Food related punishment

[Tigger_Magic]

No food battles or punishments in my house. My parents did this to me and I hated it. It wasn't just a "no thank you bite" either -- a whole serving was required. The one that sticks in my mind the most was the huge slice of fried eggplant I had to get down -- or stay at the table until it was finished -- or finish it at breakfast the next morning or lunch or ... you get the picture.

Meals/food should be enjoyed, not fought over. Meal time at our house is intentionally peaceful as there's enough stress elsewhere. For a little while at least we can all relax, talk, laugh and enjoy each other's company.

 

[dg39]

I was never forced, begged, bribed or anything like that as a kid with food. Being italian and growing up with some of the most delicious foods at the table helped alot. Anyway, I don't force, beg, or bribe my kids with food. If they don't want it for whatever reason, they don't have to eat it. We don't use food as a reward or punishment. We don't use food for anything but to eat.

 

[LindaR]

I was raised in an abusive atmosphere and food was used to abuse and as a control thing......

AND to this day.......if I am not paying attention, I clean my plate even when I am full.

I am a single mom, and NEVER have done the things to my daughter that were done to us. Everyone has foods that they like and foods that they don't. It's up to her to figure out the difference! She was never a picky eater when she was younger.........and now, she will try almost anything even if she ends up not liking it! I also have a "rule" that if she is trying something exotic (to her) and does not like it, she can order something else (we eat out alot) and not "worry" about the cost of the "wasted" food.

 

[Disney Ella]

My mother tried that "You will eat it" thing when I was five, but it backfired on her. She insisted I eat the creamed potatoes on my plate. I didn't like creamed potatoes or anything creamy (still don't). I took a bite and started to gag. She thought I was being dramatic and insisted that I take another bite. I did, and threw up all over my plate.

We never had creamed potatoes again after that and I was never forced to eat something I said I didn't like again!

I ask my kids to try a bite of something, but if they don't like it, they don't like it and they don't have to eat it.

 

[graygables]

I have a very distinct memory of visiting my aunt's house and I was very sick. My mom had given me cherry medicine. My brother *hated* bologna, but my aunt had made sandwiches. He didn't want to eat it, but my uncle yelled at him until he took a bite. He vomited onto the sandwich. My uncle took the plate to the sink, rinsed the bologna off and made my aunt make a new sandwich with it and force-fed it to my brother. Watching all that made me throw up, too, and to this day I cannot *stand* cherry flavor.

I don't know where my parents were in all this, but it "scarred" me for life. My mom never made stuff we didn't like and we were never over-served, and rarely had leftovers. We travelled all over the world (Dad was Army), so we readily tried new foods. We also did get the "starving kids in China" speech every so often, but only if we complained that we were having meatloaf (or whatever) "again".

Now, we sit at the table together and I make at least one thing that each person will eat. I put small servings on DDs plates, unless it's something I KNOW they won't eat. They eat until they are finished. If there is still substantial amounts left, the plate is covered and ready for their snack, which suits them just fine. Chances are they like the food, they just weren't ready to eat all of it. Very rarely, I make something that DD4 won't eat, so she gets a sandwich. I was very pleased last year at the F&WF at Epcot that DD3 actually tried a bite of everything we purchased.

 

[minmate]

Okay, I don't make them often, but I just LOVE green peas! I could eat a whole can by myself!

It's too bad that as a society we don't think of food more as fuel for the body... kind of like proper medicine (or gas for a car, etc.) as opposed to it being so linked with our emotions. We'd certainly be healthier if we could. I "try" to treat food like that with my kids. They get served a healthy meal at every meal time (okay, not always picture-perfect healthy) and on the weekends, we go lax and do some of the more "Fun" but no-so-healthy stuff. I try to always include at least one thing they WILL like. If they don't eat anything I don't force them to. I may encourage the "no thank you... just try it" bite, but will not punish them if they don't. They are allowed to get themselves an alternative healthy food but I will not let them substitute junk food for a healthy meal... but I don't frame it as punishment, I explain that if they eat all junkfood, it will make them sick, so it's a health/safety issue... not a punishment... and not doled out in anger, but expressed matter-of-factly... then we move on. We have four kids under age six and have very little dinner time arguments over food.

