If you disagree with a policy change at your child's school ..

[NHdisneylover]

Oh my! My 10 year old son is off on a week long school trip to France and Belgium as I type. I'm having visions of DH & I turning up at the youth hostel that they're staying and saying, "Surprise! We thought we'd come hover over you!".

I'm completely in agreement with a school implementing a no parents other than official chaperones policy. I've never heard of perents tagging along and can only imagine the headache and distraction it would cause for the teachers. It's hard enough looking after a group of kids without tag along parents adding confusion.

US parents would never handle the kinds of class trips that European schools seem to take all the time I cannot tell you how often my kids have come home from school and said "can you imagine the uproar in the US if . . ." Yep, my son will be in Rome for 10 days in June, with his class of 37 and two teachers. No parents. He'll carry his own asthma and allergy meds too. And no parents seem in the least bit concerned about it.

 

[declansdad]

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

Sorry about your son but I think that incident is clouding your perspective of what this is really about.

You explanations about who is paying taxes and what they are paying for is mind boggling.

 

[sunshinehighway]

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

For future reference, there is no H in Worcester.

 

[momto3gr8boys]

US parents would never handle the kinds of class trips that European schools seem to take all the time I cannot tell you how often my kids have come home from school and said "can you imagine the uproar in the US if . . ." Yep, my son will be in Rome for 10 days in June, with his class of 37 and two teachers. No parents. He'll carry his own asthma and allergy meds too. And no parents seem in the least bit concerned about it.

I'm a US parent, and my oldest spent three weeks in Italy and Greece at the age of 11 with 26 kids and three teachers. And he survived! And so did I! I'm not so sure how all the parents who nearly passed out when I told him he was doing this are doing though

I will admit to "helicoptering" over the computer and hitting refresh about a thousand times as his plane flew from JFK to Athens and I watched the flight path. But aside from that we're all in one piece

I'm sure both you and the PP you quoted will be/were thrilled that your kids have these opportunities.

 

[tvguy]

Myself and a few other parents are in disagreement with our kids' elementary school over a new change in policy. Basically, parents have always been welcome to 'follow the bus' and accompany any field trip, paying their own way if they weren't chosen as an official trip chaperone. We got a letter from the principal yesterday that told us that the school would no longer accomodate this practice, and if you're not an official chaperone, you're not to attend the field trip (in this case, it's a kindergarten trip to the zoo). I called the principal today to inquire further, and he basically told me that the teachers has requested this change, as they felt it was just too much to keep up with.
I thanked him for his time, said okay, and that was it. I'm not happy about it, but I figured there's nothing I can do about it. It has me wondering though (as does the thread about the 8th grader and the NRA shirt) ... what do you do when you don't like a new policy instituted by your child's school? Just get used to it, make an issue, try to change it ...?

I would do just what you did, inquire why the change was made. When issues came up with my kids where I did not agree with a policy, I would escalate it if I felt the policy needed to be changed. IMHO, in this case, the policy is entirely reasonable. Apparently parents tagging along was creating a problem. My kids schools usually were begging for parents to go along because most were working and could not go along.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm a US parent, and my oldest spent three weeks in Italy and Greece at the age of 11 with 26 kids and three teachers. And he survived! And so did I! I'm not so sure how all the parents who nearly passed out when I told him he was doing this are doing though

I will admit to "helicoptering" over the computer and hitting refresh about a thousand times as his plane flew from JFK to Athens and I watched the flight path. But aside from that we're all in one piece

I'm sure both you and the PP you quoted will be/were thrilled that your kids have these opportunities.

Oh I know not every parent in the US would have an issue with it--but overall schools in the US cannot manage to do these things largely because of the circling helicopters (just look at how upset some are about a trip to the zoo----which would be taken here without so much as a permission slip going home ).

That sounds like a GREAT experience for you son! How truly wonderful And, yes, I am very grateful that my kids get to experience so much independence and travel to so many places here. My son can't wait to go to Rome with his class.

 

[clutter]

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

And here is the reason for the change in policy in the OPs school. Had there been only the appropriate chaperones with the group, and the chaperones rode the bus with the rest of the group, this never would have happened. A missing kid would have been a missing kid.

