If you disagree with a policy change at your child's school ..

[h518may]

In all the years I attended Catholic school, and my kids have attended Catholic school, hardly any time was spent policing the uniforms, there werent options, you wore what was required. There are more problems in the schools on the occasional dress down day, esp with the girls. Although I did have two teachers in high school who seemed to make it their life's mission to police the uniforms. Other than that, no additional time is spent on uniforms bc rarely do people not follow it. I love uniforms!

Maybe some of the difference is with my DS goes to a public school with probably more then half the students being low income. Most of what the school was having problems with are children wearing jeans or sweats to school.

The school did survey the parents before changing the policy, about 75% of surveys were for a dress code and about 25% for uniforms. The school also has a committy for changing any policies, in the end they made the final desition after listening to parents and staff.

 

[PatsMom]

In all the years I attended Catholic school, and my kids have attended Catholic school, hardly any time was spent policing the uniforms, there werent options, you wore what was required. There are more problems in the schools on the occasional dress down day, esp with the girls. Although I did have two teachers in high school who seemed to make it their life's mission to police the uniforms. Other than that, no additional time is spent on uniforms bc rarely do people not follow it. I love uniforms!

I so agree! I loved school uniforms. Never occurred to us not to follow the rules when my daughter was in school. And to this day she is well groomed as a result of the dress code in middle school. I wish they had them in high school and college around here but she entered the public school system at 9th grade. That was when the dress arguments began. And she was pretty good about not wearing anything really extreme.

 

[Aliceacc]

I just wish my daughter's school would enforce the dress code they have.

It's against the rules to wear flip flops, and I heartily agree with that rule-- in the event of a fire or other emergency, it's hard to move quickly in flip flops (especially, but not limited to, elementary school aged kids.)

I can't tell you how many times I battled my older daughter on this one. (At this point, she's pretty much come to realize that I'm not giving in.) Her argument was that every other kid in the class, as well, as the teacher, was in flip flops. My argument was that not only was it against school policy, but it was unsafe. I won, every single time, but it would have made for much more pleasant mornings had they enforced the rule they sent home.

 

[DebbieB]

I just wish my daughter's school would enforce the dress code they have.

It's against the rules to wear flip flops, and I heartily agree with that rule-- in the event of a fire or other emergency, it's hard to move quickly in flip flops (especially, but not limited to, elementary school aged kids.)

I can't tell you how many times I battled my older daughter on this one. (At this point, she's pretty much come to realize that I'm not giving in.) Her argument was that every other kid in the class, as well, as the teacher, was in flip flops. My argument was that not only was it against school policy, but it was unsafe. I won, every single time, but it would have made for much more pleasant mornings had they enforced the rule they sent home.

We have disagreements at work over what constitutes "flip flops". Our company dress code is no flip flops. Many people consider flip flops to be the rubber shoes you would wear at the pool, not dress sandals with the same design.

 

[Aliceacc]

As far as I'm concerned with my daughter, if it doesn't have a heel strap, it's a flip flop. Again, I'm not talking dress vs casual, I'm talking safety for a 10 year old.

The high school kids I teach are in uniform, so they wear penny loafers. And aside from an occasional "tuck in your shirt" it's a total non-issue.

 

[J3nn78]

I'm with the school on this. The policy is to make it safer for all children.

By the way, policies don't just happen. They are made and read into policy over several board meetings. I find it sad that so many people fight policies after they take effect. Where we're you at the board meetings when they were being created if you have such problems with them? Complaining after the fact is like complaining about politics if you don't vote. You have a voice...use it at the appropriate time and in the proper fashion.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm with the school on this. The policy is to make it safer for all children.

By the way, policies don't just happen. They are made and read into policy over several board meetings. I find it sad that so many people fight policies after they take effect. Where we're you at the board meetings when they were being created if you have such problems with them? Complaining after the fact is like complaining about politics if you don't vote. You have a voice...use it at the appropriate time and in the proper fashion.

Are you speaking to me or the OP? If it's me, we agree: I fully support the flip-flop policy. I just wish they would enforce the policy they have on the books.

 

[NaLisa]

As far as I'm concerned with my daughter, if it doesn't have a heel strap, it's a flip flop. Again, I'm not talking dress vs casual, I'm talking safety for a 10 year old.

The high school kids I teach are in uniform, so they wear penny loafers. And aside from an occasional "tuck in your shirt" it's a total non-issue.

