Giving child support arrears to adult children?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, whether you are single or a mom or dad waiting on a cs check each month...you will still have:

rent
electric
car pymt
insurance
RX
gas
h20
sewer
phone
food


I mean, imagine all the "singles" out there paying for this now!!

Singles have more options than when they have a kid tagging along.

Our expenses most certainly increased with the kiddos. "I" can choose to live without milk (for example). I cannot stand the stuff. BUt I cannot deprive my kids of it (or soy/rice substitute) b/c they need the nutrition from it. So that would increase the budget by X amount of dollars per month just on that one beverage. And on it goes from there with other things that are needed when you have kids, but could be omitted if it were just you.

For H20--consumption increases. Same deal for sewer. (our sewer is a ratio of water utilized, but I don't remember how they compute it). Same deal for power--all that increases. Children go to the doctor more often than the parent in the early years at least.

So by the time all these little things add up...for a lot of people, it could most certainly be double the expenses by the time they are finished. Then with boys (from what I hear)---especially when they are teens and eating you out of house and home.....they eat enough for a football team.

Your grandparents raised you---and a good fraction (Be it 1/4, 1/3, 1/2) of their income went towards rearing you.

They say it takes $1 million to raise a child. They had a debate on this board about how this could be true---but by the time you add up just basic needs...your talking a bunch of money by the time the kid is 18. Relative to what it would be if you were single and all alone, and the kid is a noticable expense in the household.

 

[ilovejack02]

no, whether you have a child or not you are still having ALL of these expenses!

This is true, but not the expense of preschool, extra clothes, extra food, sports, dance, diapers, etc etc etc.
If i was a single gal with no kiddies, id just get a sugar daddy lol. Hard to do with a kiddie in tow

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

no, whether you have a child or not you are still having ALL of these expenses!

The categories are there--but how much you must budget for those categories increases.

You also forgot school expenses.....even for public school. It all adds up.

Plus daycare if mom works and doesn't rely on public assistance to raise her child that the dad isn't supporting.

My sister pays well over $100 a week for her infant to be cared for...that is $400 per month. That is cheap as she uses a sitter. It would be much more to use a daycare facility.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Well, whether you are single or a mom or dad waiting on a cs check each month...you will still have:

rent
electric
car pymt
insurance
RX
gas
h20
sewer
phone
food


I mean, imagine all the "singles" out there paying for this now!!

rent...1 bedroom vs 2 bedroom...more cost. They could live in a one bedroom.

electric....I don't know if there would be much of a difference. More showers.

car pymt.....no difference

insurance...Car? None....Health added premium

RX...health? see above...perscriptions? I have to pay for them for DS.

gas....I drive to the school, baseball field, doctors office and so on.

h20....more showers equals more water equals more money.

sewer...see above because it is based on water intake.

phone....no difference unless father lives a toll call away

food....You have to feed a second mouth more food equals more money.

You can not have a child without it costing you any more than living single.

 

[MagicalMom]

I have given this a lot of thought over the years. My ex is over 20,000 in arrears. My children are 15 & 11. If my ex ever wins the lottery (which I think he plays daily!) I would be able to collect the entire amount.

When we first divorced I needed the money so badly. It would have helped so much. Luckily the kids were young & don't remember how hard the times were.

Now if you asked my kids they would say that money should go to them. DD's Ipod doesn't have video. DS doesn't own a 4 wheeler. They truly feel that they suffer. As far as I'm concerned, any child who goes to Disney regularly isn't suffering much.

Now, if I ever do get a large sum (which would really shock me) it would depend on the situation as to what I'd do. If the kids were college age it would go towards school. If they were adults & doing fine I would use it for a nice, blow out trip for the family. If the money comes tomorrow it is paying off the debt I built supporting the kids on my own.

 

[LisaNJ25]

The mom should get the money.... I was married and had a child and my father was STILL paying backs child support he owed my mother.

 

[MushyMushy]

This is true, but not the expense of preschool, extra clothes, extra food, sports, dance, diapers, etc etc etc.
If i was a single gal with no kiddies, id just get a sugar daddy lol. Hard to do with a kiddie in tow

Nah, sometimes guys are just big ol' suckers for a cute kid.

 

[lillygator]

I guess the "doubling" is all RELATIVE to each indivdiual situation......

 

[ilovejack02]

Nah, sometimes guys are just big ol' suckers for a cute kid.

that could be true, well and the hot mom that would come with the kid isnt such a bad thing either.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Well, whether you are single or a mom or dad waiting on a cs check each month...you will still have:

rent
electric
car pymt
insurance
RX
gas
h20
sewer
phone
food


I mean, imagine all the "singles" out there paying for this now!!

