Is it ok for spouse to go to lunch with co-worker of opposite sex?(Inspired by RIDISN

[PlainJane]

My husband and I do not do things one on one with the opposite sex. The only exception is that we are OK with it if it's work related. Examples: On campus study session in the library or lunch with co-worker at a dining location on the company premises. We still keep theses interactions in the public sphere. I think a lot of people felt themselves incapable of cheating until they did it. It's a choice we've made to safeguard our marriage.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Interesting question. Let me ask a slightly different question. Would you be okay with your spouse or so going to lunch with a person (not necessarily co worker) of the opposite sex?

I've never been married but when I've been in relationships, I never once got the impression they would tolerate someone telling them who they could or couldn't go to lunch with. And frankly, I'm the same way. I go out with who I want. If you don't trust me, then you can probably start looking for a new partner.

 

[mom2rtk]

Interesting question. Let me ask a slightly different question. Would you be okay with your spouse or so going to lunch with a person (not necessarily co worker) of the opposite sex?

I've never been married but when I've been in relationships, I never once got the impression they would tolerate someone telling them who they could or couldn't go to lunch with. And frankly, I'm the same way. I go out with who I want. If you don't trust me, then you can probably start looking for a new partner.

And some might not tolerate a partner with that heavy handed of an attitude.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

And some might not tolerate a partner with that heavy handed of an attitude.

Heavy handed meaning I decide who I have lunch with?

 

[mom2rtk]

Heavy handed meaning I decide who I have lunch with?

I'll let your post speak for itself. I don't necessarily disagree with you. But the way you phrase it makes it sounds like "my way or the highway".

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I'll let your post speak for itself. I don't necessarily disagree with you. But the way you phrase it makes it sounds like "my way or the highway".

On that particular point it is.

 

[kimblebee]

OOOO A zombie thread.
7 out of 10 zombies said yes, they'd have members of the opposite sex for lunch.
2 out of 10 zombies said sex doesn't matter.
One Zombie invited us over for dinner. We declined and ended the survey and left quickly.

Did you decline the dinner invitation because they were serving spiced brains?

 

[kimblebee]

Interesting question. Let me ask a slightly different question. Would you be okay with your spouse or so going to lunch with a person (not necessarily co worker) of the opposite sex?

I've never been married but when I've been in relationships, I never once got the impression they would tolerate someone telling them who they could or couldn't go to lunch with. And frankly, I'm the same way. I go out with who I want. If you don't trust me, then you can probably start looking for a new partner.

Totally agree. The day my husband tried to tell me who I could and couldn't hang out with would be the day it stopped being his concern.

 

[amberpi]

Interesting question. Let me ask a slightly different question. Would you be okay with your spouse or so going to lunch with a person (not necessarily co worker) of the opposite sex?

I've never been married but when I've been in relationships, I never once got the impression they would tolerate someone telling them who they could or couldn't go to lunch with. And frankly, I'm the same way. I go out with who I want. If you don't trust me, then you can probably start looking for a new partner.

Of course. I expect partners will have a life/friends. We're talking about a meal, not a trip to Fiji.

 

[Disney Doll]

DH can eat with whomever he pleases. I'm not concerned that anything is going to happen and if something does happen, then it was bound to happen one way or another.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Started reading this earlier, but realized it was a zombie thread and clicked off. Now that seems to be going again, though, I'll answer. - DH and I are fine with all each other's friends, both men and women.

When I was working at the bank, my lunch slot coincided with a male co-worker's. We ate together all the time. DH had no problem with it. He knew my co-worker and his wife. They came to our wedding.

DH currently takes a martial arts class at a gym. The early time slot has a very small group, and sometimes that means he works with a woman. I'm fine with it. I trust him.

If we're really moving to be a society where men and women are equal, I think we have to let go of the assumption that any interaction between a man and a woman is some sort of precursor to sex.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Did you decline the dinner invitation because they were serving spiced brains?

Curiously during the survey, we heard one zombie ask just that. But the other said This isn't Brain Burger King. You don't get his brains your way. And that's when we decided to decline the invitation because we don't want our brains served either way.

 

[Skippy918]

I came across this article recently, which talks about this issue.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/01/upshot/members-of-the-opposite-sex-at-work-gender-study.html

 

[blana]

I work in a male dominated field. I regularly have to travel with men at work. So, to me it's not a big deal. Those who have a problem with it actually make my life difficult because it's hard for me to do my job when the man (or his wife/family) are treating me like the boogeyman.

And DH has several women at his work who are friends who he goes out with at lunch. It's just part of life.