 

[kidshop]

I was an extreme picky eater when I was a child. But I was never forced or bribed to eat what I didn't like. I have pleasant food memories! Now with my kids, I do encourage them to try a bite of a new food but in general they decide what and how much they eat and I decide what is served. I have never had a food battle and neither are picky eaters. It's really a non issue.

I know someone who has a very picky child (4 yrs old) and was told by her docs and dietitian that she *had* to force the kid to eat...that was the solution. The child was of normal weight and had energy etc. This was just last year. He was made to sit at the table until he ate it, and it took hours. I consider this abuse and I can't imagine the sort of food issues they will have in the future. These people have other control issues, however, but I can't believe a doctor told them to do this to break the kid.

 

[Snowy]

I always had to eat what was for dinner. What my parents made was what we ate -- they did not cater to our likes our dislikes. We could have input, but in the end if my mom made hotdish, we had hotdish.

We always had to finish our plate or at least most of it. We rarely had dessert, but the idea was that if someone spent time making dinner, we show respect and eat what they made. There were a few nights I spent hours at the dinner table -- in all honestly, I was likely just being dramatic and stubborn.

Suffice it to say, I am the least picky person of anyone I know! I know so many people who have a laundry list of foods they wont eat -- it's ridiculous in my opinion.

I too was raised the same way but I am a somewhat picky eater. I remember many nights spending an hour at the table, when everyone else had finished and left the table. I was picking out the chopped onions from my mom's tomato sauce. I hated, and to this day still hate, onions. I wonder if I have some sort of allergy because they make me gag, cooked or uncooked. It was incredibly painstaking work pulling those onions out of the sauce.

My worst memory is when my mother told me there were no onions in her baked macaroni and cheese when there were. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to take one bite of homemade macaroni and cheese and crunch down on an onion. That was so mean.

Yet, this same woman would make me my own little meatloaf w/o onions when making meatloaf with onions for the rest of the family.

 

[nativetxn]

I had to eat liver 3 times a week. It made me gag but I would wrap tiny bites in bread and swallow it whole.

It wasn't a punishment, though. I was anemic and back then that's what they made you do, eat liver.

I can't imagine punishing a child with food. I don't mean withholding dessert.

Katholyn

 

[Glynis]

My DMIL was very much into homeopathy as a young mother. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but she didn't know the meaning of the word "moderation." When DH and his sibs were younger, each morning they would sit at the breakfast table and watch his mom blender up a batch of raw beef or chicken liver. She would pour it into glasses and make them drink it. DFIL eventually added a small glass of pineapple juice as a chaser for the stuff. If a child snuck out of the house without drinking it, a glass would be left on the counter until said child came home from school. DH said it was so disgusting drinking that stuff.

A doctor that I work with recently told me that part of the obesity problem can be dated back to the Depression. When food was scarce, plates were cleaned since there was no idea when more food would be available. That attitude has just kind of rubbed off on those of us who are children of people who grew up during the Depression.

Personally, I don't make my kids eat anything they don't like. As long as I know they have tried it before and don't like it, they don't have to eat it again if they don't want to. If my kids don't like what I make for dinner, they know where the bread and peanut butter is.

 

[scanne]

LAst year my son's day care teacher punished him by not giving him his lunch.

I was FURIOUS! And do you know what he was doing to deserve this? Getting up to wash his hands. Now he got up about 5 times and wasn't listening, but when she told me what she did and why, it took all of my conviction not to stand there and scream at her! I told the director and the teacher got a "talking to."

Thankfully my son has a new teacher, but if I keep my kids at this day care center, my daughter will have her next year.

I NEVER use food as a reward or punishment - it's nourishment only (and the occasional Mickey bar is just pure INDULGENCE, but who's counting?)

