If you disagree with a policy change at your child's school ..

[Aliceacc]

And that would have been a huge problem with our school. Now, you said you shared with everybody, but we have had tag-a-longs who wanted to be the "cool mom" and take their group for extras. Then the parents of the kids who didn't get to go on the choo choo, or didn't get to go to the gift shop start complaining. The kids who didn't get cookies at lunch feel left out. In a school setting, it all has to be equal.

Not to mention the gaggle of food allergies that teachers have to be aware of. You can't have parents bringing food for the whole group unless it is a pre-approved snack. Chocolate chip Cookies would not be acceptable as a group snack due to the number of kids who are gluten and/or dairy free.

Our kids are not even allowed to share or trade stuff from their lunches during their lunch times due to the liability to the school of allergies.

Let's not forget the kids in the class who are diabetic. Or the fact that junk food is off limits in a lot of schools because of the obesity epidemic.

I've had to take students to the hospital on field trips. It's not my favorite part of the job.

 

[Pigeon]

In all my years involved with PTA/PTO or whatever the parent club name was, we were never involved in school policies. We were there to support staff and kids not create policy

Yeah, our PTA does nothing substantive. It is all fund raising all the time.

Count me in as one who thinks going along on field trips is a special kind of hell. The idea of following a bus to stalk the school trip? I don't think so.

But in general, it depends on the policy. There are many I will follow, but a few counterproductive ones I will circumvent. For example, our elementary required reading logs. The sole effect of reading logs for kids who are readers is to suck the joy right out of it. I had no problem with just fabricating the whole thing.

 

[Disneylover99]

And that would have been a huge problem with our school. Now, you said you shared with everybody, but we have had tag-a-longs who wanted to be the "cool mom" and take their group for extras. Then the parents of the kids who didn't get to go on the choo choo, or didn't get to go to the gift shop start complaining. The kids who didn't get cookies at lunch feel left out. In a school setting, it all has to be equal.

Not to mention the gaggle of food allergies that teachers have to be aware of. You can't have parents bringing food for the whole group unless it is a pre-approved snack. Chocolate chip Cookies would not be acceptable as a group snack due to the number of kids who are gluten and/or dairy free.

Our kids are not even allowed to share or trade stuff from their lunches during their lunch times due to the liability to the school of allergies.

I totally agree!!

I know most parents mean well when they offer treats, but it causes a host of other problems.

 

[mom2rtk]

And that would have been a huge problem with our school. Now, you said you shared with everybody, but we have had tag-a-longs who wanted to be the "cool mom" and take their group for extras. Then the parents of the kids who didn't get to go on the choo choo, or didn't get to go to the gift shop start complaining. The kids who didn't get cookies at lunch feel left out. In a school setting, it all has to be equal.

Not to mention the gaggle of food allergies that teachers have to be aware of. You can't have parents bringing food for the whole group unless it is a pre-approved snack. Chocolate chip Cookies would not be acceptable as a group snack due to the number of kids who are gluten and/or dairy free.

Our kids are not even allowed to share or trade stuff from their lunches during their lunch times due to the liability to the school of allergies.

I'm curious why you make the assumption that I did not clear the chocolate chip cookies with the teacher? We had one girl in the class with a peanut allergy. I knew in advance she could not have cookies, and the teacher brought an approved snack for her.

I love the way people assume the worst.

 

[castleview]

At our school, there are trips that they prefer only chaperones attend and trips where they'll take as many as they can get. I've gone both as a chaperone and drove to one they allowed non-chaperones. I also run the P&R dept. and have directed a few field trips. Here's the thing: Field trips are an exhausting operation that require organization, vigilance, and entertaining kids. Safety is the main concern and too many adults getting in the way can throw off a teacher's game plan. Let them do their job.

Now maybe it's because I have three, but I'm so over field trips. Sure I will go on them if my kids request me, but honestly not getting picked as a chaperone is sometimes a blessing to me.

 

[Colleen27]

There have been policy changes I've disagreed with but what you describe wouldn't be one of them. Our teachers make the same request and I totally understand the reasons - we had several "lost child" incidents that turned out to be as simple as little Jane or John got separated from the group because they were hanging out with one of the parents-in-tow rather than sticking with their chaperone, as well as one where a child did get lost and had to have a zoo employee reunite him with the group because the parent thought he was with the chaperone and the chaperone thought he was with his parent. Young children have poor impulse control and communication skills to match, and it is very easy for miscommunications to arise when there are many familiar adults around that aren't actually with the group.

And less serious but still frustrating from a teacher/chaperone's perspective are the parents who follow the bus then proceed to spend their money on extras that the group aren't getting. That came up often too - tag-along parents who treated it like a family outing, buying lunch for their child while the rest of the group picnics with bag lunches, treating them to ice cream, buying souvenirs, etc. Between the two issues I completely understand why it would be easier to limit parent participation to only those selected as official chaperones and happily honor that request.

