How did you stop exchanging Christmas gifts with adults?

[mickeyluv'r]

Two years in a row we did the Disney trip in the spring thing, and that worked out great! Since we were all going in Feb, we just said going on that trip was our gift to each other. It was great for the kids too, because we were able to ge them DIsney Dollars and/or other items for the trip - like clothes for the girls.

The last two years it hasn't worked out the same (taking the trip together)...but we finally got the name drawing thing to work. EAch adult draws one name, and we only have to buy for that person, wiht a price limit. Everyone but the grandparents go in. At least we only end up having to get one big gift. Sometimes if we see somethig TINY - like under ten $, that would be perfect for someone we cheat a little, but otherwise we've been able to make it stick. My in-laws have also been great about reducing the gifts. They either ask for nothing, or set up a list with very small items - like a DVD that just came out. Among us adults on the in-laws - we do give gifts, but set a low price limit, so they are just token items. LAst year they gave us gourmet pancake mix and maple syrup. I think we gave them a picture frame.

 

[DawnM]

I WISH we could successfully do this with DH's side of the family. It just gets stupid, giving gifts we really don't want to give to get gifts we don't even care to get.

Last year I gave everyone a framed picture of us! HA!

This year I am making some gifts.

I am tired of shopping for them..I have no idea what they want/need and they don't tell me.....it is a game every year.

Dawn

 

[disney1742]

never stop

 

[MEM]

I guess I was fortunate in that when I proposed the idea to my 2 brothers and 1 sister that we only buy for each others' kids, they were relieved that someone finally suggested it! From there we went to putting the kids' names in a hat with each child buying for one cousin. Now that the oldest kids are 16 and 17, we don't exchange gifts at all. Of course, its easier with me being in Boston, 600 miles away from the rest of the family in Pittsburgh.
My sister still insists on sending filled stockings to my kids but that is her choice and she expects nothing in return. We do still buy for our parents, but they don't really need anything, except good health, and that we cannot buy them.

 

[beck0321]

I'm sure this has been suggested before, but didn't read through all the posts. Instead of stopping the gift giving completely, your family could try either playing the white elephant game or pulling names. If you don't know what the white elephant game is, look on Wikipedia.org and search white elephant game. There are instructions listed.
My dad's side of the family has decided to do this this year. We have large family on that side and we're all adults now, so it makes more sense. It's cool with me because this way I can purchase two unique gifts (one from me and one from DH) and that's all I need to buy.
On DH's side of the family, we pull names so we end up having to get two gifts for his mom's side and two gifts from his dad's side.
Notice I didn't mention my mom's side, well for some reason we don't buy gifts on that side. Weird I know but whatever....less gifts I have to purchase.

 

[macs4us]

On my side of the family it is kind of random. I always buy for my mom (and send her a stocking if she is not with us), and my nieces and nephews (2 of each). I buy a gift for my sister that lives near me, but not for the one out of state unless I will be with her (I always make cookies and candy and send that to her family). This year I am thinking about no real gifts for anyone but my mom since the kids are older/adults (and bratty!!!). Maybe some coal candy for them...

My in-laws are a another story. We always send something to his mom (and his dad before he passed away), the nephews (4 of them), and then we were drawing names for his 3 siblings. My husband and his "favorite" sister decided that we should just draw names and the donate to a charity in their name. Other sister and brother did not like that, but my husband basically said tough. I have to say it is easier since we live in SoCal and they are in Seattle so we don't have to deal with repercussions in person. Again, I send candy and cookies to everyone in his family.

I think the gift thing just gets out of hand. My husband's bday is December 24th and if people are going to send presents I rather they be for his birthday (to make up for childhood).

 

[monorailsilver]

I didn't read the responses so this may be a repeat but this is what we do.

On my side of the family (aka the normal side) we started doing this 10-15 years ago (oy am I old or what?). On Thanksgiving, we'd make a list of us 'kids' in the family, ie cousins. There were 5 of us plus 3 IL's.

The first year or two we started out spending $75. We'd put on our list what we wanted. It could be a few things that would add up to $75 or one thing.

Then we'd drop the list in a hat & pick names.

Then we got cheap & started spending $20.

Now we don't even pick names anymore but we now only spend $15 & do the white elephant thing. My parents & my uncle also does this now too. Last year they did the new set of kids (my neices & cousin's kids) but I didn't like that & I hope they don't do it this year because it is difficult to buy something for a 12 yo & a 50 yo in the same grab bag IMO.

As for my dh's family (the odd family). I tell my dh to tell his 2 brother's & his parents not to buy me anything since they have to buy for their kids. But they still do. The only year I got something worth while was 2 years ago when I got a frying pan (I wanted one) & I used it almost every day. Oh & last year we did get a GC to Panera & we do get a BJ's or Home Depot one from the IL's too.

