Have you ever been to a wedding...

[Mimi Q]

where the bride and groom are already married? I went to one last night. I just don't know why they went through the whole big church wedding when they got married at the courthouse a few weeks ago.

 

[Mercy]

No, that seems a little redundant. I would assume they did it to please a family member... or to get gifts

 

[siouxi31]

Funny you should say that because I'm going to one this coming Saturday. They were married in December in Italy but the wedding for friends and other family is this Saturday. Actually, there is no church, but there is a reception. I'm wondering if she'll be wearing a wedding gown. We had one to go to last year too. Same thing except they were married in Mexico.

 

[mariolatry]

Yes, and it was tacky as all get-out.

One of my hometown friends had a courthouse wedding when she was four months pregnant. Eighteen months later, they decide they want to re-state their vows in a proper church wedding. Except they don't call it that. They call it a wedding, complete with gift registy, white wedding dress with 6 foot train and floor-length veil, and a refusal to let the minister refer to the "renewal" of vows ("just call it a wedding"). She carried the baby down the aisle, then announced at the reception that she was three-months pregnant.

Maybe I'm a little conservative.......

 

[hiwaygal]

I've heard of this happening for a couple of reasons...

I did it because it was cheaper for us to get legally married here at home before going to Disney for our Disney wedding (the license here was cheaper than in Florida). Also, my family couldn't travel to Florida for my Disney wedding, but they were here for my courthouse wedding.

I've also heard of people doing this in the military...where they are already planning the big wedding but to make sure they get stationed as a married couple, they have a courthouse wedding a few weeks before.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it...

 

[diznygirl]

Yes, a good friend married her soldier boyfriend at the courthouse just before he was to ship out (Gulf War, I guess?) The date he was to leave changed, so her mom planned a vow renewal and reception at a local hotel. He wore his dress uni, she wore a white gown.

I thought it was very nicely done.

 

[LoraJ]

yup.
My brother did this. They eloped and didn't tell anyone until months later. I guess the family felt cheated about not having a big wedding so they had one a year later. The second one they consider as their anniversary one.

I hear about a lot of engaged couples eloping at the court house just so they can get their spouses insurance right away and then they have the big wedding later. I really don't blame them.

 

[TiggerStac]

I know of people who were married in vegas and then had a reception back home a few weeks later. The bride did wear her gown, and at the reception, she had flower girls (in dresses) and bridesmaids in gowns. But in vegas, it was the couple and their moms their, that was it.

We were going to get married at WDW and planned on having a reception at home afterwards. We ended up getting married at home, because I knew a lot of my family/friends wouldn't be able to make it. We are going to renew our vows at WDW in 3 years (10th anniversary) this is something we said we would do once we decided not to get married their. We will have friends and family there, but not as many...which is fine. We are planning on going all out for the vow renewal, too (or at least I am).

 

[Danauk]

Yes, my SIL is doing this in a few months time, although they are refering to the ceremony as a blessing. My SIL and BIL were married on NYE in Australia, she is English, he is Australian. They decided to get married over there as his family couldn't travel over here due to time off from their jobs, health issues etc. My MIL and FIL were the only ones from our family or their friends who went (DH and I had already booked out holiday to WDW before they announced the wedding and we had booked our non refundable tickets - they knew this so didn't expect us to be there.) Anyway as non of the English family or friends (they both live in the UK) could go to the wedding, and the fact that they had to have a civil ceremony in Australia (BIL is legally devorced but is a Catholic and can not marry in his church until the annulment comes through from the vatican which takes ages) they decided to have a church blessing over here at Easter. They are wearing the same outfits as their wedding but are not having the whole giving away part (as they are married) and are not having bridesmaids or a best man as they don't need them.
They are doing it really for their English family and friends who could not be with them on their wedding day, that and the fact that they want a religious ceremony. I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing really, I'm sure it will be a nice day. They are not expecting gifts or anything and are just having a small reception at the village hall afterwards.

 

[Keli]

I know a young lady that had a long planned wedding but for some reason they quietly went to the local courthouse and married a couple of weeks before the wedding. They tried to keep it hush-hush and went through with the planned ceremony. Most of the guests didn't realize they were actually already married. I have no idea why they did this, it puzzled me then and it still puzzles me now.

