quit our jobs, ignore our other obligations, and adapt the entire family's routine to the demands of the youngest.

If you know you have to wake them at a certain time to get to work then it would be a good idea to get them to bed at a reasonable time so they get that sleep.

Nobody said the kid is the center of the universe but if you can't alter your life to adjust to their needs maybe you need to re think having them. Infants/toddlers/young kids have certain needs in regards to sleep and nutrition..if you are unwilling to do what is needed for them and/or can't see outside your own wants/schedule/needs and making them fit it and as a result do not do what is in their best interest yes that is selfish.

 

[ols386]

So then you'd apply that same judgment to all the parents out there who wake their babies before they'd naturally ride in the morning to get them to daycare on their way to work?

I'm pretty granola/AP in my parenting style but I really don't get this child-as-center-of-the-universe stuff. Of course we adjust our kids' schedules to fit our own. That's the way the world works - we can't all just quit our jobs, ignore our other obligations, and adapt the entire family's routine to the demands of the youngest.

I did not treat my kids as "center of the universe stuff", but I do think there are adjustments that parents naturally have to make in their life when an infant arrives.

I never said anyone should quit their job, not sure why you said that, because I think you know that's not what I meant.

Not letting an infant sleep when they need to sleep, simply because it does not fit into your (generally speaking) schedule is wrong, imo. There will always be times when schedules change at the last minute or whatever, and adjustments have to be made.

 

[marcyinPA]

I haven't read every post-

But what I did with my kids is I knew at about what time they needed a nap, so that they would still go to bed at a reasonable time. I liked them in bed by 8, so I would put them down for a nap around 1pm. They would sleep until 3 or so, and then they'd be good to go until bedtime. They woke up about 6:30-7 am. Of course, this was when they were 2/3/4.

When they were one, I think they were still on a two nap schedule. A power nap in the morning, and then another one in the afternoon.

If we were out and about, they slept in the car/stroller. If I felt they were sleeping too long (and wouldn't be able to go to bed at a reasonable time), I'd gently wake them after 30 minutes or so.

They know when they need to sleep, and I always let mine sleep. Sometimes I had to manipulate "when" a little bit, but I never forcibly kept them awake.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

If you know you have to wake them at a certain time to get to work then it would be a good idea to get them to bed at a reasonable time so they get that sleep.

Nobody said the kid is the center of the universe but if you can't alter your life to adjust to their needs maybe you need to re think having them. Infants/toddlers/young kids have certain needs in regards to sleep and nutrition..if you are unwilling to do what is needed for them and/or can't see outside your own wants/schedule/needs and making them fit it and as a result do not do what is in their best interest yes that is selfish.

ITA. They they are living beings and frankly, to my mind, consistently keeping them from napping is self serving and wrong.

If your opinion differs, okay.

 

[Planogirl]

I always let DS nap but he was clearly exhausted. Plus I had no problem with him being around in the evening, in fact I loved it!

 

[fairestoneofall]

i don't know that i'd call it abuse because i'm not personally witnessing the situation. however, it is quite cruel.

my younger DS turns one tomorrow. he still takes two naps (one in the morning and one in the afternoon). on the occasion that he doesn't get one of those naps, he usually goes to bed earlier. for example, my mom had him the other day and he wouldn't take an afternoon nap. his usual bedtime is 8 pm. but by 7, i could tell that he was READY. so, i put him to bed earlier. he slept until his usual wake-up time the next morning.

i can definitely tell when he's ready for a nap or for bedtime. he's a very happy baby, but he gets cranky if he's kept from nap-time or bedtime.

 

[luvmy3]

i don't know that i'd call it abuse because i'm not personally witnessing the situation. however, it is quite cruel.

my younger DS turns one tomorrow. he still takes two naps (one in the morning and one in the afternoon). on the occasion that he doesn't get one of those naps, he usually goes to bed earlier. for example, my mom had him the other day and he wouldn't take an afternoon nap. his usual bedtime is 8 pm. but by 7, i could tell that he was READY. so, i put him to bed earlier. he slept until his usual wake-up time the next morning.

i can definitely tell when he's ready for a nap or for bedtime. he's a very happy baby, but he gets cranky if he's kept from nap-time or bedtime.

That is what this mom is trying to do, she wants her baby to go to bed earlier. She isn't forcing the baby to stay up very late after not getting a nap during the day. That would be cruel.

 

[fairestoneofall]

That is what this mom is trying to do, she wants her baby to go to bed earlier. She isn't forcing the baby to stay up very late after not getting a nap during the day. That would be cruel.

the OP said the baby is obviously tired. if the baby is obviously tired, then he/she probably needs a nap. i think keeping a baby up all day long is probably not best for the baby. IMO

in response to other posts, none of my kids were the type who could fall asleep anywhere. they'd just get cranky until we put them in their crib. the only exceptions to that were if they were in the car or in their stroller.