I am so scared

[Lynne M]

See, and that is one of the biggest problem with the DISboards.

Why always assume someone is a troll, joker or loser trying to stir up controversy?

Let us assume that people really do suffer in ways that are different than our own, and offer assistance, instead of rudeness or sarcasm.

Tiger

There's many a time, reading these boards, where I'm really not sure if I'm looking at a trolling post, or something genuine. I usually give those threads a little time to 'develop' before posting. It generally takes very little time for the situation to become clear.

And if I do feel compelled to post before I'm sure, I'd rather look foolish for being hoodwinked by a troll, than possibly hurt someone who's suffering.

 

[Tiger926]

I somewhat agree with you. I do think that if she came here wanting a solution this would be the case. Sometimes just being able to admit something and writing it out helps you realize you may need help, sometimes you just want someone to hear you out and to get feedback in what other have done while in that situation.

Yes, or maybe she is having a bad day?

I just think that being nice and compassionate should be a priority over being rude and sarcastic in assuming the worst in posters who are different than ourselves.

There's many a time, reading these boards, where I'm really not sure if I'm looking at a trolling post, or something genuine. I usually give those threads a little time to 'develop' before posting. It generally takes very little time for the situation to become clear.

And if I do feel compelled to post before I'm sure, I'd rather look foolish for being hoodwinked by a troll, than possibly hurt someone who's suffering.

And this is also a great idea!!

Tiger

 

[Robinrs]

Well, my mama taught me if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it.

If people really think it's a joke, then just move on. Why take a chance in hurting someone's feelings by implying she's a joker or adding to the anxiety of the poster by linking kidnapping stats and such?

Sure people are free to express opinions, but knowing your audience is pertinent when expressing such opinions.

Tiger

Everybody's mama told them that, if they had a GOOD mama . I wish Mama was around when people are not allowed to say whatever they feel in the anonymity of a website.

I dislike it as much as you do, believe me. But constantly reiterating it is futile. There are people on the internet who use it for a release of all of their worse thoughts and everything "they WISH they said to someone". And believe me the DIS is TAME compared to other sites.

Sorry OP, if we highjacked your thread....

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think that each person who posts is responsible for either being compassionate, respectful, etc., or being a jerk. There are a lot of people who really do care, or who really want to spend time "visiting" with others on the boards.

Many people complain about the atmosphere on the DIS, but these are also the same people who contribute to that atmosphere.

I agree with the posters who say that they would rather be hoodwinked than hurt someone who has been sincere.

Some of us have been here for a long time and through the years we have seen the people who deliberately try to stir things up. I think it's better just to ignore those people, or report the posts so the webmasters/mods can handle them. We all have to be responsible for what we bring to these forums or any other forums, for that matter.

Like Robin said, apologies to the OP for hijacking this thread.

As for this particular thread, thank you to those who answered in kind to the question.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

See, and that is one of the biggest problem with the DISboards.

Why always assume someone is a troll, joker or loser trying to stir up controversy?

Let us assume that people really do suffer in ways that are different than our own, and offer assistance, instead of rudeness or sarcasm.

Tiger

Best post EVER!!!

OP, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your fear.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Hi Op, I think if you still want to call your family to let them know you are ok, it is perfectly fine. I do this too! DH always wants to know if I arrived somewhere. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Allison]

You will not get kidnapped.

Is this coming from your parents or someone helping you to become more independent? Is this some kind of step for you? If so, it is being said because they are trying to help you.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

 

[Hannathy]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

Everybody is scared of messing up BUT you can't let it stop you from living!!!

You just have to get out there and do it.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

You will make mistakes along the way, but that is normal. It's all a part of growing up. You probably just aren't used to the new adjustment of being married yet. It can be a bit overwhelming with all the changes going on around you. Just take one day at a time and you will be just fine. ENJOY your new independence....EMBRACE IT instead of being scared.

 

[joviroxx]

See, and that is one of the biggest problem with the DISboards.

Why always assume someone is a troll, joker or loser trying to stir up controversy?

Let us assume that people really do suffer in ways that are different than our own, and offer assistance, instead of rudeness or sarcasm.

Tiger

Let me tell you a story. I used to be on messageboard that was private. It was a paid board and many of us new each other personally. One night, someone, who always seemed a bit off, posted that she couldn't take life anymore. She kept on saying that life wasn't worth it and she needed it all to be over. This went on in threads and in chat.

The thread continued. Some of us kept thinking, geez, what if she really is going to kill herself. It was scary and also felt the owner might be held liable if she didn't contact authorities. Knowing that the site owner would know all of her information, we contacted her. We didn't know what to do. The owner called the local police department to go and make sure she was alright.

