Giving child support arrears to adult children?

[eclectics]

Legally, I believe it belongs to the children. Morally, that's another story. If I were the mom, I wouldn't put up a fight for it. I would let the kids have it. Then I would turn my back and never look back. Those kids aren't worth giving a second thought to, if that's their attitude. If they ever need help later in life, tell them to go to dad.

 

[C.Ann]

Legally, I believe it belongs to the children. Morally, that's another story. If I were the mom, I wouldn't put up a fight for it. I would let the kids have it. Then I would turn my back and never look back. Those kids aren't worth giving a second thought to, if that's their attitude. If they ever need help later in life, tell them to go to dad.

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Technically, the child support is "awarded" to the children, but the Mom doesn't "have" to spend one red cent of it on the kids.. Been there, done that with my late DH's ex-wife.. As long as the kids were properly fed, clothed, and had decent housing, she did NOT have to account for one penny of the money he paid her each week..

 

[DisnyMama]

In 1966 my mother divorced my father right after having my younger DSIS. He was an alcoholic, verbally abusive and so many other issues from what I have been told. The judge ordered him to pay something like $45 a month child support for both of us to my mom or he would put him to work in the "Strawberry Fields" (and those were the judges exact words). He left the state and never paid a dime and we never saw or heard from him till my DSIS found him about 5 years ago through a search she did. Unfortunately our mother died of cancer in 1983 (I was 19 and DSIS was 18 so we didn't get a dime of her social security which is an issue that really ticks me off since she paid all that money into it and the government just gets to keep it.) Anyway, Dsis and I joked about all the back support he never paid but feel that it isn't our money and agree that if we were to be able to collect on it and our mom was alive that it should go to her. She was the one that had to run a household on one income and support two daughters and herself while battling cancer for almost half of those years. I thank God my grandparents were there to help take care of us while mom worked. She worked for Technicolor for 17 years till the day she died.

 

[PaulaSue]

The mom should get ALL of it. The boys sound about as A**-a-nine as the father.

 

[Luv'sTink]

My court papers for suppport have my name VS the father, not DS name VS the father. If the women had been on public assistance it would now belong to the state. So, legally it doesn't belong to the child it belongs to who ever supported the child.

 

[eclectics]

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Technically, the child support is "awarded" to the children, but the Mom doesn't "have" to spend one red cent of it on the kids.. Been there, done that with my late DH's ex-wife.. As long as the kids were properly fed, clothed, and had decent housing, she did NOT have to account for one penny of the money he paid her each week..

Interesting. I always thought it 'belonged' to the kids but I guess since child support stops at age 18, the kids are technically minors and the money would have to be under some sort of guardianship. I wasn't aware there was no accountability.

 

[ChrisLei]

Say you were married a couple of years and had 2 kids.
In 1980 you got divorced and struggled to pay the bills while raising the kids alone.
You file for child support. The court orders it, but because the ex is self-employed no money is ever collected.
The arrears he has for child support is huge. He's never had his income tax held or anything. He just didn't pay and got away with it.

Now, your children are in their mid to late 20s. They are married with their own families.

The court finally steps up and forces the father to pay the child support he never paid all those years. I'm not sure why they couldn't enforce this since 1980. I don't know the support laws.

Does the mother keep the money since she had to live with practically nothing all those years just to stay afloat?

Or should the mother give the money to her sons who are now adults?

The ex husband is really, really angry that "his" money is being taken. He blames his ex wife and doesn't really care that he went on vacation while she had to go to the food bank and ask her parents for toothpaste and toilet paper all those year.

The boys say if their mom doesn't give 100% of the money to them they will sue her. They consider what their mom did all those years as her job. The boys also don't really care that their dad did nothing for them growing up and never supported them financially. Their dad is back in their lives somewhat. They just want the cash.

So, who should get the money? The adult boys or the mom?
Is it common for states to just let deadbeat dads go if they are self-employed?
DH's coworker was picked up by the police a few years back because he owed $300 in child support.

My Mom is in this same exact situation with my sister. Her dad just had his account frozen and my mom was sent a check for $1800 (part of the arrears). My sister believes that the money is solely hers (so does her father who keeps telling her to demand it from my mom). I tell my mom she was the one who had to raise her on her own and work two jobs at times, the money is hers. Sis flipped a lid when my mom told her she wasnt getting a dime.

I say money is the mothers solely. ABout time they are getting around to getting the money to her.

 

[m&m's mom]

The Mom!
A very similar thing happened to a co-worker of mine. Her EX thought when their DD was 18 he was off the hook. Wrong!
They took all the money and the Mother and daughter (she was an only child) went 1st class all the way through Europe for a month. They had a blast!

 

[m&m's mom]

This is slightly OT but is there a statue of limitations on claiming child support?
Another co-worker got pregnant w/ a guy w/ a good job but they were not in a relationship. She told him about the baby but he is not interested. She does not pursue child support because she is afraid if he is forced to pay he will force visitation out of spite ( when he has never seen her before). When her DD is 18 can she claim and request child support?

 

[autumnbaby9]

This is slightly OT but is there a statue of limitations on claiming child support?
Another co-worker got pregnant w/ a guy w/ a good job but they were not in a relationship. She told him about the baby but he is not interested. She does not pursue child support because she is afraid if he is forced to pay he will force visitation out of spite ( when he has never seen her before). When her DD is 18 can she claim and request child support?

Yep. Not that I think it is a ethical thing to do.