I think some people are getting a bit mixed up about what taxation with representation means. It means that you get a say in how your community, your schools, your local, state and federal government are run through voting. Don't agree with a school policy? Support a candidate for the school board that will implement change. You don't have the right to go to the school to say "this is how I think you should do it." With hundreds of parents in any one school, that would be chaos. If you really want control of how your kids are educated, you have an option. Homeschool.

 

[momto3gr8boys]

Oh I know not every parent in the US would have an issue with it--but overall schools in the US cannot manage to do these things largely because of the circling helicopters (just look at how upset some are about a trip to the zoo----which would be taken here without so much as a permission slip going home ).

That sounds like a GREAT experience for you son! How truly wonderful And, yes, I am very grateful that my kids get to experience so much independence and travel to so many places here. My son can't wait to go to Rome with his class.

It was, as it will be for your son. They learn so much responsibility and life skills in situations like these.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

If one parent goes along, then ALL of the kids want their moms/dads to go along as well. I can see this becoming a huge distraction. The zoo can be a great place for learning, and I would personally not want parents hanging around as I tried to teach. I'm sure the parents hang out and talk to each other as well as if this is some big parent/child playdate.

As for the policy change question, I think the school has the right to modifiy and change school rules as they see appropriate at any time of the year. Hopefully this was explained in the letter or e mail.

 

[mom2rtk]

Sometimes teacher will break kids up into groups and send them off with parents. I've seen some teachers get rid of all their kids and they with other teacher go enjoy themselves.

I've seen the same thing. I've been on a bus load of loud misbehaving kids where I was stuck in the back in the midst of the chaos while the teachers sat up front chatting and laughing. That was my last school bus ride. I continued to go on field trips because my daughter enjoyed having me along. But from then on I only drove myself. Thankfully that was only the first time I had experienced that after years of attending field trips with my kids.

I guess I'm glad our field trip days are now over. I always enjoyed spending those days watching my kids interact with their friends. It was a great way to see them interacting with kids I had heard about all year. It was usually an educational trip, but also a fun end of year celebration that we loved experiencing together.

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

I think it's sad that instead of addressing the real problem, that the teacher would make an assumption to leave without knowing with absolute certainly where each of her students was, that they instead blamed the confusion of having parents along. There is NO excuse for not accounting for each and every child before leaving.

 

[SweetJoy]

Well I got a follow-up email from the principal this morning. He said that the policy change was due to a non-custodial parent showing up at a field trip when it was not his or her time with the child. So that's that, totally understandable.
FWIW I never considered myself a helicopter parent. When chaperones were chosen for field trips, we actually got a note on the bottom telling those of us not chosen to feel free to meet the class and pay our own way, as long as we submitted to a background check beforehand. That was great - get to enjoy the trip with my kid and not be responsible for anybody else's! I didn't go on every trip - I don't live for elementary school field trips, far from it! All I did was inquire as to why the change (since the letter home didn't give a reason).
Is this really all it takes to be considered a hovering helicopter parent?

ETA - not that it matters, but the teachers at our school don't have a group of kids for the field trips. The chaperones each have a group, and the teachers walk with other teachers and check in on the other groups. Also, we've never paid for the background checks. Maybe cost was getting to be an issue too, but I really don't know.

 

[goofy4tink]

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. So my perspective on this is a little different then most.
In the original post the principal stated that the policy had changed because the teachers found it to much. He said nothing of student safety. Its should always be about the kids not the teachers.

That would tell me that some changes need to made at the school level..and that wouldn't mean having mommy and/or daddy going along!!
I have been a chaperone for both our high school's marching band and theatre/choral groups. We have always had a checklist of exactly who is on our bus. The kids are not allowed to change buses without speaking to all chaperones/teachers first. When they get on the bus, they are checked off. If we are getting ready to leave an event and head home? Again, I always yelled out names and that kid answered. Only twice did we have an issue. Once, a new kid had decided to hop on the other bus!!! The other time....the young lady had gone to the bathroom without telling anyone..she and her friend!!! So, chaperones and teachers ran around, frantically searching for these two girls!! They were not happy girls when they boarded their bus!!!

And student safety??? Exactly how is having a parent tagging along making the child any safer??? To me, it would make a huge problem for the teacher and the chaperones. If that child decides they want to be with mommy, then mommy is going to okay it. And a teacher/chaperone may not know about it. You want to spend time with your kids? Take them yourself.