Fortunately, she was ok and just looking for attention. The next morning, however, she went on a rampage on the board, threatening to sue the owner, sending a letter from lawyers, for invading her privacy.

Every since, I don't ever take anyone on a board with such seriousness and will not coddle. This is a public messageboard and not licensed therapy. None of us know what a poster needs or wants. Everyone should be able to answer however they see fit. No one on a messageboard is responsible for another poster's feelings.

If you go on a messageboard to talk to strangers , you will get all kinds of responses. Its part of the way it is and its a good thing. None of us are know the poster or what she needs and frankly, its not up to us to decide. And we certainly don't know what a poster might respond positively too. If you want therapy, go to a therapist. If you want real and varied responses and attitudes, go to a messageboard.

OP, sorry for the hijack. I really don't think you have anything to worry about but I do wonder about that question. Who and why were you told NOT to contact your mom and DH?

 

[megveg]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

You're not the only person who is afraid of being independent. There are thousands of people in your shoes so please, don't feel alone.

Who told you not to call them anymore? If your Mom and DH told you to stop calling them, it's much different than if they told you it's okay, you don't have to call them anymore. Either way, if you feel you need to contact someone to check in before/after work, text a friend, relative, or sibling if DH and Mom won't have it. You have a lot of options, you just need to think them through.

I hope you find your laughing place soon. Good luck

 

[ugadog99]

I haven't read through all the responses, but let me give my viewpoint. My girls are 21 and 18. The 21 year old is doing the Disney College Program now. She ALWAYS texts me as she goes about her day: on bus, at work, back at the apt, at MK, at Publix...you get the idea. Her younger sister always lets me know where she is and what she's doing throughout her day. Am I an overprotective mom? Not really, it's not about what they are doing but that they are safe and alive.

When I was 6 and a half months pregnant with my younger DD (older DD was 3), my husband was killed in a car accident. He left for work and never came home. That was before cellphones, but I knew something was wrong because I kept waiting and waiting. When my parents appeared at my house on a holiday morning, I knew something was very, very wrong. So, for me, it is very important that I know my loved ones are safe. I don't care where they are, just that they are safe. I will always be this way, and my girls have just come to accept it. When my dad was still alive, I would panic if he wasn't where he was supposed to be at the time he was supposed to be there. I ended up getting him a cell just so I would know he was okay.

OP, if it really bothers you, just tell your mom and DH that you would like to continue texting them. I understand your anxiety, and I hope they will, too. If they don't agree, then do what the previous poster suggested: find a friend or other relative who won't mind.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

Of course your going to mess up BUT we all mess up it is part of the process of growing up and maturing. I don't regret every time I have messed up because I have learned something from it. I may not see it at that time but later on I can look back and think about it and see that I wasn't meant to go down that path.

 

[bellebud]

When I was 6 and a half months pregnant with my younger DD (older DD was 3), my husband was killed in a car accident. He left for work and never came home. That was before cellphones, but I knew something was wrong because I kept waiting and waiting. When my parents appeared at my house on a holiday morning, I knew something was very, very wrong.

I'm so very sorry

 

[ugadog99]

I'm so very sorry

Thank you. It was a long time ago. I didn't mean to hijack the thread, just to let the posters questioning the OP know the flipside to things. I do understand the need to know, and have someone know, all is ok.

 

[Lynne M]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

You know what? Everybody's scared of messing up sometimes. A lot of people don't like to admit it and will pretend they're not, but they are.

I was SO worried about screwing up when I got my first job, and would get so upset when I'd make a mistake. But, as time went by, I realized that the people I worked with made mistakes, too. And my boss made mistakes. And you know what? It wasn't the end of the world. Nobody died, nobody got fired. You try to learn from your mistakes, so you won't make them again. That's all you can do, because nobody is perfect.

It's been 30 years since that first job. And I'm still making mistakes. I mess something up, everyday. Today, I forgot to answer a coworker's e-mail. And I forgot to get yogurt when I stopped at the grocery store after work.

Just do the best you can, that's all anyone can ever ask of you. And don't be afraid to lean on your friends and your family when things get scary. That's what friends and family are for.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

I don't think you are crazy, but I do think you need counseling. Irrational fears need to be dealt with if they interfere with daily living. No, most people don't feel the way you do. I say this not to be snarky at all - you have a problem, and will be happier if you get some help.

 

[NikitaZee]

Thank you. It was a long time ago. I didn't mean to hijack the thread, just to let the posters questioning the OP know the flipside to things. I do understand the need to know, and have someone know, all is ok.

I understand. My husband's father died that same way - went to work and died in a car accident on the way home. He is the same way about wanting/needing to keep in touch - we text, and/or call eachother when we're out and about, just to know all is well. I am used to it, in fact it's actually part of our routine and feels right for us.

 

[denisenh]

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