Have you ever been to a wedding...

[MrsKreamer]

Dh and I were engaged for almost a year when we found out I was pregnant with DS #1. We got married on the date we had picked 7 mos later, July 31st(my great-grandparents wedding anniversary, they were married for 70 years when MaMa died). It was a small ceremony in a family member's home. I have yet to get my marriage blessed by the Catholic Church, with the year we've been having. Now that I am pregnant again we are putting it off again. I won't wear white(I didn't at my civil ceramony), but I do want a fancy dress and a nice party. I won't expect gifts, and will probably tell people not to bring them. I think every little girl deserves her day. I didn't get married the way I planned to, not that I am not happily married or that it wasn't a beautiful day. I just walk down the aisle, not waddle!

 

[caitycaity]

yes - and in the case of the couple's wedding i attended, i don't think it was tacky. the groom was german and they needed to get married for legal reasons (so he could stay in the country and continue at his job), but none of his family would be able to attend at the time they had to get married. so they went to a jop and didn't have a party or anything, but had a traditional wedding/reception about a year later.

 

[CamColt]

I have and it was one of the most moving weddings Ive ever been to.

DH's friend and his fiancee had planned their wedding for a couple of years. It was a big Italian wedding with the church, the huge bridal party, hotel reception, after reception party in the brides parents suite... a night long event. It was scheduled for the first weekend in November, 2001. 3 weeks before that, the groom who was in the National Guard got called up for active duty. Luckily he had was called for homeland security and only had to go to New Jersey, but they didnt think he would be able to return in a couple weeks.

So before he left, him, the bride, and their parents went to the church on a Wednesday afternoon, and they took their vows then. They even made the local news. He left the next day. As luck would have it he was able to get a 48 hour pass for the weekend of the wedding so it went on a planned. However they renewed their vows instead of getting married.

I dont think anyone at that wedding saw anything wrong with it.

 

[goofy4tink]

I hope I didn't make it sound like I thought the idea of having a second wedding was tacky. Not my intention at all. I'm sure there are many reasons for having a second wedding. My dad and step-mom got 'married' last Sept. Of course, that was a big surprise to me since I thought they had gotten married about 30 years ago. But, since they had both been married before (divorced) they couldn't be married in the eyes of the Catholic church, which was a very big deal for my step-mom. But my mother died in '03 and then step-moms ex died in July, so they were free to marry in the church. I did get them a 'wedding' present.
I only have a problem with it if it is meant to deceive someone. Many people get married and keep it quiet for some particular reason, then have a big ole 'public' wedding at some point down the road. Just as long as no one is being deceived.

 

[southernbella]

Dh & I are the babies of the family & my Mama is a Southern girl, so we knew that we were in for it when we got engaged. We wanted a small beach wedding. The look on my Mom's face let me know "not a chance in %!&?".


So, exactly one year before "the wedding", DH & I went 2 towns over & got married. The only people that know are close friends. (on a side note, DH's family is great, mine's the crazy ones) A year rolls by, filled with arguments from everything from the dress to the cake. I want simple, Mom wants Scarlet O'Hara with 15 (yes, I'm not kidding) attendents. Between DH, DH's family & I, we invited 75 people. My Mom invited over 300 more! You see the monster I was dealing with.

The only thing that I insisted upon was no gifts. Dh & I had been living together for 2 years already, we really didn't need anything. Plus, I'm not a china & crystal kind of girl. We wanted the invites to say "Your presence is our present." My Mom is so evil that she got proofs made for me to approve that said everthing the way I wanted it, then changed them before she had them printed. My face fell once I saw the "gift table" at our reception. And the kicker.......






DH & I have been married for 10 years and have never seen a single present! (And there was a table full, not to mention any that were sent to her house). We never opened any, nor do we know what we received. As far as I know, she still has every one.

Sbella

 

[Dznypal]

my DS got married when we were on our family trips (every other year my parents take our whole family on a trip) last trip was too Hawaii

since it was a wedding and a family trip only my side and DDIL parents were at the ceremony we had a reception a month after we got back and played the video which everyone liked and wanted to see (i dont see why someone thought that was tacky to show the video at a reception for a wedding that took place far from the couple families and friends live)

 

[delilah]

my DS got married when we were on our family trips (every other year my parents take our whole family on a trip) last trip was too Hawaii

since it was a wedding and a family trip only my side and DDIL parents were at the ceremony we had a reception a month after we got back and played the video which everyone liked and wanted to see (i dont see why someone thought that was tacky to show the video at a reception for a wedding that took place far from the couple families and friends live)

I thought the particular instance where the video was shown was semi-tacky because 1. It was Valentine's weekend Saturday, (and my birthday besides), and most couples have their own plans for Valentine's weekend, ourselves included. 2. The wedding in Las Vegas was months earlier. 3. The guests were coworkers, not family and intimate friends. 4. The groom was the boss of the guests/coworkers, which inviting subordinates to a social event where gifts are expected when there is really no social relationship is semi-tacky in any reguard. Generally, most gifting in the work relationship is from boss to subordinate, not from subordinate to boss, if you get my drift. 5. The couple was just so full of themselves to darken the room and show the video on a big screen, not having it unobtrusively shown for those who wanted to see it during the meal, for example.