 

[Luv'sTink]

This is slightly OT but is there a statue of limitations on claiming child support?
Another co-worker got pregnant w/ a guy w/ a good job but they were not in a relationship. She told him about the baby but he is not interested. She does not pursue child support because she is afraid if he is forced to pay he will force visitation out of spite ( when he has never seen her before). When her DD is 18 can she claim and request child support?

It does not have a statue of limitations, it used to. I don't know about the waiting until the child is 18 because then it wouldn't be back because nothing was ever asked for to begin with.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would say it depends...

The mother is entitled to some if not all the money has the support is not an "allowance" for the child to spend as they wish but rather to supplement the rearing of the child. So she spent more of her own money than necessary to raise her children since dad was a deadbeat.

Now if the children had to take jobs to help pay for things that the child support would taken care of....or perhaps had a tough time paying for college or something..then they should get some of that money.

They are NOT entitled to all of it though...or really even half of it.

As far as mom not having to spend "1 red cent" on the kids (Someone mentioned this possibility)--that is irrelevant...the child support helps support of the child. If she fed, clothed, and sheltered those kids--she is supporting the child with that money. The comment confuses me.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think it should go to the adult sons.

Why?

Do you give your children $200-$500-$1000 or whatever per month to spend as they please? If not--what would be the justification of mom turning the money over to the boys? That is one heck of an allowance for ages 2 to 18.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Legally, I believe it belongs to the children. Morally, that's another story. If I were the mom, I wouldn't put up a fight for it. I would let the kids have it. Then I would turn my back and never look back. Those kids aren't worth giving a second thought to, if that's their attitude. If they ever need help later in life, tell them to go to dad.

How is it "legally" theirs?

It is to support them.....just like you support your kids. But they aren't entitled to your money...just to be raised properly.

 

[lyzziesmom]

The money is the mother's. When I receive child support checks (few and far between) the check is made out to me, not to my DD. I switched to direct deposit, it is deposited in MY account, not one for my DD. The money is mine to help raise my DD. Her dad once made the mistake of asking what I bought her with the money, thinking I should use it to buy her toys and take her to fun places. I told him, "Well, last month I bought her food, and this month I bought her electricity." He never asked again!

That poor mom deserves the money much more than those ungrateful children. I certainly hope they don't have any children of their own, I imagine they would take after their "dad."

 

[kellyg403]

I think it should go to mom...morally and legally. The CS was for 50% of her children's care while they were growing. Dad didn't bother to cover his 50% so she did it 100%. Whether the sons or dad likes it or not, mom IMHO deserves every bit of it. I would imagine she would have shared with her sons but since they are acting this way I would hope she has no problems or guilt keeping the money.

My ex owed 31.50 a week child support since 1989. Even at that small amount he ended up in arrears. My dd is 19 and he is STILL paying 31.50 a week until the arrears is gone. He complains all the time about it. Well, her class ring, graduation dress, graduation party, prom, prom dress, Senior class trip and pictures alone were more than 1/2 what he owed in arrears. I paid for all those things. She deserved those things whether he sent in 1/2 of the money or his cs. There was a time when I had to work 3 jobs to raise my children. The 3rd job was delivering pizza's for a family company who let me bring the kids in the back of the car and deliver pizza's. I used the tip money for diapers. I owned the same $3.00 pair of shoes from Walmart for years. I am sorry, but mom's or dad's singlehandedly raising children with no financial help from the other parent DO sacrifice every single day so that their children have a "normal" life. I hope this lady gets the money and goes on an all expense paid trip.

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Boy talk about getting stomped in the face.
How much money is it? I mean are we talking 2,000 or 20,000?
If those were my kids I would probably take the money, pack it up and move away. Pretty much the relationship is over as far as I am concerned when your children are threatening you.

 

[eclectics]

How is it "legally" theirs?

It is to support them.....just like you support your kids. But they aren't entitled to your money...just to be raised properly.

Meaning to be used exclusively for their needs and nothing else. As I said to C.Ann, I wasn't aware there is no accountability and that the money can be spent on anything the guardian sees fit.

 

[C.Ann]

As far as mom not having to spend "1 red cent" on the kids (Someone mentioned this possibility)--that is irrelevant...the child support helps support of the child. If she fed, clothed, and sheltered those kids--she is supporting the child with that money. The comment confuses me.

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I was the one who made that comment.. In the case of my late DH, when he and his first wife divorced, she left the 5 kids with him - to raise alone - for 8 and a half years.. (The youngest wasn't even a year old at the time..) Eventually she remarried - to a very wealthy man - and was awarded custody of the kids (although she had never even visited with them during that entire period) because according to the judge, "Her circumstances now put her in a position of providing the children with private schools and a higher standard of living.." (Basically, through the wealth of her new DH.. She wasn't out working herself..) However, that did NOT stop the judge from ordering that my late DH fork over half of his paycheck every week - which he did faithfully.. When the kids got a little older, an issue arose where they questioned the way their mother was spending this "child support", so my late DH approached the court about it.. The judge flat-out told him that she could have her hair done; buy furs; go on cruises; - whatever - as long as the kids were properly clothed, fed, and housed - and she did not have to account to ANYONE (including the kids) how the money was spent.. My DH was shocked - but continued to pay his support faithfully every week until the kids reached the age where they no longer qualified for it..

People often assume there is some accountablility of where that money is spent, but based on our experience - and what I went through myself and what I have seen others go through - there isn't..

 

[Planogirl]

I think that it should go to Mom. She spent her own money rather than the support money and she deserves to be reimbursed.