But when they buy me a gift it is crap & stuff I don't need. MIL bought me socks last year I think just so I'd have something to open. Um...they were colored socks & ugly & I couldn't get them on my feet & my feet are not huge. Needless to say they went bye-bye.

 

[svalencia1]

On one side of the family we draw names and we make a donation in that persons name to a charity of thier choice. The other side we buy for everyone, but this year I'm giving family presents. I'll get a GC to a childrens activity for his sister and her family. I think I'll get a GC for a restaurant or a dinner show for his parents. They never exchange GC's as they think they are too generic, however that is what I think will be most economical and most appreciated in the long run.

 

[kinntj]

I've changed our gift giving a little this year.

My side of the family: My Mother, My dad and step mom, 2 sisters, and 1 grandma- The parents get $40 gift basket from Harry and David and they love it and it's consumable, so nothing to get rid of except the boxes. Grandma gets a framed picture of the family. My 2 sisters get magazine subscriptions. I have a niece that finally got omitted from the list because she turned 21.

IL's side: DH's parents get a themed gift basket this year $35-$40. BIL/SIL get a themed gift basket for $35-$40. 2 nieces get a small gift to open and $50 gift card to Target or favorite clothing store. DH's grandma also gets a framed picture of the family.

Eventually, we will stop buying for brothers/sisters as we get older. It's just a trade of "stuff". I do only buy consumables for people now. I hate to get clutter and won't give it.

Good luck on stopping gift giving, but it's really great to concentrate on helping others out during the holidays. Maybe you'll start a trend in your family. It would be great if everyone gave gifts to other families who can't afford it then your own. It feel really good too!!!

 

[disykat]

I love the budget board! I got flamed on this subject just the other day on the community board.

SIL and I agreed this year not to exchange. That's one down. My sister was the one "but I love getting people gifts". I'll remind her of that when she makes her annual phone call whining about how she spent all day at the mall and can't figure out what to get everyone.

We're down to family gifts on dh's side. It's getting better, but we're still not quite there!

 

[Kanda]

Since we've been married, DH and I have always had a budget that we spend on our families. His family includes his mom, dad, brother and sister in law. My family includes mom and brother. We spend xxx. per parent and xxx per sibling (in-law included), so on DH's family we spend twice the amount that we spend on my family. I have always thought my family was getting "short changed", but could never convince DH. Anyway, the past 5 or so years has gotten completely ridiculous with his family. His parents have everything, and are very peculiar about their things. His brother and sil are both doctors and live out of state. We know nothing about them any more. It's hard to give a dr. a $50.00 gift that will WOW them. We finally started combining their gifts and would buy $100 worth of board games or small appliances, etc. One year, we bought some kind of rotisserie cooker (they are health nuts) and 2 years later, we got it back as our gift. Still new in the box, they had never even opened it and had forgotten it came from us. I told my DH that I refuse to buy for them again. They now have 2 children and we'll buy for the kids but that's it. My DH is not receptive to this idea, but why should I buy something for them to give away.

They even try to not open the boxes of their gifts so they can re-give. When we took their 2 year old a gift for her birthday, some Tigger action toy, they said "oh, look that's going to be alot of fun", my DH said yeah let's check it out, they said "oh no, we'll wait and open that later". Well, DH took the box, and not only opened it, but tore it all up while he was opening it, just to make sure they wouldn't re-package it and give it away. He got some very ugly looks and said to his brother, "looks like you'll be keeping this one". They laughed but his wife was obviously unhappy.

I've tried to get them to spend money on a needy family instead of each other, but they say no, we like giving to our own family. It really takes the focus off the meaning of Christmas, when you have to wonder if you getting last year's present back.

By the way, we gave my in-laws gift cards to a very nice restaurant and the following August for my birthday, I got it back, with the same card the saidy "Merry Christmas Mom and Dad"

I guess I could start buying them things in my size so when I get it back I'll at least know it's something I want.

I am glad that I'm not the only one that has family Christmas woes. Good luck to everyone to bring peace to your holiday season this year.

 

[MrsPete]

It's hard to give a dr. a $50.00 gift that will WOW them.

You know, this is part of the problem with Christmas gift-giving. We have the concept that every gift must "wow" the recipient -- and I'm just as guilty as everyone else. It's just not true. What's wrong with a gift of several pairs of nice socks for your sister? a grocery store gift card for your aunt? a couple kitchen utensils for your mom? a new pair of jeans for your son? You know, things that they'd actually use and enjoy. We need to let go of the idea that basic, practical things aren't "enough" for Christmas.

 

[HopperFan]

My family was easy. We do gifts for the kids and Grandma & Grandpa only. Still takes forever to open them as all but mine are under 10. But us adult kids gave it up quite easily.