I had an interesting experience, both as a chaperone as well as a parent..on the same trip. My dd's girl scout troop went on a field trip to a 'dude ranch' in NY. We are from central Mass. I was a chaperone. The girls were about 14 at the time. Okay. It seems that there was one time, during the trip, that my dd couldn't reach me. I was in a stable and didn't hear my cell ringing. Okay. No biggie. But it seems that my dd had a little bit of a meltdown (not saying that was okay by any means!!). She thought something had happened to me...thrown from a horse, lost in the woods, whatever. Well......the troop leader later told me that it might be a good idea if I stopped going along on these trips. That way my dd would be forced to 'grow up' and 'fend for herself'!!! Okay, yes, my dd may have been too dependent on me back then. And yes, she had, still does, a vivid imagination. But, this is the same troop leader that forced dd to start a campfire, knowing that my dd was terrified of fire. She couldn't even carry a torch at church due to this fear!! So, troop leader decided that it would be a 'growing experience' for her to start the fire. And so, dd was terrified, cried in front of the entire troop and felt awful!! Nice. I told the leader that I wished she had not done that...that being afraid of fire wasn't something that dd 'had' to grow out of at the age of 12!!!

Mommy and Daddy, following behind the bus and tagging along with outings, does nothing but instill a feeling of distrust for teachers in their kids. If Mom and Dad don't trust the teachers to take care of them, why should they??
Let your kids go people!!! Let them figure out how to be away from you. Are you going to college with them? Because, that's where all sorts of really bad stuff can happen!!! If you don't let them start the growing process in elementary school, it will be too late in high school. Been there, done that. Give your teachers and parental chaperones some credit. Let them do what they are supposed to do.

No, you can never be 100% sure that each parent there is going to be just fine. Yes, there could possibly be a 'bad' person chaperoning. Yes, most schools want a CORI for chaperones and anyone else hanging with the kids. And yes, I guess there is stuff that might be missed by a CORI. But, it's the best proceedure we have in place. Sometimes you just have to let go and hope for the best. The world is really a pretty decent place and there are not boogy men around every corner, waiting to snatch up your children!!!

Of course, there was that one memorable trip to NYC with the high school theatre group. Each chaperone was assigned a particular group of kids. We all had each others cell phone numbers. The kids were allowed to go off on their own, with a certain area, and be at the theatre at a certain time. Okay. Well, imagine the horror when my friend (a dad) and I were eating lunch, and got a phone call from one of the kids. Seems my friend's dd had had a severe allergic reaction to something...she has allergy issues and a restaurant messed up her desired order. She had gone into anephylactic shock! Good thing the manager at the Verizon store they went into knew exactly what to do with the epi-pen! But, the ambulance had been called and was on the way since the epi-pen had been used. I have never seen two parents run 10 city blocks faster!! And after eating burgers/fries and milkshakes!! This poor kid would have died if the epi-pen had not been used when it was!!! She had reacted so quickly, due to the order messup, that she wasn't able to use it herself. And, at that time, none of her friends knew either. They do now!!! Her dad went to the hospital with her and missed the rest of the day, getting back to the bus just in time to head home. Now...did her dad's being there make any difference? Probably not. She had been on that trip every year in high school. She had been to plenty of places without Dad, with no issues. It would have been dealt with. She wouldn't have felt the same if Dad hadn't been there, I admit. But, the other chaperones and the teacher would have been able to deal with it very well.

 

[ten6mom]

If you disagree with any policy, anywhere, there are normally procedures to re-evaluate those policies. In the case of public schools, there are school board meetings. Their calendar and their minutes are readily available. Please, attend the meetings and become active. I don't think I've ever heard of a school board complaining that too many people wanted to do the dirty work involved in running a district.

What you DON'T do is circumvent policies set up to keep children safe because you've decided they don't work for YOU. You keep in mind that there's a greater priority than your own whims. And you don't teach, by example, that rules are for OTHER people. That's a big factor in the Special Snowflake Syndrome we read about everywhere... the fervent belief that rules are for other people.

As to the two boys who were left behind on the field trip, two things:
- Had they told the teacher where they were going, she would have known.
- Had there been no parents there, the teacher could not have thought they had gone home with a parent.