 

[anewvance]

One of our friends was engaged to a man who was in the service. He was getting ready to head over to Iraq and there was something about the navy benefits that she wouldn't get if God forbid something happened to him and they weren't married. They had just bought a house together and suddenly called over to Iraq. So they got married at the courthouse. He ended up having some sort of intestine problem and was sent home within a few months. When they got married it was with the agreement with their families that they would have a real wedding and they had that 9 months later. It was a HUGE affair, full Catholic mass and amazing reception.... everything was gorgous but not too overdone.

 

[justhat]

I thought the particular instance where the video was shown was semi-tacky because 1. It was Valentine's weekend Saturday, (and my birthday besides), and most couples have their own plans for Valentine's weekend, ourselves included. 2. The wedding in Las Vegas was months earlier. 3. The guests were coworkers, not family and intimate friends. 4. The groom was the boss of the guests/coworkers, which inviting subordinates to a social event where gifts are expected when there is really no social relationship is semi-tacky in any reguard. Generally, most gifting in the work relationship is from boss to subordinate, not from subordinate to boss, if you get my drift. 5. The couple was just so full of themselves to darken the room and show the video on a big screen, not having it unobtrusively shown for those who wanted to see it during the meal, for example.

Okay, different circumstance, but at our reception, we played a video that included photos taken at the house/church that day and the ceremony (clips, not the whole thing as it was an hour long). They started out showing photos of us growing up, went into the photos of that day, then the ceremony, and then early parts of the reception. People really enjoyed seeing it at our wedding and told us what a great idea it was (especially those who did not make the ceremony), but I really hope people didn't think it was tacky cause I'd feel badly about that.

 

[mariolatry]

I think the "tacky" comment referred to that one wedding in particular, not the whole party after the wedding thing.

There are many reasons why people may need to do that, and for most of them, I don't have a problem. I just think that it shuold be called a marriage blessing cermeony or something to that effect. If you are already married then it is not a wedding!!!!!

Yes, I didn't mean to suggest that a marriage blessing ceremony in general was tacky. It was their complete and utter feeling of entitlement to gifts and the whole nine yards when they had made the choice to be wedded earlier.

 

[RangerPooh]

My cousin and her boyfriend decided to elope a week after my wedding, not telling anyone baout it. The only clue was an email signed with her married name. A few months later they decided to have a real wedding. There reason for eloping was for intimate reasons. Personally it was a tacky reason for eloping, but I guess in a way she caught the wedding bug.

 

[georgina]

Dh & I are the babies of the family & my Mama is a Southern girl, so we knew that we were in for it when we got engaged. We wanted a small beach wedding. The look on my Mom's face let me know "not a chance in %!&?".

So, exactly one year before "the wedding", DH & I went 2 towns over & got married. The only people that know are close friends. (on a side note, DH's family is great, mine's the crazy ones) A year rolls by, filled with arguments from everything from the dress to the cake. I want simple, Mom wants Scarlet O'Hara with 15 (yes, I'm not kidding) attendents. Between DH, DH's family & I, we invited 75 people. My Mom invited over 300 more! You see the monster I was dealing with.

The only thing that I insisted upon was no gifts. Dh & I had been living together for 2 years already, we really didn't need anything. Plus, I'm not a china & crystal kind of girl. We wanted the invites to say "Your presence is our present." My Mom is so evil that she got proofs made for me to approve that said everthing the way I wanted it, then changed them before she had them printed. My face fell once I saw the "gift table" at our reception. And the kicker.......

DH & I have been married for 10 years and have never seen a single present! (And there was a table full, not to mention any that were sent to her house). We never opened any, nor do we know what we received. As far as I know, she still has every one.

Sbella

Wow! Your mom is worse than mine. Mine talked me out of a small destination wedding in Hawaii for the traditional home church one, which I absolutely hated! I wonder if your relatives are wondering why they never got a thank-you note from you? Or do you think she wrote them for you?

 

[southernbella]

"Wow! Your mom is worse than mine. Mine talked me out of a small destination wedding in Hawaii for the traditional home church one, which I absolutely hated! I wonder if your relatives are wondering why they never got a thank-you note from you? Or do you think she wrote them for you?"






Yes, she has issues. Don't get the Dh started about her.LOL As far as the thank you notes, we wrote the most generic thank you notes we could. Hmmm, I WONDER if she did write her own thank you notes? It wouldn't surprise me. BTW, I think a Hawaiian wedding sounds fabulous! Sbella

 

[Imzadi]

I'm sure Catholics will correct me (& all the terminology,) but as I recall, just because you are married in a legal ceremony, does not mean you are married in the eyes of God or that the marriage is blessed by the Church. You have to be married in the Catholic Church (or by a priest) in order to be married in the eyes of God.