 

[mom2rtk]

Let's not forget the kids in the class who are diabetic. Or the fact that junk food is off limits in a lot of schools because of the obesity epidemic.

I've had to take students to the hospital on field trips. It's not my favorite part of the job.

I guess it really only mattered if it was off limits in OUR school. (It wasn't. The only rule at our school is no home-baked goodies). And I didn't send a single kid to the hospital that day.

I was happy to be there. My daughter was happy I was there. The kids loved the cookies. And the teacher was grateful for the help. Oh, and she was happy I had cleared that with her in advance.

And I'm even more glad than ever that our field trip days are now over. These days it's more like picking one's way through a minefield.

 

[Disneylover99]

I'm curious why you make the assumption that I did not clear the chocolate chip cookies with the teacher? We had one girl in the class with a peanut allergy. I knew in advance she could not have cookies, and the teacher brought an approved snack for her.

I love the way people assume the worst.

See this is another problem.....bringing chocolate chip cookies for everyone knowing there was a girl with a peanut allergy in the class. So one girl had to eat a teacher approved snack and be different from all her friends. That's just not nice. There are plenty of peanut free cookies that everyone can eat. The teacher should not have allowed this.

 

[Colleen27]

I can't imagine the parents just showing up on field trips. When my kids were in Elementary, you signed up and if you were chosen you went. If you weren't chosen, better luck next time. Chaperons always ride the bus with the kids unless it was a walking field trip. There weren't background checks done on volunteers in those days. I don't know if that has changed.

I went on many field trips in those days and no one ever brought siblings with either. I didn't go on as many trips with my dd since it was hard to find a sitter for her younger brother. I subbed on the playground for years so most of the kids knew me and the teachers always said that when I went it was like having another teacher with them.

I can imagine that if a school was having issues with a good number of extra parents and siblings they would change the policy. If I were the op, I would ask what the reasoning was and I would go from there.

When my oldest was in K, we had 33 parents volunteer to chaperone the zoo trip... for 42 kindergarteners. The request that parents not chosen to chaperone not follow the bus started the next year. I was always among the "not going" parents because our school had a strict no-siblings rule and I always had a younger child at home. I saved my chaperoning energies for scout trips and other weekend/evening events.

Now my girls are in a very small private school and there have been a couple of times I was the only parent who didn't come along on a trip. For younger DD's pre-K trip to the public library we had more chaperones than students (10 parents, 2 grandmothers, 1 aunt, and 2 teachers for 12 kids). I was glad to see I wasn't needed, since older DD had a special event that day that mattered more IMO (honor society induction mass).

 

[mom2rtk]

See this is another problem.....bringing chocolate chip cookies for everyone knowing there was a girl with a peanut allergy in the class. So one girl had to eat a teacher approved snack and be different from all her friends. That's just not nice. There are plenty of peanut free cookies that everyone can eat. The teacher should not have allowed this.

OK then. I'm not nice. Really, it was fine. The girl had her own special treat. It's not like I made her sit there and watch us have a treat while she didn't. I didn't make her cry or anything. But I guess there's always next time.

Sheesh.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I have to say I am the extreme opposite of going along with the school, especially when it comes to my children. I believe I have final say as to what happens with my kids and take very unkindly to someone that tells me other wise. I don't understand why anyone would think someone knows what is best or could love them more than me. This particular policy isn't even about what is best for the kids but what is more convienent for the teachers. Besides we pay our taxes which pays the teachers salaries to do what we want in our schools not the other way around.

Parents show up at the zoo, see their own little Johnny and ask the chaperone if they can tag along with the group too. Parent wants to treat Johnny to ice cream but must take him aside from the group since he can't treat everyone. Now we have a problem.

These types of scenarios happen all the time with parents. Totally frustrating for teachers and puts the chaperones in uncomfortable situations. Is the chaperone supposed to say "no, you can't take your own child for ice cream"? Can you imagine what the parent would say, yet the chaperone is supposed to keep track of her entire group. The rules don't apply to parents. I say, chaperones only. Do you really need to tag along on a field trip? Take your own kid to the zoo with a couple friends on another day.

I don't mean "you" as in the OP but more of a collective "you".

 

[tcufrog]

mom2rtk...

How unloving and unfeeling are you? How would you feel if someone else put your child in that position? It's pretty easy furthermore to provide a treat for everyone that that child could safely eat. My sons don't have food allergies but I always make sure to accommodate other kids' food allergies when providing snacks and treats. When you do that you are providing a positive example for your child about the importance of including everyone.

You need to read this article. http://www.livingwithout.com/issues/3_6/Emotional-State-Food-Allergic-Children-1022-1.html It talks about how situations such as what you did to that poor child help increase the rate of depression in kids with food allergies. I would send you the actual research studies but it costs money to read them.