That's the rule at our school. Shoes must have a heel strap. Much clearer than "no flip flops," IMHO.

 

[Jessica14]

I didn't read all 14 pages but I wanted to comment. I was an elementary teacher for 12 years, a public school parent for four years, and now a homeschooling mom for two years. I have seen all sides of these arguments. My conclusion is that unless you have been a classroom teacher , it is difficult to understand why certain policies are made. And the amount of parents who will disregard policy is astounding.

Most of my parents and the parents I know are great and go with the flow. But, I did have parents show up on field trips they were asked not to attend because it was a public place. They would bring siblings who would then be ignored by said parents and would become my responsibility. I'd ask for no cupcakes and books instead for birthdays (this was a grade wide policy) and cupcakes would be sent in anyway. I had parents tell me that if they couldn't go on every trip, then their child couldn't either. Chaperones were class moms only and then by lottery, so that wasn't going to happen. They were not happy.

While there were policies that I didn't agree with, I went with it because I knew it wasn't to cause a problem for the parent. It's for class management purposes and if you have 20-30 kids in a class, they are your first priority.

I'm still amazed at how so many parents I now know (schooled and homeschooled ) criticize teachers and schools for various things that are in place to run a classroom or program. In most cases no one is trying to be mean or unfair to your child. It's just safety and management.

 

[shoney]

Are you speaking to me or the OP? If it's me, we agree: I fully support the flip-flop policy. I just wish they would enforce the policy they have on the books.

I agree. If the policy exists, it should be enforced. (I have boys so we never had the shoe issue!)

Years ago when my oldest was in K, the teacher hosted a thanksgiving feast. It said on the invite, no siblings allowed.

I asked my SIL, who was working as a real estate agent about 20 minutes away, to come over and watch DS3. She made sure she didn't schedule any appointments during that time, left here office, and came over.

Of course, one mother showed up with a younger sibling.

The teacher made her leave!!!! They exchanged words in the hallway and she left.

Some of the other parents were horrified that the teacher would do that.

While I felt bad that the parent had to miss the feast, it clearly stated NO siblings. My SIL went out of her way to help me out and I was willing to miss it if she couldn't do it.

Honestly, I would have been a little ticked if she was allowed to stay with the child.

 

[mom2rtk]

I agree. If the policy exists, it should be enforced.

Totally agree on this.

When my son was in kindergarten, my daughter was a newborn. The teacher said no siblings at the class party with the parents who came to help. I had hoped to bring her sleeping in her car seat. I double checked with the teacher who said sorry, but no. So I got my mom to come over and babysit. To give you an idea what a big deal this was, my son is now a senior about to graduate. And that is the only time I can remember my mom coming to my house to babysit. Then when I got to school, I found several other parents had not double checked, and just brought their other kids. And were allowed to stay. That was just wrong.

Fast forward to middle school. My daughter is in 6th grade. Dress code says shorts must be past their fingertips. While we don't allow her to wear short shorts, none of hers were past her fingertips. So we went out and hunted down all new shorts before school started. What a waste of time, effort and money. NONE of the girls wear shorts actually longer than their fingertips. And nobody ever gets sent home.

So what do I take from these experiences? Our school rules must really just be "suggestions". And I will adjust accordingly.

 

[Colleen27]

In all the years I attended Catholic school, and my kids have attended Catholic school, hardly any time was spent policing the uniforms, there werent options, you wore what was required. There are more problems in the schools on the occasional dress down day, esp with the girls. Although I did have two teachers in high school who seemed to make it their life's mission to police the uniforms. Other than that, no additional time is spent on uniforms bc rarely do people not follow it. I love uniforms!

It seems to come down to administrative attitudes. My girls go to a Catholic school where uniforms are a non-issue - as long as there are no obvious violations the dress code never comes up. My older daughter has had days where she forgot her belt or threw on socks that were too short to comply with code, but they let those things slide. In talking with other parents at sporting events I've discovered it isn't that way in all Catholic schools in our area. One was saying they have a teacher who checks the length of the girls' skirts every morning, another was complaining about her daughter getting in trouble repeatedly for things like her socks and hair ties, and another said she had to bring her DD nail polish remover because she went to school still wearing a bright color she'd worn over the weekend.

 

[BrerMom]

.... Besides we pay our taxes which pays the teachers salaries to do what we want in our schools not the other way around.

