If you disagree with a policy change at your child's school ..

[mom2rtk]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

I'm not exactly sure how going on one field trip is the same as gazing at your "loin fruit" 24 hours a day.

FWIW..... I went on field trips with each of my kids every year. The field trips were OK, but I'm sure a pedicure would have been much more enjoyable. I went because my kids were still young enough to WANT mom along, and asked me to come. I got to meet all their friends and see them enjoy an educational and fun outing. I was the cool mom who always brought a bag of chocolate chip cookies to share with everyone at lunch. Now that those days are over (my youngest just started middle school) I don't regret going.

And no, they won't be installing a helipad on top of my son's dorm when he leaves for college in the fall.

 

[nephthys43]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

bwahahahaha... loin fruit!!! love it!!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Background checks are honestly one of the biggest examples of security theater I have ever heard of.

I can kind of agree. Jerry Sandusky would have passed a background check until he was caught.

Meanwhile, some 40 year old who got busted for pot once at 19 can't volunteer.

However, if someone really does have some convictions that would be concerning to a district, the district would want to know that...

 

[Mkrop]

My kids go/went to a K-8 Catholic school. If we have a problem with a policy we are welcome to talk with the teachers and prinicipal about it or bring it up at the Home and School meeting but that doesnt mean it will be changed.

Our school requires every parent who would like to help in the school or chaperone a field trip to have a background check, it is paid for by the parish.


Each year the 8th graders have buddies who are 1st graders. They do lots of fun stuff together all year long and this ends with a trip to the zoo with both grades. It is a tradition that has been going on for a long time. Also the 8th grade parents are picked as chaperones, not the 1st graders parents, and the 8th grade buddy has it drilled into them that they too are responsible for their 1st grader.

I will admit when DS15 went as a first grader, I was tempted to go to the zoo. I resisted.

When DS10 went as a first grader, my BFF whose DS was also a first grader decided she needed to go. So her, her sister, and her DD all went to the zoo on their own. despite me trying to talk her out of it. When V saw them, he took off from his group, and they were not close by when he spotted them. They were sitting at benches, the 8th grader took off after the kid, and so did two of the moms after making sure others were there to watch the group left behind. V just want to see Mommy and his aunt. Well then my BFF proceeds to give him money for face painting, even though it was decided that bc not all kids had money for this, the group would refrain. The chaperone did not feel like she had the authority to say no to the mom, so she had the 8th grader take V to a nearby face painter. Next year, in the letter home, it stated NO FACE PAINTING. When I mentioned it to my BFF, she said "huh really wonder why that is not allowed" I love her but I bit my tongue. How do I know all this...my next door neighbor who had no idea of my relationship with BFF, told me about her runner. I also knew about the face painting the following year bc it was DS's turn to be the 8th grader and I was chaperoning.

Now the following year it was DS's turn to be the 8th grader. I was picked to chaperone. Another mom and I joined up to walk around together. Her son was M's 8th grade buddy. Along come 1st grader's M's mom to "hang out" with us. She also brought little brother in a rented zoo stroller. Well now M wanted to be with Mommy and not with his buddy or the group. He wanted to ride in the stroller bc he was tired. It was a complete nightmare and not the bonding experience it was suppose to be for the 8th grader and his buddy.

So after those incidents the last two years, I could totally see our school implementing a policy like the one in the OP.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I was actually coming back to this thread to raise that question! What if a parent breaks a custody agreement, goes on the field trip and takes the child home. The teacher doesn't know the agreement, just that it is a parent. The school can be held liable I imagine.

For what it's worth, I think most people agree that questioning a policy is totally fine. However, this policy in particular seems to be one that most people agree with, so they wouldn't question this particular one. A the end of it all it really wouldn't have mattered when you were informed of the change in policy. It changed. I think the helicopter parenting comments are more directed at the particular poster who would circumvent the policy because they feel they have a right to, which in turn will only cause their child stress, the school to eliminate field trips all together, or if possible not allowing that particular child on future field trips. I don't think they were necessarily directed at you.

The school would never approve that parent for the field trip. The office knows who is and is not supposed to pick up the kids at school.

Incidentally, the "wrong" parent showing up at school is the #1 reason our school calls the police.

 

[Mkrop]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

What does this have to do with anything...I agree with the other poster...I have been on plenty of field trips bc I was picked or asked. I dont need to be with my kids 24/7. There are plenty of field trips I have missed. I mostly enjoyed the ones I went on...there were a few trips from heck and I also enjoyed the ones I didnt get picked for

 

[Bren's Mom]

I have to say I am the extreme opposite of going along with the school, especially when it comes to my children. I believe I have final say as to what happens with my kids and take very unkindly to someone that tells me other wise. I don't understand why anyone would think someone knows what is best or could love them more than me. This particular policy isn't even about what is best for the kids but what is more convienent for the teachers. Besides we pay our taxes which pays the teachers salaries to do what we want in our schools not the other way around.