 

[TiggerStac]

Keli, your post made me think of a coworker of mine...

She is from another country and had a huge wedding planned there. About 1 year earlier she got married in the US and kept it hush, hush. The reason for the marriage earlier (and the hush hush) was so he could get on her health insurance. Her family never knew and I only knew because I manage the HR dept at my work and was there when she came in.

 

[Stacerita]

I have been to a few of these weddings like this. They all seemed to be fore different reasons. One couple in the military because they wanted to be stationed together, another military couple did it because she was shipping out. One couple did it for tax purposes, another because they were expecting, one did it for religous diffreneces and didnt' want to pick one church over the other to get married in but did cermonies in both since they were already married. So there are lots of reasons people do this.

 

[salmoneous]

I had a couple friends who had a big formal church wedding all planned out. They were also buying a house, planning to move, etc. and were having all sorts of legal and paperwork issues trying to get things done as unmarrieds. So they quietly went down to the courthouse and took care of the legal paperwork a few weeks before their wedding.

 

[bellacam]

I've also heard of people doing this in the military...where they are already planning the big wedding but to make sure they get stationed as a married couple, they have a courthouse wedding a few weeks before.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it...

ITA - My cousin planned to merry next summer but then his Marine reserve unit was deployed. He married his gf at the court hous and when, GOD willing, he returns from Iraq, they will have a big church to do. There is nothing wrong with that and I think it's the farthest thing from tacky.

 

[HonestAbe]

This should only be done under extenuating circumstances. Maybe you should regift to them whatever they got you for Christmas. You feel slighted and dont want to make an investment (I dont blame you - I wouldnt) so just give em their junk back.

 

[jenks0718]

I honestly do not think there is anything wrong with it. There are so many reasons a couple would choose to do it. May their wedding(s) be blessed and merry!

 

[TinkerBess_SnowTori]

I know of people who were married in vegas and then had a reception back home a few weeks later. The bride did wear her gown, and at the reception, she had flower girls (in dresses) and bridesmaids in gowns. But in vegas, it was the couple and their moms their, that was it.

That is almost exactly what we did --- Vegas wedding - just us -- got home and a few months later we had the "regular" wedding with all our family and friends -- it was mainly because my mom thought we should - but it was nice.

I had no idea it was tacky

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I've also heard of people doing this in the military...where they are already planning the big wedding but to make sure they get stationed as a married couple, they have a courthouse wedding a few weeks before.

This is exactly what happened to us. DH got orders about 2 months before the wedding. Aftr talking extensively with my career advisor, we realized the only way to guarentee being stationed together was to be married.

So, we decided to do the JOP thing about 6 weeks before the wedding. 4 weeks later (and still 2 weeks beofre the wedding) my orders to the same location as DH came in. We moved 5 months after our wedding date (which is to only date we celebrate).

 

[delilah]

I have been to seveal weddings/wedding receptions over the years where the bride and groom had serial weddings. The first was when we were in college. One of my husband's best friends got married at college (where we were student). I think they "eloped" at the courthouse. About 6 mos later, his parents had another wedding and reception in their hometown. They have now been married 28 years.

Then, another of my husband's friends did the serial wedding thing. They got married at the courthouse, then a second wedding in S. America somewhere where his wife was from. (I can't remember where, but, I think Columbia). Then, they had the big Catholic Cathedral wedding when they got back to the US. We weren't invited to any of them, but, we brought a gift.

The one that really galled me, though, was when my husband's boss had a "serial wedding" and reception at which they showed the video tape of their wedding in Las Vegas. It galled me more because it was on my birthday, and my husband felt compelled to go to this "wedding", instead of just sending a gift.

 

[malibuconlee]

We went to one last year. The couple were married at the courthouse when she was pregnant, and because they couldn't do the big church wedding until his Catholic church annullment came thru. I'm happy they had their big day. They were some of the happiest wedding couples I've ever seen.

I understand that happens quite often while they're waiting for the paperwork to come thru.

We got married in Vegas and had a big reception when we got home a week later. I wore my dress and DH wore his tux. It worked out well for us.