 

[Hikergirl]

My husband and I do not do things one on one with the opposite sex. The only exception is that we are OK with it if it's work related. Examples: On campus study session in the library or lunch with co-worker at a dining location on the company premises. We still keep theses interactions in the public sphere. I think a lot of people felt themselves incapable of cheating until they did it. It's a choice we've made to safeguard our marriage.

I never thought I needed to do anything to safeguard my marriage. I don't think there is a need when you trust your spouse (and yourself) completely.

 

[ronandannette]

Totally agree. The day my husband tried to tell me who I could and couldn't hang out with would be the day it stopped being his concern.

This is hyperbole, right? I mean, you'd really end your marriage the day your husband did something you don't like? Or are control issues just such a hot button that it's a zero-tolerance thing?

I never thought I needed to do anything to safeguard my marriage. I don't think there is a need when you trust your spouse (and yourself) completely.

We do all kinds of things to safeguard ours. I couldn't care less what other people do or what boundaries they set - whatever is comfortable and productive in their relationships is fine by me. But DH and I, by mutual agreement, don't have lunch, dinner, coffee or anything else - ever - alone with opposite sex individuals who aren't family.

And it's so not a big deal. We're not aware that it's ever hindered us professionally or socially. We don't make a point of declaring it to anyone. It's easy enough to politely decline casual invitations and to make sure when we're planning something that several people are included. We also don't have any close friends of the opposite sex that aren't friends of both of us, equally.

 

[kimblebee]

This is hyperbole, right? I mean, you'd really end your marriage the day your husband did something you don't like? Or are control issues just such a hot button that it's a zero-tolerance thing?


We do all kinds of things to safeguard ours. I couldn't care less what other people do or what boundaries they set - whatever is comfortable and productive in their relationships is fine by me. But DH and I, but mutual agreement, don't have lunch, dinner, coffee or anything else - ever - alone with opposite sex individuals who aren't family.

And it's so not a big deal. We're not aware that it's ever hindered us professionally or socially. We don't make a point of declaring it to anyone. It's easy enough to politely decline casual invitations and to make sure when we're planning something that several people are included. We also don't have any close friends of the opposite sex that aren't friends of both of us, equally.

No, it wouldn't end my marriage but things would go from 'hey, I'm going out with my friend ________, you remember them, right?' to 'I'm going out..text if you need something'.

Of course, I would never marry someone who tried to control me.

Not picking on you, but you quoted me.. why don't you have friends of the opposite sex? You say you trust your husband, but there has to be a small part of you that doesn't. If a female made a pass at him, you should trust him enough to turn down the request and then tell you about it and end the friendship. Personally, I'd go nuts if I had to hang around only females all the time.

 

[ronandannette]

No, it wouldn't end my marriage but things would go from 'hey, I'm going out with my friend ________, you remember them, right?' to 'I'm going out..text if you need something'.

Of course, I would never marry someone who tried to control me.

Not picking on you, but you quoted me.. why don't you have friends of the opposite sex? You say you trust your husband, but there has to be a small part of you that doesn't. If a female made a pass at him, you should trust him enough to turn down the request and then tell you about it and end the friendship. Personally, I'd go nuts if I had to hang around only females all the time.

No problem with you asking, but a full explanation would require violating board guidelines. Short version - it's a religious thing and a personal expression of our faith.

 

[wilkeliza]

Well now that it is not just a bumped zombie but a resurected and active thread I'll bite.

I have 0 problem and fiance bas 0 problem with us dinning with the opposite sex. If I had to tell fiance he couldn't eat with anyone he might be attracted to that would be hard because guess what he's bisexual. Instead of having some blanket rule we have an understanding. Both of us can hang out, travel with, and dine with who we want but if the other partner says a line has been crossed we discuss it and decide together if it was a misunderstanding or worth stopping whatever it was. Fiance has a lot of childhood friends of the opposite sex as do I and we can't always travel together. So if I want to go to Disney World with my BFF who happens to be a man that is ok (he's gay anyways) and if he wants to go back home and visit one of his childhood friends cool whatever. I trust him and these are people I've met and consider dear friends myself. To me 100% transparency is more important then demanding based on an arbitrary rule.

 

[Hikergirl]

This is hyperbole, right? I mean, you'd really end your marriage the day your husband did something you don't like? Or are control issues just such a hot button that it's a zero-tolerance thing?


We do all kinds of things to safeguard ours. I couldn't care less what other people do or what boundaries they set - whatever is comfortable and productive in their relationships is fine by me. But DH and I, by mutual agreement, don't have lunch, dinner, coffee or anything else - ever - alone with opposite sex individuals who aren't family.

To each their own, I think its odd to feel you have to agree to safeguard your marriage against infidelity. To me that is saying that you know you would cheat if the opportunity presents itself so lets not let that opportunity arise.