This seems like just silly gobbledy-gook to me. Sorry.

There have been plenty of reasons brought up on this thread why having random parents show up at the public place can be an issue. The policy seems reasonable. However, I am all for discussion about these things and would encourage the op to attend her local PTA and BOE meetings so she knows when these things are coming and can be part of discussion about whether they are the best course of action. Can you always get them changed? No. But parents are a powerful lot and if you have reasonableness behind you and an alternate but still workable plan that you CAN live it there's a good change you CAN get things changed (or not implemented in the first place).

My gut says this is about security more than anything else. And I don't mean the 'chaperones are background checked' type of security, I mean that teachers know the adults who are 'with' them and they are all working together. If other adults enter the picture, that changes the plan and can make things to wonky. Wonky isn't good.

 

[M2B]

I was coming back too, to raise the issue of non-custodial parents and other such concerns. Schools need to know who is going to be with/around the kids during school hours. We have one parent who is not allowed on school property (threw a temper tantrum at lunch last year, yelling at a Teacher's Assistant in the hallway) but what would happen at a zoo or other public place?

I stay involved and informed by being as involved as I can. I'm a lunchroom supervisor, I attend parent/teacher conferences and whatever meetings are set up. We participate in fundraising. I also supervise as many field trips as I can. I have the time, they need the help, and ds likes me being there. Plus, I see the kids in action. When parents want to know what's up at the school they ask me. IF there is ever a problem with ds I know the teachers and they know me.. and ds knows we're on the same page. It works all around. That being said, ds has his freedom for sure. He doesn't feel like I'm hovering, and he's 12 so we're hitting the stage where helicopter mom would be a huge issue.

There's so much more available than sitting back complaining about how your taxes are spent.

In OP's case though, it's great you have an answer. And one that makes sense.

 

[scrapquitler]

Myself and a few other parents are in disagreement with our kids' elementary school over a new change in policy. Basically, parents have always been welcome to 'follow the bus' and accompany any field trip, paying their own way if they weren't chosen as an official trip chaperone. We got a letter from the principal yesterday that told us that the school would no longer accomodate this practice, and if you're not an official chaperone, you're not to attend the field trip (in this case, it's a kindergarten trip to the zoo). I called the principal today to inquire further, and he basically told me that the teachers has requested this change, as they felt it was just too much to keep up with.
I thanked him for his time, said okay, and that was it. I'm not happy about it, but I figured there's nothing I can do about it. It has me wondering though (as does the thread about the 8th grader and the NRA shirt) ... what do you do when you don't like a new policy instituted by your child's school? Just get used to it, make an issue, try to change it ...?

I can certainly understand why the school would implement this policy...and reading this thread, there are many posters who have seen parents follow the field trip and cause problems.

I only went on one field trip as a parent, to Sturbridge Village in MA with 5th graders. It was a very, um, interesting experience. I had a group that consisted of my DD and three boys. Fifth grade boys are certainly entertaining.

I will admit that I DID once follow the field trip, but my daughter and the group never even knew it Her class went to see architecture and museums in New York City (she was a high school freshman). My Mom and I took the train into the city that day (DDs class took a bus) and we did our own thing...but we never went anywhere near where they were going, we just were in NY at the same time. I figured that if she got lost or if there was an emergency orsomething, I could be there quickly. But no way would I interfere with the class trip. She didn't even know we were there until I got home that night. I would never even consider it if she was going on a field trip to the zoo or someplace small where me being there would have been a distraction to her or a disruption in any way.

 

[2disneyboys]

If my kids school has a policy change (any type of policy change) that I don't agree with I will schedule time (phone or in person) to discuss this change with the principal. Once I have more details as to the need for this change then I can choose if I like it or not. If I don't like it, and it's enough of a "principal" for me, then I can pull my kid from that school and put them elsewhere, or put in thier files that in this particular instance I want them "excluded". Otherwise, I can just "suck it up buttercup" and deal. My oldest is in 7th Grade and my youngest is in 4th Grade and they both have been going to this school since kindergarten, so I guess that shows that the vast majority of the time, I "suck it up buttercup" lol.

With regard to your example (field trips) based on your update, I agree w/ you and would be fine with the change.

 

[mom2rtk]

Did you guys all see the episode of "The Middle" where Frankie tries everything to get to go along as a chaperone on Brick's field trip to Chicago? I might have to dredge that one up on the DVR and watch it tonight.

That episode never rang true with me, but after this thread, it sounds more plausible than I thought. I live in a district where parents don't tend to participate, even if they don't work. So the teachers have always been happy to have me volunteer to help.

