How did you stop exchanging Christmas gifts with adults?

[ReneeQ]

As I mentioned before, my family is all onboard with stopping the gifts this Christmas. We will still give to the nephews - age 1 & 9. DH and I don't have any kids.

Emailed with DH's SIL today (married to DH brother). They are a go with stopping the giving this year. We will still give to their two girls, age 1 & 5.
That's all the kids in the family. DH has 2 sisters, who are both getting married in '07, so there will be 2 new BILs. Haven't talked to his sisters yet, but they're next.

We also exchange with DHs parents and grandparents, which will be harder to stop, and one aunt and uncle, not sure about them.

I must admit, it feels GREAT, like a weight off, everytime I "win over" someone else! It's really not fun shopping for adults who don't need anything and can't give you an idea of what they want. I'm soooo looking forward to shopping for some needy little children and having FUN with it!

Thanks for all the great ideas and suggestions!

 

[ReneeQ]

No, no, I vote for the show up with no gifts option! Or maybe with gift-wrapped empty boxes!!! (It would be especially funny if you'd already told people and they thought you caved!)

HYSTERICAL!! Let's take it one further - my DH and I haven't exchanged gifts in years (we buy what we want all year long! - within reason of course, CDs, something for the house, etc.)
Our joke is "my gift to you is that you don't have to buy me a gift for ____.
(Fill in the blank with BD, Christmas, Anniversary, etc.)

So, I could gift wrap empty boxes with a note inside that says
"Our gift to you is that you no longer have to buy a gift for us." Think they'd get it then?

 

[deekaypee]

HYSTERICAL!! Let's take it one further - my DH and I haven't exchanged gifts in years (we buy what we want all year long! - within reason of course, CDs, something for the house, etc.)
Our joke is "my gift to you is that you don't have to buy me a gift for ____.
(Fill in the blank with BD, Christmas, Anniversary, etc.)

So, I could gift wrap empty boxes with a note inside that says
"Our gift to you is that you no longer have to buy a gift for us." Think they'd get it then?

I love it! I wish you were in my family.

Odd but related idea. I remember reading an article last year about someone who would make all these social plans with friends--lunch, an afternoon of shopping, an evening out--during the holiday crunch. Then they'd cancel/reschedule shortly before the date for AFTER the holiday and tell the person, "This is my holiday gift to you: the gift of found time." At first I thought it was a little odd, but now I think I'd give anything for that to happen to me!

Your policy on gifts will do exactly that: no extra time spent shopping, wrapping, etc.

You rock!

 

[NotUrsula]

My family wanted to save and no longer exchange gifts among adults, but for me that just ruins Christmas; half the fun is getting to open presents.

So... we now do nothing but little gag gifts for anyone over 18 (except exchanges between spouses, which are done in private.) My BIL joked that he really wanted a Ferrari, so I bought him one; only it was a Hot Wheel car. It cost $.50 and was good for a great laugh. We exchange comic books,
shower caps, giveaway ink pens, all sorts of goofy things that are dirt cheap. I also like to buy toys for adults; usually the sort of thing you might keep on your desk to relieve stress (slinkys, superballs, marbles, paddle-balls, etc.) I also give things like cheap jigsaw puzzles, puzzle books, and decks of playing cards. The point is to give something that will allow the person to have immediate fun with it and remember the moment. Everyone gets to be a kid again and open several gifts, but the total value of the "loot" is usually less than $10 all together. (It is also OK to give as a couple in this system; you just want each person to have a few packages to open.)

One note: everyone I know UNIVERSALLY HATES that goofy game where you endlessly pass packages around and steal from one another, sticking the unsuspecting with things like ornately wrapped toilet paper rolls. There is a special place in H**l for the person who created that monster.

 

[roadtripper]

I'm one of 6 and DH is one of 10, and almost all are married, so we gave up on giving to all adults years ago and tried other solutions with mixed results. The most fun, inexpensive thing so far has been a Yankee Swap (not sure if that's the same as a white elephant?) in which everyone who wants to play (not mandatory) buys a 10 dollar gift and picks a number. Number 1 opens a gift. Number 2 opens a gift. Number 2 can keep what they opened or take #1's gift. This continues, but each gift can only change hands once per round. Number 1 is actually the best number; at the end, they get the final pick, but then the person they picked from picks, etc, with each gift being exchanged only once.
We were laughing hysterically last year when my mom got a pinup calendar, and promptly traded it to her grateful 20 year old grandson . You'd be surprised at what great gifts you can find for 10 dollars, too!
Even we Red Sox fans had fun with a Yankee Swap!

 

[ReneeQ]

Woo Hoo! Slowing working on husband's family, one at the time. Already got DH's brother and his wife to stop giving. Today got an email from DH's sister that she's good with stopping the giving this year too! One more DH's sister to go! I should be able to get all the siblings and their spouses off the list for this year. I've already contacted my church to get the name of a needy family. This is making me sooo happy!!!

 

[bbranch]

His:3, mine:4 and ours:1--we have 8 children (only 2 at home), and 4 grandchildren with one more due in October.