My IL family took me years to convert. There are 5 adult kids w/spouses and 11 grandkids. Talk about the bucks adding up, and really no appreciation for the hard work involved in selecting something. We tried the pull the name out of bag for both adult kids and grandkids but it was not enjoyable. There was an entire family everyone would want to just throw back in, then it was hard and ended up shopping off a list they gave you. How spiritual

So now we do a gift swap - $30 range - something usually either sex would like. The kind you pick, you steal, you hope you and your spouse are on the same page to win something, because no cheating. Then the last event is the white elephant swap - lots of laughs. So DH and I bring 2 nice $30 gifts and 2 white elephants we can buy or recycle. We still buy for Grandpa and Grandma and they love restaurant gift certificates. Grandkids have started a gift swap too, most of us get a $20 gift card with something attached.....like a stainless coffee mug with a $15 Starbucks card, Best Buy, ITunes, Gas cards.....they are all teens now and enjoy the gift cards.

 

[disykat]

I guess I could start buying them things in my size so when I get it back I'll at least know it's something I want.

brilliant! I think it's very weird that they won't let go of the giving when they clearly are just regifting the things you've given them.

 

[WDWorld2003]

I haven't read all of the posts yet but plan to.

I know a family of 6 siblings that live all over the country. Each sibling contributes $100.00 to a Christmas fund. Each year a family takes their turn and gets the kitty. That family has to buy something significant for their house or family for that $600 and then take a picture and send it to everyone. The family that receives it has a fun time deciding what to buy... whether it's a new TV, couch, computer, etc. Everyone in the receiving family gets to help decide. They have done it for years.

I would love to start this in our family but so far they have been hard to convince. The kitty would be smaller but I think it's a great idea. Everyone gets their turn and every few years they have an item for their home that reminds them of their family and Christmas. I do believe they still buy small items for the younger kids.

 

[vsimeone]

We started donating the $20 we used to spend on adopting a family for Christmas. We use Catholic Charities but there are MANY organizations out there! Actually, the past two years we have done this, most people contribute MORE than their $20. My family (by choice - it was my idea!) does most of the shopping then we have everyone over to have a wrapping party. Everyone brings paper, tape, bows, tags and snacks! My aunt delivers all the gifts to CC when they are due and we feel like we've put our money to better use than if we bought each other "stuff!"

Best of luck to you!

 

[patsal]

Some solutions I've found worked well for my DH and I. Forget the arguement with iether of the parents--my MIL though poor as a church mouse will not give on not getting DH and I a gift, and fulfills everything on the kids lists so --I ask for one thing that I need to get or replace in the house so that I know it will get used for DH and I (no more than $50). As for the kids I do one book, one media item, one piece of clothing and one toy being sure the total adds up to no more than $100. As a gift we give MIL cash usually $150-200. She has not seemed to catch on. As for my parents it is hopeless and I have just given up, but I do make sure that I tell that what I want when they ask so I don't end up withthings I dont' need or want. Again the same thing with the kids.
With the siblings one year when the rooms were filled with tons and tons of stuff I was in the kitchen with just my sisters and I made the "there's just too much stuff, the kids dont' even know what they got, oh by the way my DD just opened a barbie box form last Christmas two weeks ago comment" I was pleasantly surprised when everyone agreed to price range between $25.00-$50.00 for each child and no more exchanging among adults. Now If I could get them to have the kids pick names it would be great. The kids ages run kind of funny though--mine are the oldest 15 and 11, then there are my nephews 12 and 5, and my nieces 4 and 2.
My next step will then be to donate the amount of $$ I would have spent on each family to a needy family in honor of each of my sister's families.
It is difficult to get some people to transcend the "stuff" mentality.
DH and I dont' even have anyhting we can get for each other let alone to tell others that we want. If I gave them a list of what I really wanted they would run away screaming--no one can afford what I really want!

 

[ReneeQ]

In general, though, I'm not sure what you mean by a creative way to tell folks and what advantages that offers???

I guess I didn't need the word "creative" in my question. I was really just curious as to what others had done that had decided they weren't going to give any more - how did they tell the family? Did they have a family meeting, send a nice letter, send an email, tell everyone one at a time, show up with no gifts , etc.

I appreciate all the responses, and think I'll take it on a case by case basis with each family member.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

we do a grab bag and anyone that wants to participate does, it's great! no name pulling, nothing! and you don't even have to wrap it, since some of the most intriguigin gifts are wrapped sooo crazily you are DYING to know what is inside

what makes it better, is that we do whote elephant. We pretty much just bring anything from our house that's wierd and it makes for GREAT laughs!! the best part is, that soooo many people end up LIKING some of the stuff they go home with!!!

 

[deekaypee]

I guess I didn't need the word "creative" in my question. I was really just curious as to what others had done that had decided they weren't going to give any more - how did they tell the family? Did they have a family meeting, send a nice letter, send an email, tell everyone one at a time, show up with no gifts , etc.

I appreciate all the responses, and think I'll take it on a case by case basis with each family member.

No, no, I vote for the show up with no gifts option! Or maybe with gift-wrapped empty boxes!!! (It would be especially funny if you'd already told people and they thought you caved!)