Have you ever been to a wedding...

[justhat]

My cousins sort of did this. Our whole family is in NJ and his wife's is in Ohio, where they live too. They got married in a church in Ohio and had a reception there for her family and our immediate family who could make it out there. Then 2 weeks later they came out to NJ and had a 2nd reception there with my family. No 2nd church ceremony or anything, but just the reception. People in my family didn't think it was tacky and they were actually very happy. They love any excuse to get together, especially weddings, so they were all pretty bummed that they'd have to miss the wedding till they decided to have a 2nd reception.

People also encouraged my husband and I to have a courthouse ceremony before our church ceremony, but we didn't do it. We were engaged for over 2 years and then ended up having a baby 3 months before our wedding. When we told our families about the baby they suggested a courthouse wedding just so we'd be married before the baby came. We didn't do it cause we simply didn't care about whether or not we were legally married at the time of her birth or not, but if we had, we still would have done the church ceremony. In our case, our religion does not recognize a marriage that takes place outside of one of their churches, not done by one of their priests, so in order to be married in the church's eyes we would have had to do the church ceremony. So that could be the reason a lot of people have a church ceremony after a courthouse ceremony.

 

[KelNottAt]

One of our au pairs met her soulmate while she was living with us. At the end of her visa, there was no way around it, she had to return to South Africa.

It took 2.5 years of waiting for another visa before she could return to the US and marry the guy. Their relationship lasted through all that time and and they were married at a courthouse on the day her plane landed in this country (for health insurance & immigration reasons).

A few months later, they had a lovely outdoor "vowing" ceremony and an hors deourves reception for about 50 people. That was followed by (what I hear) was a major blow-out ceremony and reception back in South Africa a few months later. 500 people.

 

[tekmom]

yes. One couple had planned a big wedding and very close to the wedding, the groom's mother's cancer came back. They married in the mother's hospital room a week before their actual big wedding. They didn't do a honeymoon and his mother passed away the following week. Another one was a friend got married by a justice of the peace and 2 months later decided she wanted a wedding party. She threw herself a party and showed up wearing a borrowed too big wedding gown.

 

[wilderness01]

I also know of a couple who were getting stationed across the country so they got married by a JP a month before their church wedding. They didn't live together before the church wedding and really in their eyes were not married until they were married in the eyes of the church. It didn't bother me in the slightest or did I think twice about it. Actually the wedding shower was just before the church wedding so it wasn't like we were invited to two showers which entailed bringing more/extra gifts, etc. Why would anyone judge that and think it was tacky? This is not directed at anyone, but I just do not understand why people have to question others actions. Maybe not busy enough in their own lives?

Now I do know of one person who as soon as the priest had them do their vows and was pronouncing them husband and wife, she took her one year old from the union, placed him on her hip and turned to face the church audience. Then proceeded to walk down the isle with him on her hip. Not very tactful, but hey to each their own. It wasn't me and she was making a statement to shove it to the rest of us, who by the way were very supportive of both of her children born out of wedlock, who thought the moment should just be for the two of them and not for the kid hanging off her hip. She had told me and her family she was going to do that and we pleaded with her not to, but again, whatever, it was her day and I have lost no sleep over her actions!

 

[disneyaggie]

Yes, and it was tacky as all get-out.

One of my hometown friends had a courthouse wedding when she was four months pregnant. Eighteen months later, they decide they want to re-state their vows in a proper church wedding. Except they don't call it that. They call it a wedding, complete with gift registy, white wedding dress with 6 foot train and floor-length veil, and a refusal to let the minister refer to the "renewal" of vows ("just call it a wedding"). She carried the baby down the aisle, then announced at the reception that she was three-months pregnant.

Maybe I'm a little conservative.......

No freaking way! Count me in that this is tacky as well. Even though I am conservative, this goes beyond that!

 

[Miller1412]

Dh's cousin and wife were married in the Carribean and had their reception back here a couple of months later. It was the most beautiful reception I had ever been to, and I thought it was a really great idea. If I had to do it again, that's probably how I'd do it.

 

[Alice's Mom]

My best friend did a strange one, she and her parents planned a wedding in Vegas, but about four months prior she and her fiance went to the courthouse down in San Diego and got a quickie ceremony.

She didn't tell her parents until few weeks before the wedding when she realized she was pregnant and she didn't want them to think she was pregnant out of wedlock.

She's divorced now...

 

[goofy4tink]

I can top that....my cousin sent out wedding invites to about 50 people..both family and close friends. She had been in a relationship with this guy for several years..living together in a house partly paid for by her parents. We couldn't go, but my step-mom and dad were able to go. My step-mom couldn't wait to get home to call me and tell me 'the news'....seems my cousin really didn't get married. There was no wedding per se...just a bunch of promises being made. Nothing official. Reason??? She didn't want to get officially married because it would have impacted the financial aid packages her kids got for college the next year!!! So, they told everyone they were invited to a casual backyard wedding. But it was just a big ole party, with wedding presents given. Imagine my step-mom and dad's surprise when they found that they had given a very expensive wedding present for a non-wedding. Talk about a tacky 'wedding'!!