This year we'll be forgoing exchanging gifts at all. We've decided that instead we'll all go to Disney World for the week of Christmas! That's everyone's gift to each other--taking the time to make some great memories and have fun as a family!! The only exception will be the gifts from Santa for the young kids, and they want Santa to keep that to a minimum that will fit in their stockings!

At first we thought--draw names--buy that persons tickets and everyone goes; but making the agreement this way--Nobody has to worry that their gift won't be enjoyed!!

We've got reservations for Storybook Dining with the Princesses on Christmas Day and can't wait--all 22 of us!! To keep costs down we're staying off-Disney, but the last time down (only 5 of us) the only time we spent at the hotel was to shower, sleep and receive an early wake-up call @ 5 am!
We had such a good time, we can't wait to go back and what a perfect way to return!

Merry Everything and Happy Always,
Bobbi

 

[Disneyforus]

My husband and I felt the same way, we used to draw names with both our sides of the families and list a few suggestions. It was getting to the point that people were spending more than they should, buying gift cards for everyone, and frankly we thought it was a waste of time and money. So, when the time came to draw names my husband and myself stated that we didn't wish to be included and stated our reasons. Well, guess what? Everyone else decided the same so now we just buy for the kids. I have a girlfriend who did this also and her family is still exchanging names minus her and her husband. Hey, you have to do what is right for your family. If it is a burden to buy gifts or you have a reasone that it just doesn't seem right then, don't. Period. Last year we scaled back Christmas considerable opting for a family trip to Great Wolf Lodge.

Good luck! Holidays are the best and worst sometimes!

 

[GraysMom]

I am hoping to convice both sides of the family to stop exchanging gifts for the adults. DSIL and DBIL even started exchanging adult birthday gifts with us last year, for some unknown reason, so I hope to stop that too. Wish me luck-this won't be easy!

 

[csss31399]

This is a major goal of mine in life...to stop the Christmas madness. I have tried unsuccessfully several times. Once we drew names...$100 limit. You only buy for one person...$100. It would have been better than $2000, but it was a flop. My mom felt sorry for my uncle because he's single and he didn't have any one at home...etc, etc.

One year, I made a recipe book. It was my favorite recipes. It was a hit, but I still bought presents to go with the book.

My biggest problem is that I feel guilty about people spending $30 on me and then I spend $10 on them. It's just stupid. If I spend $0 and they spend $0, then each family could use their money to do what they want or buy what they wouldn't normally buy (or go to WDW). It's almost to the point I want a written agreement. Everytime we have a verbal one, they end up buying for us and we hold up the agreement. Then, I feel bad. I guess I'm just going to have to let it go and if they still do it, that's their problem.

Sorry for the rambling, I just wish it were simpler. I love presents; I especially love wrapping presents, but I don't know why it can't be a small present, like someone earlier suggested, some new socks, a great new heat resistant spatula, things you don't normally buy but definitely could use.

Only 130 more days til Christmas!!

 

[LisaZoe]

I don't have a large family but years ago we all (the adults) realized shopping for all the other adults was so hard and thinking of enough gift suggestions so there weren't as many duplicate gifts was even harder. We began drawing names on Thanksgiving and on the slip of paper with our name we'd also have to write 3-4 ideas. About 2 years ago when my youngest nephew was 18, I let everyone know that I'd be buying only for the kids. The people who want to exchange gifts still have a drawing or other method of deciding who gets what but participation is totally voluntary. I now only buy for the 3 kids (2 great nephews and my DD) and it's WONDERFUL. I even told a dear friend that I had to stop buying for her and her 2 kids because I was buying things just to have something to give them. She still gives DD and me gifts so I feel guilty for not having any to give in return but I'm sticking to my decision. Honestly, I wish she'd stop too because we really don't need the items and I don't need the guilt.

 

[LIFERBABE]

We started going to WDW each Christmas.

Christmas is for families and we are a family too and I wanted it to be more of us being together then about the gifts. DS's dont complain because they get a gift and a vacation.

We've been going for 4 years now and will continue.

 

[Suzanna1973]

For Christmas on my DH's side, we buy each family a gift card to a restaurant. Each family gets the same restaurant and the gift card has specific instructions that it can't be used unless we are all dining together. DH's Brother and Sister both do this as well and My DMIL is guaranteed 3 family meals with her entire family throughout the year and she doesn't even have to cook!!!

 

[KELLY]

We still buy for everyone. 12 adults and 5 kids not including ours. I really want to bring up this subject also but I feel bad. I love buying for our parents and are grandparents. I buy for my 2 brothers and there girlfriends and my niece. One brohter don't have kids and at this point I hate asking because him and his girlfriend would leave with nothing. It's not the right time yet. But My husbands Brother and his girlfriend have 4 kids between the 2 of them and it gets pricey to buy for 6 for one family but I guess we will just suck it up and maybe get the kids 20.00 GC for Christmas this year. They don't do much for my DD last year they bought her a small stuff animal but that's all they could afford so that's ok. But I think I need to cut back a little on them last year I spent 30 per a kid they are older my DD just turned 2. Why is it so hard? We did open account to put money into every week for christmas so no Credit cards. I do have quite a bit done but have to get back on the wagon.