 

[okeydokey]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

Believe me, when you have 5 12 year old boys in an amusement park there is no time for gazing at anything.

I chaperone most of my kids' trips, even into High School. There are fewer and fewer parents willing as they progress through school, and chaperones are still needed at the older ages.

I do it because my kids want me to (it makes me happy my 15 year old still wants to hang with me and isn't embarrassed for her friends to know I exist), and also because I enjoy spending time with the kids. Everyone complains about kids these days, but I have to say that they are for the most part, respectful, terrific people with fun personalities.

If I wasn't needed or chosen for a trip, though, I would be fine with that and I would never go against the rule. Let's not complain about kids who don't listen or follow directions and then be adults who do the same thing.

 

[Arielle22]

When my daughters were younger they had a dance recital each year. The couple who owned the studio had things down to a science. The recital was 3 hours along and the children would dance 2-3 times throughout the show.

There was a strict rule that no child could leave the room where they were waiting with anyone other than the room chaperone. If a parent decided to take the child out, then the child was done for the day and no more dancing. It got to confusing to know where each child was and to get them back for their next number. Although the program showed their next dance was not for 30 minutes, they had to be lined up for the stage at least 15 minutes befor the dance. So it caused too many problems to let the children leave the room.

By the time we came along it was a well know rule. Apparently the first year or two the rule was in place, some parents took their children and got very upset when they couldn;t return the child.

 

[Freesia123]

If you disagree show up at a PTA meeting and say why. Probably a parent came and tried to assert their parental authority (buying their kids something, taking them to the bathroom without telling the teacher etc) which caused a lot of worry and trouble for the teachers.

 

[aaarcher86]

The school would never approve that parent for the field trip. The office knows who is and is not supposed to pick up the kids at school.

Incidentally, the "wrong" parent showing up at school is the #1 reason our school calls the police.

Right... but if they allow parents to just show up the teacher isn't going to know that. The parent doesn't have to be approved.

I'm all for approved chaperones only... did it seem as if I wasn't?

 

[mamacatnv]

If you disagree show up at a PTA meeting and say why. Probably a parent came and tried to assert their parental authority (buying their kids something, taking them to the bathroom without telling the teacher etc) which caused a lot of worry and trouble for the teachers.

In all my years involved with PTA/PTO or whatever the parent club name was, we were never involved in school policies. We were there to support staff and kids not create policy

 

[scoutie]

I have to say I am the extreme opposite of going along with the school, especially when it comes to my children. I believe I have final say as to what happens with my kids and take very unkindly to someone that tells me other wise. I don't understand why anyone would think someone knows what is best or could love them more than me. This particular policy isn't even about what is best for the kids but what is more convienent for the teachers. Besides we pay our taxes which pays the teachers salaries to do what we want in our schools not the other way around.

First of all, your child is not the only one in the school. Other children may benefit from policies.

Second of all, if you don't like a policy....you certainly do not have to send your child on that field trip, to that school, etc.

Thirdly, "We pay our taxes which pays the teachers (sic) salaries!" Is such a tantrum-like response, void of critical thought.

 

[Hrhpd]

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

Just curious how this was resolved. Did you have to go pick your child up? Did they really leave (I can't imagine a group doing that) or did your son take off n and then could not find his group.

As I said before, I really would like to hear the teacher's side of the story. As something just doesn't ring true in your side of the story.

 

[Hrhpd]

I'm not exactly sure how going on one field trip is the same as gazing at your "loin fruit" 24 hours a day.

FWIW..... I went on field trips with each of my kids every year. The field trips were OK, but I'm sure a pedicure would have been much more enjoyable. I went because my kids were still young enough to WANT mom along, and asked me to come. I got to meet all their friends and see them enjoy an educational and fun outing. I was the cool mom who always brought a bag of chocolate chip cookies to share with everyone at lunch. Now that those days are over (my youngest just started middle school) I don't regret going.

And no, they won't be installing a helipad on top of my son's dorm when he leaves for college in the fall.

And that would have been a huge problem with our school. Now, you said you shared with everybody, but we have had tag-a-longs who wanted to be the "cool mom" and take their group for extras. Then the parents of the kids who didn't get to go on the choo choo, or didn't get to go to the gift shop start complaining. The kids who didn't get cookies at lunch feel left out. In a school setting, it all has to be equal.

Not to mention the gaggle of food allergies that teachers have to be aware of. You can't have parents bringing food for the whole group unless it is a pre-approved snack. Chocolate chip Cookies would not be acceptable as a group snack due to the number of kids who are gluten and/or dairy free.

Our kids are not even allowed to share or trade stuff from their lunches during their lunch times due to the liability to the school of allergies.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Back when I was growing up, things were a lot better. Much diffferent. I miss those times.