I don't want to go. :(

[Belle5]

What a horrible tragedy!

As far as you taking the WDW trip...I think it depends on how close you are with the widow and her children. You say that your sons would be devastated not to go to WDW. That leads me to believe that he is not all that close with the friend and didn't know the dad all that well. It also doesn't sound like you are super-close to the widow. If she would not be depending on having you around for support, I think that frees you up to go. It sounds as if your biggest issue is your own feeling of insecurity about losing your husband or family members. That is normal when someone dies... it shakes your security. That will pass. Your trip will probably help that along.

 

[Sammie]

What a horrible tragedy!

As far as you taking the WDW trip...I think it depends on how close you are with the widow and her children. You say that your sons would be devastated not to go to WDW. That leads me to believe that he is not all that close with the friend and didn't know the dad all that well. It also doesn't sound like you are super-close to the widow. If she would not be depending on having you around for support, I think that frees you up to go. It sounds as if your biggest issue is your own feeling of insecurity about losing your husband or family members. That is normal when someone dies... it shakes your security. That will pass. Your trip will probably help that along.

My understanding is that the younger son, that lost his friend is not going on the trip but older siblings. Hence the reason I advised the OP not to go, if I had just lost a dear friend and my child had almost lost a dear friend I would want to be near them.

 

[gr8leg8]

I was working for a touring children's theater company when my dad passed.
He died on a Thursday - we left for national tour on Sunday.

My cast mates surrounded me in kindness. Like your son did.
I remember food had no taste for the first few days,
so it became a ritual to find delicious foods on our trip.

One foot in front of the other
remind yourself to breath in and out

Little things stand out in my memory.
Eating at Trail Dust Town in Tucson
My cast mates gave me a native american name:
Tipping Basket Case

If it feels right to you - go on the trip
It sounds like you are allowing yourself to feel this,
if you were pretending everything's fine - I would be worried.

 

[Belle5]

My understanding is that the younger son, that lost his friend is not going on the trip but older siblings. Hence the reason I advised the OP not to go, if I had just lost a dear friend and my child had almost lost a dear friend I would want to be near them.

You are correct. I reread the original post and it is her youngest son (friend of the boy who almost drowned) who she will be leaving behind. Still, she did not mention her young son being particularly stressed or fearful about her leaving. It does not seem to be about leaving a dear friend in her time of grief (that is not an insult in any way, just personal experience with tragedy--the really close friends don't leave. The ones that aren't quite as close know it's ok). The problem seems to be with her own emotional state, her own fears of the future. Ten days from now she should emotionally be working through these things and will likely have some perspective (I think that is what she is looking for here).

 

[snykymom]

I, too, am sorry for your and your neighbor's loss.

One other thing to remember, though, is the psychology of children. They're not little adults. Part of them is wondering, "Could this happen to my mom and dad, too? Who will take care of me if something happens?" You have to address this part of them as well.

IMO, cancelling due to the death of someone who is not family, when the trip is well after the funeral rites, will play into those fears. "Mom's worried that something might happen to Dad. Maybe I should be worried, too." The best way to show your children that things are OK in your nuclear family is to carry on as you would have. Yes, make note of the tragedy - maybe have your kids pick out something for each of the 4 children now fatherless, maybe release a balloon in his honor, whatever. And mention to your kids that you are sad and may not be as enthusiastic as you would have otherwise been. But don't let this cloud their world too strongly. You are still there, your husband is still there, and their world has not been turned upside down.

IMO, I wouldn't want to be the one to turn it over.