Kelly

 

[Muffin]

I had a conversation with each of the adults that we exchanged gifts with and just explained that we simply have too much stuff in our lives. If we need or want clothes, knick-knacks, books, cd's, dvd's, etc. we buy them ourselves. I don't want candles I don't like the smell of, books I won't read, or movies I won't watch. I told them we are trying to declutter and simplify our home and our lives. Also, I suggested that we use the time that would be spent shopping for gifts to either visit or go out to dinner with them, or in the case of out of town people, spend the time on a phone call catching up with them.

My mother took it the hardest, but she's okay with it now.

 

[mom2alix]

We do a fun gift card exchange of sorts among the adults. Everyone brings a $25 gift card wrapped creatively (make sure you can't tell what it is). We then draw numbers to see who picks the first card, the person with the next number can then either steal a known card from the people who drew before them, or pick another unknown card from the pile. A card can only be stolen twice. It's kind of a fun game (lots of laughter when my uncle tries to hide the card from his favorite steak place so his son won't steal it, etc.) It gives the adults something to do as a gift exchange and keeps it within a reasonable budget.

 

[Nicolepa]

I guess I could start buying them things in my size so when I get it back I'll at least know it's something I want.

Honestly, this is what I have started doing for my MIL. She has several things she collects (Waterford, Portmerion, etc). She doesn't need anything, she is very picky. So when I buy her a present I pick out something for one of her collections that I like, then I can either inherit it or if she later decides she doesn't want it I can get it back.

Sounds much worse than it really is. But honestly it has taken a lot of stress out of buying for her. She is so hard to please that I've decided not to try too hard.

 

[redmomof4]

older kids (adults) who don't have their own children.

We successfully bowed out of the name drawing thing two years ago because it just got too expensive for me to buy for six more people (everyone in our family drew a name on my mothers extended family side-her brothers and sisters and my cousins and second cousins) My mom scoffed that first year and last year we didn't go to Christmas on their side (we traveled to in laws instead) so we'll see what happens this year. I agree, having to buy six more gifts just stresses me out more.

Now, we don't get together with the extended family on dh's side (mother's or father's family) but we get together with our own families (our sibs and parents) out of my two brothers and his two brothers and one sister only one of them are married with children and one is married with no kids, the others are single (Two with significant others and one without). SIL with kids and I have come to the agreement to buy for each other's kids only (from the giving family) but the other sibs who range in age from 26-30 would feel left out if we didn't buy for them (they don't have kids that buy for them etc...) I think it's sillly but we still buy. How can I get away from that. If I don't buy for one bil, mil will think we are selfish. The sil I think I could get away with not buying but she just graduated with her teaching degree and could probably use some classroom supplies. So we end up buying for

grandparents x 5
parents x 6 (steps)
sibs x 4
sibs s.o. x 3
nieces and nephew x 3
each other
kids x 4
teachers (School and Religious Ed) often something handmade or a simple GC to a book store (remember we have four children though!

So off the top of my head besides our immed family, we buy approx 30 other gifts. It just gets to be too much to keep track of. Then add the fact that we keep trying to scale down on the kids but still go overboard. I'd love to pick an amount and stick to it, but it's hard! We are working on debt free this year so hopefully that will make it easier.

We are trying to cruise Spring Break '09, but if my break doesn't match up with the kids we will probably do a Christmas cruise, if we do - no presents that year except for stockings from Santa!

Back to my original thought (sorry for rambling) how do we quit buying for the sibs who aren't married? Not only does it stress us, but I am sure they are not in the financial position to keep buying for our family of six either!

 

[Nicolepa]

After Christmas last year I talked to my mom about not doing gifts. She always gives gift cards and it drives me nuts. Her husband is hard to buy for so I always give him gift cards to the same place each year. It really amounted to cash swapping. So I talked to my mom last December about only buying for the kids and doing something as a family. She loved it.

Her family, who I haven't seen in years always draws names well we haven't seen them in years, I know nothing about them and vice versa so I told my mom to tell them dh & I aren't participating this year. So for my mom's family I will only do a gift for my grandma, probably school pictures of my kids. I will probably do that for my mom as well, but it's something I would do anyway so it's not a big deal.

As for Dh's family I don't know what to do. We've told BIL for years not to buy for us, just get a book or something for the kids, but he always buys us all something. Like I said before his parents don't need anything. FIL is a dentist so money isn't an issue, and they have or get whatever they want. MIL's tastes are out of our price range. But she equates love with money/presents. So if we were to even mention not giving gifts it would turn into a you don't love us thing. So I think I will put all the present buying on DH!

His grandmothers will get school pictures of the kids. One grandmother requested a family picture this year so we might do that for her. We were going to get professional portraits done, but w/baby #3 on the way I want to wait till next year. Of course the woman is 91 so I can't wait too long! I might get my girlfriend to take some of us for this year.

 

[CTdiznymom]

We nipped the Xmas gift exchange problem by deciding to exchange Xmas ornaments between families. We spend about $50 per ornament, usually buying Lenox or Waterford. We each have quite an assorment of beautiful pieces. We still buy for my sisters 2 children.