 

[Aurora63]

I think it is tacky if the couple is dishonest about it, in order to receive gifts.

I have no problem if the couple has their reasons and doesn't try to pretend that they wern't married already.

If you know they're already married, and they don't want gifts but you still think it's tacky, then don't go. I'm sure the couple wouldn't want people at their ceremony talking about how tacky their wedding/vow renewal is.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

We did everything the non-traditional way. I got pregnant before we were married. Right before the baby was born we drove to Vegas, got married in a cheap and quick ceremony and drove home the next morning. (We really wanted to be married before our baby was born). I didn't want to do it that way, but we had very little money and we couldn't afford a big wedding. We told noone but close friends and family. Five months later, after our son was born and my dh had landed a nice job, we had a traditional wedding. We didn't do this to get gifts or make anyone in our family happy - that never occured to us. I just wanted a traditional ceremony before God and our family. For us, going to Vegas was just a legal thing - having a traditional, religious wedding before friends and family made it seem like the real deal.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think the "tacky" comment referred to that one wedding in particular, not the whole party after the wedding thing.

There are many reasons why people may need to do that, and for most of them, I don't have a problem. I just think that it shuold be called a marriage blessing cermeony or something to that effect. If you are already married then it is not a wedding!!!!!

 

[rt2dz]

I haven't read the whole thread...

I don't see anything wrong with it. I know a few people who have done it. Most eloped, then either regretted it or had family (parents) who were so upset they did the whole wedding thing later. A few couldn't afford the wedding at the time, but wanted a particular date (Valentine's or started dating anniversary or something), so they did the wedding later. A few did destination weddings (Europe, cruises, etc) and then had a delayed reception at home later--no wedding dresses or anything though. The photos from "THE" wedding were always on display. One was a vow renewal on the 10 year anniversary.

 

[Fishbone†]

We actually considered this, but have decided not to. We are getting married next February 17th, and I just found out last week that my Grandma has been given about 6 months to live. It breaks my heart that she will most likely not make the wedding, and my Dfiance, in the tender sweet way that he is, suggested that we move the wedding up to this April, or we get married in a private ("secret") ceremony with just our immediate families now, and have the wedding as planned - as he said "I hate to deceive, but it would be a way for her to be there." It presented it's own problems for us, as we don't live together, and won't until we're married, so it would have been a weird arrangement. Anyway we decided to just go as planned, and let God decide whether my Grandma should be at the wedding or not. In any case, I will put my dress on for her, and share as much of the planning as possible - just so she can be a part of it as much as time will allow.

Personally, it didn't seem like the best option for us (due to a lot of reasons), but I would completely understand if someone else made this choice for these reasons.

 

[swea_pea1]

I have two brothers who were each married twice. My first brother got married hastily at the JOP because she was pregnant. When she got pregnant with their second child, they decided they wanted their marriage to be recognized by the Church so they did it again. For brother #2, his wife was Baptist and married in the Baptist Church and so they couldn't be married Catholic until she was annulled. After the annullment came through, they got married in the Catholic Church. Both times only immediate family was invited to the second "wedding" and gifts were not expected.

I think there's a lot of reasons why this may happen, and unless I was invited to two receptions and asked to bring two gifts, I don't see it as being tacky at all.

 

[RoyalCanadian]

and a refusal to let the minister refer to the "renewal" of vows ("just call it a wedding").

Sounds truly tacky and it sounds like the minister in question needed to find a backbone. 'Tis time for brides to get it out of their thick skulls that they are #1 on their wedding day. The order is this: #1 God; #2 the Minister; #3 everyone else.

 

[amburger]

I've never heard of that. Sounds like it's pretty popular. I don't see anything wrong with it, but it is kinda weird in some of the situations. I hope I only have to get married once.

 

[liamsaunt]

Yes, I attended the church wedding of one of my good friends, even though she was secretly married to her DH some time before. He was going for an overseas exchange for six months, and they married before that in private. They did not wany anyone to know, but they had pictures taken that were developed at a local shop by someone who recognized her and spread the word. When he returned they had a church wedding with all of the details.

I really did not see what the big deal was--they loved each other, and they are still married 10 years later, with two beautiful children.

 

[Crankyshank]

Yes DH and I eloped on 12/29 in FL and had a Church wedding the following October in MA. I'm not going to get into our reasons but suffice to say not everyone knew we were married and we did it because it was important to both families.

 

[Caradana]

This doesn't offend me a bit. I could consider a church wedding that takes place many months after a civil marriage to be just as much a "wedding" as any other.

 

[joshsmom]

My (now ex) husband and I were facing a lot of pressure from my family NOT to marry because I was Catholic and he was agnostic. My family would not support a wedding so I felt no reason to have a big one (it was an Omen, I should have listened to my Mother!!). We went to the court house with my best friend as a witness and got married. After about 3 1/2 years of NOT being able to fully participate in my Catholic faith because I was married outside of the church, we decided to go to the priest and get married in the church. I wanted to make sure that I was in full graces when children were born. The wedding was not a huge affair and I wore a simple off-white suite. We paid for everything ourselves--reception and all. We requested no gifts from our guests--we just wanted to celebrate our union in the church. It was the right thing for me to do.