 

[Ceila]

mom2rtk...

How unloving and unfeeling are you? How would you feel if someone else put your child in that position? It's pretty easy furthermore to provide a treat for everyone that that child could safely eat. My sons don't have food allergies but I always make sure to accommodate other kids' food allergies when providing snacks and treats. When you do that you are providing a positive example for your child about the importance of including everyone.

You need to read this article. http://www.livingwithout.com/issues/3_6/Emotional-State-Food-Allergic-Children-1022-1.html It talks about how situations such as what you did to that poor child help increase the rate of depression in kids with food allergies. I would send you the actual research studies but it costs money to read them.

I just have to comment. I have no idea if the article you linked to is from a reputable source or not. However, I do have my own personal experience I can share.

I was diagnosed as allergic to chocolate as a child back in the 70's. There were many times that I could not have a food treat that was provided to my class for a birthday party, etc. My mother was very proactive about talking with my teachers and working with them. When they knew an event was coming up, they would let her know and she would send in something for me that I could eat. But, sometimes that didn't happen because someone brought in a treat without notice.

And you know what? I turned out just fine. Not having the same thing as everyone else did no harm to me. Why? Probably because my parents didn't raise me to think that the rest of the world should revolve around me and my allergy.

While I personally always try to send in things that everyone can eat for my kids' classes and activities, rest assured that with the proper parenting, kids with allergies can grow up just fine even if they can't always have the same thing as everyone else.

 

[Disneylover99]

I just have to comment. I have no idea if the article you linked to is from a reputable source or not. However, I do have my own personal experience I can share.

I was diagnosed as allergic to chocolate as a child back in the 70's. There were many times that I could not have a food treat that was provided to my class for a birthday party, etc. My mother was very proactive about talking with my teachers and working with them. When they knew an event was coming up, they would let her know and she would send in something for me that I could eat. But, sometimes that didn't happen because someone brought in a treat without notice.

And you know what? I turned out just fine. Not having the same thing as everyone else did no harm to me. Why? Probably because my parents didn't raise me to think that the rest of the world should revolve around me and my allergy.

While I personally always try to send in things that everyone can eat for my kids' classes and activities, rest assured that with the proper parenting, kids with allergies can grow up just fine even if they can't always have the same thing as everyone else.

I agree with you that children with food allergies will turn out just fine and yes, life isn't always fair....another important lesson that we all have to learn.

However, as an elementary teacher, my job is to ensure that all children are treated in a fair and equitable manner. Our schoolboard has been peanut free for years. In today's day and age, there are a plethora of peanut free snacks on the market. So there is no reason why peanut free snacks can't be purchased for everyone. Parents should not be providing students on a school trip with snacks that are not shareable for everyone, and teachers shouldn't allow this. Kids with peanut allergies have to deal with eating differently at friend's birthday parties, restaurants, visits to friend's houses, etc... They shouldn't have to deal with it unecessarily during a school trip.

 

[Nancyg56]

OK then. I'm not nice. Really, it was fine. The girl had her own special treat. It's not like I made her sit there and watch us have a treat while she didn't. I didn't make her cry or anything. But I guess there's always next time.

Sheesh.

You know, kids with allergies are different. Every day they are different. My DGD had a dairy and egg allergy so her Mom really tried to make sure she always had something when the there children were enjoying their treats. Birthday parties were the worst. It is not the responsibility for any parent to feed a child with allergies, but when you invite a child to your home, making sure that there are treats everyone can enjoy is just a nice thing to do.

Now lets talk about those parties in school. You are right, most kids with allergies always have something in school that is appropriate for them when the rest of the class is enjoying birthday goodies. But many times there are options that every single kid can have...I know because m DD made it her business to check with the teacher prior to choosing a class treat. Is that required? No. Is is thoughtful? Yes.

You did not make that kid cry, she is used to being different. The truth is that there are plenty of cookie choices that could have been made to include her. These kids have to learn how to manage their allergy, this is true, but when they are all in class,young, celebrating together, it seems to me that if it is possible to be inclusive rather than leave one kid out, it is the nice thing to do. She will be older soon, those classroom parties will end.

My DGD never complained but I was always so happy for her when the kids in her class watched out for her, just as she did for the other children who had allergies. They all had safe treats and many times they had them when the snack was not safe, but they really all appreciated those times when they all were included.

 

[NaLisa]

Just wanted to add to the allergy discussion--my DD8's best friend has a serious milk allergy (not lactose intolerant, she's actually had to go to the emergency room a couple of times for anaphalaxis), and her mom sends in a box of individually wrapped, allergen free goodies just for her DD 2-3 times a year. So anytime there's a birthday party or other event with special treats brought in for the class, DD's friend pulls out and eats one of her special treats.