 

[BabyTigger99]

I have always hated meatloaf. Always have, always will. I do remember, very distinctly, one Monday night, not eating my meatloaf. My punishment was that I was not allowed to go to the local tavern with my dad and my sister. We always met my uncle and two cousins there on Monday nights. I remember sitting in my bedroom, just sobbing as my dad and sister drove away in the car. I think my mom had to put earplugs in so she wouldn't go crazy from my howling!

 

[ElizaB39]

Uh... YEAH.

As an adult, not long ago, Dad sat me down during one visit home and he apologized for ever having done that to me as a child. I was pretty taken aback but told him not to worry about it. But he was truly apologetic about his behavior. It was the only abusive thing he ever did because he was otherwise a great father.

This really made me tear up. I asked my mom once why she made me eat (insert food name here) when I was a kid. She responded, "Because I didn't know any better." She is not proud of what she did. Also, she wanted to be in control because she was the parent. Sometimes freely admitting that they were wrong, does wonders for us kids doesn't it?

TO this day, 90% of the time I will leave at least one bite of food on my plate. I mysteriously "get full" when I see that my plate is almost clean.

I do not make my kids eat anything, but they do have to have the one try bite. My son insisted he didn't like cinamon rolls (what?) but when I told him they were like my caramel rolls only with frosting he went nuts for them. My DD will try anything, he takes some cajoling but I only do it when I am "sure" that he will really like it (like the cinamon roll).

My dad tries to make them "eat all their food" when they come to visit, but I just say, "we don't do that dad." And he backs off. All my family and dh's at this point know how we feel about food issues so they know no to push us on this issue.

I have witnessed my bro force feed his kids, in the past, and have literally just gotten so upset that I didn't eat any meals with them at all for along time. He has since come to reason about food issues, but his DD is "food focused" and I think this might be the reason why. She is always concerned about when and where and how much food is coming her way.

 

[LvsTnk]

I think that's a cruel and warped punishment for a child. We eat to survive - to associate discipline with it is just plain wrong.

I couldn't agree with you more! My DS who has Down Syndrome had this teacher who would keep goldfish crackers in her pocket. Well upon any good deed done a cracker would come out of her pocket lint and all to be given to the child. She actually asked me what my DS's favorite food was so she could dangle it above his head for a reward.

Some of the administration thought this women was a genious. I was like hey my kid is not a dog, this is gross, and what about the food/good feeling about myself problem?? I had to put my foot down I have a sister who is obese and she would have never let me put up with that.

 

[Sandy V.]

I couldn't agree with you more! My DS who has Down Syndrome had this teacher who would keep goldfish crackers in her pocket. Well upon any good deed done a cracker would come out of her pocket lint and all to be given to the child. She actually asked me what my DS's favorite food was so she could dangle it above his head for a reward.

Some of the administration thought this women was a genious. I was like hey my kid is not a dog, this is gross, and what about the food/good feeling about myself problem?? I had to put my foot down I have a sister who is obese and she would have never let me put up with that.

This would really anger me too. My teens are in high school now, but when they were both in middle school, it seemed like the teachers were handing out candy right and left as motivational tools and rewards regarding schoolwork. I thought it was a dumb idea then, and I still do.

 

[Bambismama]

a lunch lady once made me eat tuna fish salad blech

 

[Cyndirella]

I remember all too well a punishment when I was about 4 years old. I was at daycare, and the lunch was beef stew, peas, and applesauce. I hated all of them so I mixed them all together into a nice yucky looking concoction, thinking that there would be no way in heck that they would make me eat it. WRONG! When the teacher saw what I did, she made me sit there and eat every bite of it. I could not move from the chair, go out and play, or anything until the plate was clean. I remember sitting there for what seemed like hours and crying the entire time I ate it. Needless to say, my mom was furious and I didn't have to go there anymore. And I still hate beef stew, peas and applesauce!!