Rent- you have to pay for a 2BR rather than a 1BR, also a single person has more options on getting a room mate to help allievate cost.

Electric- see room mate explanation above.

car payment- most likely stays the same unless you need a bigger car

Insurance- cost more to insure more than 1 person

Rx- have to pay for more than 1 persons Rx

Gas- dont know about other parents but I drive alot more now than I did when i was single (school, activities, etc)

H2O- 2 people use more than 1

sewer- would stay the same

phone- would stay the same

food- 2 people eat more than 1 and my DD eats a whole lot more than I do.

 

[lillygator]

rent...1 bedroom vs 2 bedroom...more cost. They could live in a one bedroom.

electric....I don't know if there would be much of a difference. More showers.

car pymt.....no difference

insurance...Car? None....Health added premium

RX...health? see above...perscriptions? I have to pay for them for DS.

gas....I drive to the school, baseball field, doctors office and so on.

h20....more showers equals more water equals more money.

sewer...see above because it is based on water intake.

phone....no difference unless father lives a toll call away

food....You have to feed a second mouth more food equals more money.

You can not have a child without it costing you any more than living single.

well if you have a 2 bed or whatnot to begin with....no change
no change in electric with 2 yet for us
no change to car pymt
no change to car ins, no change to our health as dh and I were "family" before
gas?? how big is the town?
sewer no issue here
phine no change
food, we do not spend more now than we did,in fact without formula, we spend less.
as i said, it is all relative to each individual or individual family.

 

[Luv'sTink]

well if you have a 2 bed or whatnot to begin with....no change
no change in electric with 2 yet for us
no change to car pymt
no change to car ins, no change to our health as dh and I were "family" before
gas?? how big is the town?
sewer no issue here
phine no change
food, we do not spend more now than we did,in fact without formula, we spend less.
as i said, it is all relative to each individual or individual family.

All of the expenses happen gradually not right off the bat.

You are very very very lucky that you do not have to pay a higher premium for health ins. because you have children.

You can keep saying it is not costing you anything and I can not prove it is....

If you can raise children for free, you need to write a book so they rest of us can do it too because I have no idea how to get $3000 worth of braces for free or how to get all school supplies for free or clothe him for free.

Please let us in on the secret.

 

[lillygator]

I am not saying it is not costing me anything, I am saying (for us) it isn't double.

 

[C.Ann]

I am not saying it is not costing me anything, I am saying it isn't double.

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Yet....

 

[Luv'sTink]

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Yet....

Oh yeah!

 

[lillygator]

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Yet....

and I hope to spend everything I want to on these two!!!

within reason of course!

 

[lindalinda]

If you just add up the child care costs and babysitting (yes I had to hire babysitters sometimes for anything you need to do after child care hours) usually child support doesnt even cover these items. Health insurance is a large expense as well, a single persons cost where I work is nearly 1/4 what the "family" costs are. I remember once asking my ex to put my son on his insurance, since he was already in a "family" and it would save me a substantial sum of money to be on the single plan, but he refused.

Another issue that has always bugged me a little bit was Christmas presents. I'm not sure how most people did it, but Santa always came to our house. So I had to purchase all the santa gifts, plus a gift from "mom". Dad just had to get one gift. Petty I know, but it did bug me a little. I think its fairly common.


The money should go to the mom.

 

[lillygator]

I can only speak from our (my mom's) exp...but in FL, she was entitled to ALOT of assistance (subsidized childcare, etc) even though I was not physically living with her for much of the time. When I went to UF, she qualified for parent loans, which she took for herself.

 

[lillygator]

I apologize......

I sound, well hell, I am bitter. I grew up with this. A mom who said I doubled her expenses, leading to why she could not keep me.

SO I don't mean to be argumentative.....but I have kept all my/our info in Excel....I am an accountant you know...since I have had our girls. I know and fully intend to spend everything I can on them....but do I have to? No.....

once again, I am sorry...and all you singles, moms or dads......rock on! All your littles really need is your love and acceptance!

 

[C.Ann]

I apologize......

I sound, well hell, I am bitter. I grew up with this. A mom who said I doubled her expenses, leading to why she could not keep me.

SO I don't mean to be argumentative.....but I have kept all my/our info in Excel....I am an accountant you know...since I have had our girls. I know and fully intend to spend everything I can on them....but do I have to? No.....

once again, I am sorry...and all you singles, moms or dads......rock on! All your littles really need is your love and acceptance!

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Takes a lot of guts to post what you just did..

I have a better understanding of where you're coming from now.. Indeed, each situation can be vastly different..