When it was approaching my DDs birthday, I called other mom and asked about treats that her daughter could eat. She was appreciative but insisted that I get whatever my DD wanted and that her daughter would just have one of her treats. She has instructed her daughter to ONLY eat those treats she's sent in and made the teacher aware. Sometimes, well meaning people try to accommodate her DD's food allergy but they're not as knowledgeable about food labels and ingredients as she has to be, so she doesn't want to take a chance. Her daughter's health and even life could be jeopardized by a mistake from a well-meaning parent.

 

[Nancyg56]

Just wanted to add to the allergy discussion--my DD8's best friend has a serious milk allergy (not lactose intolerant, she's actually had to go to the emergency room a couple of times for anaphalaxis), and her mom sends in a box of individually wrapped, allergen free goodies just for her DD 2-3 times a year. So anytime there's a birthday party or other event with special treats brought in for the class, DD's friend pulls out and eats one of her special treats.

When it was approaching my DDs birthday, I called other mom and asked about treats that her daughter could eat. She was appreciative but insisted that I get whatever my DD wanted and that her daughter would just have one of her treats. She has instructed her daughter to ONLY eat those treats she's sent in and made the teacher aware. Sometimes, well meaning people try to accommodate her DD's food allergy but they're not as knowledgeable about food labels and ingredients as she has to be, so she doesn't want to take a chance. Her daughter's health and even life could be jeopardized by a mistake from a well-meaning parent.

Absolutely! Before we sent anything in it was approved. Nothing was ever served, not in my home or in what i sent to school that was not approved by the parent. My DGD, even at 5, knew what she could eat and would not touch a thing unless her Mom or teacher gave the okay. DD felt that even at such a young age, she needed to know what was safe and what was not.

 

[mom2rtk]

mom2rtk...

How unloving and unfeeling are you? How would you feel if someone else put your child in that position? It's pretty easy furthermore to provide a treat for everyone that that child could safely eat. My sons don't have food allergies but I always make sure to accommodate other kids' food allergies when providing snacks and treats. When you do that you are providing a positive example for your child about the importance of including everyone.

You need to read this article. http://www.livingwithout.com/issues/3_6/Emotional-State-Food-Allergic-Children-1022-1.html It talks about how situations such as what you did to that poor child help increase the rate of depression in kids with food allergies. I would send you the actual research studies but it costs money to read them.

LOL, why don't you just fill me in on how unloving and unfeeling I am? No.... wait. You just did.

Next time my daughter has that girl over to spend the night (which happens fairly frequently since the girl is now my daughter's best friend all these years later) maybe I'll apologize.

I just have to comment. I have no idea if the article you linked to is from a reputable source or not. However, I do have my own personal experience I can share.

I was diagnosed as allergic to chocolate as a child back in the 70's. There were many times that I could not have a food treat that was provided to my class for a birthday party, etc. My mother was very proactive about talking with my teachers and working with them. When they knew an event was coming up, they would let her know and she would send in something for me that I could eat. But, sometimes that didn't happen because someone brought in a treat without notice.

And you know what? I turned out just fine. Not having the same thing as everyone else did no harm to me. Why? Probably because my parents didn't raise me to think that the rest of the world should revolve around me and my allergy.

While I personally always try to send in things that everyone can eat for my kids' classes and activities, rest assured that with the proper parenting, kids with allergies can grow up just fine even if they can't always have the same thing as everyone else.

This girl's parents did the same thing. She adapted to having animal cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies. She's very much a "go with the flow" kid. And that trait is serving her very well in middle school, as it will heading into high school and life in general. Apparently she doesn't hold too much of a grudge. Or I'm guessing she wouldn't be coming to my home as much as she does.

Absolutely! Before we sent anything in it was approved. Nothing was ever served, not in my home or in what i sent to school that was not approved by the parent. My DGD, even at 5, knew what she could eat and would not touch a thing unless her Mom or teacher gave the okay. DD felt that even at such a young age, she needed to know what was safe and what was not.

We also invited this girl to all of my daughter's birthday parties. Where we served store bought cake. Which was never allowed for her.

Should my daughter not have had a birthday a cake? Or maybe we should have not invited the girl?

I have the feeling I know how most of you will answer though.

 

[Pigeon]

The parents of the kids with allergies that I know are pretty set that the kids only eat the snacks provided by their own parents, period. So they are always going to have a treat that is different than what the other kids have.

 

[shoney]

The parents of the kids with allergies that I know are pretty set that the kids only eat the snacks provided by their own parents, period. So they are always going to have a treat that is different than what the other kids have.

That has been our experience as well.

My boys are in 6th and 8th grade. We were never told what we could pack for snack, lunch or birthday/party treats. The schools serve peanut butter sandwiches everyday!

Allergies were handled between the student and teacher.