 

[solferino]

A doctor that I work with recently told me that part of the obesity problem can be dated back to the Depression. When food was scarce, plates were cleaned since there was no idea when more food would be available. That attitude has just kind of rubbed off on those of us who are children of people who grew up during the Depression.

I wholly agree with this! I've never been a member of the clean plate club and have no intention of starting, or enforcing it with DD. I don't want the potential of being partially responsible for an eating disorder. That's a reach, but it's not worth struggling over. As a whole we have good food choices here and yogurt would be considered a dessert.

And TBPH, I'm really hesitant about going to the 50's PTC on our upcoming trip, although we have ADRs. My IL's were kids in the 50's and will get a kick out of it. FIL has never been although MIL has. I know that the "clean your plate" is part of the act there, but I don't want DD or anyone for that matter shamed because they can't eat everything, no matter what the reason is.

Slightly ot, but what does homeopathy have to do with your DMILs blenderised concotions? I've never heard of homeopathy having anything to do with food mixtures, but rather like treating like, but in miniscule doses of animal/plant/mineral. We use homeopathy here for lots of stuff, but it's never involved a blender.

 

[MrsNick]

Boy does this post bring back memories.

I recall as clear as crystal my parents telling sis and me, "What do you think this is, a restaurant?" and forcing us not only to eat what mom cooked, but to clean our plates. Sis and I have compared notes as adults, and agree that mom put WAY too much food on our plates. I remember more than one occasion where I sat at the table for hours after dinner because I couldn't clean my plate. How can a small child be expected to eat the same amount as an adult?

Don't get me wrong, I don't think my mom meant to make poor choices as a parent, but she grew up in a foreign country during World War II where food was scarce, and carried that with her. She has the same behaviors as Americans who lived through the Depression.

Also, in terms of not catering to what my sis and I liked, I think she was also stretching a budget, and if she could get Ronzoni spaghetti 10 for $1, that's what she bought. (To this day, my sis and I won't eat spaghetti. We'll eat other kinds of pasta, but not spaghetti).

And, I think it's another case of a parent not "knowing better." But, I also cannot blame a parent who is stretching a budget and can't buy everything that their kids prefer. I'm not going to judge someone who attempts to make sure their family eats a nutritious meal, and can't afford to make three or five different things to ensure that each person has something they "like." But in this case, you should also not force someone to clean their plate. They'll eat when they get hungry.

JMHO.

 

[aprilgail2]

I
I know someone who has a very picky child (4 yrs old) and was told by her docs and dietitian that she *had* to force the kid to eat...that was the solution. The child was of normal weight and had energy etc. This was just last year. He was made to sit at the table until he ate it, and it took hours. I consider this abuse and I can't imagine the sort of food issues they will have in the future. These people have other control issues, however, but I can't believe a doctor told them to do this to break the kid.

I would change Dr's!!! I told my daughter Dr she hasn't eaten veggies in years and she said to just be sure she takes her vitamins and that is fine. I never make her eat even a bite of something if she doesn't want to try it...eventually she will start eating more than she does....my daughter is 6 and small, to her 2 chicken nuggets is a whole meal! At her school the lunch lady was telling her she had to eat everything on her plate since "your mother paid good money for this food and you have to eat it!" I sent a message back to that lunch lady that since I am paying for that food, we are not on free or reduced lunch, the money is coming out of my pocket and my child can not eat whatever she chooses not to eat! My daughter didn't want to buy hot lunch for a year after that, she was afraid they would yell at her if she didn't eat everything again!!
When I cook dinner I make something for my daughter, and then either the same thing for me and grandma or if grandma doesn't like what I am having I end up making 3 different things all done at the same time so we can eat together!
When I was a kid my mom used to make me sit at the table until I finished my milk...milk made me puke, I hated it then and I hate it now...eventually she stopped that when she gave up! She even had to write me a note for kindergarten since the first day they made me drink milk....and since I wouldn't drink the milk I got nothing to drink..not like now where you can get juice if you don't like milk. And I also didn't like meat, the one time she tried to make me eat veal (GROSS!!!) I puked all over the table!