One last thing. My son was left behind in Worchester Ma., while on a field trip. The teacher was aware that they were short two student but left anyway. They assumed He must have gone home with another parent, but never checked. My son called me on his cell phone telling me they had left him behind, he had gone to the restroom with a friend and when he came out he couldn't find his school group. It was a robotics competition, with many schools attending. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened.

Hmmm... Mom doesn't respect teachers, so ....


The last field I chaperoned for my older son wasn't my idea. My 8th grader (at that time) came home and said, "Oh, Mr. C said he needs you to chaperone. He said to tell you this is the worst class he's ever had, it's a required field trip, and he needs you." OK I used to teach in the same building with Mr. C, so the message didn't surprise me, but I thought he should have emailed me instead of trusting my son to remember to tell me. We teach in the same district. We get two personal days per year. I had to use one of my personal days even though I was in an official capacity. I'm glad I went, but was certainly work.

When my youngest was in elementary school, I basically became a para pro on field trips. If I would agree to go (sometimes I was called the night before), the proposal was that I only had three kids max, one would be mine, I would ride the bus to help the teacher, and my way would be paid. The "regular" chaperones had to pay their own way and usually drove their own cars (by choice) . In exchange, I usually had a wonderful day with some very high energy kids prone to running at a moment's notice if something caught their eye. One year I think I went on every field trip because I was teaching part-time and the field trips were the half-day I was available.

Field trips at the middle school level are very rare for us now. Back in the days when our district could afford trips, we used to plan a special outing for kids as a reward. If I remember correctly, they earned the free trip by not having any missing assignments for the nine-week marking period, less than three tardies per class, and no office referrals. It was a big deal and a nice effort reward for middle school kids, especially the ones who struggled academically. Well, there were some students who didn't earn the reward and were told they couldn't go. Instant indignation. "You can't tell my child he can't go! It's a public place!" They called their children in absent, beat the bus there, had a great day with the friends who earned the trip, and stayed after the other kids had to leave on the bus. Consequence for those kids? Nothing really. Consequence for the school? We haven't had a reward field trip since.

 

[MELSMICE]

I have to say I am the extreme opposite of going along with the school, especially when it comes to my children. I believe I have final say as to what happens with my kids and take very unkindly to someone that tells me other wise. I don't understand why anyone would think someone knows what is best or could love them more than me. This particular policy isn't even about what is best for the kids but what is more convienent for the teachers. Besides we pay our taxes which pays the teachers salaries to do what we want in our schools not the other way around.

You should probably home school your children.

I totally understand the policy. When a field trip is planned, a certain number of chaperones are needed. The students are divided up and each chaperone is given x number of students to be responsible for. Chaperone is given the rules, the times to meet, etc. Students are told that the chaperone is in charge and to listen to him/her. Teacher and chaperones, in this day and age, probably have each other's cell phone numbers as well so they can be in touch as needed.

So, then you have a mom or dad show up who isn't a chaperone and that changes the dynamics of the group the mom/dad's student is in. A younger child will want to be with mom and may not listen to the chaperone any longer. Student could get whiny, want mom/dad to take him/her to another place, buy them something, take him/her to restroom now instead of at a break time, etc. Or mom/dad could decide they want to spend more time at the bear exhibit instead of moving on to the lions as planned. Then what does the chaperone do? He/she is responsible for the child on the field trip, so either the whole group waits or chaperone has to override mom/dad which could cause conflict.

There is a reason this policy was developed/changed. If you don't like it, don't let your child go on the field trip and keep them home that day. You can take them to the zoo another time.

And, yes, the school cannot keep you from going to a public place, but you can't be a part of the field trip and you shouldn't try to crash it. Think of how difficult you could make if for your child if you are there and he/she wants to be with you but can't as he/she must stay with the group/chaperone. Do you want your child to be upset or have a meltdown or create problems? I have seen it where parents would show up and "join the group, you won't notice me" and then try and take over the group or tell Suzie that she can run over to that exhibit when she was told no by the chaperone already. It can confuse the students as to who is in charge of their group or cause the group to waste time looking and waiting for a student.

There will be plenty of field trips in the future years and you will get to be a chaperone on one of them. While you may have really wanted to go on this one, you weren't selected. So accept it gracefully.

Completely agree with everything you posted.

I can take a pretty good guess as to why they're changing the school policy. It's because of overbearing helicopter parents that can not allow their children to become independent.