 

[Viking]

Over here in Germany this is the regular way to do it - at least if you want to marry in a church.
A wedding ceremony in a church has no legal impact in Germany. Wedding are only legal when performed by the Lord Mayor or specially appointed civil servants authorized by the Lord Mayor. So people who want to have a ceremony in a church have to marry twice: Once in the City Hall and a second time in church. Usually the ceremony in the City Hall is then only attended by the close family, close friends, and of course the two witnesses required to make it legal (Like the 'Best Man').
The 'Big Party' with everyone attending is then done in and after the church.
Most people try to do the civil ceremony on a Friday and the church ceremony the next day. But it's also common for people who get married in winter to wait with the church ceremony til spring or summer to have better weather.

 

[barkley]

have been invited to a couple (but chose not to attend) when the circumstances were couple living together ("playing house") for years, they decide to get married in a "small intimate ceremony with only family and CLOSE friends-friends numbering in the 30's and 40's, with these weddings they have sit down meal and formal ceremony), then some months later hold a second wedding to which all of us "non close?" friends are invited (basicly everyone including all the names on the inter office phone directory (as well we are invited to the multiple bridal showers) another formal ceremony, but a reception with cake and punch only. to me this appears to be a means of having a "gift-me" event.

i went to several when i was in college wherein the brides/grooms were devout mormons. they could not have anyone w/o temple standing present at their temple weddings so they routinly got married and had a second "wedding" at a future date. i always felt very uncomfortable at these events because they made it clear that no ceremonial aspect could be included-it would "lessen" or "demean" their spiritual wedding. i felt particularly bad for the non mormon parents of the bride or groom who had hopes of experiencing a wedding with their children only to find that it was largly an event consisting of a few speaches, opening of gifts and a lite pot-luck lunch (although proper wedding attire was required of the bridal partys and the parents-the brides however did not wear their wedding gowns-we were told it would have demeaned the prior ceremony during which she wore the dress ).

 

[delilah]

Okay, different circumstance, but at our reception, we played a video that included photos taken at the house/church that day and the ceremony (clips, not the whole thing as it was an hour long). They started out showing photos of us growing up, went into the photos of that day, then the ceremony, and then early parts of the reception. People really enjoyed seeing it at our wedding and told us what a great idea it was (especially those who did not make the ceremony), but I really hope people didn't think it was tacky cause I'd feel badly about that.

I think something like that is just fine, especially if you include pictures from when you were growing up. Generally, I think bosses giving parties, and inviting all subordinates, is semi-tacky. I say that as a boss--I don't have anybody else in my office ranked higher than I am. We are all equals. Another example, in the same vein. The newest doctor recently had a baby (actually, his wife did). The office manager had a "shower" and all employees were "invited" and expected to attend and bring a gift "or else". Not sure what "or else" might have been, since the "shower" was on my day off, and I didn't bring a gift.

 

[Freyja]

Dh & I are the babies of the family & my Mama is a Southern girl, so we knew that we were in for it when we got engaged. We wanted a small beach wedding. The look on my Mom's face let me know "not a chance in %!&?".


So, exactly one year before "the wedding", DH & I went 2 towns over & got married. The only people that know are close friends. (on a side note, DH's family is great, mine's the crazy ones) A year rolls by, filled with arguments from everything from the dress to the cake. I want simple, Mom wants Scarlet O'Hara with 15 (yes, I'm not kidding) attendents. Between DH, DH's family & I, we invited 75 people. My Mom invited over 300 more! You see the monster I was dealing with.

The only thing that I insisted upon was no gifts. Dh & I had been living together for 2 years already, we really didn't need anything. Plus, I'm not a china & crystal kind of girl. We wanted the invites to say "Your presence is our present." My Mom is so evil that she got proofs made for me to approve that said everthing the way I wanted it, then changed them before she had them printed. My face fell once I saw the "gift table" at our reception. And the kicker.......






DH & I have been married for 10 years and have never seen a single present! (And there was a table full, not to mention any that were sent to her house). We never opened any, nor do we know what we received. As far as I know, she still has every one.

Sbella

No way! You must be kidding...

 

[justhat]

I think something like that is just fine, especially if you include pictures from when you were growing up. Generally, I think bosses giving parties, and inviting all subordinates, is semi-tacky. I say that as a boss--I don't have anybody else in my office ranked higher than I am. We are all equals. Another example, in the same vein. The newest doctor recently had a baby (actually, his wife did). The office manager had a "shower" and all employees were "invited" and expected to attend and bring a gift "or else". Not sure what "or else" might have been, since the "shower" was on my day off, and I didn't bring a gift.

Thanks for the opinion cause I certainly didn't want to appear tacky like that. I agree about the boss thing-it does put people in an awkward position. I could see if you're very friendly with the subordinates, but just to invite people to bulk up the crowd or get more gifts is different.