Yes, she should have checked, and I'm sure everyone involved was terrified. But in this day and age, each chaperone should readily be able to reach every other chaperone via cell phone. But the hangers-on probably haven't included their cell phone numbers on the trip's master sheet, and therefore add another layer of difficulty to those teachers trying to keep kids safe. Thank goodness that there was no one else in that bathroom, with the intent of doing those two little boys harm. Had they let the teacher know where they were going, he or she could have ensured it.

Well said

 

[ten6mom]

Too funny!!!

I admit I giggled

 

[spacemountainmom]

I can't imagine the parents just showing up on field trips. When my kids were in Elementary, you signed up and if you were chosen you went. If you weren't chosen, better luck next time. Chaperons always ride the bus with the kids unless it was a walking field trip. There weren't background checks done on volunteers in those days. I don't know if that has changed.

I went on many field trips in those days and no one ever brought siblings with either. I didn't go on as many trips with my dd since it was hard to find a sitter for her younger brother. I subbed on the playground for years so most of the kids knew me and the teachers always said that when I went it was like having another teacher with them.

I can imagine that if a school was having issues with a good number of extra parents and siblings they would change the policy. If I were the op, I would ask what the reasoning was and I would go from there.

 

[ten6mom]

I always thought chaperoning a field trip was a circle of hell. My son's class is going to an art museum 45 minutes away, and there is no way ever I am going on that trip. Just thinking of all those 5th graders in one place gives me a headache.

That is hilarious! I just came back from watching a play with 6 classes of Kindergartners!!!! It was..... a learning experience!

 

[aaarcher86]

Well I got a follow-up email from the principal this morning. He said that the policy change was due to a non-custodial parent showing up at a field trip when it was not his or her time with the child. So that's that, totally understandable.
FWIW I never considered myself a helicopter parent. When chaperones were chosen for field trips, we actually got a note on the bottom telling those of us not chosen to feel free to meet the class and pay our own way, as long as we submitted to a background check beforehand. That was great - get to enjoy the trip with my kid and not be responsible for anybody else's! I didn't go on every trip - I don't live for elementary school field trips, far from it! All I did was inquire as to why the change (since the letter home didn't give a reason).
Is this really all it takes to be considered a hovering helicopter parent?

ETA - not that it matters, but the teachers at our school don't have a group of kids for the field trips. The chaperones each have a group, and the teachers walk with other teachers and check in on the other groups. Also, we've never paid for the background checks. Maybe cost was getting to be an issue too, but I really don't know.

I was actually coming back to this thread to raise that question! What if a parent breaks a custody agreement, goes on the field trip and takes the child home. The teacher doesn't know the agreement, just that it is a parent. The school can be held liable I imagine.

For what it's worth, I think most people agree that questioning a policy is totally fine. However, this policy in particular seems to be one that most people agree with, so they wouldn't question this particular one. A the end of it all it really wouldn't have mattered when you were informed of the change in policy. It changed. I think the helicopter parenting comments are more directed at the particular poster who would circumvent the policy because they feel they have a right to, which in turn will only cause their child stress, the school to eliminate field trips all together, or if possible not allowing that particular child on future field trips. I don't think they were necessarily directed at you.

 

[Bonnie151]

I will admit to "helicoptering" over the computer and hitting refresh about a thousand times as his plane flew from JFK to Athens and I watched the flight path. But aside from that we're all in one piece

I can completely understand that! Connor's class took an overnight ferry from Hull to Zeebrugge and I had a niggling worry that he'd fall overboard! I suppose I shouldn't talk too soon as they have another overnight ferry to get home! I was quite relieved to get the update from the school saying they had arrived safely.

 

[Bob NC]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

 

[ten6mom]

I guess things have changed.

Between my sis, bro and me we have 36 years of grades 1 - 12 between us. My parents never went on a field trip.

We all seemed to spend a lot of time with both of our parents, but, they weren't lovingly gazing at their precious loin fruit 24 hours a day.

Lol I think my dad went on one the year he happened to be laid off.

I get to go only because I work full time but odd hours so I am usually off the day they go. And sometimes I "get" to go and sometimes I don't. Pretty soon my third grader won't want me to anyway.....