I work with children. Overbearing, helicopter parents are not doing their children any favors. They are hindering their individual growth to become independent.

If you are unable to chaperone the scheduled field trip but feel strongly about watching your child experience the zoo, museum or wherever they are going then take them on a different day. In fact, take them on a different day after their school field trip and let them lead you on your very own "special field trip". I'm sure they'd feel pretty special showing you all the things they learned on their school field trip.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

To the person who said that as a taxpayer, the teachers work for you:

I have no children currently in school. However over 1/2 of my tax bill every year goes to the local public school system. So I guess that means that the teachers work for me, and the other 2/3 of the town who have no children in school. So we can go to the school board meetings and have our say in what happens to these kids that aren't ours right? Because without our tax dollars, there wouldn't be enough money for the schools to exist. So the pesky school busses running in front of my house twice a day are bugging me. I should start going to the meeting and telling the district to stop bus service, and they have to listen, because I pay their salaries right?

Seriously though, that post is one of the most infuriating posts I've ever seen.

Yes, parents know what is best for their kids. But if we don't quit making it so difficult for teachers, there aren't going to be enough of them left to teach. I know of 3 them who are leaving the profession at the end of the year because the parents and administration are making their jobs miserable for crappy pay. And I know of several more who are considering it.

 

[maxiesmom]

I can take a pretty good guess as to why they're changing the school policy. It's because of overbearing helicopter parents that can not allow their children to become independent.

I bet you are right. I also bet they want to be able to thoroughly check everyone who is on the trip with the children. They have no way of knowing every possible relative that may decide they should just show up an tag along.

I can't help but think the parents who believe they deserve to be able to tag along on field trips are the same parents who sit at the back of the class, because their little precious simply needs to see that mommy is in class with them.

 

[HubbDave]

SMH at some of the responses in this thread...

Seriously people, let the schools do their job

 

[MELSMICE]

I can't help but think the parents who believe they deserve to be able to tag along on field trips are the same parents who sit at the back of the class, because their little precious simply needs to see that mommy is in class with them.

I have no doubt these are the same parents that sit at the back of the classroom.

I have instituted a new security policy for my dance recital this year. Volunteers ONLY are allowed in the dressing. For security reasons, parents are not allowed to come and go as they please during show time. Children will need to be signed in. Parents will have a security pass that will be used to pick up their child after the show.

There are a few moms totally flipping out because they don't think their child can change their costumes themselves. We have volunteers to help them do this. Some of these kids are 10, 11 and 12 years old. Parents have the option to volunteer, however, the complainers don't want to. They just want to be able to come and go as they please.

I am responsible for these children. I can not take the chance of someone walking in our dressing rooms and taking a child or a non-custodial parent taking them. They will either have to adhere to the policy or their child will not be able to perform this year.

 

[Aliceacc]

I am responsible for these children. I can not take the chance of someone walking in our dressing rooms and taking a child or a non-custodial parent taking them. They will either have to adhere to the policy or their child will not be able to perform this year.

So YOU want to do what's right to protect the kids' safety, and the helicopter moms what to do what's more convenient for THEM.

Isn't it amazing that, instead of thanking you for keeping their kids safe, they're fighting you on it???

 

[MELSMICE]

So YOU want to do what's right to protect the kids' safety, and the helicopter moms what to do what's more convenient for THEM.

Isn't it amazing that, instead of thanking you for keeping their kids safe, they're fighting you on it???

There are some definitely fighting me on this. One mom has said she will not turn in her form and sign off on the policy. I'm not sure if she understands that her child will be unable to perform without this. She also told me flat out that if she was not allowed to go in, she was doing to storm the dressing room. I told her (in front of others) that as a mature adult I would hope she would make wiser choices than to create a scene in front of other children. Mind you, her daughter will be 12 next month.

One mom told me she would volunteer, get the t-shirt, make sure was in the dressing room for one show but wear the shirt during the others to make sure she has access to the rooms for the other shows. Obviously, in addition to each volunteer wearing a white tee to volunteer, they will now be given different identifiers for each individual show.

It's crazy. I am seriously trying to keep their kids safe. They have the opportunity to volunteer. They will still be able to see their child perform, however, I'm still getting all kinds of push back from the helicopter parents. Yes, they want to do what they want to do and screw my rules/policy for safety and everyone else's kids.